Here's more highlights from the past year in celebration of the 3-year-anniversary.
1. She & Him Live: Omaha I command you to dance! "Do you think she's Tilly or The Wall?"
2. The Speech: Special Librarians Dominate Dewey by Cataloging for Their Customers Instead of Other Librarians "We are all that and a bag of potato chips."
3. Motorcar-ing with the boyfriend: Nothing says romance quite like riding motorcars in Iowa. "Who doesn't know Mahna Mahna?"
4. Steam Cleaning: It's cold out and I'm not wearing pants. Where are you? "I had no idea I had such chatty liberal arts hair."
5. Sleepwalking: But then, you know, there's always drums, and bass, and maybe even one day a tambourine. "Yes, that was the short version."
6. Joys of training "Was that a bird?" "Um. Yeah." "Either come to the basement with us or leave."
7. Bats at the library: "But bats are cute-ish!" "Bats have rabies." "That's why I said ish." Bats are not cute.
Showing posts with label highlights. Show all posts
Showing posts with label highlights. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Remember Remember the 5th of November (take three)
That's right, it's the 3 year anniversary of this blog.
3 years, 82,000 views later and I'm still here.
This week I'm gonna highlight some of my favorite entries from this past year.
It's been a hell of a ride, and I'm glad you're still with me.
Here are the first few.
Yes, few, I do post almost every day so I have a lot to cover.
1. Vegas Part 1: What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas, well mostly. "You can't put a price on fitness." "Yes, you can, it's 25 dollars."
2. Vegas Part 2: What Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas Day Two "Let's play war, Asians are wild."
3. Vegas Part 3: What Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas Day Three "Two on every block and four in every airport..."
4. Vegas Part 4: What Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas Day Four "No liquids allowed on the plane. if you have vodka there's a pickup in the employee parking lot."
5. Thanksgiving Day: I ain't touching her heat button. "Practical yes. Party no."
6. Xmas with Carter: Westward leader still proceeding "why yes I am the stereotypical librarian."
7. Xmas with the family: Four Italian Suits, Three Former Husbands "Not Moonshiners. Never Moonshiners. Run if you hear the word Moonshiners."
8. Fun with the Furby: That's good because his pointy hat is between the Good Times. "The booze starts here."
9. Class with the Library Goddess: More than just bricks and mortar "We've done our time in the front."
10. Golden Globe Highlights: But when it comes to torture I trust the lady who spent three years married to James Cameron. "Thank you for killing whoever you had to kill to get me up here today."
11. Bickering with BossLady: That sounds like an 80's acronym SWA SWA Salute
12: Grammy Award Highlights: As legendary gangsta rap icon Katharine Hepburn once said... "Take that Bon Iver!"
13. Valentine's Day: I'll be out back, gonna find a tree to chop down. "Stop looking at me like that."
14: Oscar Highlights: I had actually been committed to play Margaret Thatcher, and Meryl was Steven's first choice for Lincoln. "So together they're pretty much everything the Christian Rights say is wrong with Hollywood."
15: State Stereotypes: It's like the spam of chicken. "56,000 square miles of dull."
16: Concert: Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe My boyfriend is cooler than your boyfriend.
17: LIS Meeting: Back at your door "Digital Beef"
18. Inservice: If your neighbor's not laughing explain that joke to him cause that was funny. "Exercise, no way I've got red wine!"
I should have left it at amputation...
oh blake.
3 years, 82,000 views later and I'm still here.
This week I'm gonna highlight some of my favorite entries from this past year.
It's been a hell of a ride, and I'm glad you're still with me.
Here are the first few.
Yes, few, I do post almost every day so I have a lot to cover.
1. Vegas Part 1: What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas, well mostly. "You can't put a price on fitness." "Yes, you can, it's 25 dollars."
2. Vegas Part 2: What Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas Day Two "Let's play war, Asians are wild."
3. Vegas Part 3: What Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas Day Three "Two on every block and four in every airport..."
4. Vegas Part 4: What Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas Day Four "No liquids allowed on the plane. if you have vodka there's a pickup in the employee parking lot."
5. Thanksgiving Day: I ain't touching her heat button. "Practical yes. Party no."
6. Xmas with Carter: Westward leader still proceeding "why yes I am the stereotypical librarian."
7. Xmas with the family: Four Italian Suits, Three Former Husbands "Not Moonshiners. Never Moonshiners. Run if you hear the word Moonshiners."
8. Fun with the Furby: That's good because his pointy hat is between the Good Times. "The booze starts here."
9. Class with the Library Goddess: More than just bricks and mortar "We've done our time in the front."
10. Golden Globe Highlights: But when it comes to torture I trust the lady who spent three years married to James Cameron. "Thank you for killing whoever you had to kill to get me up here today."
11. Bickering with BossLady: That sounds like an 80's acronym SWA SWA Salute
12: Grammy Award Highlights: As legendary gangsta rap icon Katharine Hepburn once said... "Take that Bon Iver!"
13. Valentine's Day: I'll be out back, gonna find a tree to chop down. "Stop looking at me like that."
14: Oscar Highlights: I had actually been committed to play Margaret Thatcher, and Meryl was Steven's first choice for Lincoln. "So together they're pretty much everything the Christian Rights say is wrong with Hollywood."
15: State Stereotypes: It's like the spam of chicken. "56,000 square miles of dull."
16: Concert: Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe My boyfriend is cooler than your boyfriend.
17: LIS Meeting: Back at your door "Digital Beef"
18. Inservice: If your neighbor's not laughing explain that joke to him cause that was funny. "Exercise, no way I've got red wine!"
I should have left it at amputation...
oh blake.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Now Rhonda has no Honda - Camp J Highlights 2013
For past years highlights go here: 2011, 2012
Day One: Thursday
-God-breathed car driving manuals
:: It's never a good thing when driving to close your eyes and swerve when a car is coming at you on a gravel road. In fact I'm pretty sure it says that in all of the car driving manuals. And if it doesn't then it should somewhere. I'm sure God would say it. So it should be in car driving manuals. Like God-breathed scripture but this time it's God-breathed car driving manuals. Don't worry, it wasn't me driving. Just in the passenger seat grabbing the door handle and screaming like a girl.
-Space Cadet Tent
:: So every year Jim O and I sleep in tents. Mostly cause there's no room in the cabins but also because we get to set our own bedtimes and don't have to worry about tiny children. We set up our tents next to each other - this year right next to the campers - and spend about an hour each night venting and joking around until we fall asleep. After using the same tent for more than 10 years he got a new one this year. It looks like something NASA would use on the moon and took almost an hour to set up by itself. Mostly cause we weren't going off the instructions, but still! Anyway, the whole time we're setting up I'm thinking about all the bugs in the trees right next to us and started yelling about ticks. He says ticks can't fly so they wouldn't be in trees, when I said they could climb he went oh, yeah.
-Rubber Bandit
:: An awesome name for a super villain came up with after attempting to use "rubber band" as a verb.
Day Two: Friday
-French Toast
:: Huzzah for French Toast. Same breakfast every year along with about 5 cups of coffee within a 2 hour period. But at least I was conscious for the mandatory meeting and registration. Which went well, though apparently 10:30 actually means 11 in counselor terms. For the second year in a row, maybe we should just move it back. But then they'll show up at 11:30.
-The Theme Song
:: Mentor wrote the theme song again as she does every year. This year's was a little different though because the verses don't rhyme but they caught on fairly quickly. By teen camp I had the whole thing memorized and I'm sure I'll be singing it while working just like I do every year for the two weeks following camp. Along with The Bear Song and HeeHaw.
-And Rhonda has no Honda
:: Campfire was my saving grace, as it is every year. No matter how stressful camp can be campfire always redeems it. Our male leader for skits and worship gets really into it, especially There's a Hole in the Bucket, along with the rest of the band. We kept renaming ourselves, but "Destiny's Step-Child" was the clear frontrunner. Though none of the kids understood it since they only know of Beyonce as Beyonce and haven't heard of Destiny's Child. Which makes me cry inside. Anyway, we sang our Pharaoh Pharaohs and King Jesus is All, and Mentor came down to help lead Flea and Pizza and all was well. We had two kingdom workers who came and helped out this year and taught the kids some new stuff. Stupid Rhonda and her crashed Honda were stuck in my head for the rest of camp. I literally fell over when they said that line and my teen helper had to check on me to make sure I was okay.
Day Three: Saturday
-"Does it say 'Blazer' on the back? Cause I don't know what one looks like."
:: Girls and cars.
-The Vote
:: I wasn't aware that even though I'm in charge of skits I have to get them approved before the kids perform them for their parents. Apparently I need to take a vote first because my skits are stupid. Even though I've never had complaints in the what? like 12 years that I've been doing them. So, youth camp sucked. Which is why there are virtually no highlights whatsoever and the blame for that lies entirely on one individual gunning for my job. Which she will get when she pulls this laptop from my cold dead hands. It is literally my favorite time of year and she killed it. Plain and simple. She didn't like HeeHaw and tried to sway my kids - IN THE MIDDLE OF MY SESSION - against it. Like, I'm handing out the lyrics and she comes up and says that's not a skit, here's a skit. The irony is that she recited a skit I'd already done with them two years ago, so apparently not all of my skits suck. Just the ones she doesn't like. Why she did it then IN THE MIDDLE OF MY SESSION still confuses me because she'd already pointed out that she hated it before camp started and knew I wasn't going to change it so what was the purpose of interrupting me in front of my kids other than to make me look bad? But that's okay, just gives me motivation to find skits she hates even more for next year.
I still don't know what I did to deserve the hostility as she didn't just criticize that but also everything else I was in charge of this year. Not saying anything negative to mentor about her song, Cheri about her crafts, Jayne about her cooking, Pastor about his bible studies or Steve about his games. Nope, just me. It's okay though because for once I stood up for myself. And I had Pastor and Jim there to back me up. We'll see what happens next year.
-"Boobs in Training"
:: One of the girl counselors is a friend of mine and since Megan couldn't make it this year she went around on night patrol with me. Apparently all of her girls were excited about training bras which we don't understand cause they suck. And we're confused as to why they call them "training bras" in the first place. Are they like training your boobs for the race of their lives?
-Train Honks
:: So apparently, when trains come through towns they have to honk a certain way. Like in a certain pattern. Weirdly enough I learned this at camp, not from growing up in a train-filled household or from dating a traingeek boyfriend. Remember how we were camped in tents and can hear everything? Including whoever it was that kept walking by our tents but we ignored them and continued to joke around cause we're goofy like that. Anyway, train honks were one of the many things that kept us up at night, along with owls, crickets, air conditioners attached to campers, stupid happy birds and one particularly loud toad which we were convinced was actually a moose.
Day Four: Sunday
-Out of the mouths of babes
:: One of my favorite quotes this year came from a young camper to a teenage counselor. The teen was putting on makeup when the kid came up to her and asked what she was doing. When the teen said she was putting on makeup so that she would look pretty the kid asked, "do you think it's working?"
-And that's what makes it all worth it.
:: So, try as she may to sway my kids and their parents they still had fun with HeeHaw, especially screaming and spitting in each others' faces during the last refrain. Even though it's tradition and I'd like to keep it going if it's going to cause this much drama I'll replace it with something else. I'm sure she'll find a problem with that as well, but hey, she'll just have to get used to it cause I'm a camp lifer and that won't be changing anytime soon.
-Damnit, Rhonda and your stupid Honda
:: Get out of my head. I don't need to be singing about you in the grocery store or in the car or anywhere else. It's amusing because I always lay out the outlines for these camp posts on my phone as they go and on each of the days somewhere "damnit rhonda" was written.
-Let's get pigs feet.
:: Umm, let's not and say we did. Grocery shopping with Jim is always an adventure. We buy far too much and always find things that weren't on our list. Like toys. And ice cream - though that was on our list this year, just not this much of it. I have two gallons in my freezer. Huzzah for mint chip! Anyway, we went grocery shopping two times Sunday, three times Monday and then once again on Tuesday. Plus our Thursday night adventure to get props. Walmart and Rays love us.
-Stray Dog
:: Every year we place bets as to what time our teen camp pastor will arrive. Scuba Steve won this round I believe. Anyway, we thought he was there a lot earlier than he got there because we saw a dog running around and he always has his dogs. This one, however, had bloody paws and when we looked around Pastor was nowhere in sight. Since the teen campers love dogs they cleaned her up, gave him a makeshift collar and a leash and we called animal control. Who wouldn't come get her cause we were outside of city limits. The campground managers called in a favor and a few minutes later the county sheriff's car showed up to pick her up. Ah, memories from the last time that sheriff's car had a dog in it at camp and we were up all night ranting about happy birds.
-Thomas Edison = Earthy cause he's in the ground
:: Gotta play Apples to Apples. Not as fun without Noel but I had my sister and Scuba Steve who picked the right cards. We could always tell who played what card though because of the references made. Scuba Steve played Thomas Edison for earthy and my sister picked it as the winner. I found it highly entertaining. Though it didn't work for me during the next game when I tried Beethoven for the same category and it got rejected for something actually earthy.
-Crapsuck Campfire
:: Any campfire where you can't see anything just spells disaster. So, the teens couldn't see the songbooks and they couldn't see us and we couldn't see our music books and it was just a disaster that ended with a horrible horrible offkey version of Someday. It's only redeeming grace was when Thomas screwed up the lyrics to There's a Hole in the Bucket so the women actually won it. I said it would have to go down in history cause I'm pretty sure we will never win again. Though we did say at little kid's camp - in order not to have to sing it two nights in a row - that we broke down and bought them a new bucket. Though apparently they drilled a hole in it just so we could sing it again at teen camp.
-Pitch Perfect
:: Every year we show movies on the wall. This year instead of our usual cheesy space movie (though we skipped it last year as well) we watched Pitch Perfect for night one. Had a huge crowd all singing along with the music. Pastor had never seen it before and was laughing at Fat Amy. But who doesn't laugh at Rebel Wilson? If you haven't you should really watch this video:
"yeah and so will the cops!" She's highly entertaining.
Day Five: Monday
-Bug Zapper Lightsabers
:: Jim is smart enough to keep me away from sharp metal objects so my job in the kitchen is to kill flies and do dishes. This year Oldest Sister took care of the dishes so I just got the flies. Which is fine with me. In preparation for this big role I bought giant bug zappers and batteries to go with them. Michael and I were using them like lightsabers. I killed 23 on Monday alone.
-Stolen Phone Texting
:: Mean kitchen staff stole my phone and sent my boyfriend a mushy text. Pretty sure he knew it wasn't me cause we don't talk like that, but that didn't stop me from being paranoid about his response. And since I only had signal every other ten feet I was constantly checking it wherever I went.
-That's what a campfire is supposed to sound like!
:: I get really into campfires, actually all of Destiny's Step-Child does, but teen camps are even more fun than youth camp at times because the teens get super loud and dancy. I enjoy all their impromptu motions and some even get added permanently. Monday night's campfire was much better - mostly cause we were indoors and could see - but also because they really got into it and Someday was actually on key.
-Neville for the win!
:: Night two for movie night was Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. We had to change it up a bit, don't remember where the idea for Harry Potter came up but it did and I think that was the biggest crowd we've ever had to movie night. We were going to watch the second one the next night but that got overruled.
Day Six: Tuesday
-The slow clap
:: Tuesday is bowling day at teen camp. All the leaders usually bowl together though this year Scuba Steve got sick and napped instead. Each year we bring out the slow clap and it always either leads to a spare or a gutterball. Game number one I got a 105 but game number two was horrible, I bowled like an 80. Not sure what happened between games but whatever skill I developed seemed to disappear. But I only go bowling once a year - at camp - so maybe if I attempted to practice somewhere else I could figure out what the problem was.
-Pizza Pizza
:: After bowling we always get them pizza. We've been going back and forth from Pizza Hut to Walmart pizza. This year Jim was so tired we just went with Pizza Hut then used the boxes to start our campfire after. 34 teens + 6 adults = 10 pizzas plus 3 boxes of cheese sticks.
Add to that the pop and ice cream and they loved it.
-Dance Off
:: Every year the teens have a dance, whether it's organized or impromptu. This year's was a bit more organized than before cause they actually moved the tables AND they used their phones instead of my computer so it was much easier on me. Taylor and I took pictures so that we wouldn't have to dance. See how that works? We made them each do their best moves, they had some good ones.
-Jack the Frog King
:: Found the father of all frogs this year at camp. Compared to my shoe he was huge!
Granted I only wear size 8's but he was still huge. He sat completely still for hours, we think because of the owl we could hear in the trees cause he was gone the next morning. No one would believe me until I took them to him. Then they all screamed. We thought he might be fake until someone threw a stick and he moved.
-"How long does it take to get into my own house?"
:: We watched Gladiator for movie night number three. Though it was an accident, well not really. Pastor wanted to watch Braveheart so the other pastor went to Walmart and found a Braveheart/Gladiator combo. But then Gladiator got more votes we rebelled and watched it instead. I fell asleep, missing the last half an hour. I jumped from him agreeing to talk to the senator to him dead on the ground so I had to watch the rest when I got back.
Day Seven: Wednesday
-Clean up, clean up, everybody everywhere
:: Packing up the trailer and all of our junk seemed to take a lot longer this year. Though that's weird because we had even more kids to help. I think we had even more than previous years cause it barely fit in the trailer and then poor Jim's truck was completely overflowing with the rest of it.
-Rock and Roll McDonalds
:: As is tradition we stopped at McDonalds on the way back, though there were more of us than usual. It's always Scuba Steve, myself and Jim though this year Steve left early cause he was sick. Last year Michael joined our gang and this year he rejoined us along with Taylor, Dylan and Pastor with three of his kids. Usually we're all dead tired and say maybe 20 words, this year we were much louder. Michael did a calorie count and actually beat Steve's record from last year. But I guess that happens when you order 3 burgers, fries and mcnuggets.
And that was camp. As is tradition I will post the skits tomorrow.
For now I'm out. Hope you had a good week.
Day One: Thursday
-God-breathed car driving manuals
:: It's never a good thing when driving to close your eyes and swerve when a car is coming at you on a gravel road. In fact I'm pretty sure it says that in all of the car driving manuals. And if it doesn't then it should somewhere. I'm sure God would say it. So it should be in car driving manuals. Like God-breathed scripture but this time it's God-breathed car driving manuals. Don't worry, it wasn't me driving. Just in the passenger seat grabbing the door handle and screaming like a girl.
-Space Cadet Tent
:: So every year Jim O and I sleep in tents. Mostly cause there's no room in the cabins but also because we get to set our own bedtimes and don't have to worry about tiny children. We set up our tents next to each other - this year right next to the campers - and spend about an hour each night venting and joking around until we fall asleep. After using the same tent for more than 10 years he got a new one this year. It looks like something NASA would use on the moon and took almost an hour to set up by itself. Mostly cause we weren't going off the instructions, but still! Anyway, the whole time we're setting up I'm thinking about all the bugs in the trees right next to us and started yelling about ticks. He says ticks can't fly so they wouldn't be in trees, when I said they could climb he went oh, yeah.
-Rubber Bandit
:: An awesome name for a super villain came up with after attempting to use "rubber band" as a verb.
Day Two: Friday
-French Toast
:: Huzzah for French Toast. Same breakfast every year along with about 5 cups of coffee within a 2 hour period. But at least I was conscious for the mandatory meeting and registration. Which went well, though apparently 10:30 actually means 11 in counselor terms. For the second year in a row, maybe we should just move it back. But then they'll show up at 11:30.
-The Theme Song
:: Mentor wrote the theme song again as she does every year. This year's was a little different though because the verses don't rhyme but they caught on fairly quickly. By teen camp I had the whole thing memorized and I'm sure I'll be singing it while working just like I do every year for the two weeks following camp. Along with The Bear Song and HeeHaw.
-And Rhonda has no Honda
:: Campfire was my saving grace, as it is every year. No matter how stressful camp can be campfire always redeems it. Our male leader for skits and worship gets really into it, especially There's a Hole in the Bucket, along with the rest of the band. We kept renaming ourselves, but "Destiny's Step-Child" was the clear frontrunner. Though none of the kids understood it since they only know of Beyonce as Beyonce and haven't heard of Destiny's Child. Which makes me cry inside. Anyway, we sang our Pharaoh Pharaohs and King Jesus is All, and Mentor came down to help lead Flea and Pizza and all was well. We had two kingdom workers who came and helped out this year and taught the kids some new stuff. Stupid Rhonda and her crashed Honda were stuck in my head for the rest of camp. I literally fell over when they said that line and my teen helper had to check on me to make sure I was okay.
Day Three: Saturday
-"Does it say 'Blazer' on the back? Cause I don't know what one looks like."
:: Girls and cars.
-The Vote
:: I wasn't aware that even though I'm in charge of skits I have to get them approved before the kids perform them for their parents. Apparently I need to take a vote first because my skits are stupid. Even though I've never had complaints in the what? like 12 years that I've been doing them. So, youth camp sucked. Which is why there are virtually no highlights whatsoever and the blame for that lies entirely on one individual gunning for my job. Which she will get when she pulls this laptop from my cold dead hands. It is literally my favorite time of year and she killed it. Plain and simple. She didn't like HeeHaw and tried to sway my kids - IN THE MIDDLE OF MY SESSION - against it. Like, I'm handing out the lyrics and she comes up and says that's not a skit, here's a skit. The irony is that she recited a skit I'd already done with them two years ago, so apparently not all of my skits suck. Just the ones she doesn't like. Why she did it then IN THE MIDDLE OF MY SESSION still confuses me because she'd already pointed out that she hated it before camp started and knew I wasn't going to change it so what was the purpose of interrupting me in front of my kids other than to make me look bad? But that's okay, just gives me motivation to find skits she hates even more for next year.
I still don't know what I did to deserve the hostility as she didn't just criticize that but also everything else I was in charge of this year. Not saying anything negative to mentor about her song, Cheri about her crafts, Jayne about her cooking, Pastor about his bible studies or Steve about his games. Nope, just me. It's okay though because for once I stood up for myself. And I had Pastor and Jim there to back me up. We'll see what happens next year.
-"Boobs in Training"
:: One of the girl counselors is a friend of mine and since Megan couldn't make it this year she went around on night patrol with me. Apparently all of her girls were excited about training bras which we don't understand cause they suck. And we're confused as to why they call them "training bras" in the first place. Are they like training your boobs for the race of their lives?
-Train Honks
:: So apparently, when trains come through towns they have to honk a certain way. Like in a certain pattern. Weirdly enough I learned this at camp, not from growing up in a train-filled household or from dating a traingeek boyfriend. Remember how we were camped in tents and can hear everything? Including whoever it was that kept walking by our tents but we ignored them and continued to joke around cause we're goofy like that. Anyway, train honks were one of the many things that kept us up at night, along with owls, crickets, air conditioners attached to campers, stupid happy birds and one particularly loud toad which we were convinced was actually a moose.
Day Four: Sunday
-Out of the mouths of babes
:: One of my favorite quotes this year came from a young camper to a teenage counselor. The teen was putting on makeup when the kid came up to her and asked what she was doing. When the teen said she was putting on makeup so that she would look pretty the kid asked, "do you think it's working?"
-And that's what makes it all worth it.
:: So, try as she may to sway my kids and their parents they still had fun with HeeHaw, especially screaming and spitting in each others' faces during the last refrain. Even though it's tradition and I'd like to keep it going if it's going to cause this much drama I'll replace it with something else. I'm sure she'll find a problem with that as well, but hey, she'll just have to get used to it cause I'm a camp lifer and that won't be changing anytime soon.
-Damnit, Rhonda and your stupid Honda
:: Get out of my head. I don't need to be singing about you in the grocery store or in the car or anywhere else. It's amusing because I always lay out the outlines for these camp posts on my phone as they go and on each of the days somewhere "damnit rhonda" was written.
-Let's get pigs feet.
:: Umm, let's not and say we did. Grocery shopping with Jim is always an adventure. We buy far too much and always find things that weren't on our list. Like toys. And ice cream - though that was on our list this year, just not this much of it. I have two gallons in my freezer. Huzzah for mint chip! Anyway, we went grocery shopping two times Sunday, three times Monday and then once again on Tuesday. Plus our Thursday night adventure to get props. Walmart and Rays love us.
-Stray Dog
:: Every year we place bets as to what time our teen camp pastor will arrive. Scuba Steve won this round I believe. Anyway, we thought he was there a lot earlier than he got there because we saw a dog running around and he always has his dogs. This one, however, had bloody paws and when we looked around Pastor was nowhere in sight. Since the teen campers love dogs they cleaned her up, gave him a makeshift collar and a leash and we called animal control. Who wouldn't come get her cause we were outside of city limits. The campground managers called in a favor and a few minutes later the county sheriff's car showed up to pick her up. Ah, memories from the last time that sheriff's car had a dog in it at camp and we were up all night ranting about happy birds.
-Thomas Edison = Earthy cause he's in the ground
:: Gotta play Apples to Apples. Not as fun without Noel but I had my sister and Scuba Steve who picked the right cards. We could always tell who played what card though because of the references made. Scuba Steve played Thomas Edison for earthy and my sister picked it as the winner. I found it highly entertaining. Though it didn't work for me during the next game when I tried Beethoven for the same category and it got rejected for something actually earthy.
-Crapsuck Campfire
:: Any campfire where you can't see anything just spells disaster. So, the teens couldn't see the songbooks and they couldn't see us and we couldn't see our music books and it was just a disaster that ended with a horrible horrible offkey version of Someday. It's only redeeming grace was when Thomas screwed up the lyrics to There's a Hole in the Bucket so the women actually won it. I said it would have to go down in history cause I'm pretty sure we will never win again. Though we did say at little kid's camp - in order not to have to sing it two nights in a row - that we broke down and bought them a new bucket. Though apparently they drilled a hole in it just so we could sing it again at teen camp.
-Pitch Perfect
:: Every year we show movies on the wall. This year instead of our usual cheesy space movie (though we skipped it last year as well) we watched Pitch Perfect for night one. Had a huge crowd all singing along with the music. Pastor had never seen it before and was laughing at Fat Amy. But who doesn't laugh at Rebel Wilson? If you haven't you should really watch this video:
"yeah and so will the cops!" She's highly entertaining.
Day Five: Monday
-Bug Zapper Lightsabers
:: Jim is smart enough to keep me away from sharp metal objects so my job in the kitchen is to kill flies and do dishes. This year Oldest Sister took care of the dishes so I just got the flies. Which is fine with me. In preparation for this big role I bought giant bug zappers and batteries to go with them. Michael and I were using them like lightsabers. I killed 23 on Monday alone.
-Stolen Phone Texting
:: Mean kitchen staff stole my phone and sent my boyfriend a mushy text. Pretty sure he knew it wasn't me cause we don't talk like that, but that didn't stop me from being paranoid about his response. And since I only had signal every other ten feet I was constantly checking it wherever I went.
-That's what a campfire is supposed to sound like!
:: I get really into campfires, actually all of Destiny's Step-Child does, but teen camps are even more fun than youth camp at times because the teens get super loud and dancy. I enjoy all their impromptu motions and some even get added permanently. Monday night's campfire was much better - mostly cause we were indoors and could see - but also because they really got into it and Someday was actually on key.
-Neville for the win!
:: Night two for movie night was Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. We had to change it up a bit, don't remember where the idea for Harry Potter came up but it did and I think that was the biggest crowd we've ever had to movie night. We were going to watch the second one the next night but that got overruled.
Day Six: Tuesday
-The slow clap
:: Tuesday is bowling day at teen camp. All the leaders usually bowl together though this year Scuba Steve got sick and napped instead. Each year we bring out the slow clap and it always either leads to a spare or a gutterball. Game number one I got a 105 but game number two was horrible, I bowled like an 80. Not sure what happened between games but whatever skill I developed seemed to disappear. But I only go bowling once a year - at camp - so maybe if I attempted to practice somewhere else I could figure out what the problem was.
-Pizza Pizza
:: After bowling we always get them pizza. We've been going back and forth from Pizza Hut to Walmart pizza. This year Jim was so tired we just went with Pizza Hut then used the boxes to start our campfire after. 34 teens + 6 adults = 10 pizzas plus 3 boxes of cheese sticks.
Add to that the pop and ice cream and they loved it.
-Dance Off
:: Every year the teens have a dance, whether it's organized or impromptu. This year's was a bit more organized than before cause they actually moved the tables AND they used their phones instead of my computer so it was much easier on me. Taylor and I took pictures so that we wouldn't have to dance. See how that works? We made them each do their best moves, they had some good ones.
-Jack the Frog King
:: Found the father of all frogs this year at camp. Compared to my shoe he was huge!
Granted I only wear size 8's but he was still huge. He sat completely still for hours, we think because of the owl we could hear in the trees cause he was gone the next morning. No one would believe me until I took them to him. Then they all screamed. We thought he might be fake until someone threw a stick and he moved.
-"How long does it take to get into my own house?"
:: We watched Gladiator for movie night number three. Though it was an accident, well not really. Pastor wanted to watch Braveheart so the other pastor went to Walmart and found a Braveheart/Gladiator combo. But then Gladiator got more votes we rebelled and watched it instead. I fell asleep, missing the last half an hour. I jumped from him agreeing to talk to the senator to him dead on the ground so I had to watch the rest when I got back.
Day Seven: Wednesday
-Clean up, clean up, everybody everywhere
:: Packing up the trailer and all of our junk seemed to take a lot longer this year. Though that's weird because we had even more kids to help. I think we had even more than previous years cause it barely fit in the trailer and then poor Jim's truck was completely overflowing with the rest of it.
-Rock and Roll McDonalds
:: As is tradition we stopped at McDonalds on the way back, though there were more of us than usual. It's always Scuba Steve, myself and Jim though this year Steve left early cause he was sick. Last year Michael joined our gang and this year he rejoined us along with Taylor, Dylan and Pastor with three of his kids. Usually we're all dead tired and say maybe 20 words, this year we were much louder. Michael did a calorie count and actually beat Steve's record from last year. But I guess that happens when you order 3 burgers, fries and mcnuggets.
And that was camp. As is tradition I will post the skits tomorrow.
For now I'm out. Hope you had a good week.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Remember, Remember the Fifth of November: Take Six
Oh my god, Oh my god, the snake on Bones, totally disgusting. Did anyone else watch that? I'm still screaming.
Alright, more Quotes of the Year
Friends:
Lori: "Give him a pamphlet and tell him to find Jesus."
advice for making stalkers go away
Ben at the derby: "I could be wearing them now, You don't know what I'm wearing under these jeans." fishnet stockings...
Me: "That was pretty."
Ben: "That wasn't pretty at all. It was hardcore."
Me: "Right it was hardcore pretty!"
Wordsmith: When do I get a blender?
W's Mom: When you get married.
Wordsmith: How do you expect me to get a woman if I can't blend a margarita?
Me: “How do I make it go woo?”
D...R partner: “Tripods don’t make that noise.”
…
Me: “Did it work?”
D...R partner: “I guess we’ll find out if it falls down and breaks.”
pre-recording our Delayed...Reaction new songs
Juwanna: “That’s why I don’t know anything about babies, I ran after you!”
i'm sorry! but watching that on tv was just not appetizing at all!
Smo: “Show me your T-Magic!”
yeah, she actually said it. to T-Magic. well, yelled it at him as he was leaving.
Pastor: “Cause when I think of cheerleaders I think of the Golden Girls.” golfing. enough said.
Taylor: “Where’s your lost and found?”
Carrie the nurse: “Somebody lose their skivvies?”
Me: “Just put it on the table.”
Carrie: “Don’t put them there, I keep meds there!”
camp fun.
Jim/Me/Ken: JANSEN!
more camp fun.
Grad School:
Classmate: "I was in nursing until I realized I have no bedside manner." on life before the library
Classmate: "Just don't be a D-bag."
Me: "That's your mission statement?" that's his life code.
Classmate: "Unless he was quelling their rebellion by boring them to death." someone's comment of joy about the diary of a certain one of shackleton's crew members
Presenter: "Why do we collect statistics? Anyone?" *silence* "Okay!"
Classmate: "Yeah, but there's a difference between that and forgetting to put sauce on a big mac!" this chick is married to a military officer so they were talking about discipline and then this other dude's former boss was an officer and flipped out at this dude at mcdonalds for messing up his order. somehow that mistake got tied to officers making mistakes and having consequences.
Professor: "Note to self, it there's ice and a ship, don't go!" about titanic and shackleton.
Professor: "You need a plan, Shackleton."
Library Goddessisms:
-"That could bore the paint off walls..."
-"I'm so glad that spellcheck doesn't have a 'duh'... It took me five times to spell weenie..."
-"Got sexier than their server will support!"
-"Why are we looking up magazine articles on the Titanic? It sunk, we're over it...Why would you go to that movie? We know how it ends! I can save you some money, it sinks!"
-"Interoperability...haha, FACE!" excited she could spell it
-"Who, When, What, Where and then we have another Who...ish" about citation
-"That's why there are 800 books named 'Frog'!!.......I don't know where that example came from." since you can't put a copyright on a title
-"Ha! plus five!" pronounced a difficult last name correctly
-"Donkey Hotey" okay...I can't explain that one
-"I don't care if you have a girl middle and a boy high or a boy middle and a girl high...school! High school!" yeah...haha, gotta include school on that one.
-"Take the call but go down the hall, don't say Hey by the door. We don't care about your hey." but it was like "Hey" as in "Hey, Ho, Hey, Ho" hysterical.
-"You will not get a handout for your marriage." true dat.
-"They call it the highrise because it's the only building there with 2 stories."
-"Support a para-professional a year, pay your library fines!"
-"Hoarders...one time's all you need."
-"Practice in your car, they'll just think you're singing."
-"I've been booktalking since dirt!"
-"I've read that book four times and I still don't know what happens!"
-"Like we'd know if you mess up...if it falls apart just lie!" booktalks
-"Big plastic fish thing." Jaws, she was talking about Jaws.
TV:
Claudia (Warehouse 13): "Well, Serendipity is my stripper name." Oh Claudia, how much you add to Warehouse 13's already awesome level.
Wolcott: "Is there not a man in London you haven't charmed?"
Helena (HG) Wells: "Oscar Wilde, and not for lack of trying."
Castle: “How do you know when you’re in love?”
Beckett: “All of the songs make sense.”
Roz (Frasier): “Just passing by, thought I’d stop in for a career.”
Frasier: “We’ve decided to think it’s charming.”
Maya (Just Shoot Me): "Competition brings out the worst in people!"
Nina: "Actually bike shorts bring out the worst in people..."
Nina: “Guess what I got!”
Finch: “Why, are they stumped down at the clinic?”
The Chief (Carmen Sandiego): “If cheese isn’t safe in Wisconsin, nothing is safe in Wisconsin!”
Victoria (Hot in Cleveland): "God I hate jocks!"
Joy: "You were married to a wide receiver!"
Victoria: "I still don't know what sport that is!"
Carrie Fisher: “I just have basically too much personality for one person but not enough for two.”
Magwilde (Bonekickers): "It's like graveyard jenga down here." Freaking Bonekickers. Every thought in my head for weeks came out in a Scottish accent.
Victoria (Mike and Molly): “So yes, I do believe in Bigfoot. And yes, I think he’s a total jerk.”
Elphaba (Wicked): “Not everyone can come and go by bubble.”
Scott Pilgrim vs. the Universe: “He punched the highlights out of her hair!”
Kelly (Charlie's Angels): “You move it turkey, we were here first!”
General Beckman (Chuck): “It’s longer than my copy of Atlas Shrugged!”
Castle: “And now, I own a boat!”
love the horn at the end.
Random:
-Bumper Sticker: “Hit me, I need the excitement.”
-Rasputin was poisoned, shot and drowned.
-An Angler on the Amazon hit a beehive with his stick. In order to avoid the angry bees he jumped into the river and was eaten by piranhas.
-When in doubt shelf-read the jNonfiction. That place is always a disaster area.
-In 1865, in the war between Uruguay and Brazil, one of Uruguay's ships ran out of cannon balls so they fired chunks of stale Dutch cheese out of the cannons. One of them dismasted an enemy ship and killed two sailors.
-If you've ever had to haul a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend your sister's honor you may be a redneck.
-People used a rhyme in the olden days to remind others to stay away from Oak trees in a lightning storm. "The oak brings the stroke." Apparently oak trees were thought to be highly conductive.
-It's lucky to spit in your hand before you pick up your bat. It's unlucky to share bats with someone else. ....and now totally gross if you play with superstitious people.
A random collection of knowledge I know. That's the beauty of public libraries. The information is limitless, unlike academic or special libraries. Booyah.
New Life Mottos:
-Social life in progress
-Well that’s something to scrapbook
-At least the baby stopped crying
-I’m just coloring in the chicken feathers
-Black in the crevices
-I’m a constant surprise
-I’m just not hooked on your phonics
-That's a second Friends reference for those of you counting.
-Because everyone should have someone to scream at in a giant elephant.
-Another day another margarita
-And don't go all shrink on me. If you tried to analyze my crazy you'd drive yourself there.
-Is she telling me this because she expects me to be social?
-The Sideways Hat Theory
-I live my life behind the tab.
and that's all she wrote.
Alright, more Quotes of the Year
Friends:
Lori: "Give him a pamphlet and tell him to find Jesus."
advice for making stalkers go away
Ben at the derby: "I could be wearing them now, You don't know what I'm wearing under these jeans." fishnet stockings...
Me: "That was pretty."
Ben: "That wasn't pretty at all. It was hardcore."
Me: "Right it was hardcore pretty!"
Wordsmith: When do I get a blender?
W's Mom: When you get married.
Wordsmith: How do you expect me to get a woman if I can't blend a margarita?
Me: “How do I make it go woo?”
D...R partner: “Tripods don’t make that noise.”
…
Me: “Did it work?”
D...R partner: “I guess we’ll find out if it falls down and breaks.”
pre-recording our Delayed...Reaction new songs
Juwanna: “That’s why I don’t know anything about babies, I ran after you!”
i'm sorry! but watching that on tv was just not appetizing at all!
Smo: “Show me your T-Magic!”
yeah, she actually said it. to T-Magic. well, yelled it at him as he was leaving.
Pastor: “Cause when I think of cheerleaders I think of the Golden Girls.” golfing. enough said.
Taylor: “Where’s your lost and found?”
Carrie the nurse: “Somebody lose their skivvies?”
Me: “Just put it on the table.”
Carrie: “Don’t put them there, I keep meds there!”
camp fun.
Jim/Me/Ken: JANSEN!
more camp fun.
Grad School:
Classmate: "I was in nursing until I realized I have no bedside manner." on life before the library
Classmate: "Just don't be a D-bag."
Me: "That's your mission statement?" that's his life code.
Classmate: "Unless he was quelling their rebellion by boring them to death." someone's comment of joy about the diary of a certain one of shackleton's crew members
Presenter: "Why do we collect statistics? Anyone?" *silence* "Okay!"
Classmate: "Yeah, but there's a difference between that and forgetting to put sauce on a big mac!" this chick is married to a military officer so they were talking about discipline and then this other dude's former boss was an officer and flipped out at this dude at mcdonalds for messing up his order. somehow that mistake got tied to officers making mistakes and having consequences.
Professor: "Note to self, it there's ice and a ship, don't go!" about titanic and shackleton.
Professor: "You need a plan, Shackleton."
Library Goddessisms:
-"That could bore the paint off walls..."
-"I'm so glad that spellcheck doesn't have a 'duh'... It took me five times to spell weenie..."
-"Got sexier than their server will support!"
-"Why are we looking up magazine articles on the Titanic? It sunk, we're over it...Why would you go to that movie? We know how it ends! I can save you some money, it sinks!"
-"Interoperability...haha, FACE!" excited she could spell it
-"Who, When, What, Where and then we have another Who...ish" about citation
-"That's why there are 800 books named 'Frog'!!.......I don't know where that example came from." since you can't put a copyright on a title
-"Ha! plus five!" pronounced a difficult last name correctly
-"Donkey Hotey" okay...I can't explain that one
-"I don't care if you have a girl middle and a boy high or a boy middle and a girl high...school! High school!" yeah...haha, gotta include school on that one.
-"Take the call but go down the hall, don't say Hey by the door. We don't care about your hey." but it was like "Hey" as in "Hey, Ho, Hey, Ho" hysterical.
-"You will not get a handout for your marriage." true dat.
-"They call it the highrise because it's the only building there with 2 stories."
-"Support a para-professional a year, pay your library fines!"
-"Hoarders...one time's all you need."
-"Practice in your car, they'll just think you're singing."
-"I've been booktalking since dirt!"
-"I've read that book four times and I still don't know what happens!"
-"Like we'd know if you mess up...if it falls apart just lie!" booktalks
-"Big plastic fish thing." Jaws, she was talking about Jaws.
TV:
Claudia (Warehouse 13): "Well, Serendipity is my stripper name." Oh Claudia, how much you add to Warehouse 13's already awesome level.
Wolcott: "Is there not a man in London you haven't charmed?"
Helena (HG) Wells: "Oscar Wilde, and not for lack of trying."
Castle: “How do you know when you’re in love?”
Beckett: “All of the songs make sense.”
Roz (Frasier): “Just passing by, thought I’d stop in for a career.”
Frasier: “We’ve decided to think it’s charming.”
Maya (Just Shoot Me): "Competition brings out the worst in people!"
Nina: "Actually bike shorts bring out the worst in people..."
Nina: “Guess what I got!”
Finch: “Why, are they stumped down at the clinic?”
The Chief (Carmen Sandiego): “If cheese isn’t safe in Wisconsin, nothing is safe in Wisconsin!”
Victoria (Hot in Cleveland): "God I hate jocks!"
Joy: "You were married to a wide receiver!"
Victoria: "I still don't know what sport that is!"
Carrie Fisher: “I just have basically too much personality for one person but not enough for two.”
Magwilde (Bonekickers): "It's like graveyard jenga down here." Freaking Bonekickers. Every thought in my head for weeks came out in a Scottish accent.
Victoria (Mike and Molly): “So yes, I do believe in Bigfoot. And yes, I think he’s a total jerk.”
Elphaba (Wicked): “Not everyone can come and go by bubble.”
Scott Pilgrim vs. the Universe: “He punched the highlights out of her hair!”
Kelly (Charlie's Angels): “You move it turkey, we were here first!”
General Beckman (Chuck): “It’s longer than my copy of Atlas Shrugged!”
Castle: “And now, I own a boat!”
love the horn at the end.
Random:
-Bumper Sticker: “Hit me, I need the excitement.”
-Rasputin was poisoned, shot and drowned.
-An Angler on the Amazon hit a beehive with his stick. In order to avoid the angry bees he jumped into the river and was eaten by piranhas.
-When in doubt shelf-read the jNonfiction. That place is always a disaster area.
-In 1865, in the war between Uruguay and Brazil, one of Uruguay's ships ran out of cannon balls so they fired chunks of stale Dutch cheese out of the cannons. One of them dismasted an enemy ship and killed two sailors.
-If you've ever had to haul a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend your sister's honor you may be a redneck.
-People used a rhyme in the olden days to remind others to stay away from Oak trees in a lightning storm. "The oak brings the stroke." Apparently oak trees were thought to be highly conductive.
-It's lucky to spit in your hand before you pick up your bat. It's unlucky to share bats with someone else. ....and now totally gross if you play with superstitious people.
A random collection of knowledge I know. That's the beauty of public libraries. The information is limitless, unlike academic or special libraries. Booyah.
New Life Mottos:
-Social life in progress
-Well that’s something to scrapbook
-At least the baby stopped crying
-I’m just coloring in the chicken feathers
-Black in the crevices
-I’m a constant surprise
-I’m just not hooked on your phonics
-That's a second Friends reference for those of you counting.
-Because everyone should have someone to scream at in a giant elephant.
-Another day another margarita
-And don't go all shrink on me. If you tried to analyze my crazy you'd drive yourself there.
-Is she telling me this because she expects me to be social?
-The Sideways Hat Theory
-I live my life behind the tab.
and that's all she wrote.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Remember, Remember the Fifth of November: Take Five
"I've had marriages shorter than that story." Okay Jack, I'll try to keep it simple.
I've had the pleasure of working at two public libraries for over a year now, add that to my very amusing family, hysterical friends and crazy imagination and you get hours of entertainment.
So, without any further ado you get,
Quotes of the Year:
ps- there were far too many so the other half comes tomorrow.
Things overheard at the library:
Fearless Leader: *holding up a copy of Legally Blonde the Musical* THIS is why I hate musicals!
Trainee: "It's like, what's that mean? and then Why are you reading my ass?" about the shorts with words on them.
Me: “He says I deserve a pizza.”
Superwoman: “Crap.” ha!
Slim Shady: “Magnet, Magnet, Magnet…” i attract all the crazies.
Coworker at Staff Inservice: “There’s no crying in Koha.”
Creeper: “Likes ass or jazz” what are you supposed to say when someone hands you a note with their name and that on it? Seriously? Thanks, but no.
Me after hitting button in car and it asked for a command: "What the hell?"
Jarvis my car: "To call hell say dial."
...
Glee-Loving Boss: "Did a creepy guy with a deep voice answer?"
Slim Shady: "They say it's a psychological thriller. I want to know what that means in the context of ballerinas." About Black Swan
Me: "That'll be me in 40 years."
Space Cadet: “But you'll use your inside voice...unless you're too deaf to hear it." She says that my hearing at 35 will be her hearing at 70 since I blast music in my headphones.
Koha Queen: "I'm way passed bananas."
Girlscout: "My orca is gonna attack your porpoise!" summer reading program water guns were sea animal-shaped
Super Librarian Status: "You have a lot to live up to. Just don’t throw cranky customers across the room." about my nickname Pippi cause of my hat
Reference Queen: "This shirt is older than you are." Barcode Blues
Superwoman: “Are you free tonight? Do you need to ask your mother?” geez, you forget about one family gathering.
Coworker: “Don’t run in the library.”
Kid: “I’m jogging” and keeps running.
Me: “Was it Patience or Fortitude?”
Slim Shady: “I think it was Patience.”
Me: “You don’t know do you?”
Slim Shady: “No idea.” take a picture in front of the lions
Sam the Man: “Jam hands bring nothing but pain.” joy
Family:
Me: "It's like, I'm surrounded by books all day. The last thing I want to do when I get home is read."
Second Sister the pharmacist: "Well, I don't come home and do drugs."
Bubby: “Can I do it to Mandy?”
Me: “No.”
Bubby: “Can you do it to Mandy?” oh sibling love.
Oldest Sister: "Give me a piece of that gum, you didn't tell me it was enjoyable!"
Rick: "Spontaneous combustion is pretty awesome unless it happens to you." Apples to Apples
Oldest Sister: “Picture ‘I can’t run anymore I’m gonna puke!’ and then running the next few steps.”
Oldest Sister: “They didn’t punch a hole, they punched a crawl space.”
Oldest Sister: “Get your head out of your purse.”
Squirt: “It smells good in here.”
Teina: “How do you spell Eminem?”
Rick: “It’s on the candies.”
Me: “You get the jerky, I’ll get the nuts.” christmas shopping
Aunt Hay-Hay: “We ordered an ostrich and they had to go out and find one.” order took longer than anyone else's
Dad: “You were good, you didn’t fight with anyone.”
Mom: “That’s because she didn’t have anyone to fight with. You would have if she did.” Thanks mom.
Mom: “Is it Apples to Apples or Apples to Oranges?”
Second Sister: “It’s an appropriate amount of freakage.” About my level of sanity after I was told about dad in the hospital. Knew it was serious business when both Oldest and Second Sisters called me at work within five minutes of each other.
Mark: “I used to say ‘oh pigeons’ it’s appropriate cause they’re annoying as crap.”
Squirt: “Lock him in the closet with a piece of cheese and a glass of water.”
Mark: “We’ll split the trains four ways. Carrie can have the beer mugs.”
Second Sister: “I want the Corve.”
Me: “Can I have the Bird?”
Mark: “Yes, we’ll flip you the bird.”
Mom: “You get $2500 when you die.”
Me: “What am I supposed to do with it?”
Mom: “Bury yourself.”
Mom: “Get that on! I don’t wanna see you hanging out!”
Me: “The doors are closed!” a seatbelt, she’s talking about a seatbelt.
Justin: “Put on some music. It’ll make her look less crazy.”
Liz: “I will murder you at my wedding. I’m not above that.” about showing a video of her singing and dancing
Justin: “If he made it old dirty underwear in a dump no one would ever look for that. Best Horcrux ever.” harry potter
Oldest Sister: "Did you just turn that down with your butt?"
Me: "Yes, my butt has magic powers."
Oldest Sister: "That's fantastic."
Me: "My butt or the magic powers?" remote control
Me to Creepy Stalker Date: “That’s not love, that’s not even like! That’s nausea-inducing, frustration anxiety psychosis!”
Oldest Sister: "I'm related to that one."
Me: "She's my older sister."
Josh: "You're very strong."
Oldest Sister: "So you've met my family."
Josh: "Just that one."
Dad about Mom: "You're the second biggest blab around."
Me: "Does that make you the first?"
Sarah: "Did you swear in text form?"
Me: "Is that like the Splenda of salt?"
Squirt: "You stole my happy!"
Dad: "And! If that fails! We'll put Mom out there with a shotgun!" he was determined to keep the racoons away from the corn.
Mom: "Tell him he's wonderful for staying to work on that so late. Oh, and you're great too."
Me: "Thanks Mom."
thanks mom.
Me about The Closer: "Should we watch last week's?"
Mom: "Sure, I watched it already." *shows starts and literally 30 seconds later she bombards me with questions about what's happening*
Me: "I thought you said you saw this one."
Mom: "I forgot it already."
Me: “You learn that at pharmacy school?”
Dad: “Oh god, not pizza again.”
Mom: “We don’t want old chicken.”
Oldest Sister: “I’m sorry creepers were taking pictures of your butt.”
Cool Aunt at the College World Series: “Just sitting here, enjoying my hummus.” yeah, they seriously had hummus.
Me: “You’re the Tar to my Heels.”
more tomorrow.
I've had the pleasure of working at two public libraries for over a year now, add that to my very amusing family, hysterical friends and crazy imagination and you get hours of entertainment.
So, without any further ado you get,
Quotes of the Year:
ps- there were far too many so the other half comes tomorrow.
Things overheard at the library:
Fearless Leader: *holding up a copy of Legally Blonde the Musical* THIS is why I hate musicals!
Trainee: "It's like, what's that mean? and then Why are you reading my ass?" about the shorts with words on them.
Me: “He says I deserve a pizza.”
Superwoman: “Crap.” ha!
Slim Shady: “Magnet, Magnet, Magnet…” i attract all the crazies.
Coworker at Staff Inservice: “There’s no crying in Koha.”
Creeper: “Likes ass or jazz” what are you supposed to say when someone hands you a note with their name and that on it? Seriously? Thanks, but no.
Me after hitting button in car and it asked for a command: "What the hell?"
Jarvis my car: "To call hell say dial."
...
Glee-Loving Boss: "Did a creepy guy with a deep voice answer?"
Slim Shady: "They say it's a psychological thriller. I want to know what that means in the context of ballerinas." About Black Swan
Me: "That'll be me in 40 years."
Space Cadet: “But you'll use your inside voice...unless you're too deaf to hear it." She says that my hearing at 35 will be her hearing at 70 since I blast music in my headphones.
Koha Queen: "I'm way passed bananas."
Girlscout: "My orca is gonna attack your porpoise!" summer reading program water guns were sea animal-shaped
Super Librarian Status: "You have a lot to live up to. Just don’t throw cranky customers across the room." about my nickname Pippi cause of my hat
Reference Queen: "This shirt is older than you are." Barcode Blues
Superwoman: “Are you free tonight? Do you need to ask your mother?” geez, you forget about one family gathering.
Coworker: “Don’t run in the library.”
Kid: “I’m jogging” and keeps running.
Me: “Was it Patience or Fortitude?”
Slim Shady: “I think it was Patience.”
Me: “You don’t know do you?”
Slim Shady: “No idea.” take a picture in front of the lions
Sam the Man: “Jam hands bring nothing but pain.” joy
Family:
Me: "It's like, I'm surrounded by books all day. The last thing I want to do when I get home is read."
Second Sister the pharmacist: "Well, I don't come home and do drugs."
Bubby: “Can I do it to Mandy?”
Me: “No.”
Bubby: “Can you do it to Mandy?” oh sibling love.
Oldest Sister: "Give me a piece of that gum, you didn't tell me it was enjoyable!"
Rick: "Spontaneous combustion is pretty awesome unless it happens to you." Apples to Apples
Oldest Sister: “Picture ‘I can’t run anymore I’m gonna puke!’ and then running the next few steps.”
Oldest Sister: “They didn’t punch a hole, they punched a crawl space.”
Oldest Sister: “Get your head out of your purse.”
Squirt: “It smells good in here.”
Teina: “How do you spell Eminem?”
Rick: “It’s on the candies.”
Me: “You get the jerky, I’ll get the nuts.” christmas shopping
Aunt Hay-Hay: “We ordered an ostrich and they had to go out and find one.” order took longer than anyone else's
Dad: “You were good, you didn’t fight with anyone.”
Mom: “That’s because she didn’t have anyone to fight with. You would have if she did.” Thanks mom.
Mom: “Is it Apples to Apples or Apples to Oranges?”
Second Sister: “It’s an appropriate amount of freakage.” About my level of sanity after I was told about dad in the hospital. Knew it was serious business when both Oldest and Second Sisters called me at work within five minutes of each other.
Mark: “I used to say ‘oh pigeons’ it’s appropriate cause they’re annoying as crap.”
Squirt: “Lock him in the closet with a piece of cheese and a glass of water.”
Mark: “We’ll split the trains four ways. Carrie can have the beer mugs.”
Second Sister: “I want the Corve.”
Me: “Can I have the Bird?”
Mark: “Yes, we’ll flip you the bird.”
Mom: “You get $2500 when you die.”
Me: “What am I supposed to do with it?”
Mom: “Bury yourself.”
Mom: “Get that on! I don’t wanna see you hanging out!”
Me: “The doors are closed!” a seatbelt, she’s talking about a seatbelt.
Justin: “Put on some music. It’ll make her look less crazy.”
Liz: “I will murder you at my wedding. I’m not above that.” about showing a video of her singing and dancing
Justin: “If he made it old dirty underwear in a dump no one would ever look for that. Best Horcrux ever.” harry potter
Oldest Sister: "Did you just turn that down with your butt?"
Me: "Yes, my butt has magic powers."
Oldest Sister: "That's fantastic."
Me: "My butt or the magic powers?" remote control
Me to Creepy Stalker Date: “That’s not love, that’s not even like! That’s nausea-inducing, frustration anxiety psychosis!”
Oldest Sister: "I'm related to that one."
Me: "She's my older sister."
Josh: "You're very strong."
Oldest Sister: "So you've met my family."
Josh: "Just that one."
Dad about Mom: "You're the second biggest blab around."
Me: "Does that make you the first?"
Sarah: "Did you swear in text form?"
Me: "Is that like the Splenda of salt?"
Squirt: "You stole my happy!"
Dad: "And! If that fails! We'll put Mom out there with a shotgun!" he was determined to keep the racoons away from the corn.
Mom: "Tell him he's wonderful for staying to work on that so late. Oh, and you're great too."
Me: "Thanks Mom."
thanks mom.
Me about The Closer: "Should we watch last week's?"
Mom: "Sure, I watched it already." *shows starts and literally 30 seconds later she bombards me with questions about what's happening*
Me: "I thought you said you saw this one."
Mom: "I forgot it already."
Me: “You learn that at pharmacy school?”
Dad: “Oh god, not pizza again.”
Mom: “We don’t want old chicken.”
Oldest Sister: “I’m sorry creepers were taking pictures of your butt.”
Cool Aunt at the College World Series: “Just sitting here, enjoying my hummus.” yeah, they seriously had hummus.
Me: “You’re the Tar to my Heels.”
more tomorrow.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Remember, Remember the Fifth of November: Take Three
Oh....my....god.
Just.
There are no other words.
To describe what happened today at work.
Okay, so in college my friend Schwartz (even though she is no longer schwartz but i will call her that until we die) and I formed this group on Facebook called "Awkward Moments at Concordia" and we filled it with stories about awkward moments that happened at Concordia, like your car alarm going off repeatedly in the parking lot and how it wouldn't even stop going off as you were driving down the road, or getting a rose on the first date from this guy you took a math class with, or having people assume you're engaged because you shared a hymnal with someone at chapel, and so on and so forth.
Today I'd like to add a new category to this blog entitled: Awkward Moments at the Library.
Today's awkward moment topped even the "likes ass or jazz" conversation mentioned here: My Life in Closed Captions: This Magnet Moment...
Topped it by far.
Topped the whole freaking list.
Soared over the whole freaking top of the list.
That I could spell out to you in detail, or you could just read the blog, it's full of awkward recollections of awkward moments.
Anyway, so yeah. Okay, how do I put this in words?
I'm still a little in shock.
Basically,
Um,
So I was helping this older lady in the lab download some files onto her flashdrive. And she wanted to make sure that they had loaded. So we unplugged it and plugged it back in and she clicked on one that was a video. And, this is when we learned, that if you open a new video in window's media player, the former video that was playing on it, remains there.
And um, I should probably mention that this was an unfiltered computer. And leave the rest up to your imagination.
Just. Oh my god. Imagine the worst video that could pop up on the screen when you're showing someone who could be your grandmother how to make sure her files downloaded.
Oh my god.
Just oh my god.
Um, yeah, "closing out of that window."
She was horrified.
As was I.
Oh my god.
And, as I stumbled out of the lab and approached the desk at what was now shift-change, there were literally no words that came out of my mouth.
Athough I was apparently completely red.
The Reference Queen - yes we have a queen and the king is so-named "infoman" - says she's never seen me that speechless.
And continued to tease me for the rest of the day.
As did the Queen of the Known Universe, asking if I'd learned anything new.
Oh my god.
Seriously.
Just, there are no words.
So, we're just gonna move on and ignore the tears currently rolling down my face from laughter at this whole thing.
See, it's funny now. But at the time, I just. Oh my god. Worse than being yelled at by angry patrons. See, with them, I can walk it off and go back and do my job knowing that the percentage of the next person in line being more bitchy than the bitch before them is very low.
But see, now I'm like scarred for life from the lab and helping people download files. Cause. Just. No. I don't. There's not. I can't. Just no. No.
Of all the people that I could have been helping it had to be a older lady. and then AND THEN, the kid across the aisle jumps up and asks "are you having computer problems? cause I'm a computer student." I literally jumped up from my knees and yelled, "no! no, we're good. thanks." Because as fun as it would be for that to get announced in a crowded enclosed space, it would just make this nightmare worse.
So yeah, that was my day. I mean, it was good up until then. Slept in, had a good lunch, made plans for Friday, got to work with some of my favorite people, but yeah. That's what's burned into my brain from this day.
And, maybe, showing you some of these will make that one go away. Oh my god.
Alright, continuing the "one year" theme, here's some pics from across the year.
I'll start with ones you haven't seen.
My Life in Closed Captions: Our drinking team has a golfing problem I think this was around hole number eight. Or maybe it was more like five. Either way, it was a day of awesomeness.
My Life in Closed Captions: This is a week of my favorite things Day Three: Te... White walls and sterylized equipment. Yeah. I think we got it.
My Life in Closed Captions: 2G's version of Oh Lord of Light The finalized verses of our version.
I have no explanation for this, I just think it's the best plant ever. Something even I couldn't kill.
My Life in Closed Captions: And no one's getting fat except mama cass. Taking a break from post-camp processing.
Carter likes to sleep on my stomach. All the time.
It's the Death Star of Awesomeness. Star Wars going away party at work.
He likes to pounce on the door. So I put up an obstacle. And he freaking climbed the obstacle and was still able to pounce on the door.
My Life in Closed Captions: I've never heard silence quite this loud. And *pbbt* you was gone.
My Life in Closed Captions: Camp J 2011 Highlights JANSEN!
Plus some you have seen:
My Life in Closed Captions: Well I ain't first class, but I ain't white trash.... Spawn of Awesome
My Life in Closed Captions: To dye, or not to dye? That is the question. Receipt Printers Gone Wild
alright, tomorrow is clips and quotes and probably some other random stuff as well.
Just.
There are no other words.
To describe what happened today at work.
Okay, so in college my friend Schwartz (even though she is no longer schwartz but i will call her that until we die) and I formed this group on Facebook called "Awkward Moments at Concordia" and we filled it with stories about awkward moments that happened at Concordia, like your car alarm going off repeatedly in the parking lot and how it wouldn't even stop going off as you were driving down the road, or getting a rose on the first date from this guy you took a math class with, or having people assume you're engaged because you shared a hymnal with someone at chapel, and so on and so forth.
Today I'd like to add a new category to this blog entitled: Awkward Moments at the Library.
Today's awkward moment topped even the "likes ass or jazz" conversation mentioned here: My Life in Closed Captions: This Magnet Moment...
Topped it by far.
Topped the whole freaking list.
Soared over the whole freaking top of the list.
That I could spell out to you in detail, or you could just read the blog, it's full of awkward recollections of awkward moments.
Anyway, so yeah. Okay, how do I put this in words?
I'm still a little in shock.
Basically,
Um,
So I was helping this older lady in the lab download some files onto her flashdrive. And she wanted to make sure that they had loaded. So we unplugged it and plugged it back in and she clicked on one that was a video. And, this is when we learned, that if you open a new video in window's media player, the former video that was playing on it, remains there.
And um, I should probably mention that this was an unfiltered computer. And leave the rest up to your imagination.
Just. Oh my god. Imagine the worst video that could pop up on the screen when you're showing someone who could be your grandmother how to make sure her files downloaded.
Oh my god.
Just oh my god.
Um, yeah, "closing out of that window."
She was horrified.
As was I.
Oh my god.
And, as I stumbled out of the lab and approached the desk at what was now shift-change, there were literally no words that came out of my mouth.
Athough I was apparently completely red.
The Reference Queen - yes we have a queen and the king is so-named "infoman" - says she's never seen me that speechless.
And continued to tease me for the rest of the day.
As did the Queen of the Known Universe, asking if I'd learned anything new.
Oh my god.
Seriously.
Just, there are no words.
So, we're just gonna move on and ignore the tears currently rolling down my face from laughter at this whole thing.
See, it's funny now. But at the time, I just. Oh my god. Worse than being yelled at by angry patrons. See, with them, I can walk it off and go back and do my job knowing that the percentage of the next person in line being more bitchy than the bitch before them is very low.
But see, now I'm like scarred for life from the lab and helping people download files. Cause. Just. No. I don't. There's not. I can't. Just no. No.
Of all the people that I could have been helping it had to be a older lady. and then AND THEN, the kid across the aisle jumps up and asks "are you having computer problems? cause I'm a computer student." I literally jumped up from my knees and yelled, "no! no, we're good. thanks." Because as fun as it would be for that to get announced in a crowded enclosed space, it would just make this nightmare worse.
So yeah, that was my day. I mean, it was good up until then. Slept in, had a good lunch, made plans for Friday, got to work with some of my favorite people, but yeah. That's what's burned into my brain from this day.
And, maybe, showing you some of these will make that one go away. Oh my god.
Alright, continuing the "one year" theme, here's some pics from across the year.
I'll start with ones you haven't seen.
My Life in Closed Captions: Our drinking team has a golfing problem I think this was around hole number eight. Or maybe it was more like five. Either way, it was a day of awesomeness.
My Life in Closed Captions: This is a week of my favorite things Day Three: Te... White walls and sterylized equipment. Yeah. I think we got it.
My Life in Closed Captions: 2G's version of Oh Lord of Light The finalized verses of our version.
I have no explanation for this, I just think it's the best plant ever. Something even I couldn't kill.
My Life in Closed Captions: And no one's getting fat except mama cass. Taking a break from post-camp processing.
Carter likes to sleep on my stomach. All the time.
It's the Death Star of Awesomeness. Star Wars going away party at work.
He likes to pounce on the door. So I put up an obstacle. And he freaking climbed the obstacle and was still able to pounce on the door.
My Life in Closed Captions: I've never heard silence quite this loud. And *pbbt* you was gone.
My Life in Closed Captions: Camp J 2011 Highlights JANSEN!
Plus some you have seen:
My Life in Closed Captions: Well I ain't first class, but I ain't white trash.... Spawn of Awesome
My Life in Closed Captions: To dye, or not to dye? That is the question. Receipt Printers Gone Wild
alright, tomorrow is clips and quotes and probably some other random stuff as well.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Remember, Remember the Fifth of November: Take Two
Have you ever had one of those days where you're so upset with yourself that you literally just want to go cry in a corner? That was me today. And the psychology behind it is actually really interesting. How I can be so much more effected when one person is upset with me compared to anyone else being upset with me. It literally killed my day. But it's okay. I mean, it's not. But it'll be okay. Soon. I'll fix it. I hope.
But if Superwoman has taught me anything it's that being a librarian is much like being an actress so I faked my way through the day successfully as none of the patrons seemed to notice. My coworkers were smart enough to realize it was not a good day and waited for me to come to them. That's how I know I'm where I'm supposed to be.
So I'm trying to be happy and excited and just you know, manageable of emotions. And it's crap, because when I'm really really mad I just write a scene and kill off the bad guy in a really painful inhumane way. But when I'm sad, life just bites.
Slim Shady and I are going out for lunch tomorrow. She's trying to cheer me up. "Yes, I need to be excited about life." "Well, I wouldn't go that far." And the Cool Aunt who is perpetually there when I need her was very helpful. So I'm grateful.
Aannnd now that we've rinsed off the soap we can get back to the good stuff.
So yes, it's been a year. One crazy and exhausting year. Through job interviews, camp excursions, play practices from hell, creepy stalkers hitting on me continually, and I'm still here to post. So that's something. Right?
Those were 38, yes 38, of my favorite posts. And guess what. You're about to get even more.
39. We go, we drink, we banter, we dance, we cheer, we eat, a lot, and drink some more. My Life in Closed Captions: Extra Innings Victory! Love Mom.
40. Damage control on the fly. My Life in Closed Captions: Rockin' the Reference with the Shelver's Curse Plus I'm a nerd. Remember that.
41. Which Steve? My Life in Closed Captions: Tin Roof!...Rusted... "You don't look like a librarian."
42. What's your walkup song? My Life in Closed Captions: Motions of Motherhood "Don't put your lime carcuss on my plate!"
43. Queen of Koha turned Plant Killer My Life in Closed Captions: Say Goodnight and Go "Oh, I was looking for shotguns."
44. Play nice or you will wear my latte. My Life in Closed Captions: "You need a plan, Shackleton." "Unless he was quelling their rebellion by boring them to death."
45. Oh, we're mercenaries, didn't they tell you? My Life in Closed Captions: 2 games, 2 amazing right-field catches, an injured... "Don't listen to him, he's just used to dealing with cold bodies."
46. Just don't sleepwalk when there's an office chair at the base of your bed. My Life in Closed Captions: "Well, this is awkward."It will scar your roommate for life.
47. Library Swag My Life in Closed Captions: Green Bags and Nametags "No idea, but we should probably clap."
48. You die your way, I'll die mine. My Life in Closed Captions: "That's not coffee, that's diabetes on ice." 10/12... "to give you a gentle push, or a kick in the ass."
49. You flip to the back of the hymnal to see if anyone's made a note about the water damage. My Life in Closed Captions: You know you're a librarian when: Who wouldn’t want to drive across the country with a protagonist fixated on drugs, women, and intellectualism?
50. Battle of the Lutherans My Life in Closed Captions: Lutherans in the Outfield Therefore, I'm destined to marry a Catholic.
51. If you see a sign claiming they will file legal action against you if you clean poultry in the bathroom My Life in Closed Captions: Joys of Small Town Nebraska blame my sister. That's all her.
52. Librarians go Gaga My Life in Closed Captions: "Don't you ever interrupt me while I'm readin' a b... "I feel sort of rocky sometimes."
53. Remember when you went out hunting for possum? You said you’d get one and wouldn’t be long. My Life in Closed Captions: Where Oh Where Are You Tonight? That’s ten years ago and I’m sitting here waiting, beginning to wonder if something went wrong.
54. Dear Facebook, My Life in Closed Captions: Something tells me I'm into something good... You need a Bitchslap Button.
55. Rollin' with my gnomies. My Life in Closed Captions: "You know if you move that fast enough, you can al... Why is the g silent?
56-62. Favorites Week - These Are a Few of My Favorite Things Seven whole days of lists and clips of awesomeness.
Tune in tomorrow for clips, quotes and pictures of the awesomeness that's been one year in the life of me.
But if Superwoman has taught me anything it's that being a librarian is much like being an actress so I faked my way through the day successfully as none of the patrons seemed to notice. My coworkers were smart enough to realize it was not a good day and waited for me to come to them. That's how I know I'm where I'm supposed to be.
So I'm trying to be happy and excited and just you know, manageable of emotions. And it's crap, because when I'm really really mad I just write a scene and kill off the bad guy in a really painful inhumane way. But when I'm sad, life just bites.
Slim Shady and I are going out for lunch tomorrow. She's trying to cheer me up. "Yes, I need to be excited about life." "Well, I wouldn't go that far." And the Cool Aunt who is perpetually there when I need her was very helpful. So I'm grateful.
Aannnd now that we've rinsed off the soap we can get back to the good stuff.
So yes, it's been a year. One crazy and exhausting year. Through job interviews, camp excursions, play practices from hell, creepy stalkers hitting on me continually, and I'm still here to post. So that's something. Right?
Those were 38, yes 38, of my favorite posts. And guess what. You're about to get even more.
39. We go, we drink, we banter, we dance, we cheer, we eat, a lot, and drink some more. My Life in Closed Captions: Extra Innings Victory! Love Mom.
40. Damage control on the fly. My Life in Closed Captions: Rockin' the Reference with the Shelver's Curse Plus I'm a nerd. Remember that.
41. Which Steve? My Life in Closed Captions: Tin Roof!...Rusted... "You don't look like a librarian."
42. What's your walkup song? My Life in Closed Captions: Motions of Motherhood "Don't put your lime carcuss on my plate!"
43. Queen of Koha turned Plant Killer My Life in Closed Captions: Say Goodnight and Go "Oh, I was looking for shotguns."
44. Play nice or you will wear my latte. My Life in Closed Captions: "You need a plan, Shackleton." "Unless he was quelling their rebellion by boring them to death."
45. Oh, we're mercenaries, didn't they tell you? My Life in Closed Captions: 2 games, 2 amazing right-field catches, an injured... "Don't listen to him, he's just used to dealing with cold bodies."
46. Just don't sleepwalk when there's an office chair at the base of your bed. My Life in Closed Captions: "Well, this is awkward."It will scar your roommate for life.
47. Library Swag My Life in Closed Captions: Green Bags and Nametags "No idea, but we should probably clap."
48. You die your way, I'll die mine. My Life in Closed Captions: "That's not coffee, that's diabetes on ice." 10/12... "to give you a gentle push, or a kick in the ass."
49. You flip to the back of the hymnal to see if anyone's made a note about the water damage. My Life in Closed Captions: You know you're a librarian when: Who wouldn’t want to drive across the country with a protagonist fixated on drugs, women, and intellectualism?
50. Battle of the Lutherans My Life in Closed Captions: Lutherans in the Outfield Therefore, I'm destined to marry a Catholic.
51. If you see a sign claiming they will file legal action against you if you clean poultry in the bathroom My Life in Closed Captions: Joys of Small Town Nebraska blame my sister. That's all her.
52. Librarians go Gaga My Life in Closed Captions: "Don't you ever interrupt me while I'm readin' a b... "I feel sort of rocky sometimes."
53. Remember when you went out hunting for possum? You said you’d get one and wouldn’t be long. My Life in Closed Captions: Where Oh Where Are You Tonight? That’s ten years ago and I’m sitting here waiting, beginning to wonder if something went wrong.
54. Dear Facebook, My Life in Closed Captions: Something tells me I'm into something good... You need a Bitchslap Button.
55. Rollin' with my gnomies. My Life in Closed Captions: "You know if you move that fast enough, you can al... Why is the g silent?
56-62. Favorites Week - These Are a Few of My Favorite Things Seven whole days of lists and clips of awesomeness.
Tune in tomorrow for clips, quotes and pictures of the awesomeness that's been one year in the life of me.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Remember, Remember the Fifth of November
Remember, Remember the Fifth of November, the day that it all began.
A blog, I thought to myself, well that'd be an interesting life plan.
So I plotted, and searched looking for the right place for me,
Running into blogspot and flipping through their formats for free.
This could work, I said, already planning it all,
I could talk about work, about life, about foosball.
Hyjinks, shenanigans, awkward experiences too,
All in great detail and ready to view.
It started so simple, just one introduction post,
Soon after was when I found I was toast.
A year later I'm still here, posting almost every night,
About anything that gives me inspiration to write.
Now what? I ask myself, should I keep on going?
Then thinking, okay scratch that and make it knowing,
That my life without this blog would truly be lacking,
What else could I do at night that's so useful in tracking
My life occurrences much like a journal,
If a journal was something you shared with stalkers eternal.
So I'll still be here tomorrow, and the day after that too
And if you're still reading this then here is my cue,
A few of my favorite posts I'd like to re-share,
About work, about family about dating, yes I dared.
Read these or not it's been my pleasure to entertain,
Or overload you with random facts that stick in your brain.
Thank you for reading about a year in life of me,
Yes, this poem is almost over and I give you all for free,
A few of the highlights in this year-long journey,
Library adventures, family shenanigans and a pitch tourney.
1. Introductory Post: My Life in Closed Captions: *Insert Clever Title Here* "I have dyed my hair the following colors: red, blonde, purple, orange, blue, black and back to the original brown that we forgot it was."
2. A Christmas Tree Nightmare: My Life in Closed Captions: A Christmas Tree Nightmare "I put the trees up at the farmhouse today and gotta say wow. I've never wanted to burn something more in my life."
3. Onward, Gypsy Leader: My Life in Closed Captions: Well, at least the baby stopped crying... "What happens at the holiday party stays at the holiday party!"
4. Twelve Days of Christmas, Janice Dickinson Style My Life in Closed Captions: Christmas Came Indeed! "and a totally insufficient dowry..."
5. Sleep-Deprived Space Cadets My Life in Closed Captions: "Screw the fan, You want an E-Reader!" "Yes, I took out my rage against e-readers on this pen!"
6. Carbination 101 My Life in Closed Captions: Library + Science experiments = Hootie Hoo "It was disgusting but caffeinated."
7. Tell them you worship snakes My Life in Closed Captions: The girl with the captivating eyes + sick day + fi... It always works for me.
8. Shimmy Damnit, Shimmy! My Life in Closed Captions: Right about now, the funk soul brother. Check it o... "Give me a piece of that gum, you didn't tell me it would be enjoyable."
9. I hope you're wearing socks. My Life in Closed Captions: His Name Was GADE - Delayed...Reaction "Gade said no wonder, these shoes don't fit me so great."
10. I like cheese, but I don't like cheese. My Life in Closed Captions: New Shoes, the Cheese Speech, Warped Tour and MXPX... "It's ridiculous that it's this hard to walk like a normal person."
11. Don't put that in the blog! My Life in Closed Captions: Make the lambs stop screaming! "She's got the biggest bajoingas at this table."
12. Satan has a thing for redheads My Life in Closed Captions: "Those are gonna be some weirdass dreams..." "Are we gonna get in trouble?" "Just tell them you were the one waiving the flag."
13. Happy Birthday to me My Life in Closed Captions: "It sunk, we're over it!" haha, FACE!
14. I learned two things, 1. There are such things are Snow Leopards My Life in Closed Captions: We can be heroes just for one day... and 2. If I call Superwoman at 2AM she will retaliate.
15. Apparently, within the next few weeks, I'm going to find my mate. My Life in Closed Captions: Just you and me and my GUAAARRRDS! Oh, and the world is going to end.
16. I met a guy. I thought he was sane. My Life in Closed Captions: You're everything that everybody warned about... We went out. Turns out he's not.
17. The Dirt System My Life in Closed Captions: "Cause even after three text messages, four missed... So I have this doppelganger.
18. Mr. Rogers was an ordained minister. My Life in Closed Captions: Sitting, Waiting, Wishing on Red Wine, Mistakes, M... We've decided to think it's charming.
19. White Walls and Sterylized Equipment My Life in Closed Captions: This is a week of my favorite things Day Three: Te... "Yes, we'll flip you the bird."
20. You're too nice to the weird boys. My Life in Closed Captions: This Magnet Moment... Likes ass or jazz.
21. Barf Chips and Face Aerobics My Life in Closed Captions: Hello Koha! But I do own a bicycle.
22. The Surgery Group My Life in Closed Captions: Embark the vehicle! "I'm sorry creepers were taking pictures of your butt."
23. It's not a club. My Life in Closed Captions: I'm a pancake. I'm a pancake. Do you need me for this conversation?
24. You will not get a handout for your marriage. My Life in Closed Captions: So you'll remember what I forgot to say... Donkey Hotey.
25. If it falls apart just lie. My Life in Closed Captions: Can I Keep You - Some Assembly Required "Support a para-professional a year, pay your library fines!"
26. Take that "Creative Reasons" My Life in Closed Captions: *Spoiler Alert* I ain't sayin' I was wrong about any of these...
27. Well, we can't all come and go by bubble. My Life in Closed Captions: Oh, just wear the frock, it's pretty! I'm beautifully tragic.
28. You fell in love with a liar who will light you on fire. My Life in Closed Captions: Wickham, you mischievous man, You plotted a mischi... Move on to the neighbor Joanne.
29. Zombies vs. Unicorns My Life in Closed Captions: Impromptu speech-writing Edward vs. Jacob
30. Black! Gold! Black! Gold! My Life in Closed Captions: Yeah... still gonna call it Rosenblatt. + 0-6, 0-6... "That's why I don't know anything about babies, I ran after you!"
31. Jack the Pigeon My Life in Closed Captions: Welcome to Earth, third rock from the sun...pigeon... seriously?
32. Circle! Square! My Life in Closed Captions: Circles, Squares and Ugly Women, Oh My! "Damn, the place is going to the cops."
33. Jim passed a kidney stone through his parietal bone. My Life in Closed Captions: 2G's version of Oh Lord of Light "Why don't you have a verse?"
34. Put on some music, it'll make her look less crazy. My Life in Closed Captions: 10 points for Gryffindor! "I will murder you at my wedding. I'm not above that."
35. The Sideways Hat Theory My Life in Closed Captions: Camp J 2011 Highlights "and pbbt you was gone."
36. List of skits My Life in Closed Captions: I've never heard silence quite this loud. JANSEN!
37. I'll google it. My Life in Closed Captions: Our drinking team has a golfing problem "Because when I think of cheerleaders I think of the Golden Girls."
38. You're a bit of a blonde in a brunette's body. My Life in Closed Captions: Groove is in the Heart "Get your head out of your purse." "It smells nice in here!"
More to come tomorrow.
A blog, I thought to myself, well that'd be an interesting life plan.
So I plotted, and searched looking for the right place for me,
Running into blogspot and flipping through their formats for free.
This could work, I said, already planning it all,
I could talk about work, about life, about foosball.
Hyjinks, shenanigans, awkward experiences too,
All in great detail and ready to view.
It started so simple, just one introduction post,
Soon after was when I found I was toast.
A year later I'm still here, posting almost every night,
About anything that gives me inspiration to write.
Now what? I ask myself, should I keep on going?
Then thinking, okay scratch that and make it knowing,
That my life without this blog would truly be lacking,
What else could I do at night that's so useful in tracking
My life occurrences much like a journal,
If a journal was something you shared with stalkers eternal.
So I'll still be here tomorrow, and the day after that too
And if you're still reading this then here is my cue,
A few of my favorite posts I'd like to re-share,
About work, about family about dating, yes I dared.
Read these or not it's been my pleasure to entertain,
Or overload you with random facts that stick in your brain.
Thank you for reading about a year in life of me,
Yes, this poem is almost over and I give you all for free,
A few of the highlights in this year-long journey,
Library adventures, family shenanigans and a pitch tourney.
1. Introductory Post: My Life in Closed Captions: *Insert Clever Title Here* "I have dyed my hair the following colors: red, blonde, purple, orange, blue, black and back to the original brown that we forgot it was."
2. A Christmas Tree Nightmare: My Life in Closed Captions: A Christmas Tree Nightmare "I put the trees up at the farmhouse today and gotta say wow. I've never wanted to burn something more in my life."
3. Onward, Gypsy Leader: My Life in Closed Captions: Well, at least the baby stopped crying... "What happens at the holiday party stays at the holiday party!"
4. Twelve Days of Christmas, Janice Dickinson Style My Life in Closed Captions: Christmas Came Indeed! "and a totally insufficient dowry..."
5. Sleep-Deprived Space Cadets My Life in Closed Captions: "Screw the fan, You want an E-Reader!" "Yes, I took out my rage against e-readers on this pen!"
6. Carbination 101 My Life in Closed Captions: Library + Science experiments = Hootie Hoo "It was disgusting but caffeinated."
7. Tell them you worship snakes My Life in Closed Captions: The girl with the captivating eyes + sick day + fi... It always works for me.
8. Shimmy Damnit, Shimmy! My Life in Closed Captions: Right about now, the funk soul brother. Check it o... "Give me a piece of that gum, you didn't tell me it would be enjoyable."
9. I hope you're wearing socks. My Life in Closed Captions: His Name Was GADE - Delayed...Reaction "Gade said no wonder, these shoes don't fit me so great."
10. I like cheese, but I don't like cheese. My Life in Closed Captions: New Shoes, the Cheese Speech, Warped Tour and MXPX... "It's ridiculous that it's this hard to walk like a normal person."
11. Don't put that in the blog! My Life in Closed Captions: Make the lambs stop screaming! "She's got the biggest bajoingas at this table."
12. Satan has a thing for redheads My Life in Closed Captions: "Those are gonna be some weirdass dreams..." "Are we gonna get in trouble?" "Just tell them you were the one waiving the flag."
13. Happy Birthday to me My Life in Closed Captions: "It sunk, we're over it!" haha, FACE!
14. I learned two things, 1. There are such things are Snow Leopards My Life in Closed Captions: We can be heroes just for one day... and 2. If I call Superwoman at 2AM she will retaliate.
15. Apparently, within the next few weeks, I'm going to find my mate. My Life in Closed Captions: Just you and me and my GUAAARRRDS! Oh, and the world is going to end.
16. I met a guy. I thought he was sane. My Life in Closed Captions: You're everything that everybody warned about... We went out. Turns out he's not.
17. The Dirt System My Life in Closed Captions: "Cause even after three text messages, four missed... So I have this doppelganger.
18. Mr. Rogers was an ordained minister. My Life in Closed Captions: Sitting, Waiting, Wishing on Red Wine, Mistakes, M... We've decided to think it's charming.
19. White Walls and Sterylized Equipment My Life in Closed Captions: This is a week of my favorite things Day Three: Te... "Yes, we'll flip you the bird."
20. You're too nice to the weird boys. My Life in Closed Captions: This Magnet Moment... Likes ass or jazz.
21. Barf Chips and Face Aerobics My Life in Closed Captions: Hello Koha! But I do own a bicycle.
22. The Surgery Group My Life in Closed Captions: Embark the vehicle! "I'm sorry creepers were taking pictures of your butt."
23. It's not a club. My Life in Closed Captions: I'm a pancake. I'm a pancake. Do you need me for this conversation?
24. You will not get a handout for your marriage. My Life in Closed Captions: So you'll remember what I forgot to say... Donkey Hotey.
25. If it falls apart just lie. My Life in Closed Captions: Can I Keep You - Some Assembly Required "Support a para-professional a year, pay your library fines!"
26. Take that "Creative Reasons" My Life in Closed Captions: *Spoiler Alert* I ain't sayin' I was wrong about any of these...
27. Well, we can't all come and go by bubble. My Life in Closed Captions: Oh, just wear the frock, it's pretty! I'm beautifully tragic.
28. You fell in love with a liar who will light you on fire. My Life in Closed Captions: Wickham, you mischievous man, You plotted a mischi... Move on to the neighbor Joanne.
29. Zombies vs. Unicorns My Life in Closed Captions: Impromptu speech-writing Edward vs. Jacob
30. Black! Gold! Black! Gold! My Life in Closed Captions: Yeah... still gonna call it Rosenblatt. + 0-6, 0-6... "That's why I don't know anything about babies, I ran after you!"
31. Jack the Pigeon My Life in Closed Captions: Welcome to Earth, third rock from the sun...pigeon... seriously?
32. Circle! Square! My Life in Closed Captions: Circles, Squares and Ugly Women, Oh My! "Damn, the place is going to the cops."
33. Jim passed a kidney stone through his parietal bone. My Life in Closed Captions: 2G's version of Oh Lord of Light "Why don't you have a verse?"
34. Put on some music, it'll make her look less crazy. My Life in Closed Captions: 10 points for Gryffindor! "I will murder you at my wedding. I'm not above that."
35. The Sideways Hat Theory My Life in Closed Captions: Camp J 2011 Highlights "and pbbt you was gone."
36. List of skits My Life in Closed Captions: I've never heard silence quite this loud. JANSEN!
37. I'll google it. My Life in Closed Captions: Our drinking team has a golfing problem "Because when I think of cheerleaders I think of the Golden Girls."
38. You're a bit of a blonde in a brunette's body. My Life in Closed Captions: Groove is in the Heart "Get your head out of your purse." "It smells nice in here!"
More to come tomorrow.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)