Post #1000: My Top Library Moments of All Time

That's right, 1000 posts.

Kind of a big deal.

So I debated topics but then it hit me, my top moments at the library of all time.

Well, library system that is since I've worked at two branches.

So, here's a list of my favorite (and not so favorite at the time but now find them amusing) moments since I started back in 2010.

And yes, this post is epically long. Don't worry, you won't have to worry about that again...until post 1500 or 2000 or 2500...

To make it easier to follow I divided them up into categories. They're not really in order of importance, except for the Magnet category. That one is.

Magnet Moments
1. Likes Ass or Jazz
-I have a problem at work. I seem to attract a serious amount of creepers. Slim Shady called me a magnet once and it stuck. "Likes Ass or Jazz" is my number one magnet moment. It goes as follows: I helped a guy find sheet music and asked "can I help you with anything else?" He gave me the once over and I have never said the phrase ever again at work. Instead, now I say "can I help you find anything else?" Anyway, he asked for my number, I said I don't date patrons then went back to work. I thought I had escaped until about 20 minutes later when he showed up to check out at the front desk. While I was busy scanning his sheet music he grabbed a pen and paper and wrote something down then slid it in my direction. I waited until he left to look at the paper. On it was his name - illegible - followed by his number and the phrase "Likes ass or jazz." Needless to say I did not call him. And of course he just happened to be outside when Slim Shady and I walked out to our cars so we pretended to be in deep conversation when passing him and his friends so I wouldn't have to face him.

2. Everything that everybody warned about
-Likes ass or jazz is number one on my list, but it's not the most intense of the group. That honor goes to Tom. Tom is a long story that I will try to sum up in a paragraph. I was working upstairs in the lab when this guy came up and asked about bank phone numbers. He smiled, I smiled, whatever. Anyway, later in the day I was downstairs shelving DVDs when he showed up behind me and asked for my number. Tom is the reason for the no dating patrons rule, just so you know, unfortunately for me that means the rule wasn't in existence yet and he seemed sane so I gave him my number. Turns out he wasn't. My favorite part of the whole experience was going back to the desk and hearing my work brother tell me he was bad news and then another coworker saying that my work brother would know bad news because he used to be bad news himself. Anyway, so we met up after work at a bar, played darts, and it was fun. In fact all was fun until I woke up the next morning with 30 missed calls on my cellphone. I decided then that he was too much for me and ended it over the phone. When he wouldn't listen and continued to call me all day I turned off my phone and later listened to a voicemail saying if I didn't answer he was going to show up at the library the next day and make a scene. Which meant I had to tell my bosses and the guard. That was fun. I also told Second Sister who then called me every hour on the hour for 24 hours just to make sure I wasn't locked in a trunk somewhere. She insisted if he showed up at my apartment that I was supposed to do the "intercom breakup", starting a new trend for breakups everywhere. Needless to say after that I never dated a patron again.

3. Grey shirted foreign guy
-So I had this patron at the work branch who would ask me out and I replied, sorry I don't date patrons. He then learned that I worked at the home branch and started showing up there and asking me out. I told him the rule applied to patrons systemwide. Then he started talking about marriage and settling down and it became even more awkward. When he showed up the next day at the work branch I told my work brother to not leave me alone with the foreign guy in the grey shirt. About half an hour later I'm helping out this guy who happened to be foreign and wearing a grey shirt, but it wasn't the actual guy, and my work brother shows up out of nowhere, hands me a book and says "take this to the back room." He then took over and when I came back the guy was gone. While I was glad he was watching out for me, it was still amusing because it was the wrong guy.

4. Hey, Little Red Riding Hood
-"Love at the library" is what Slim Shady called this one. This guy was on a computer and wanted to know about dry camping so I helped him find some info yet completely forgot now what dry camping is in the first place. Anyway, I had red hair at the time and he started calling me Little Red Riding Hood. It continued for a week until he stopped coming in.

5. Karaoke Mike
-Mike was a guy who would hit on me every time he came in and I did my best to avoid him but for some reason he was very consistent. During our last encounter he asked me to go karaoking with him and gave me the address to a bar here in town with a time and date. Fortunately I was busy and couldn't go and that was the end of that.

6. Jerry
-True creeper this one. This older guy who would come in and get DVDs and then he'd tell me he'd see me in his dreams. He asked for a picture of me once, it was really awkward.

7. Old Lady Stalker
-Unfortunately it's not only men that follow me around the building. I have a woman that does that too. This one told me her life story while looking for books on Suzanne Somers. While I thought she was being nice I was told she actually has a history of stalking female employees and now whenever she comes in I'm required to leave the area.

8. Commenting Creeper
-While on my way to the back room I passed a drunk guy seating next to the doorway. All the sudden I hear "nice ass..." and kept walking in fear of turning around and having him leer more at me. When I told this to my coworkers in the backroom one of our former aides said she would have cussed him out in Russian. We went back out but he was already gone. Bummer.

Incident Reports
1. Fortune Teller
-We have these things called Incident Reports that we have to fill out when anything bad happens and once they're submitted they get emailed to the rest of the staff. By bad I mean patrons showing drunk, people throwing fits, just anything that is bad enough that needs to go on record. I've filled out quite a few of these throughout my three years but one sticks out in particular. A lot of the time people that call in want phone numbers. This is fine, we have lots of resources, it just takes time to find them. One lady called in wanting personal numbers and when I couldn't find them fast enough she started to insult me repeatedly. I did my best and eventually found the ones she was looking for and that's when she became all sweet and said she wanted to tell me something. Apparently, she could tell from the way that I spoke that within the next two weeks I was going to find a mate. Also, the world was going to end so I needed to right all my wrongs and never take advantage of anyone. Because of her threatening nature earlier in the call I had to write up an incident report and include her ramblings of my finding a mate within the next two weeks. Needless to say I got a lot of responses about that one. Coincidentally, less than 2 weeks later I met Tom...

2. The code
-We have this code - I can't tell you what it is cause that would negate the code - but we have a code that we use when we're in trouble at the desk and need to get away. We call someone at a different desk and say the code or sometimes when people notice we're having trouble they come and take over and send us to find the code. There was once such instance that stands out the most. Queen of the Known Universe and I were working in the lab when this guy came up to the desk and kept asking me all these personal questions. I remember it was around Thanksgiving and he basically invited himself over to my house for Thanksgiving. QoftKU happened to be there so she went out into the stacks and using her cellphone she called the desk. I answered and then acted like I needed to go find something for her. She then went to the desk to cover. After a few minutes he realized I wasn't coming back so then he started to talk to her. I saw this from the stacks so I decided to call her desk from my cellphone and she used that as an escape method as well. We met up in the middle of the nonfiction and watched as he stood by the desk waiting for us to come back. When he finally realized we weren't coming back he left and we returned to the desk.


Home Branch Fun
1. "I know this is ridiculous but..."
-My first day of work at the home branch, and for the library system in general, was spent in the back room. We had these plastic bags that we gave out for Summer Reading and apparently the legal department decided they were dangerous because if a kid put it over their head they would suffocate. I can still remember Glee-Loving Boss's voice when he said, "I know this is ridiculous..." and handed me a 3 hole punch so I could punch holes in the bottom of each of our plastic bags.

2. Dirt System
-Space Cadet and I were having a conversation about shifting stuff around the library. I said something like, "what happens if I just move it?" and she responded with something like, "you don't have the power to do that you're dirt. no, you're below dirt mining for minerals." This is back when I was an aide. I actually enjoyed that immensely because for the next 3 and a half years I got to say, "she called me dirt" in a little kid whiney voice and then she felt all fake bad about it. It actually led us to creating what we called the Dirt System. It represented the library's hierarchy and goes something like this:

Director - Sun
Assistant Director - Moon
Branch Manager - Clouds
Admin Staff - Sky
Librarians - Trees - though Sensei wanted to be a shrub
LA3's - Grass
LA2's - Dirt
Aides - Below dirt, mining for minerals aka Subdirt

I was excited because I was able to bring it back this week. I asked if I was still dirt if I had my Master's degree.

3. Flu Mist Nasal Spray
-Every year I get a flyer for Flu Mist Nasal Spray sent from an anonymous source through interdepartmental mail and it's because of this incident. I hate needles. If you know me at all you know that already. I pass out in their very presence. I told this to Glee-Loving Boss when he talked about getting a flu shot. He said that I should get the shot or I would get sick and I said I would rather get the flu than get the shot. At that very moment Oldest Sister decided to walk in, cause she used to come to the home branch all the time back when I was there. Glee-Loving Boss relayed this story on to her and she agreed that I needed to get a flu shot and that she would go with me just to hold me down. That's when Glee-Loving Boss said that they now make a nasal spray that works just as well. I still said I would rather get the flu and somehow majestically escaped getting the shot, I think Oldest Sister got too busy and distracted, yay. Anyway, I forget about it and then every year around December in the mail comes an ad. I have them hanging all over my desk and locker.

4. Shirley's Face
-You know how some people have their volume turned up really loud on their phone and even though you don't want to hear their conversations you do anyway? This happened once at the home branch when I was helping our volunteer with the self-check. There was a woman on the computer next to the self-check and he phone rang. When she answered if you could hear the gentlemen on the other side of the line say VERY LOUDLY "I've got diarrhea bad!" I will never forget the look on Shirley's face when she turned and looked at me. Horrified is one word to describe it and the expression is forever burned into my brain.

5. Screw the fan, you want an e-reader!
-This one came after the Christmas when e-readers were THE hot gift and we would get calls at the library every hour asking how they could download e-books from our catalog. We were told that instead of avoiding talking about e-readers with our customers that we needed to embrace them and be enthusiastic about them because they were the future. During a particularly amusing Tuesday night Space Cadet and I really took this one to heart repeatedly throwing out the phrases "yay e-readers!" and "we're enthusiastic about e-readers!" We then got into a discussion about how her husband is very handyman-like and fixes things around the house. One thing he was fixing was the ceiling fan. Apparently the lights flickered - which he fixed - but then the fan stopped working even when you pulled the string so I was like, "well maybe you should get a new fan", and she was like "it is new!" So I yelled "Well then screw the fan! You want an e-reader!" She died.

6. Sea cow vs. Snow leopard
-This is another Space Cadet Tuesday night. We used to work together every Tuesday night, Tuesday nights were my favorite cause I was only there for 2 hours. It was Space Cadet at first, then the Queen of Awesome, and Joe Studley, it was always a lot of fun. Anyway, when it was slow Space Cadet and I would have debates. One famous one was who would win in a fight a sea cow or a snow leopard. Random I'm aware, but we read that sea cows were extinct and she had recently had a dream with a snow leopard in it. I have no idea why. Anyway, our conclusion was that a sea cow would win because they're too big to leave the water and the snow leopard would never last that long under water.

7. 9/11 Parking Lot Adventure
-Why is it that all the bad things happen when you're alone in the building? The home branch is a particularly small library and sometimes there's only 1 person there to close. One night about 5 minutes to close a woman came in crying, hands all scratched up and covered in blood. She had tripped over a curb in our parking lot and wanted to know if she could use our bathroom to clean herself up. She was an older lady so after she returned from the bathroom I helped her apply some bandages and asked if I could help her to her car. She seemed really shook up so I called Superwoman and asked what to do. She came over to the library and we decided to call 911. An ambulance and fire truck came and checked her out. She ended up leaving in the ambulance for further tests.

8. "You looked all serious." "I am serious, I gotta get rid of this 7Up!"
-Another Space Cadet reference. One morning she came up to me looking all serious and I thought I was in trouble. She proceeded to tell me how she inherited this box of 7Up and wanted to know if I would take it. I said sure and then said I was worried because she "looked all serious." She responded, "I am serious, I gotta get rid of this 7Up!"

9. Sunny D Utility Belt
-When I used to work mornings at the home branch I would bring a bottle of juice with me for breakfast. I was prone to leaving it somewhere while shelving. Queen of Awesome told me that I should get a utility belt to put it in so I wouldn't forget it.

10. Dead limbs
-You know how sometimes when your cat bites you your limb goes numb? Anyone? Anyone? No it's not a good sign, but it only happened once and eventually came back so it was fine. The only problem with that was in the meantime I had to go to work and on this particular day Superwoman needed me to get on a step stool and hang up artwork. This may be easy for a person with two arms, but when one of those arms is dead you're left trying to figure out how you're supposed to hold up the picture above your head along with the stapler and then how you're going to staple with the stapler. I ended up using the dead arm to hold the artwork and stapler to the wall then I bashed the stapler with the good arm. Skills.

11. Contents: Weed
-As an aide you do a lot of boxing. Donations mostly, but every few months the branches run what they call "weed lists" which are lists of items that need to be weeded from the collection. Pulling the items was not a problem but what made me laugh was the signs we had to tape to the sides of the boxes to make them recognizable. Contents: Weed

12. Shelver's Curse
-As an aide you also do a ton of shelving. You are the backbone of the library whether they like it or not. Thankfully when I was one I had a very supportive crew with me. Anyway, since you shelve repeatedly you get to know the call numbers and their locations. I started calling it the Shelver's Curse but it's actually quite useful when you're out in the stacks. The only problem is that I was a shelver at the home branch and learned my call numbers and locations from there so now when I need to locate an item I visualize the shelves at the home branch and judge what the call number is by where it's shelved in my mind. 2 years after retiring as a shelver at that branch.

But, if someone asks,
Computers are 005's,
Encyclopedia's are 031's,
Bibles are 220's,
Finance are 330's,
True Crime 364.152-154,
Foreign languages are 400's,
Math and Science crap is 500's,
Health and exercise is about 612-620,
Car manuals 629's,
Gardens are 635,
Animals are 636,
Cookbooks start at 640 and go through about 649 which is when you'll hit the
resume books at 650.14,
after that it's knitting and sewing in the early 700's,
Comics and how to draw stuff is in the 741's-745's,
Decorating is 747's,
780's are music,
790's are sport stuff,
800's are mostly classic literature stuff and
some comedy around 817,
all the travel stuff is in the 900's,
US travel is like 917s,
917.82 or 917.822 is Nebraska central.
For some reason you get baby names at 929. No idea why.
Then you've got US and world history after that in the late 900s,
And then it's all biographies from there.

13. The Lost in Transit Band
-We had a merry band of coworkers so we once decided we should start a band called the Lost in Transit - that's another one of the lists you run when you're an aide. We all played different instruments so we figured we had it all covered. QofA plays flute, Glee-loving boss plays trumpet, Sensei plays piano, I play guitar and Joe Studley was our lead singer. We were very different people but it seemed to work. In fact, we all had very different majors - genealogy, theology, nutrition, english, and business but that just helped us to be better as a unit.

14. "She says I should get a sticker. Or a gold star. Or a pizza." 
-Space Cadet loves pizza. In fact we used to order pizza and eat it at our staff meetings then she and I would debate about who in town had the best pizza and breadsticks. I did well on something, I think it had something to do with the point system, and Space Cadet told me I needed to tell Superwoman that I deserved a prize. So, I said the above quote and she hit me with, "Oh good grief, she would say pizza." In the end I got a snowflake sticker to put on my nametag. The kind we gave away at the desk that she didn't know about until she showed up that morning and said, "hey cool snowflake stickers."

15. But I am shy!
-If you knew me before the library you know that I'm very antisocial. Or was very antisocial. And shy.
We were scanning books and Joe Studley claimed that I can't be a shy person because I was in drama in high school and I direct a kids camp and I sing and I'm on YouTube. I yelled, "But I AM shy!" And with seriously perfect timing Glee-Loving Boss walked in and said "Since when?!"

16. "Are you free tonight? Do you need to call your mother?"
-So Superwoman and I give each other a tremendous about of crap. It works for us, but it started a long long time ago. The first of which that I can remember was this. She asked me to cover a night shift, and since I didn't have a life - at that point that is - I said yes, not realizing that my mother had this family thing planned. Last minute I called SW and she covered for me, however, the next time she asked me to work late she preceded it with "Are you free tonight? Do you need to call your mother?"


Work Branch Fun
1. Bird in the back room
-This is probably the funniest memory of them all cause I don't think I've laughed so hard, after you know screaming really loudly in a corner that is. So there's this fake bird somewhere in the building and I know this because it was on Superwoman's chair and I screamed bloody murder when I first ran into it. A few weeks later I went into the back room and saw what looked like that fake bird sitting on a cart of books to be checked in. Thinking that Superwoman was pulling a prank on me I approached the bird and then...it moved. I went to the guard and told him about it and he went with me to get it back outside. I should mention that the guard on staff that day was an elderly gentlemen who was a big guy and used to be in the military. I pointed out the bird, closed the door behind me and hid in the corner. The guard noticed that the delivery man had left the door open and that's how it must have gotten in. He then decided that the best way to get the bird back out the door was to herd it in that direction so he raised his arms, started screaming, and ran at it. The bird decided that instead of flying back outside it would fly at my head instead. So I'm crouched over in the corner screaming bloody murder while the bird flies at my head and the guard chasing it around the back room screaming and waving his arms the whole time - reminder this is a big ex-military guy - eventually the bird flew out the door but not before making a mess everywhere. Me, not wanting to touch any of that, thanked the guard and went out to tell my boss running into my coworkers first. Apparently they heard the screams, so still living that one down. I found BossLady and showed her the mess the bird had made all over the place. She said she'd clean it up so I followed her around the room and handed her sanitizing wipes which she decided to chase me around the room with after. Mean. "Scared the crap out of me." "Scared the crap out of it too."

2. Point System
-Since I started right before Summer Reading began my training was being thrown to the wolves. And I survived so I'm stronger for it. Since she didn't get a chance to train me properly Superwoman used to schedule herself with me and quiz me on things. This is where the Point System started. I started at 0 and have worked my way up and down to 156.58 and I'm stuck there. She did give me points for graduating but I think it was like 2 so barely. 156.58 is great, except that my Mom has 150 points and Space Cadet has 175. These are my own fault. Space Cadet got 150 points for sending an email with an attachment which I showed her how to do. Then got another 25 later on cause Superwoman knows I'm gullible and competitive. Mom got 150 cause she sent an email with an attachment and I relayed that to Superwoman. Like I said, gullible and competitive.

3. "Tell them you worship snakes."
-This one came from Cabin Fever about Tom. She was the first one who responded to my Fortune Teller Incident Report and then told me I had to be mean to Tom or he would follow me to the corners of hell. I asked her what I could do to make creepers stop following me and she said she tells telemarketers or religious people that come to her door that she worships snakes cause that usually shuts them up long enough for her to hang up or close the door. She also said I should find something unattractive about myself and emphasize it when creepers are around so they'll leave me alone. I replied - too loudly - "what's unattractive about me?" and another coworker walked by and asked if I was having a bad day.

4. What Was I Thinking: The Hindsight Bias
-Another Cabin Fever reference, because of the multitude of bad dating experiences and just awkward experiences in general we have compiled we decided we should one day write a book entitled: What Was I Thinking: The Hindsight Bias. My first chapter will be called "So I dated a conman - dating mistakes, mishaps, and malfunctions".

5. Lottery Debate
-Every few weeks the Queen of the Known Universe buys lottery tickets that we all go in on. We're convinced that one day we will win it big and don't feel bad now that we know that admin does their own batch buying. We've debated as to what we would buy if we were to win. QoftKU wants a gulfstream stocked with cowboys and firemen, Old New Guy has decided on a yacht with a helipad so we can come visit, and I'm still working on my list of items. It has to be something that goes with the group theme and not something lame like a mansion with a nice sound system. I'm thinking something to do with trains would go over well with my boyfriend.

6. Hulk Taxes
-Every year the library offers tax assistance. One year we did it on Sundays and we open late on Sundays so it didn't start until 1PM. InfoMan, myself and an aide were opening the main floor when suddenly the front doors were Hulk-ed open and a man came in and headed toward the elevator. Infoman explained that we were closed - the lights were still off - and that he needed to go back outside and wait. The man insisted that he needed to be first in line to get his taxes done and proceeded to walk to the elevator. Infoman insisted he needed to wait outside and followed him closing the doors behind him. I can't think of a word better than Hulk-ed his way in, because literally he pried the two doors open and busted his way in. I can only imagine that that's exactly what happens when the Hulk needs tax assistance.

7. Bats at the library
-This one is a little more recent, and yet another opening discovery. While shelving the DVD's I looked up at the ceiling and noticed there was bat hanging next to the light. Crazy birds aside usually I'm not squeemish when it comes to small animals, but at the time my girlish shriek and repeated yelling of my boss's name would suggest otherwise. She thought he was cute. We called Animal Control and he came in with tupperware and a ladder. I went, seriously? That's your bat catching equipment? Not outloud of course, just in my head as I hid in the corner. He put the ladder under where the bat was located, climbed up, placed the tupperware against the ceiling around the bat and shook it until the bat fell into the bowl. He then put a lid on it, climbed down, picked up his ladder and left, shutting me up in the process.

8. "College"
-I have a lot of nicknames for people as you've noticed, and have gained a few myself along the way. My favorite of these is "College" which was given to me by my work big brother. We have a virtual services unit, filled with computer people specifically there to fix things, but whenever there seemed to be a computer problem and he and I were scheduled together he would call me "College" and tell me to go fix it. Which usually I could.

9. Internet down, cellphone reference
-One day last year our internet went down and anything that happens it's a travisty because that's why half of our patrons come to us. They get restless so we do the best we can. The added problem now is that our system is on the cloud so we can't access our library stuff either. This means we have to quick on our feet. During this particular instance wiring had been hit during construction and had to be re-individually spliced so we knew it would be a while. In the meantime I used my Shelver's Curse to find items for people and when that didn't work I looked stuff up on my phone's internet.

10. Bird vs. Glass door
-For some reason bosses always have people train with me. I don't know if it's because I'm young or new or still excited about the library, whatever reason I've trained a ton of people. During one training session I was in youth services when we heard this big THUNK. A bird had flown into the glass door and its feathers were scattered all over the ground. It sat there stunned as were we, trying to figure out what to do. When in doubt, call the guard. We felt bad for laughing while explaining this to the guard but by the time we went over to show him where he was it was gone.

11. 9/11 Fire Trucks Galore
-I was in the back room when one of my volunteers came in and said, "it smells like smoke on second floor." I was about to go confirm this when suddenly the fire alarms went off. 2 hours later we're still outside surrounding the building. We meaning our entire staff - admin included - a bunch of firefighters, and massive patron base all itching to get back on the internet computers. Sad day for them being we closed off second floor due to the smoke smell so they were all re-routed. The best part was when InfoMan decided to get rootbeer icecream from the place across the street. He's sitting there eating icecream in the middle of us just standing around, it was awesome.

12. Food Drive
-One of the joys about being new and active in the library is that you get assigned to a lot of things. One of these was the Food Drive. The first year I was the Padawan with Fearless Leader as my master, the next year I was the leader with my own Padawan learner. Leave it to me to decide we should open the drive up to the public instead of just the staff. After getting that approved we needed even more barrels which meant I had to drive my brother-in-law's beast of a truck around town delivering them to all of the branches. It's harder than it sounds, especially when you're new in town and can't see out of the back window. Anyway, we made it into a competition between branches. The first year it was just the most collected items, my second year we had them make sculptures out of the donated items and then outside judges picked the winner for most creative. My branch won when Fearless Leader and the New Girl created a Very Hungry Caterpillar out of our items.

13. Plant MIA
-There are many quirks at a workplace. One of ours used to be plant placement. We had this volunteer that would come in every few weeks and water our plants. One time she came in and one of the plants was missing. I remember there was a staff-wide email about its whereabouts and everything. One of our employees was currently relocated in our basement and had decided it was dead so she threw it out. Her nickname went from Koha Queen to Plant Killer.

14. TAB Apples to Apples
-I love my TAB kids but my favorite memory with them would probably be our holiday parties - last year in particular. They love to play Apples to Apples the regular addition because they think the junior version is too young for them. This is fine, until they run into a card for Nicolas Cage, Al Pacino, Mike Myers, Georgia O'Keefe, Jacques Cousteau, or even Princess Diana and draw a blank. We started a new rule. If you run into a person you don't know just discard them and draw again. This year they added a new rule for me, even if I know them but I think they won't I have to discard and pick a new one.

15. The Boyfriend
-So it's official. My coworkers now believe my boyfriend is real and not just a figment of my imagination. They can't say it anymore now that they've physically met him. And don't even fake it, I know that's why half of you came to my grad party, you knew he'd be there. The boyfriend has been a hot topic ever since he and I started back up again. And timing-wise it was great because Slim Shady met her now fiance right around the same time. That's when our conversations turned from movies, books, and Harry Potter 20 Questions to boys, every time, all the time. The moments that stick out the most when it comes to the boyfriend both come on Valentine's Day. Him and his damn flowers. It's sweet really. The first year I was in the back room with Girlscout and Info-man when Fearless Leader walks in with a big bouquet. I got out of the way cause I thought she was walking past me to get to Girlscout but she stopped in front of me. Apparently my face has never been so red. I told the boyfriend that my coworkers were giving me crap about him sending me flowers so the next year he hand-delivered them. It was like 5:30 and I was sorting DVDs when I hear Mentor clear her throat. I look up and he's there at the desk with a big bouquet. Sweet. But again, massive amount of crap from coworkers. It's okay, it's worth it.


Off-Desk Adventures
1. Booze Cakes
-That night was like a year in the making. We saw this book called Booze Cakes and thought it was hilarious. Eventually we were like, screw it, we should try it out so one night Fearless Leader and I went over to Slim Shady's apartment and created one. It was a mudslide cake and it was glorious. I left the baking to the pros - I burn soup so yeah - it was a lot of fun. We ate it while watching a marathon of Parks and Rec and I ended up taking a huge hunk of it home with me.

2. Movie Night/Jalapeno Margaritas/Noodlewhatevers
-Not only did we bake but we also saw a lot of movies together, King's Speech, Hunger Games, and This Means War are just a few, not including the ones we watched at Slim Shady's place. We used to eat out a lot as well. I took Slim Shady out for jalapeno margaritas and she hated them with a passion. The next time we went she said, and I quote, "Are you gonna order a gross margarita?" One time we tried this one place and I still can't remember the name of it. I just call it Noodlewhatevers even though noodle is nowhere in the title. It actually has something to do with pickles. I went there a few months ago and texted her that I was at Noodlewhatevers and she knew where I was talking about. It was nice having people my own age so we could do things. Not so much anymore.

3. Barnes and Noble w/ Queen of the Known Universe and Nights out w/ QofA
-But that's okay cause I still have QotKU and the QofA to go out and do things. One time QotKU and I met up at Barnes and Noble after work and joked about the urge to fix their shelving. Then reminded ourselves we didn't work there and it was there problem. We dramatically read summaries from the backs of books and ended up buying a few more than planned. Gave me pause when I looked for a spine label and didn't find one. Not a library. Right. Knew that. QofA and I meet up a lot outside of work as well. Mostly for food and conversation. One of those nights we'll actually make it to a movie.

4. TAB Leader Initiation Night
-And when they're not around apparently I have other options. After a TAB Cosplay Party myself and the other TAB leaders decided to go out for drinks and appetizers. Was fun getting to know them and joking about library stuff. The best part was that the bar we went to was under investigation because the previous week they got busted for strippers on the premises.

5. Inservice Go Fish
-Technically this was off-site at Inservice so I'm including it in this category. QofA and I got back from lunch early and decided to have a rousing game of Go Fish. After which I taught her how to play Old Maid. She kicked my butt. Beginner's luck. Then QotKU jumped in and we played some King's on the Corner.


Conferences 
1. NLA 2011 Green Bags and Nametags
-I like to call NLA (Nebraska Library Convention) GNC (Glorified Nerd Convention). We're nerds, we own it. Get used to it. The first NLA conference I ever went to we walked in and they gave us these green bags to put our stuff in. Fearless Leader labeled them as "library swag". They were awesome, especially when everyone left for lunch and half of downtown was carrying them around while the other half wondered if we were in some sort of cult. I love NLA cause I run into all my fun classmates, some of them even present.

2. NLA 2012 The Full Monica/Fake it 'til you make it
-NLA is different when you're a GA. I spent most of my day, well days I was there both days, running all over the place and taking photos of Mizzou alum presenters. It's more awkward than it sounds. 1 because they don't know me so they're confused as to why I'm taking a picture of them and not the other presenters and 2 because you walk in in the middle of their presentation and then leave abruptly after. There are bonuses to being the Library Goddess's GA. You get to meet everyone, including famous authors like Stephanie Bodeen and Mary Downing Hahn. Was a lot of fun, even though it was crazy weather outside.

3. NLA 2013 Truck Yeah
-Waking up at 4:30 and leaving at 5AM makes for a rocky start but it ended up to be a lot of fun. Road with QotKU in our big badass rented truck and the New Guy joined us last minute. We decided we were hot babes - we'd been hit on a lot that week - so it made for an excellent adventure. The conference was good too. Learned about 3D printers, even saw one in action, got lost on the way to lunch, listened to some government chick talk about promoting library services, and then ended it listening to some of my cooler classmates present about essential technology for special libraries.

4. Inservice 2013
-I was worried because we only had 1 guest speaker the entire day instead of breakout sessions so if she sucked we'd be stuck with her. She was actually highly entertaining. Here are a few of my favorite quotes:
-"Thank you for cheering for that, people in Minnesota don't even cheer for that anymore." (about Vikings going to championship)
-"You don't call AAA, you call Uncle Ray!"
-"You might read a book! *mumbles* librarians...."
-"Middle class has made alcohol good for you, thank you! Exercise? No thanks, I've got red wine!"


Misc
1. Nicknames
-As you've noticed I have a ton of nicknames. Basically everyone has one and its works cause I'm pretty sure they don't want to be first-named in a blog. Here are a few: Superwoman, BossLady, New Guy, Old New Guy, New Girl, Trainee, Mentor, Girlscout, Cabin Fever, Slim Shady, Info-Man, Library Judge, Reference Queen, Fearless Leader, Super Librarian Status, Koha Queen/Plant Killer, Queen of Three, Queen of the Known Universe, Queen of Awesome, Joe Studley, Sensei, Glee-Loving Boss, LLCoolAide, Little Shelver Boy, Space Cadet (shortened from Sleep-Deprived Space Cadets which is when we're both there and half awake) there are more but I'm blanking. Each one has a story behind it and I love them all.

2. Letter from the mayor
-A year or two ago I got a letter from the mayor for perfect attendance. Remember the I had no life reference? It was true. It has not happened since.



Quotes best left unexplained:
-"Public transportation is sexy..."

-"Show me your chest hair."

-"Do you date?"
-"Yes, I date."
-"Men?"
-"Yes, I date men."

-"You guys okay?"
-"I have hay fever. She's hungover."

-"What's the name of that big blue thing that blocks off the restroom?"
-"A gift from god?"
-"I was actually going for partition or divider, but gift from god works too."

“There’s no crying in Koha.” 


Supervisor: "Don't run in the library."
Kid: "I'm jogging!"

Me: "That'll be me in 50 years."
Space Cadet: "But you'll use your inside voice. Unless you're too deaf to hear it."

Fearless Leader: *holding up a copy of Legally Blonde the Musical* THIS is why I hate musicals!

Trainee: "It's like, what's that mean? and then Why are you reading my ass?" about the shorts with words on them.

Slim Shady: "They say it's a psychological thriller. I want to know what that means in the context of ballerinas."

Koha Queen: "I'm way passed bananas."

Girlscout: "My orca is gonna attack your porpoise!" 

Reference Queen: "This shirt is older than you are." 

Me: “Was it Patience or Fortitude?”
Slim Shady: “I think it was Patience.”
Me: “You don’t know do you?”
Slim Shady: “No idea.” take a picture in front of the lions

LLCoolAide: “Jam hands bring nothing but pain.” 


And there you have it. My favorite library moments. I'm sure there are more, and will be more, but I'll save those for post 1500.


On to the music. More of my favorites from 2013:

Troublemaker - Olly Murs


Mama's Broken Heart - Miranda Lambert

If I fall for you I'll never recover, If I fall for you I'll never be the same.

Post #999

Alright, I'm gonna keep this post short because today was super slow and not a lot happened, but also because I'm already starting on tomorrow's post.

It's gonna be epic, so tune in.

It's actually inspired by events of today.

I have a new stalker that always comes to my desk to ask for stuff and then lingers after every transaction.

It's super awkward but apparently he does it to BossLady too so I'm not completely alone.

He keeps asking me for my name every time he comes in and always has to track me down to say hi, even if I'm like youth services or no where near him whatsoever.

And I feel bad avoiding him cause maybe he's just a nice guy, but he seems too nice and it's creeping me out.

Anyway, so I was thinking about that and previous encounters that Slim Shady so lovingly dubbed my "magnet moments" and came up with the topic of tomorrow's 1000th post.

My Top Library Moments Of All Time.

So if you've worked with me at some point tune in, I'm sure you'll be in there cause the list is huge.

To be fair it has been 3 years, well, more than 3 years now, more like 3 and a half cause I started in May of 2010, so there's a lot to cover.

If you're a frequent reader of the blog you've probably heard of a few but this post will include all my top moments so I'm excited.

That's really all I got for today. It was freezing so no one was there all morning. Like the New Guy and I started in the lab and usually there's a line to get on to the computers...we looked at the clock 10AM, no one, 10:10AM, no one, 10:15AM, no one, 10:20AM, one guy.

We thought the doors were broken or something, but apparently not. It's just that damn cold.

And tomorrow's gonna be worse.

Thankfully I don't go in until noon so it'll be a little warmer than in the morning.

They talked about closing the schools tomorrow because of the cold. Probably a good idea, I wouldn't want my kid walking to school in negative temperatures.

Okay, on to the music, then back to tomorrow's post.

More of my favorites from 2013:

I Love It - Icona Pop


Love Somebody - Maroon 5



out.

So this is Christmas

Total Stats after 8 hours of work = 4

Reason = I was on desk for a whole 2 hours the entire day.

The rest of my day was spent in the back room rearranging.

That's right, our entire back room at work is totally different.

And it only took us like...5-6 hours.

Well, I guess it's still not done, but it's mostly done.

We just need to move the phone to the other jack, and then move the safe to the other side. And then they have to hang shelves for supplies.

But the lockers are moved - that was a 3 man effort, literally we had to call in another man to help out cause they're massive and come in groups of three. Slim Shady and I were almost flattened by them once, but luckily Fearless Leader and my Work Big Brother were around to save us.

Anyway, lockers were moved, tables were replaced, computers were relocated on the new tables, desk was moved, stuff was cleaned...that hadn't been cleaned in years.

Nasty.

But it was worth it. And now there's much more space for carts and all that.

We'll see how long it stays clean.

So that was big, then after work I hit up Barnes and Noble to listen to Bubby sing and play recorder with his classmates. Then a portion of the proceeds from sales that day went to their school. Pretty neat, and a good excuse to do some more Christmas shopping.

Now I'm almost done, just Oldest Sister left. Still have plenty of time before our Christmas on the first.

And speaking of Christmas the 14th - aka my graduation - is supposed to be the first day of my Christmas Music That Doesn't Suck 12 days of music thing. Since I will not be around to post that day, or tomorrow for that matter, I'm starting it tonight.

Same songs, different artists.

So. Christmas Music That Doesn't Suck: Day One

Pat-a-Pan - SPASH Wind Ensemble


last year it was David Archuleta, before that it was Mannheim.

not bad for high schoolers.


Auld Lang Syne - Martin Tallstrom


last year it was Lea Michele, before that it was a banjo cover.

this guy is great on guitar. check out his cover of Foggy Mountain Breakdown here - it's madness.


Happy Christmas (War is Over) - Charice


last year was Christina Perri, before that it was Maroon 5.

this chick is crazy talented. you should youtube her other stuff, she's fantastic. and yes she was on glee at one point.

Here's Day One from 2011, and 2012.

Alright, have a good weekend. I'll attempt to not trip in front of hundreds of people.

Wish me luck.

Legit pre-midnight post, holy crap tag in use.

Just another day lost in the city of angels.

Alright, My Day in 5 Words - ready go:

1. Holiday
2. Invites
3. Target
4. Coworkers
5. Leverage

1. You would think that after being closed for two days there would be some sort of mad rush today, but it really wasn't all that bad. Just a few carts for bookdrop and a bunch of people on computers. Though it did give me a ton of computer stats. That weren't just basic questions either, it was explain this database and show me how to work it type of questions. Which was okay cause it made the day go by rather quickly. Sort of.

2. So people are loving that my invites are pink. Cause I'm not a pink person. Technically it's just the envelope that's pink. And the inside of the card. And a little on the outside. Whatever. You can blame that on Second Sister who claims not to have realized that they were pink. Sure. I totally believe you.

3. So Mom called all panicked this morning about getting these iPad mini things for Xmas. I don't know, they were on sale so at lunch I jumped in the car, drove across town, went straight to electronics and picked them up. The sales dude was awesome. "$299? I thought these were $599..." These are usually things you should know when working in electronics. Though I was especially amused cause he was having trouble with the scanner and I mentioned something about them being a pain. "You must work in retail." "Sort of." Jumped back in car. Picked up lunch. Ate in the car. Made it back with 5 minutes to spare.

4. I finally heard back from Fearless Leader - and then of course once I brought her up I got hounded for details, but the same thing happens when conversation turns to Slim Shady. Anyway, I was gonna invite her - the both of them actually - to the grad party but they will both be out of town. Bummer man. I miss our Booze Cakes. Go here. Will have to reschedule with the both of them.

5. And then of course instead of working on homework after work - my last assignment ever - I decided to turn on some Leverage and have yet to turn it off. Made it through half of season one. "Alice made a friend." I got time. Isn't due 'til Friday and it's half done anyway.

I'm in celebration mode man. No work tomorrow. Just church, cleaning my apartment, xmas shopping, and possibly going out to see the boyfriend which was the original for tonight but he's busy. So, back to Leverage for me, here's some music for you.

Something Old:

Call Me When You're Sober - Evanescence


i miss these guys. this was probably my favorite by them...they need a new album.


Something New:

Just Another Day - Caitlin Crosby


hadn't heard of her before this one, but she's quite good. and an actress too apparently.


Something Borrowed:

Olympus Has Fallen


currently checked out - aka borrowed - from the library


Something Blue:

Boy With The Blues - Oasis


love this one. these guys need a new album too. but they would first have to re-band after the big fight and all that.

legit pre-midnight post, holy crap tag in use.

"If he was easy to find the books would be called 'There's Waldo!'"

Today I was a Ninja of Awesome.

That's right, I rocked it.

Showed up early, worked with some volunteers, put together shelves - though to be fair, BossLady did most of the work.

She enjoys her mallet.

And dropping shelves so the ends fall off.

Though that is highly enjoyable.

But loud.

But highly enjoyable.

After that I put together my TAB minutes, sent them off by email, and talked to 3 of the 4 bosses who will need to approve when I ask them if I can take the kids to see Catching Fire as part of the Catching Fire party.

I think if they pay their own way and find their own transportation to get there it might actually work.

So far I'm 3 for 3.

Though one of the big pushes for it is if I challenge the kids to read the book beforehand so we can discuss the differences between the movie and the book afterward.

Which means I'll have to read it.

I know, I know, I'm horrible. I was the one who read Hunger Games in college before it got big then recommended it to everyone and then got 2 jobs and started school so there was no time for me to read the rest of the series.

The worst part being the people I recommended it to - Slim Shady & Fearless Leader - read it immediately along with the rest of the series.

So it's just me.

No, I don't know who she ends up with - if you tell me I will scream and throw things - and no I have no idea what happens in the next book but I'm assuming it has something to do with the President being pissed off about how that last one ended.

So I should probably read that and soon.

After all that I headed over to the practicum.

Practicum Count-Up 26/90. 

Today we spent actually shelving our libraries.

The nice people from maintenance moved our boxes (and boxes and boxes) of books from the main building to the men's and women's buildings that we're setting up our remote libraries in so today we spent in the women's building going through all the boxes and shelving the items.

I pulled them all out and made piles - fiction and nonfiction - then divided up the fiction into groups - and I blame this on our DVD organization at work, but hey I was the one to pick those so I'm allowed, A-F, G-N, O-Z - while he sorted and shelved the nonfiction.

And because I am a ninja of awesome the fiction fit perfectly.

Like literally, it went to the very end of the shelf with room for no more.

It was like we planned it that way.

See? Proof positive. Ninja of Awesome.

Then we went back to the main library for rootbeer floats - best practicum ever - and made plans for Tuesday. Which is when we'll officially set up the men's library.

After that it'll be staffing the desk and all that.

Should be fun.

He always has uplifting catchphrases for when I leave, "catch a wave" etc. This time it was "Go Big Red!"

Yes, he's a Husker fan as well, which makes it even more enjoyable cause we can talk Husker football.

Which I can't do at work cause clearly no one is as diehard as me.

Though I did skip the awesome game last week because I went to the races with the boyfriend.

Cause I'm such a nice girlfriend like that.

I'm hoping we play against UCLA the same way we played this past weekend. But we shall see. Last year's was not pretty.

After practicum I went shopping and bought birthday presents for my father and sister.

And called and sang horribly, as is tradition.

Tomorrow we're having dinner at the cabin to celebrate. There will be steaks and much rejoicing.

He did turn 70 afterall.

After shopping came back here, did some editing, wrapped the presents and turned on Big Bang Theory.

Got season six today while shopping, bazinga!

Clips of the Day:

Here's what happens when double date night turns into game night.

Girls vs. Boys



That's good but the next one's better.



took me twice to realize she looks straight at the camera at 2:11.

but I keep watching it over and over to hear Sheldon scream at 1:07.

think i found my new text message alert.

and I'm out.

But then, you know, there's always drums, and bass, and maybe even one day a tambourine.

So, I don't know what the heck happened this morning, but when I woke up to the steam cleaning dude knocking on my door - 9:30AM - my left leg was asleep and I fell three times on the way to the door.

It's like 10 feet from the couch to the door so it was every freaking step.

I can only imagine as to what he was thinking outside my door cause every time I fell a different expletive came out.

And not quietly.

It explained the amused look on his face when the door swung open.

And Carter was just laying there like what the hell?

Like, by the time I made it to the door I was holding on to it for dear life, then stood against the wall for a while just to make sure I wasn't gonna faceplant in front of him.

The last time that happened to me in the morning - that I can remember, though a lot of my mornings are fuzzy cause I hate mornings - was in high school. And actually it was because I was injured.

So, if you know me or you've read this long enough you've probably heard of the sleeping walking incident.

If not, here's the short version.

Basically, I had this dream that I was crabwalking through a tunnel on a college visit and it turns out I was actually crabwalking down my bed. And the metal bar that I felt by my feet was real. I stepped on an office chair and it flew out from under me so naturally I grabbed the closest object to me to regain my balance, that just happened to be a dresser.

I woke up on the ground - tile floor was especially cold that night - with something really heavy on top of me and I couldn't move. About 10 minutes later, after the panic attacks had stopped - I realized that I had a roommate.

Juwanna thought the screaming was just me having a bad dream. So did I - somewhere between all the flailing and the blacking out - though that changed when she turned the lights on and went "oh my god!"

Then, when I could actually see that the giant object crushing me to the floor was in fact my own dresser, filled with my clothes and covered in my radio and my random crap that was now scattered all over my floor, I was able to realize that no, this was actually happening and it would probably be a wise idea to, in the future, just sleep on the floor of a room with padded walls.

Anyway, my ankle got crushed somewhere between the dresser falling and it being lifted off of me.

Juwanna went to get the dorm-mom, who naturally had to call the Dean - oh yeah, the Dean of the high school - at like 2AM - then she gave me a glass of water and put me back to bed.

I woke up in the morning with her at the base of my bed asking if I could get up.

I took one step and totally face planted - again on the cold tile floor.

That's when she said, "well, guess we should call your parents."
"Crap."

Still haven't heard the end of that one.

Yes, that was the short version.

Granted I don't remove painting from walls like one former coworker but I'm pretty sure that one can top any of your sleep-walking stories.

I lost myself.

Oh right, so yeah, that's the last time I remember having no control of my body and not being able to regain my balance before I fell straight to the ground.

So that made for a fun morning.

The dude was actually very efficient.

And chatty.

So that made the fact that he was cleaning my carpet as I sat on the couch less awkward.

Carter hid out in the kitchen the whole time - he's not so good with loud noises - but the carpet has never looked cleaner.

It took all day for the carpets to dry, watched 10 Things I Hate About You amongst other things, much funnier than I remember. But hysterical cause I was quoting it as it went. Didn't realize I had watched it that many times growing up, but apparently so.

Now everything is back in its place.

Though I'm thinking of asking my parents if they can take my foosball table and store it for me until I have a house and a place to put it.

Cause I can't get rid of it, cause it's like a memorabilia thing, you know? And the third best Christmas present ever.

The first being Maroon 5 tickets from my boyfriend and the second being a signed script from Charmed from Second Sister.

Yes, I am one of those Charmed nerds.

I could be queen of all Charmed nerds can cause I can list episode titles from all 8 seasons and quote from each of them as well.

Speaking of quotes, so my original intention - before all these ramblings - was to go through my box of random crap that I've collected since I moved here that's filled with all sorts of coworker and patrons quotes from the three years that I've worked in the library system.

Yes, as of today, it has officially been three years of working at the work branch - technically it was 3 years in the system as of the 16th cause that's when I started at the home branch, but I already did a big post about the home branch my last day there, so, here's to three years.


Things overheard at the library:

"It takes two to screw up a tango. Or something like that."

"Why would anyone want to eat anything that pink?"

"My sickle's in the car."

"Give me the one with the naked dancing men."

"Don't give me virgins, no!"

"There's so much water around the mosquitoes are gonna be as big as small birds this year!"

"We could call it PITA - Pain In The Ass!"
"Yeah, BYOP - Bring Your Own Painkiller."

"That's my mean look."
"You need practice."

"I left it on a cruise ship."

"She kept constantly murdering people in hopes of meeting Angela Landsbury."

"Do you get paid to sit there and look pretty?....And she's smart too!"

"I would have cussed him out in Russian."


Coworker Moments:

Fearless Leader holding up a copy of Legally Blonde the Musical: "THIS is why I hate musicals!"

Little Shelver Boy: "Can you check out anything in the library?"
Slim Shady: "Yes."
Little Shelver Boy: "Then can I check you out?"
Slim Shady: "Don't you have books to shelve?"

Queen of Awesome: "Trash it and do a happy dance."

Space Cadet: "Screw the fan, you want an e-reader!"

Me: "He went all Hulk and broke in!"
InfoMan: "The lights were still off!"

Me: "I just got an LOL from Superwoman. Brings me back to my MSN Messenger days. 'BRB' I'm not actually going anywhere but neither is this conversation."

Shirley: "You've been naughty so here's the scoop. Your Christmas gift is snowman poop!"

Girlscout: "My orca is gonna attack your porpoise."

Me: "Wicked? It's like the ultimate fan fiction."

Patron: "Hey, I'm trying to get my groove on here."
New Guy: "You're gonna have to get your groove on somewhere else."

Space Cadet: "You deserve like a sticker. or a gold star. or a pizza."
Superwoman: "Oh good grief, she would say pizza."

Space Cadet: "If I yell-"
Me: "I will run."

Superwoman: "It's a psychological thriller."
Slim Shady: "What does that mean in the context of ballerinas?"

Super Librarian Status: "Someone tried to flush a copy of The Economist down the toilet."
Me: "Irony."

Queen of Awesome: "I am envious of your boxes."

Me: "You looked all serious."
Space Cadet: "I am serious, I gotta get rid of this 7Up!"

Me: "You're a fan of Charlie's Angels?"
KPH: "I'm a fan of girls in general."

Me: "Here is my phone number so you can stop calling my mother."
Superwoman: "Maybe we like talking to your mother."

Fearless Leader: "I tried to use p-slip as a verb, p-slipping, don't do it."

Me: "Codeword: Josh."
Slim Shady: "You're good. You're really really good."

Me: "Some dude got bit by a rattlesnake at Walmart."
Library Judge: "Yeah, but it only caused 60% damage."

QotKU: "I don't want to cougar him."

QotKU: "I'll wait for the hot firefighters."

Me: "We should write a book called 'What the hell were we thinking: The Hindsight Bias.' We could have a chapter called 'Relationship Mistakes, Mishaps and Malfunctions."

Cabin Fever: "Tell them you worship snakes. Always works for me."

Darth Scheduler: "A joyous observation on the day of your birth!"
Me: "What?"
Darth Scheduler: "Happy birthday."

Me: "You threw away the plant?"
Koha Queen: "It was dead!"

Me: "Well, in the words of Eric Overmeier..."

KPH: "I'm a sweater addict, I admit that freely. She wanted fashion in the 80's, has that changed?"

Me: "Does the coffee machine in the breakroom work?"
Fearless Leader: "Don't do it!"

Me: "Just say no to vending machine orange juice."

Me: "Justin Bieber wants to know if I like pie. What do I say? Now he's threatening to mug me if I don't answer."

Sensei: "I think this is a lovely start to the book you're going to write. I will be happy to provide color commentary."

InfoMan: "What happens in the library stays in the library."
Girlscout: "Or checks out for three weeks."

Supervisor: "Let's take 'em down!"
Me: "I gotta go upstairs, you're gonna have to 'take 'em down!' with Jeff."

Darth Scheduler: "Arg the pirate caveman."

Slim Shady: "Just say 'ew' and walk away."

Me: "Does that container say 'barf chips'?"
Glee-Loving Boss: "Yes, they are waste pickup deoderizers."

Me: "What are face aerobics?"

Extra
Second Sister: "If he shows up at your apartment do not let him in. Break up with him over the intercom."
Me: "An intercom breakup?"
Second Sister: "Oh yeah, they're all the rage."

Seth Godin: "We need librarians more than we ever did. What we don't need are more clerks who guard dead paper."

Random Notes in bin
$0.25 for slot machine from Supply Queen - quarter spent in Vegas



Wow.

That was a lot.

But it was three years.

Three years of awesomeness.

Here's to three more.

"It's cold out and I'm not wearing pants. Where are you?"

So I cleaned my apartment tonight.

But not just cleaned it, moved it.

Basically.

Everything from the living room (but the couch, TV and bookshelves) is currently in the kitchen.

That includes shelves, chairs...and the foosball table.



"Why is your foosball table in your kitchen?" one might ask.

Cause they're coming to steam clean my carpets tomorrow.

And I have nowhere else to put it.

You should see my bedroom.

Definitely sleeping on the couch tonight.

As there is nowhere to sleep in the bed.

Carter is loving this whole wide open space thing.

Like he sprawled out by the window, then five minutes later he got up and sprawled out by the door, then he was in the middle of the floor, now he's in the middle of the floor on a footstool.

It's like a whole new apartment in here.

"I had no idea I had such chatty liberal arts hair."

Watching The Makeover.

Julia Stiles is making a comeback.

She did Dexter, Silver Linings, now she's in this.

"Now let's see if we can get you to stop sounding like a pirate. Having a heart attack. While gargling."

And apparently she stars in some show called Blue.

Which I think is on YouTube.

Not like clips, like the show airs on YouTube.

Anyway, this is basically like My Fair Lady but in reverse.

Hannah Higgins, Elliot Doolittle.

Hannah runs for congress and loses. She's not likable enough. Her opponent dies after he's elected. Elliot's a beer vender who wants to become a supervisor and comes to her for speech lessons. She decides he would make a good candidate for congress.



It's highly entertaining.

Thinking 7/10 on the Scale of Awesome.

Been giving out a lot of 7's lately.

They're all good movies, just not like stellar, perfection, stunned speechless kind of stuff.

And for some reason a lot of them lately have been Lifetime movies.

Or I guess this was Hallmark, whatever.

I blame the library for having them available.

And Julia Stiles for getting me interested.

And Lauren Ambrose for getting me interested in the last one.

And before that is was Sara Rue and what's his name from Samantha Who.

That wasn't intended to rhyme.

Anyway, today was interesting.

More training.

Fixed flyers.

I'm off tomorrow and Summer Reading starts tomorrow so I figured it would probably be wise to hang up some ones for the kickoff next week.

Only took me an hour for the font to come out right.

Luckily I had already started the flyer, it just wasn't like stellar, perfection, stunning people speechless and all that.

Now it is wicked sweet.

Gotta make posters for every event.

And now I'm making them for other peoples' it's highly entertaining.

Alright, aside from that I can't really remember anything about today.

Staff meeting.

Talked about the Summer Reading Program.

Yep.

All I got.

So apparently you like the quote books.

I found one that I used to carry around when I first started working in the library system - PS, right now it is officially the 24th which means I've worked at the work branch for three years. Mother Frito, Son of a Beandip - sorry, will talk about that more tomorrow cause this post, like many posts, is gonna say it's 11:50PM.

Anyway, so I ran into this one while cleaning my apartment.

Here are a few of my favorites:

Me: "He says I deserve a pizza."
Superwoman: "Crap."

Me: "That'll be me in 50 years."
Space Cadet: "But you'll use your inside voice. Unless you're too deaf to hear it."

Super Librarian Status: *on my sister-in-law calling me Pippi* "You have a lot to live up to. Just don't throw angry customers across the room."

Slim Shady: "Magnet, magnet magnet."

Oldest Sister: "Picture 'I can't run anymore I'm gonna puke!' and then running the next couple steps."

Oldest Sister: "They didn't punch a hole, they punched a crawlspace."

Nina: "Guess what I got."
Finch: "Why, are they stumped down at the clinic?"

Superwoman: "Are you free tonight? Do you have to call your mother?" ONE TIME. geez. 

Supervisor: "Don't run in the library."
Kid: "I'm jogging!"

Chief from Carmen Sandiego: "If cheese isn't safe in Wisconsin nothing is safe in Wisconsin!"

Wordie: "You guys okay?"
Corey: "I have hay fever. She's hungover."

King of Useless Knowledge: "Spontaneous combustion is pretty awesome, unless it happens to you."

Mom: *about church during a holiday weekend* "I can be giddy. No one else will be there!" 

Bubby: "Porkchop karate!"

Second Sister: "It's an appropriate amount of freakage."

Brother: "Just say 'oh pigeons.' Well, it's appropriate cause they're annoying as crap."

Squirt: "Lock him in the closet with a piece of cheese and a glass of water."

Brother: "We'll split the trains four ways. She can have the beer mugs."
Second Sister: "I want the Corve."
Me: "Can I have the Bird?"
Brother: "Yes, we'll flip you the bird."

Roz: "You can't swing a dead cat without hitting a Marco. I've seen the future and its name is Marco!"

Mom: "You get money when you die."
Me: "What am I supposed to do with it?
Mom: "Bury yourself."

Mom:*about a seatbelt though Second Sister likes to quote it about other things* "Get that on! I don't wanna see you hanging out!"
Me: "The doors are closed!"

Aunt Hay-Hay: "We ordered an ostrich and they had to go find one."


And then it goes on to homework notes but I'll post more of the college ones throughout this week.

For now I should sleep.

No idea what time the guys are coming tomorrow.

Probably 8AM.

Ahh!!

I'll have my assistant set an alarm.

Sam!!

On to the music:

Heard this one of my way home.

Cruel to Be Kind - Nick Lowe

speaking of Julia Stiles - my favorite movie of hers - this is the scene I think of when I hear that song.



gotta love it.

gonna have to make Squirt watch it if she hasn't seen it already.


out for the night.

i'm gonna ride around in style, i'm gonna drive everybody wild.

Well, today sucked.

For legal reasons I won't go in-depth as to why.

The worst part is that work has been going so well lately.

And when I say going well, I mean I haven't written an incident report in months.

Today I got to write two, one that I collaborated with Superwoman on that went straight to the director and the other was for stolen DVDs.

Oh the joys.

The director one being the highlight of the day.

Lowlight?

Low point?

Yeah, low point.

Basically I had to let a volunteer go.

And they didn't take it well.

Psychologically speaking I can understand why they said some of the things that they said, but it doesn't make them hurt any less.

Thank God for Superwoman.

Don't think I could have gotten through the whole thing by myself.

But it's over and there's nothing I can do about it now, even though it threw off my whole day.

Immediately after work I called Slim Shady who talked me down.

She used to be volunteer supervisor there, and it was good to catch up. Talked for a while until I got to the boyfriend's place.

Went out for supper with his parents for his dad's birthday. Afterwards we watched parts of The Campaign, some Will Ferrell George W. Bush special, Mr. Popper's Penguins and then Deep Impact.

Gonna have to get Deep Impact through the library, very intrigued.

It was nice to see the boyfriend after the crapsuck that was today and just relax.

Don't even remember the morning before the whole ordeal.

Oh right, staff meeting.

Ate more yogurt.

Learned about a cool website and more stuff from the staff manual.

Sent out the links to that Google Power Searching assignment we did for Internet Reference cause I thought the reference people might find them cool.

So it didn't start out bad.

And I got Chinese for lunch. Cashew chicken, that was good.

Had a really good supper as well, hot beef sandwich. So really, two of my favorites from childhood.

Gonna add a third and eat some popsicles before I crash.

on to the music.


just cause i can.


So thankful to have tomorrow off.

And no homework to do.

Sleeping in. Watching movies. Logging in to watch people present at 6.

out.

but even the sun sets in paradise.

This was my day.



While it may not have been caused by a breakup, that was pretty much my headspace, all day.

So miserable all I wanted to do was go cry in a corner.

But see, last time I did that I ended up in Superwoman's office and she sent me home.

Which only made things worse.

So, I said screw it, pretended all was okay - like normal - put on a happy face and did my freakin' job.

See, Slim Shady and I had this pact.

And this was, of course, before she and Fearless Leader ditched me.

That if we turned into bitter, angry, complaining about everything employees that we would either shoot each other or quit.

I'm still debating.

I'm just tired of the drama.

Life would be so much easier on the farm.

And it wasn't just today, it's built up to this point. Today was just the breaking point.

See, I'm not good with change.

Yeah, big surprise, I'm sure.

But so many things are changing it's making my head spin.

And I know change is important and if we don't evolve then the library dies, but the routine is what makes me good at my job, it's the reason I love it.

Loved it.

It was actually amusing, I went to dinner with the boyfriend and all I kept repeating was "I'll love my job... tomorrow."

Because really, at this moment in time, I cannot think of a single thing keeping me there, aside from TAB.

And while that may sound dramatic, it's been a long time coming.

Multiplied exponentially by the fact that I DON'T HAVE ANYONE THERE ANYMORE.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I love my coworkers, they're great. Queen of the Known Universe especially, but it's not the same as having Slim Shady and Fearless Leader there.

But, like I said, tomorrow. I'll act like nothing's wrong, I'll find a reason to love my job again and everything will be just fine.

Unless something changes with TAB.

That is where I draw the line.

I care about those kids, I will advocate for them until the day I die, but if that changes then I'm done.

Speaking of TAB, the only good thing that happened during the workday was that our awesome webmaster - and also proud father of a TAB member - uploaded the Reader's Theater videos to our website, Facebook page and YouTube channel. I'll post the link on Facebook. I'm proud of those kids, they were excellent.

And then tonight after work was better. The boyfriend fixes all, as always. Went out to eat and then watched Enemy of the State.


I love Gene Hackman. Scale of Awesome puts it at around 8/10, was totally on the edge of my seat.

Am, it's running in the background now. He sent it home with me cause we didn't get all the way through it before he had to leave for work.

Jack Black, Seth Green and Jason Lee is serious roles, I'm in shock.

So far, so good. I'll let you know after I finish if that holds up.

Geez, already an hour in. I've drafted and re-drafted this post so many times I've lost count.

Had it playing on mute in the background 'til I'm done then I'll skip to where we left off.

Doesn't really matter, I'll probably delete it tomorrow anyway.

Just like all my other ranting ones.

So, I'll move on to the music. Aside from Miranda's which I sang all afternoon in my head, btw.

Where was I....Maroon 5's greatest hits, take 8? I think.

One more from Hands All Over and then moving on to their last album Overexposed.

Moves Like Jagger



One More Night



Payphone


saw all three of these live, they were fantastic. originally not a huge fan of payphone like i was immediately of the former two, however it's grown on me, especially cause the boyfriend sings it all the time.


How is it that Moms know when you're gonna have a bad day?

Came home to a box full of chocolate in the mail.

Awesome.

out!

saw you leaning against that old record machine, saw the name of your band written on the marquee

Oh the joys of morning staff meetings.

Every year we have this thing called "inservice" where all the libraries in the system close and all the employees of all the different branches all come to the same place and we do seminars and breakout sessions and all that. I don't mind it cause I get to see all my home branch and other "we are, we are the youth of library" friends.

But apparently, this year they said screw it to the whole breakout sessions thing and we are instead going somewhere to learn about poverty. Which will be helpful, to our branch especially, but it won't feel like inservice. Cause instead of breakout sessions it's just one chick talking to us the whole day. So she better be good, or that's really gonna suck.

Anyway, for said "inservice" we have to read this book and answer these discussion questions and in this morning's meeting we went over those questions.

And Superwoman brought us donuts. Yeehaw.

It's gonna be interesting, and that's all I'm gonna say about it.

So that was this morning, after that most of the day I worked on that paperback spreadsheet mentioned in previous posts and finally got that sent off to the supervisor who works with collection management to do the ordering for the processing party that will take place in May.

Spent a lot of time at the desks, sent out reminder emails for the First Friday Art Show tomorrow, some of my teens are playing music whilst others greet guests. Should be fun. And then Saturday is the Read Across America thing at the mall. So it's a big weekend for TAB.

And me in turn, adding to that is the concert on Sunday.

Which means next week you will be overloaded with music by Maroon 5, Neon Trees and Owl City.

Get ready for it.

After work I met up with Slim Shady for supper. It was awesomeness, I pretty much tackled her in the parking lot. We ate pasta, it rocked. I have half of it in my fridge. Along with many other leftovers that I should really clean out before going shopping tomorrow.

Got to hear all about the new job, new place and the serious boyfriend. It's always amusing when it comes to boyfriend talk because we both started dating them at the same time. Funny to see how differently our relationships have progressed in the same amount of time. Granted she is older by like 2 years (used to call her Grandma scroll back a year and you'll find them) and my boyfriend has basically told me we're not getting married for like another 10 years.

I know, it was either Vegas or 10 years, should have stuck with Vegas.

Anyway, it was an excellent vent session. Which I severely needed cause I no longer have her or Fearless Leader around. Queen of the Known Universe and BossLady take the brunt of it nowadays along with the boyfriend but I don't want to scare them off so it was good to be able to talk stuff out with someone who's been there but now has outsider perspective.

If that makes sense.

And that was my day.

Oh and Carter's happy cause I got him his old food.

Cause I attempted to get him to eat different stuff but he just stared at me. So I had to go buy his regular stuff. Plus new treats.

Currently he's konked out next to me on the couch purring, I'm calling it a victory.

Moving on.

Music Rec and then the fiction.

C'mon - Ke$ha

as weird as her lyric video is the regular video version is even weirder. seriously. don't believe me go here.


Downtown - Lady Antebellum

great jam song.

On to the fiction.

In girum imus nocte et consumimur igni - Part Three

“It’s done,” I say into my watch as I exit through the back and walk to our next check point three blocks over. She’s been circling and slows down enough for me to open the door and jump in.

“Problems?” she asks looking over.

“None,” I reply, putting the briefcase down by my feet and my gun in my pocket. She turns left and heads toward our agency headquarters. After turning right five minutes later I notice, in my side mirror, a blue pickup taking a similar route.

“We’ve been compromised,” I say. She looks in her rearview mirror at the only vehicle following us down the rundown residential street. “Turn there,” I say, pointing a block ahead of us. “There’s a ramp to the freeway a block away.” She nods and turns at the corner. So do they. They pick up speed, knowing that we know.

“Why are they following us?” she looks over confused. She speeds up, starting to panic. “You did your job.”

“I’m a loose end,” I reply, opening the glove box, and reloading my gun with the ammo I find there. “Now that Noffke’s dead their person of interest will be free, but I still have all the information and can roll on them if ever caught.”

We enter the freeway and travel at full speed. She’s good, weaving in and out of traffic and losing the tail. For a while at least. They pick us up again as we exit the freeway twelve miles later and rear end us. She swerves off the road, trying to miss the black SUV in front of us. We spin ‘til the front of the mustang hits a tree, the impact setting off the airbags.

I push against the airbag and get out, pulling out my gun and crossing in front to pull her out. She’s hurt, her head hitting against the window as we spun, then slamming into the headrest from the impact of the airbag. I open her door and see four men approach from the pickup, guns out.

“Stay in the car,” I yell, firing off two shots at the two men in front, then ducking behind the open door. The girl pushes the airbag out of the way and crouches down in her seat. Retaliation shots hit the door and window causing shards of glass to land on my head. I look around the side of the door and see two men down. I hit what I shoot. Always. It’s kill or be killed in this business.

I see the German approaching me head on. He shoots twice, both missing but just barely. I step out from behind the door ready to fire but am grabbed from behind. The taller man must have gone around the car. He knocks the gun out of my hand in our struggle and everything goes black.

It's like the spam of chicken.

I'm exhausted.

So instead of doing the homework that's due Saturday I'm going to bed early.

Which I shouldn't but I need to.

Today was good. Periodicals in the morning then off-desk time to work on that paperback buy stuff. Finally sorted through all the titles and series, now just have to come up with the ISBN numbers - thank you Amazon copy and paste - which will take a few more hours I'm sure. Much longer than I remember from last year, but then again last year I think I had like 6 kids go, not 9. And none on a mission to make the longest list like I'm pretty sure 2 did this year.

Though 2 of my oldest have decided that next year they're just going to write down everything as a going away present.

Thanks for that. Feelin' the love.

Anyway, so I did that in the morning and of course carried them around with me all day thinking I could do more whilst on the desk but didn't happen cause we were swamped.

By the way, I'm typing this entire thing in an British accent because Lie to Me is on the background and it's that weird quirk that I have, you know, when I hear an accent and immediately talk back in it.

Makes work really interesting. Always have to pause, literally, so that I can remember my actual dialect and not offend someone.

But it was either British or Minnesotan - which is even worse and lasts longer, ask either member of Amber Squared. After watching New In Town the entire night and it wouldn't stop, they thought it was hilarious - because the boyfriend and I just watched Fargo.


Cult classic, we laughed. Scale of Awesome says 6/10.

Enjoyed all the "ya's" but totally cringed at the wood chipper.

That was gross.

Apparently we're on some sort of Frances McDormand kick.

slash Bruce Willis one.

So it was madness when we watched Moonrise Kingdom as they're both in it.

He gave me the 25th anniversary collection of Die Hard on blu-ray for my birthday. First four movies plus hours of bonus features. Best boyfriend ever.

Anyway, so that was this morning, and then tonight, but in the middle of all that I went to lunch with BossLady. Got some rice bowls and chatted about the joys of high school and relationships and all that.

We give each other a lot of crap, it's highly entertaining.

And tomorrow I'm grabbing supper with Slim Shady after work - totally stoked. I know you're all jealous. She's still wicked awesome, now she's just wicked awesome elsewhere since that she ditched us for greener pastures.

Well, geographically desirable greener pastures that is.

But Superwoman already made me pinky promise that I wouldn't ditch the library for a boy so when we get married I'm commuting.

And that was today.

Here's your music and some extras then the fiction.

Nearly Witches - Panic! at the Disco


nice moves brendon. dude needs a wireless mic.


50 State Stereotypes in 2 Minutes - this is hysterical


i can see seasonal depression from here.

56,000 square miles of dull.

at least we're not north dakota.


aaannd here's more.


don't ask.


Alright, onto In girum imus nocte et consumimur igni - Part Two

She’s pulling up to the red light when I get there. I open the door to the dirty black mustang and get in. I put the briefcase on my lap but keep the gun in my right hand. She smiles at me through her long blonde hair and takes off when the light turns green. We ride in silence. She drops me off three blocks from the station and I walk the rest.

I move my gun to the small of my back, pressed between me and my belt then tuck it under my jacket. I enter through the back of the police station and go up the stairs where I’m approached by two men in uniform. They look at each other confused, obviously not expecting company after midnight. One of them reaches for his glock when a gray-haired officer steps around the corner.

“He’s with me,” Detective Noffke says, and gestures for me to follow him. The uniform puts his gun back in his holster and lets me pass by. Noffke walks through the dark hallways to his office in the back.

I close the door behind me as he sits down behind his desk. I look around at his nonexistent filing system. He’s a dirty cop in more ways than one. There are papers scattered everywhere and no other furniture besides his desk and chair. The white walls are covered in newspaper clippings and judging by the amount of dust covering his blinds they probably haven’t been opened for the fifteen years he’s had this office. To my right are stacks of cardboard boxes with victims’ names written in black marker. His open homicide cases seem to be piling up. But that’s why I’m being paid to be here. Because of one case in particular. Delay its investigation by killing the lead detective. I put the briefcase on his desk and spin it toward him so he can see the money.

“That’s half of what I asked for,” he says, looking up at me.

“They’ll give me the other half after I kill you,” I say, pulling the gun out from my back and shooting him twice in the chest. I close the briefcase and turn to walk out. The uniforms heard the shots and are quickly approaching, guns at the ready. They’re quick but I’m quicker, shooting them both, one shot each, between the eyes. They both drop instantly. I step over them and keep walking without looking back. End of phase three.

You move it Turkey, we were here first!

Kelly, the jive-talking angel. My second favorite line in the entire series.

The first of course comes from the first season episode Angels at Sea. They all get notes from the killer, Sabrina's says: "I love you, I'll prove it, you won't like it, I don't care."

I don't want to be 25.

Thanks to my new library friends I now feel like that's old.

One said she had a bigger problem with 25 than she did with 30.

That's comforting, thanks.

Doesn't help that I don't have Slim Shady around anymore to call me a young'en. Even though she's only like 3 years older.

If you go back far enough you'll find posts on here with her nicknamed "grandma" it was only after inservice 2011 that she became Slim Shady.

Cause they kept making her stand up for things she got volunteered for.

If you don't get that reference it'll make me cry inside.

Women wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes...

Now it's just me and the New Guy.

We are, we are the youth of the library.

I'd post the inspiration for that phrase but it's a depressing song and I'm aiming away from that.

At least for this weekend.

But if you get the above-mentioned reference you probably get this one as well as they were played on the same stations only a couple years apart.

If not, Google it.

I used plenty of Google tonight working on homework. Had to interview three people and have them search for certain stuff then document the search engine - all three chose Google - the search terms - which were all different - where they were on the result list - spread throughout - and then give a piece of advice.

All I could think of was branch out from Google.

Give metasearch engines a try.

Aside from that it was all Charlie's Angels all day. Like 3 discs worth.

Mom watched a few, even Dad watched half of one before he left for the car show.

Though there's a 70 percent chance that's only cause it's my birthday week.

The other 30 being it was his TV.

Dad will of course make me watch Swamp People tomorrow as the season premiere was on the 14th.

Yes, I'm sure that was every girl's dream, to stay in and watch Swamp People on Valentine's Day.

Though it was also opening day for A Good Day To Die Hard which really isn't that far off with all the violence and action. But it's okay I like them both. Not the average girlfriend I guess.

Alright, that's all I got. Cause that's all I did. So it's on to the music rec's and some family history as mentioned in yesterday's post and then I'm off. As mentioned previously you're gonna get a lot of my writing this week, family history and more so stick around. While I think it's crap some people claim it to be otherwise.

The Man Who Never Lied - Maroon 5

there goes my no sad songs plan, but tell me you're not in love with this song and that band after hearing it.

i dare ye.

Family History Dad's Side Part One:

My grandparents died about a year apart but I seemed to have blurred their funerals together. It was the same family, same funeral home, same church, same section of the cemetery, same people that showed up, same people to deal with when you I home.

My grandma died in 2002. I was a freshman away at a dorm high school so I wasn’t around when it happened. I got a call mid-school day telling me. My parents were a lot less brutal than my brother was with my sisters. “Hi Cindy, well, grandma’s dead.”

I remember wanting to do the eulogy at her funeral. I thought I would be strong enough to handle it. Two of my older cousins ended up giving it which was wise since I only lasted about halfway through. In it they talked about how Francis and Amolia had 11 grandchildren, 6 boys and 5 girls until I was born and made it a dozen. I also evened out the boy/girl ratio. When they said my name I broke down and my aunt put her arm around me. I remember walking out and not being able to look anyone in the eye. Grandpa didn’t cry, or at least he didn’t when I looked over at him. He sat in the front row in his wheel chair, with his tinted glasses and his Masonic Lodge ring.

When my grandpa died it was completely different. I was coming back from a volleyball game when I was told. On the way back to the dorms with my friend Katie I noticed our suburban parked outside. My parents were standing out there leaning against it. It was dark but I could still make out their faces. I saw them and just knew. It was just a weird feeling. My legs stopped moving and my mind refused to come up with any other conclusions as to why they were standing there waiting for me to get back. I grabbed Katie’s hand and remember saying something like “I can’t go over there. I don’t want to go over there.” I thought if I could just stand there everything would stay the same, everything would be normal and happy.

Before the service I stood in front of the coffin with my brother. I touched grandpa’s hand and it was cold. He was wearing a gray suit, Masonic ring still on his finger just like any other day.

more tomorrow.


but i just couldn't break your heart like you did mine yesterday.