It's cold out and I'm not wearing pants, where are you?

Huzzah for a day off.

Slept in, it was fabulous.

Watched a ton of my DVR'd X Games - winter edition, go Kelly Clark!

Did a ton of laundry - and folded most of it...

Did a ton of editing - and am loving it.

And played a ton of Lords of the Realm 2 - just cause I could. Made it to level three then looked up and realized it was 11:30 and I should probably go to bed.

See, I didn't think I was one of those gamers that would play stuff like that for hours and not even realize it, but then I found that game and it just never ends.

Blame my brother, he's the one that gave it to me in the first place.

So I was semi-productive, right?

Oh and I watched 2 episodes of Hollywood Game Night - holy crap Angie Harmon is competitive... - and then of course The Blacklist - intensity man.

So I'm boring, and I'm sorry. I'll be more exciting tomorrow cause it's date night.

Today was just too cold to do anything.

Oh and I finally set up my fancy new coffee maker. It's fantastic. The only problem is now I have three - yes three coffeemakers. They all work, I just don't know what to do with them.

Guess I could have a coffee taste-off.

With like 10 of my friends, cause they each make a ton.

Yes "ton" is the word of the day. Pretty much every day of my life cause there's always a ton of things going on and it seems the only word worthy to capture that amount specifically.

I guess there are others.

Massive.

Large.

Mahoosive.

Oh, and I wrote thank you notes to the professors who wrote me recommendation letters for grad school.

I don't know why mahoosive made me think of that.

Well, it went: Mahoosive.

Moose.

Gazelles.

Gazelle swagger.

Fiction Writing.

ZH.

Long story.

I realize I'm making no sense.

Sorry.

I think it's all the caffeine from the new coffeemaker.

Or I'm just losing my mind, I did go outside in shorts today to take the trash out.

Which would be fine but it's like 10 degrees out.

But I'm an idiot like that. College classmates used to yell at me cause I would never wear coats, just hoodies, and then Sketch would be like, um, yeah. Have you ever met her before?

"It's cold out and I'm not wearing pants, where are you?"

Shorts. I was wearing shorts. They're not pants, but it came out wrong.

Speaking of Sketch, it's her birthday today. So in honor of that I shall re-post two of my favorite Sketch-centric Sketch and Edit's in her honor. Cause I can. And let's face it this post was going nowhere anyway.

Originally posted here and here. Should really make an inventory post for these things. Here's links to this particular storyline if you get lost.

First was this: Sketch Gets Some Flowers
Next was this: Sketch and Edit Buy Some Plants
Code reference comes from here: Sketch and Edit Cook a Turkey

Sketch Meets the Parents
*Sketch enters front door and slams it*
Sketch – “Would someone please tell me what is up with guys?!”
Edit from couch – “You don't really expect me to have an answer to that do you?”
S – “He wants me to meet his mother.”
E – “What?!”
S – “Yeah.”
E – “I didn’t know it was that serious!”
S – “Neither did I!”
E – “When?”
S – “Now, tonight, I gotta go get ready.”
E – “You’re shaking!”
S – “I’m meeting the parents! Who meets the parents on the third date?!”
E – “A mama’s boy?”
S – “But seriously? His mother? Seriously?”
E – “Where does she live?”
S – “Over on Elm Street.”
E – “Ah, suburbia, where they tear down the trees then name streets after them.”
S – “I gotta find something to wear, come on.” *Edit jumps off couch and follows Sketch upstairs*
E – “You’re asking me for fashion advice? Really?”
S – “You’re my only option.”
E – “Good point.”
*Sketch goes into closet while Edit sits on bed*
Sketch returns with dress – “What do you think of this dress?”
E – “Ummm, stick some candles in it and make a wish?”
S – “Bad, got it. Moving on.” *goes back into closet and yells* “Why am I doing this again?”
E – “I don’t know, some plantman-induced psychosis?”
*Sketch re-enters in dress*
E – “Oh, don’t even try using the laser vision on me with that dress on.”
S – “Bad?”
E – “It’s…interesting.”
S – “Interesting as in not pretty. Got it.” *goes back into closet and yells* “But seriously, why am I doing this?”
E – “Love is a damn crazy thing.”
S – “Is it really?”
E – “I don’t know, that’s what my college roommate told me when she was drunk on her 21st birthday and I had to take care of her.”
S – “Point taken.” *returns* “What about this one?”
E – “Much better.”
S – “Okay, makeup.” *move into bathroom across the hall, Edit leans in the hallway* “But, it’s like, he calls me and acts all sweet and asks me out to dinner. So I say yes, clearly stating I have no other plans. Then he drops the bomb. ‘Oh, it’s at my mother’s. So dress nice. Okay, see you at seven!’ CLICK! He hangs up! But what was I supposed to do? I can’t say I have plans when he knows I clearly have no plans. So there was no escape route. But, I like him. I mean, I think I like him. Maybe it will be okay.”
E – “Do you need me for this conversation?”
S – “Maybe she won’t be this horrible horrible bitch that I can imagine her being because her son is such a jerk.”
E – “And yet you continue to date him.”
S – “Well, not really.”
E – “You’re meeting his mother! That’s like the definition of dating!”
S – “You’re really not helping my nerves here.” *turns away from mirror* “What do you think?”
E – “Hot.”
S – “But not like slutty. Cause that would be bad.”
E – “Nope, not slutty enough to be a hoe yet not nun-like enough to be celibate.”
S – “Um, thanks?” *Sketch starts downstairs Edit follows*
E – “So, what is plant man’s real name anyway?”
S – “No.”
E – “He’s Chinese? Is that his first or last?”
S – “Absolutely not, cause you’ll run a background check or hack into his computer. No!”
E – “Oh come on! How am I supposed to be petty and judgmental without having all the facts?”
*Sketch glares*
E – “What?”
S – “I’m trying to imagine you with less personality.”
Edit grins – “How’s that working for you?”
S – “Kiss it.”
E – “Suck it!” *sketch opens door* “Good luck!”
S – “Watch out for the code!” *closes door, Edit crashes on couch with phone*


A Nightmare on Elm Street aka Sketch Uses the Code
*Edit’s phone beeps*
Text message from Sketch: “as;dflkjasfdlparlay”
*Edit dials*
*Sketch’s phone rings at dinner table, Mother glares*
Edit – “Curses, King Henry has cut off my head!”
S – “I have to take this, excuse me.” *goes outside while Edit rambles*
E – “You need to come home because I am decapitated. And even though I can still talk it is, in fact, an emergency and I need you to come and drive me to the hospital. Now. You need to come now, there’s blood all over the couch and I’m hungry and I can’t eat without a head because I can’t see the food to eat it and I don’t have a mouth to put it in and then there will be no food because I have no head so then I will die, like actually die and…”
S – “We’re clear, I’m outside. Are you watching The Tudors again?”
E – “Yep. Bad?”
S – “You know Hitler?”
E – “Not on a first name basis, but yes, I’m familiar with him.”
S – “Imagine him with long brown hair staring at you while you’re trying to eat a salad.”
E – “Is this with or without the mustache?”
S – “You need to come get me.”
E – “You don’t think they’re going to see through that?”
S – “I know. I hate you.”
E – “You like this guy right?”
S – “I’m eating dinner with his mother, I think that’s a definite sign.”
E – “Well, it’s not like you had much choice in the matter, but you seem to like the guy and you glow when you come home and you’re all happy giddy Sketch all the time. He seems worth all this and you don’t want to throw that away because you can’t stand to be in the same room with his mother for more than an hour, do you?”
S – “No.”
E – “So just finish the salad-”
S – “But she’s staring at me!”
E – “Then stare back!”
S – “What if her jaw unhinges and she bites off my head?”
E – “Well, then we’re screwed cause I’m already decapitated.”
S – “Who will drive us to the hospital?”
E – “Plantman?”
S – “Maybe.”
E – “Oh, is he not on our side anymore?”
S – “Undetermined. But he can’t think it’s going well, right? I mean, when your mother grills your dates about their personal lives and finds a way to make every answer sound like they’re a hillbilly with no hope or future do you think it’s going well?”
E – “Don’t know, haven’t really had a relationship that’s lasted longer than a mento so there’s been no need for introductions.”
S – “That’s cause you’re a commitment-phobe.”
E – “Look who’s talking.”
S – “Hey, I’m here aren’t I?”
E – “Yes, but you don’t want to be. Just breathe, go back inside, finish the salad and say it’s a school night so you need to get back to work on lesson plans. Which it is, and you do. I’ll see you when you get home.”
S – “If I don’t jump out on the interstate first.”
E – “Don’t jump out on the interstate – drive a motorcycle and get someone to door you, it’s a much better way to go.”
S – “Alright. I’m going back in. Thanks.”
E – “Anytime. By the way, was that a ‘parlay’ at the end of that text?”
S – “I thought it was fitting.”
E – “I think we found our new codeword.”

BTW that phone call actually happened. My college roommate coded me and I responded with a decapitated rambling.

It was quite fascinating really.

Alright, that's all I got. I hope you all had an awesome Monday.

Music and I'm out.

Follow Your Arrow - Kacey Musgraves


not bad.

A Nightmare on Elm Street aka Sketch Uses the Code

There are no words for today.

I'll throw some out anyway.

Met up with the Library Goddess for coffee at 7AM.

Actually I got there at like 6:55 and the doors were still locked so I leaned against the building for a while.

Then, (after they opened) thinking I could get away with it, I went immediately to the counter to get my coffee, I put in the order, I reached for my wallet and suddenly "Hey, put that away!"

The woman won't let me pay for coffee. So close yet so far, I thought I could beat her to it.

Instead I get a "hold this!" as she holds out a bag for me to grab. "what is it?" "your ipad." "my what?"

So apparently waking up to meet her before I'm completely conscious is worth it. I get coffee and an ipad.

And a list of stuff to do with said-ipad, but still, it's an ipad.

That's mine until May cause that's when the assistantship ends.

We met up super early this morning since I had to be at work by 8:30 but then our meeting really only took like half an hour so I ended up going to work at like 7:35 - pretty sure I freaked out Boss's Boss's Boss. I was all set up in youth services with the ipad, my laptop and then all my contact stuff I was updating when she walked in and paused when she saw me. We talked grad school for a while then she left. And was followed by multiple members of administration - I didn't realize they got there so early. No wonder they're all gone by 5.

Anyway, so I had to get there at 8:30 along with the BossLady and Slim Shady because we had a group of college kids who were there to volunteer. We basically cleaned the library top to bottom. Started with all the computers on the first and second floors, cleaned all the tables and chairs, dusted shelves, cleaned the books on CD area which is always gross, organized youth services, even washed each individual chair upstairs on the fourth floor. And there are like at least a hundred. They had them all sat out in a row and worked together to wash, dry, and stack. It was amusing but effective.

They were actually really great kids, I was impressed and super grateful for their help without any complaints. That part was my favorite, we got them started and that was their focus. And they asked to come back again next year so apparently I didn't scare them off completely.

So, after cleaning with them I attempted to finish all that TAB stuff I was attempting to do yesterday and yet again was interrupted by all sorts of flukes. Running out of printer paper with no backup in sight - because I've had no time to do supplies at all - and then my personal favorite was when a guy came to place an ILL request, from our side it said he was disavowed though he didn't have any fines and then on our ILL staff side in the basement it said his account was fine.

No idea what was going on, something to do with a second card but he said he'd never had another card then remember he had one once that was all worn out but by this time the Interlibrary Loan Goddess was already on the case and get it fixed. Felt bad for the dude cause I had no idea what was going on. But he seemed pretty cool and very patient, so again, grateful.

So, busy morning, flukish afternoon which led to an even more busy day cause those both happened at the same time and there were literally like 10 people in line and it was just the three of us. Awkward.

Oh well, we made it unscathed.

After work the boyfriend came up and we went to see "Possession" it intrigues me that Kyra Sedgwick would rather have her family torn apart by a demon than take down bad guys with LAPD's finest.


Just saying.

Scale of Awesome puts it at around 5/10. It was interesting....kinda cheesy, though the majority of it did scare the hell out of me so I was tempted to make the boyfriend check my apartment, though I don't think you can really see demons so it wouldn't do any good. Besides he had to head out cause he had to work tonight at 11.

And asking would just make me sound weak and pathetic.

Though I'm pretty sure he knew that already since I was like grabbing his arm every other minute during the loud and scary scenes.

So, big huge extravaganza of a day, hoping things will be much more boring tomorrow since I have to redo all my TAB stuff, plus stock supplies, plus cleanup all the cleaning supplies from today, plus finish up the assignments from the Library Goddess and then the last question left on my homework quiz.

Boring.

Yay.

Root for boring, please.

Moving on.

Yesterday you got Sketch Meets the Parents, today you get the sequel. Well, technically it's more like 5th in the series, but you catch my drift.

First was this: Sketch Gets Some Flowers
Next was this: Sketch and Edit Buy Some Plants
Yesterdays was this: Sketch Meets the Parents
Code reference comes from here: Sketch and Edit Cook a Turkey

there are others that you should read in a certain order but none of those are included today so I'll shutup.

A Nightmare on Elm Street aka Sketch Uses the Code

*Edit’s phone beeps*

Text message from Sketch: “as;dflkjasfdlparlay”

*Edit dials*

*Sketch’s phone rings at dinner table, Mother glares*

Edit – “Curses, King Henry has cut off my head!”

S – “I have to take this, excuse me.” *goes outside while Edit rambles*

E – “You need to come home because I am decapitated. And even though I can still talk it is, in fact, an emergency and I need you to come and drive me to the hospital. Now. You need to come now, there’s blood all over the couch and I’m hungry and I can’t eat without a head because I can’t see the food to eat it and I don’t have a mouth to put it in and then there will be no food because I have no head so then I will die, like actually die and…”

S – “We’re clear, I’m outside. Are you watching The Tudors again?”

E – “Yep. Bad?”

S – “You know Hitler?”

E – “Not on a first name basis, but yes, I’m familiar with him.”

S – “Imagine him with long brown hair staring at you while you’re trying to eat a salad.”

E – “Is this with or without the mustache?”

S – “You need to come get me.”

E – “You don’t think they’re going to see through that?”

S – “I know. I hate you.”

E – “You like this guy right?”

S – “I’m eating dinner with his mother, I think that’s a definite sign.”

E – “Well, it’s not like you had much choice in the matter, but you seem to like the guy and you glow when you come home and you’re all happy giddy Sketch all the time. He seems worth all this and you don’t want to throw that away because you can’t stand to be in the same room with his mother for more than an hour, do you?”

S – “No.”

E – “So just finish the salad-”

S – “But she’s staring at me!”

E – “Then stare back!”

S – “What if her jaw unhinges and she bites off my head?”

E – “Well, then we’re screwed cause I’m already decapitated.”

S – “Who will drive us to the hospital?”

E – “Plantman?”

S – “Maybe.”

E – “Oh, is he not on our side anymore?”

S – “Undetermined. But he can’t think it’s going well, right? I mean, when your mother grills your dates about their personal lives and finds a way to make every answer sound like they’re a hillbilly with no hope or future do you think it’s going well?”

E – “Don’t know, haven’t really had a relationship that’s lasted longer than a mento so there’s been no need for introductions.”

S – “That’s cause you’re a commitment-phobe.”

E – “Look who’s talking.”

S – “Hey, I’m here aren’t I?”

E – “Yes, but you don’t want to be. Just breathe, go back inside, finish the salad and say it’s a school night so you need to get back to work on lesson plans. Which it is, and you do. I’ll see you when you get home.”

S – “If I don’t jump out on the interstate first.”

E – “Don’t jump out on the interstate – drive a motorcycle and get someone to door you, it’s a much better way to go.”

S – “Alright. I’m going back in. Thanks.”

E – “Anytime. By the way, was that a ‘parlay’ at the end of that text?”

S – “I thought it was fitting.”

E – “I think we found our new codeword.”

The rest are here: Sketch and Edit Collection

Songs of the day: 

Telephone - Glee

ran into this one at lunch

She's So Cold - Rolling Stones

i'm wondering how much drug usage was involved in the production of this video.

Sketch Meets The Parents

Today was rather suck-ish, but it's done and I'm over it.

Super short on staff today, basically had 2 people on first and 2 people on second for the majority of the day.

It was amusing - and obnoxious - because I started an email to my TAB kids with the meeting minutes and reminders at opening aka 10AM, and still wasn't finished by closing at 6PM. We were that busy. So 2 and 2, then about 5 carts worth of bookdrop stuff that didn't get checked in at the front cause I think I signed up a record amount of people for library cards - students mostly - and a lot of people paying off fines so that they're under the new maximum aka $10 instead of $15 so everyone that had charges of $14.99 had to pay 5 - and about %75 of the people who did actually didn't complain about it.

So that was a relief, I was actually expecting more of an outrage, but maybe I missed out on that since it's been a few days since the change.

Anyway, so we were crazy busy, plus the fact that I'm still limping - though the majority of that is because of the way my leg is wrapped which I'll fix tomorrow. Every time I adjust it it falls off because it's at the bend of my knee so I just wrapped it tight and taped it - got the tape residue covering my leg to prove it. And my back is about %40 better than yesterday, I mean I could bend over and not cringe, it just took a while for me to get back up. I felt old and useless. I'm hoping that's all cleared up by tomorrow. If not I'll just fake it, I'm good at that. But I have a group of volunteers coming in in the morning and I have to be a leader and participate in all the cleaning stuff that they'll be doing so it would be much easier if didn't hurt to bend over and tie my shoe.

Not that they're ever tied anyway.

But I got tired of every third person telling me that they're untied so broke down and did it.

After work was lots and lots and lots of homework which I finished all but one question - which is about re-writing one of the RUSA guidelines so I'll have to take some more time to work on that one then submit it, no pressure.

Now I've got Comedy Central turned on in the background cause I've been falling asleep to that a lot lately, and as I have to be up super early tomorrow cause I'm meeting up with the Library Goddess I'll leave you with Sketch and Edit and some music and then crash and burn.

Fair warning, there are a couple that you could read before this one for it to make total sense, but you don't have to.

If you want to they are here: Sketch Gets Some Flowers

And here: Sketch and Edit Buy Some Plants

Sketch Meets the Parents

*Sketch enters front door and slams it*

Sketch – “Would someone please tell me what is up with guys?!”

Edit from couch – “You don’t really expect me to have an answer for that do you?”

S – “He wants me to meet his mother.”

E – “What?!”

S – “Yeah.”

E – “I didn’t know it was that serious!”

S – “Neither did I!”

E – “When?”

S – “Now, tonight, I gotta go get ready.”

E – “You’re shaking!”

S – “I’m meeting the parents! Who meets the parents on the third date?!”

E – “A mama’s boy?”

S – “But seriously? His mother? Seriously?”

E – “Where does she live?”

S – “Over on Elm Street.”

E – “Ah, suburbia, where they tear down the trees and then name the streets after them.”

S – “I gotta find something to wear, come on.” *Edit jumps off couch and follows Sketch upstairs*

E – “You’re asking me for fashion advice? Really?”

S – “You’re my only option.”

E – “Good point.”

*Sketch goes into closet while Edit sits on bed*

Sketch returns with dress – “What do you think of this dress?”

E – “Ummm, stick some candles in it and make a wish?”

S – “Bad, got it. Moving on.” *goes back into closet and yells* “Why am I doing this again?”

E – “I don’t know, some plantman-induced psychosis?”

*Sketch re-enters in dress*

E – “Oh, don’t even try using the laser vision on me with that dress on.”

S – “Bad?”

E – “It’s…interesting.”

S – “Interesting is code for disturbing. Got it.” *goes back into closet and yells* “But seriously, why am I doing this?”

E – “Love is a damn crazy thing.”

S – “Is it really?”

E – “I don’t know, that’s what my college roommate told me when she was drunk on her 21^st birthday and I had to take care of her.”

S – “Point taken.” *returns* “What about this one?”

E – “Much better.”

S – “Okay, makeup.” *move into bathroom across the hall, Edit leans in the hallway* “But, it’s like, he calls me and acts all sweet and asks me out to dinner. So I say yes, clearly stating I have no other plans. Then he drops the bomb. ‘Oh, it’s at my mother’s. So dress nice. I’ll pick you up at seven!’ CLICK! He hangs up! But what was I supposed to do? I can’t say I have plans when he knows I clearly have no plans. So there was no escape route. But, I like him. I mean, I think I like him. Maybe it will be okay.”

E – “Do you need me for this conversation?”

S – “Maybe she won’t be this horrible horrible bitch that I can imagine her being because her son is such a jerk.”

E – “And yet you continue to date him.”

S – “Well, not really.”

E – “You’re meeting his mother! That’s like the definition of dating!”

S – “You’re really not helping my nerves here.” *turns away from mirror* “What do you think?”

E – “Hot.”

S – “But not like slutty. Cause that would be bad.”

E – “Nope, not slutty enough to be a hoe yet not nun-like enough to be celibate.”

S – “Um, thanks?” *Sketch starts downstairs Edit follows*

E – “So, what is plant man’s real name anyway?”

S – “No.”

E – “Is that his first or last?”

S – “Absolutely not, cause you’ll run a background check or hack into his computer. No!”

E – “Oh come on! How am I supposed to be petty and judgmental without having all the facts?”

*Sketch glares*

E – “What?”

S – “I’m trying to imagine you with less personality.”

Edit grins – “How’s that working for you?”

S – “Shutup!”

*Horn honks from outside*

E – “Oo, is that him?! Can I meet him? Can I meet him? Can I meet him?” *go downstairs to front door*

S – “No!” *Sketch slowly backs out of the door* “You. Stay.”

E – “But-”

S – “And watch out for the code!” *closes door, Edit crashes on couch with phone*

Oh and the code is a reference from Sketch and Edit Cook a Turkey but there will be more on that tomorrow cause this has a sequel.


Clip of the day:

ah, jordis. the countdown continues...

Sketch and Edit Go to the Spa

I can't decide if it's funny or sad that someone googling specific HeeHaw lyrics led them to my blog.

I'm gonna go with the former cause the latter will just depress me.

So, remember how yesterday was totally awesome with the softball tournament and even though I broke open my leg in the same spot yet again it was totally worth it?

Yeah, woke up this morning and yes the leg was nasty, but apparently I forgot to factor in the pain that would come from landing flat on my back when I did the spin in mid-air, (read yesterdays entry). I don't remember it hurting so much at the time, but forcing myself to get up this morning after sleeping on it led to me looking at my back in the mirror and noticing the bruises on my shoulder blades.

So, needless to say, today was not fun and I could barely move.

With really bad timing.

We were closed both Sunday and Monday which meant we had a massive backlog of stuff to be checked in this morning. Usually I can fly through at least four carts in an hour, this morning I barely got through one because it was constantly grab a book on your right, scan it, turn to put it on a different cart cause it was headed somewhere else, turn back, grab another book, rather rinse repeat. However, every time I turned my body instead of the chair I literally cringed in pain.

And I was limping.

So I was seriously no ninja of awesome today. There was no awesomeness and there was definitely no ninja-ness whatsoever.

I would and should have called in sick, but I couldn't because of literally the only thing that went right today - aka my first official TAB meeting.

TAB standing for Teen Advisory Board and I gotta say, I love this group of teens, they were fantastic. Super enthused about the ideas that I brought forward and brought in a bunch of their own, we combined everything into a seriously killer lineup for September-May.

They're just good kids, you know? Not like big partiers and all that, and they actually want to be there.

And one of them even put my chair away for me because at that point I was practically useless. I didn't even ask she just did it.

I did have to call the guard and ask for his help taking down tables though. It's not the walking them to the wall that hurt, it was the bending over them to hold in the levers then pushing the ends together thing that hurt.

Oh well, it's done and over and now I'm home jamming with my big fat cat.

Aaannd, since the envelope I sent Sketch like two weeks ago finally arrived I get to share this.

And a couple more throughout the week.

Yes, it's been a while, do I have to re-explain the concept?

Basically, Sketch used to draw me pictures all the time then stopped claiming she wouldn't draw me anything until I wrote her something. That weekend I was at a craftshow with my sister thinking of ideas and came up with the character names Sketch and Edit since that's basically who we are. After that it just snowballed. If you want to read the previous ones go here

Alright, on to the sketch, then the music and I'm out.

Sketch and Edit Go to the Spa

S – “Would you relax? Stop fidgeting.”

E – “I can’t. I don’t like it when people touch my feet.”

S – “No one is touching your feet.”

E – “Yeah, but they’re about to. I can feel it.”

S – “You know, this is supposed to be relaxing. Spa from the Latin ‘spring’ meaning life, growth or flow.”

E – “You’re making that up.”

S – “Whatever, my point is relaxation. I brought you here to relax. Right now you’re the opposite of relaxed. Stop stressing!”

E – “These places make me uncomfortable. Everyone is all granola.”

S – “Granola?”

E – “You know all touchy-feely, live green, save the whales.”

S – “They flow.”

E – “I don’t want their flow. I want my own flow.”

S – “Whatever, flow is flow.”

E – “How very Viola of you.”

S – “Did you just ‘She’s the Man’ me?”

E – “You started it.”

Spa lady – “Ladies, can I get you anything? Some cucumber water perhaps?”

S – “No, we’re fine. Thank you.” *she leaves*

E – “What’s cucumber water?”

S – “Dunno, sounds gross.”

E – “Can’t we just go to a movie or something?”

S – “No.”

E – “Laser tag?”

S – “No.”

E – “Paintball?”

S – “In the winter?”

E – “What’s this really about?”

S – “Cats.”

E – “Cats?”

S – “Cats.”

E – “What about cats?”

S – “I don’t like cats.”

E – “Okay?”

S – “I’m a dog person.”

E – “So?”

S – “So, if you keep up the life you’re living you’re going to turn into the stereotype.”

E – “What stereotype?”

S – “The old maid. The librarian with the thick glasses. The crazy cat lady. I hate cats. They bite and they eat and they sleep and they steal your spot and they lay there…”

E – “Okay.”

S – “We live together.”

E – “Okay.”

S – “We live together and you’re gonna be the crazy cat lady and since we live together I’m gonna be the roommate to the crazy cat lady which is worse than being the crazy cat lady herself.”

E – “How is that worse?”

S – “Because, the roommate has the option of leaving the crazy cat lady and her crazy cats in her crazy cat house but she doesn’t. She stays voluntarily making people believe she’s also a crazy cat lady when in fact she isn’t.”

E – “You’re rambling.”

S – “I don’t like cats!”

E – “Then we’ll get a dog.”

S – “Then we’ll…okay.”

E – “Okay?”

S – “Okay. Bring on the cucumber water!”

Songs You Know But Forgot You Knew Them

"Except for Monday" Lorrie Morgan

classic. yes i'm aware i should probably post this on sunday or monday but because of the holiday all of my days are messed up....and it's stuck in my head.


"Your Woman" - White Town
seriously, seriously cool video.

Jaywalking, Coworkers, Margaritas, Hunger Games, Dentists, and Sketch & Edit

Things I've learned over the past couple of days:

-When you decide to jaywalk, make sure no one you know is approaching in a large vehicle.
Slim Shady and I walked to work from the parking lot this morning and walked across the road as no one was coming. Suddenly there's a big silver vehicle headed in our direction and the second we make it to the other side there's this big HOOONK! Yep. Superwoman.

Crap.

So I guess I should change that to, if you're going to jaywalk make sure not to do it in front of your supervisor. She will give you crap.

-It's good to work with a group of people who get your references. My coworkers rock, I can pull out lines like "You changed it to Latrine?" and reference the "Hug and roll" technique and they know exactly what I'm talking about. They're fantastic. I'm loving this new supervisor even more. She knows Men in Tights and Holy Grail. Impressive. Plus she's gonna hit up The Hunger Games with us.

-The jalapeno resides in the foam. Or so it seems when that's the first thing of the margarita you taste and it kicks you in the ass. Jalapeno margaritas rock. Though Slim Shady does not agree. I told her we were going there tonight to which she replied,
"Are you going to order a disgusting margarita?"
"Maybe I should ask for one and see what they bring me."
"A jalapeno margarita."
Thanks Slim Shady, you rock...no faith in the jalapeno margaritas man, ouch.

-Making a Hunger Games booklist is fun, until it comes to describing them and you haven't read the majority of them. But that's what reviews are for. And granted you don't need to describe them, but I think it's more useful cause then they know why it's similar. I got to do a read-a-like display on it today at work - got to make a sign and everything - and they'll officially advertise the list closer to the movie. I'll give you the link. Stoked for the movie, already bought the tickets.

The boyfriend is currently giving me advice about the dentist. Everyone I've talked to today is just making it worse, I'm freakin' out! I don't do well at dentists okay. I have qualified professionals to back me up when I say that! I'm freakin' famous at the old office! Even based a freakin' Sketch and Edit on the thing.

Maybe I'll repost it. It's been so long since I've finished one of those that it's getting ridiculous. Perhaps if I bring them back it will give me motivation.

I do have a bunch of unfinished ones, but they're missing something. You know? Like this one. I'm not happy with it, and want to go back and change things, which I will in the future. But here's what it is for now.

Sketch and Edit Sit in the Waiting Room originally posted here

E – “I hate waiting rooms. They always make me feel so nervous.”
S – “Remind me why I’m here again.”
E – “Every time I go to the dentist something always goes wrong.”
S – “And I’m here because…”
E – “I need the moral support. You should know I’m famous here for bad things happening. Didn’t you notice the hygienists laughing and giving me funny looks when I checked in?”
S – “I just figured that was a normal reaction for people around you. Why are you famous at your dentist’s office?”
E – “Just traumatic events… I kicked him once.”
S – “The dentist?”
E – “No, Janet Reno, yes the dentist!”
S – “What happened?”
E – “He told me all he needed to do was pull out one of my baby teeth and it wouldn’t take long but ended up cutting it into four pieces.”
S – “Ouch, but that’s not that bad.”
E – “And I passed out, it was embarrassing.”
S – “Lots of people pass out at their dentist’s.”
E – “Do they also freak out over having too much Novacaine, run to the lobby, smack their heads on the main desk, conk out cold and then wake up in their dentist’s arms?”
S – “All that here?”
E – “Yeah, last time I was here they asked if they should put a big red x in front of the desk. Apparently I made number three on their list of top five highlights in this office. I bet it’s down to number four now though since he got arrested this summer.”
S – “What?”
E – “Thought you might like that one. He was giving illegal prescriptions over the phone of something like that.”
S – “Your dentist is a felon?!”
E – “Say it again but louder, I don’t think the mailman heard you. And my orthodontist committed suicide a while ago too.”
S – “Are your teeth really that bad?” *Edit glares* “So, basically I’m here to…?”
E – “Keep me from getting violent and/or passing out in the lobby…or just generally embarrassing myself.”
S – “Sounds like a full-time job.”
Dentist – “We’re ready for you now.” *leaves*
S – “Was that the felon?”
E – “Yes.”
S – “Aw, no felons have the right to be that good looking…”
E – “Slow down there cowgirl. I’ll be back soon…hopefully.”
S – “Okay, I’ll just be here, building up my tolerance for heedless celebrity gossip. Look, it’s Brad and Jennifer!”
E – “I always was Team Aniston. I bet if you dig deep enough in those piles you’ll find some about Hugh Grant and Elizabeth Hurley…” *leaves, comes back twenty minutes later to find a red-marker-colored taped ‘x’ in front of the desk* “Oh, You’re dead.” *Sketch smiles and makes a run for it*


Oh my god, so sad it's been so long that when I went to find it I realized I had like 5 sitting at the bottom that I've completely forgotten about altogether. And they actually don't suck! Like this one.

So that's exciting and depressing at the same time. Exciting because they don't suck, but depressing because I've changed so much that I don't even have time to write anymore.

I'm supposed to be editing two stories for a friend, granted I'm almost done with one of them, but I've had them for like 2 months. Worst editor ever.

Where was I before all this?

Dentist.

Right.

Fantastic.

Appointment to get cavaties filled tomorrow. Mom is taking me cause they're getting me all drugged up. Am taking my headphones, I'll try to remember not to sing. Or do anything embarrassing. But if you're drugged up you really don't care about that anyway.

Alright, out for the night. Not gonna be fun tomorrow cause after all that - I'll sleep it off hopefully - I get to do all my homework and get it posted as it's due at some point this weekend, I should probably figure out what date exactly. But it's just reading articles and posting my opinion. But first sleep will be required to think properly. Both now and after the appointment.

"Every Other Time" LFO

flashbacks.

OUT!

Sketch and Edit Discuss a Serious Matter

"Do I smell burning crab?"
"It's cajun!"
More Frasier, I feel like I should finish the series. I had to keep watching until Niles and Daphne got together but now that they're together then it was until he proposed. And now he proposed so does this mean I have to watch 'til the wedding? Then the kids? Man.

Work flew by, as it usually does, and Team Awesome was reunited for two hours, huzzah! Then came home and sat out on the balcony with my big fat cat. It's good I live on the third floor since that keeps him from jumping and running away. I'm grateful he's a big chicken. I read half of Book #5. It's alright so far, but I don't know a lot about ships so I'm a little confused. I'll figure it out, it's pretty intriguing.

aaannd look, it's Bellamy Young. Who also shares my birthday. She's guest starred in pretty much all of my favorite shows. Frasier, NCIS, Grey's Anatomy, Castle, plus the awesomeness that was Ellen Darling in Dirty Sexy Money. Too bad about those high heels. I'm telling you, you really have to plan out your entire outfit when you kill someone in a jealous rage. Although, that would mean you'd have to predict when you were going to have a jealous rage so that you could dress properly. There was actually an entire Sketch and Edit dedicated to that moment. Here, I'll find it.

Sketch and Edit Discuss a serious matter
Edit - *screams as Ellen Darling slips and hits her head on sink after unsuccessfully trying to kill her husband* "Oh my god! Did that just happened?"
Sketch – "That’s what you get when you go to kill your husband in the wrong shoes."
E – "You really think changing out of those stilettos would have made it successful?"
S – "Couldn’t hurt."
E – "She was drunk and filled with rage. I don’t think she had a chance to think ‘Hmm, I should go put on my combat boots before I grab a fireplace poker to kill my husband while he’s in the shower.’ Clearly she was far too inebriated for rational thought."
S – "It was still a bad idea. She needed something with traction. Every psycho killer should know that."
E – "Something with a non-stick grip?"
S – "I like how her feet went all the way over her head like that."
E – "That’s a lot of glass. He shouldn’t be kneeling next to her barefoot."
S – "Maybe he wore shower shoes."
E – "In his own shower?"
S – "See, these shows are filled with faulty logic!"
E – "Kinda like how Denny came back from the dead?"
S – "Yeah, that’s just stupid. Dead Denny must die."

But the great thing about Bellamy is I play this game where, if I see her name in the title credits, I guess what hair color she's going to have. Cause you never know if she's going to be a blonde or brunette. It's amusing. We're alike in that aspect.


Songs for the night:
"A Punk" by Vampire Weekend

I remember first seeing these guys on SNL a few years ago, he was wearing this like giant scarf that was all I could look at. I didn't even see any of the background singers, just the giant scarf and strings sticking out of his guitar.

"Marry You" Glee cast version

Love Burt's dance moves. Totally make the song.

Tomorrow is a halfday then possible movie with some family and friends. Thinking food then Bridesmaids! Cause it looks hysterical. And I need a night out that's not class or camp or work related.

Here's Bellamy if you have no idea who I'm talking about.


yes i'm a nerd. but you knew that already.

OUT!

This is a week of my favorite things Day Five: Hobbies

Since I love my job and that's basically my life now I don't have a lot of time for hobbies, or as much time as I used to. Aside from the usual singing, dancing like an idiot, watching movies/tv, listening to music, hanging out with friends most of my hobbies somehow involve children - directing plays, directing a camp, directing skits and worship at that camp, that's my mid-year life. Should be interesting to balance with work. We'll see how that goes. We have a date for the play this year, we're doing Three Men in the Fiery Furnace - but it's under a different title that I can't remember - but we're grouping it with awards night, that way we have more time to work on it.
Aaannnd, since it's almost spring that means camp stuff is going to be starting up full swing soon, aka writing up the registration and release forms, sending them out, updating the website, then once they start coming in it's all about ordering t-shirts, assigning grades to cabins along with counselors, teen helpers, station leaders, putting together a schedule, watching the budget, writing/finding skits to match with the numbers in each grade. Printing nametags to put in the lanyards, updating the song books...I'm missing something, I'm sure. But yeah, there are spreadsheets galore on my computer, it's madness. But I love it. Because, again, I'm crazy. But just seeing how happy the kids are is totally worth it. Plus, youth camp means teen camp which is even more fun because it means I'm not constantly watching out for homesick 3rd graders. These are just teens that only want to swim, tube, or watch movies on the wall. "Delayed...Reaction" loves teen camp because it's when we're most inspired to write and perform music...Plus we eat things like pizza, steak, lasagne, icecream and all that. Take them bowling. Go tubing down the river, which we do at youth camp as well but that is madness. 40+ 5-8th graders tubing down a river does not bode well for the sane. I'm stoked! Can't you tell? No, I actually am stoked. I love it. Which is why I've been going to the camp since 2nd grade. That's like...crap headmath on the fly sucks, Library Goddess was right. Like 12 years of camp! Madness, no wonder I got promoted. I'm a lifer. So's Amos. And Steve. And Megan. We have fun.

Okay, enough rambling, list time.

So I guess favorite hobbies for me include:
5. Lazy things like watching movies/tv, listening to music, reading books - it's nice to have something that's quiet and laidback after working all day in public service.
4. Helping with the play at my old grade school - we have far too much fun during practice. more laughing than progress but it's worth it in the end.
3. Going to the Roller Derby!! I'm a nerd for Derby. LT. Slamher is my hero. No Coast Derby Girls all the way! Toni told me I was supposed to try out (aka manager) but Mom said if I made it into grad school I wasn't allowed to join as it would take up too much of my time. Boo. I could pull off a secret hidden life, right? Yeah, no, probably not.
2. Directing the kids summer camp - yes it basically takes over my life and all my spare time but I love it. I really do.
1. Writing - That's really my only "hobby hobby" of interest because it's the only thing I'm occasionally semi-good at. Or so people tell me, everything I write I think is crap. Maybe that's because I'm a perfectionist, about writing anyway, so if it turns out different than my plan I don't like it.
But I write some of the skits for camp if I can't find anything I like. This past year I wrote one on Rapuzel the early years aka before she was born and how the evil witch tricked her parents into giving her up. I gave it to the seventh grade girls. My niece played the demon radish - long story - but they loved it, she still has the script hanging on her door. I always give my favorite skits to the seventh graders just because they still think drama and acting is fun, whereas the eighth graders are like "this is lame. i want to go swimming." It's the skits that are written at 2AM the night before camp that I've learned go over the best, aka Rapuzel and then the year before that's "Killer Eggs" which is an even longer story and yet again for the seventh graders.
But major pressure for this year since I promised the seventh grade girls a continuation of Rapunzel after she was imprisoned. And now they'll be eighth graders. Crap.

Okay, back to writing. Since it's clearly my favorite hobby without any competition we'll just go with it.

Here's a short intro from one of my latest projects.

“Well they say she died easy of a broken heart disease, as I listen through the cemetery trees.” – One Headlight, The Wallflowers

I watch as Tom, her father, approaches the grave. His hands are clasped behind him as he walks in an adagio kind of pace. From far away one could easily assume he is at peace, but they would be missing the contorted look on his face that contradicts with the rest of his calm demeanor. He is trying to be strong for Amanda, Lindsay’s mother, who seems to be a zombie in complete denial of every emotion ever conceived.
As the service starts people make a circle around the grave and Father Mark. I stay by the tree line around the edge of the cemetery. My feet are stuck in place. I can’t seem to make it any closer than 40 feet away. The breeze picks up and I can hear the leaves rustling against each other. It is as if she is here pushing me toward the grave, begging me to say goodbye and receive some kind of closure in return. But I’m not going anywhere. This is as close as I can get. The wind makes it hard to hear Father Mark. I can only make out every couple words but I’m not really listening anyway. All I can think about is the last few days. A week ago you were healthy. A week ago you were happy. A week ago we were together. Now you’re dead… and it’s my fault.

Intrigued? Me too, now if only I could figure out where to go from there!! No, I have a couple pages after that but I'm already stuck. Jake is the main character, he is moving to Seattle for a job and asks Lindsay to go with him. Most of it is in flashback. I'm still debating how to kill her off and make it his fault. I have a couple of ideas but none of them good enough to give me inspiration to finish it. If you have any send them my way!

So, since I'm blocked on that one I'll stick to my guns and hit you with another Sketch and Edit. With them I'm never blocked, mostly because they're short and if I don't like it I can make them do someting else, like order takeout or go shopping for flowers or go to a bar or install a nav system or decorate a tree. The possibilities are endless. There are more of these throughout the blog if you feel like scrolling through. You don't have to read them in any particular order.

Since I've been spent most of my day in one Wednesday I'll give you this one.

Sketch and Edit Sit in the Waiting Room
E – “I hate waiting rooms. They always make me feel so nervous.”
S – “Remind me why I’m here again.”
E – “Every time I go to the dentist something always goes wrong.”
S – “And I’m here because…”
E – “I need the moral support. You should know I’m famous here for bad things happening. Didn’t you notice the hygienists laughing and giving me funny looks when I checked in?”
S – “I just figured that was a normal reaction for people around you. Why are you famous at your dentist’s office?”
E – “Just traumatic events… I kicked him once.”
S – “The dentist?”
E – “No, Janet Reno, yes the dentist!”
S – “What happened?”
E – “He told me all he needed to do was pull out one of my baby teeth and it wouldn’t take long but ended up cutting it into four pieces.”
S – “Ouch, but that’s not that bad.”
E – “And I passed out, it was embarrassing.”
S – “Lots of people pass out at their dentist’s.”
E – “Do they also freak out over having too much Novacaine, run to the lobby, smack their heads on the main desk, conk out cold and then wake up in their dentist’s arms?”
S – “All that here?”
E – “Yeah, last time I was here they asked if they should put a big red x in front of the desk. Apparently I made number three on their list of top five highlights in this office. I bet it’s down to number four now though since he got arrested this summer.”
S – “What?”
E – “Thought you might like that one."
S – “Your dentist is a felon?!”
E – “Say it again but louder, I don’t think the mailman heard you. And my orthodontist committed suicide a while ago too.”
S – “Are your teeth really that bad?” *Edit glares* “So, basically I’m here to…?”
E – “Keep me from getting violent and/or passing out in the lobby…or just generally embarrassing myself.”
S – “Sounds like a full-time job.”
Dentist – “We’re ready for you now.” *leaves*
S – “Was that the felon?”
E – “Yes.”
S – “Aw, no felons have the right to be that good looking…”
E – “Slow down there cowgirl. I’ll be back soon…hopefully.”
S – “Okay, I’ll just be here, building up my tolerance for heedless celebrity gossip. Look, it’s Brad and Jennifer!”
E – “I always was for Team Aniston. I bet if you dig deep enough in those piles you’ll find some about Hugh Grant and Elizabeth Hurley…” *leaves, comes back twenty minutes later to find a red-marker-colored taped ‘x’ in front of the desk* “Oh, You’re dead.” *Sketch smiles and makes a run for it*


Based on a true story. I really am famous at my dentist's office. The main lady at the desk asked if they should put an x in front of the desk and one of the hygienist's heads went up and yelled "that was you?!"



Okay, I'm running out of ideas for favorite things. I have Music, Movies, TV, Books and now Hobbies. Tomorrow I'm thinking Youtube clips or websites or something to that effect. If you have any other suggestions send them my way.

Happy Birthday Sketch!

Happy birthday to my bestest friend in the whole wide world. 23. Wow. You're old. That means I have 23 days left to be young, any advice?

Sketch and Edit Buy Some Plants – sequel to “Get Some Flowers” (posted back in December if you're interested, scroll back a few pages and you'll find it)

E – “Why are we buying plants? I’m just going to kill them.”
S – “I have to get something to send to my friend. What kind of plant says ‘you’re gorgeous but I hate you for being such an jerk’?”
E – “Ohhh, him. Um, Poison Ivy?”
S – “You can’t buy that.”
E – “Venus Fly Trap.”
S – “Where would I get that?”
E – “Oh, a cactus!!”
S – “Sounds good.”
E – “You still haven’t told me the whole story about how you met.”
S – “What kind of cactus should I get him? I’m thinking one that looks extremely painful. Wearing gloves indoors doesn’t sound very sexy.”
E – “Nice segue there. I don’t know, ask an employee.”
S – “K, go look for a mediocre one.”
E – “Why, you want to ditch ‘Plant Man’ for an actual Plant Man?”
S – “Nope, I’m not looking for anyone. He’ll be just for you.”
E – “Really? Not looking? Things getting serious with ‘Vegetation Boy’ already?”
S – “Vegetation Boy?”
E – “I’m still working on the nickname. Oo, how about this really ugly flower?”
S – “It’s too green.”
E – “Plants are green. Deal with it.”
S – “I’m looking for something pink... unmasculine… or ugly… or painful. I don’t know, I haven’t decided yet… but not that one.”
E – “You’ve been spending too much time with me. You’re getting rambly.”
S – “It’s contagious.”
E – *picks up plant* “What about this one?”
S – “Too pretty.”
E – “I meant for us. It’ll look nice in the living room.”
S – “Since when are you Martha Stewart?”
E – “Hey, green is supposed to represent life and energy and we both need all of that we can get!”
S – “So if we have more green in the house we will have more energy?”
E – “Green is inspirational. It will help us to think more clearly.”
S – “That’s a load of crap. Where did you hear that?”
E – “I read it online.”
S – “Well there ya go.”
E – “Hey, there is a lot of useful stuff online.”
S – “And also a lot of crap.”
E – “Well how am I supposed to differentiate between what’s real and what’s crap?”
S – “Cook your chickens well?”
E – “What?”
S – “Got me.”
E – “Can we get a cactus for our house?”
S – “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
E – “Why not, they’re hard to kill. I’d have to actually make an effort to kill it… Pour some pop on it… drop a few books…”
S – “Yes, but they’re also painful and you, klutz, are not careful.”
E – “C’mon mom! Please mom can I get a cactus? I promise to water it and feed it and take it on walks and make it watch HGTV so it can see its friends…”
S – “And…”
E – “And?”
S – “And…”
E – *mutters* “And I’ll wear gloves. I can make them look sexy.”
S – “You call me mom again I’ll kick your butt.”
E – “Been there, done that.”


Happy Birthday to my Twisted Sister. Dance it out.

Sketch and Edit Watch a Movie

Okay, this one was inspired by a friend of mine in college. She gave a speech about Disney and some of the things she said sort of stuck with me. It seems a little like a rant but it's funny. Which, I guess, most of my rants are kind of funny - ask Sketch - so it goes right along with the rest of them.
I'm posting it now because Space Cadet and I just had a conversation tonight about Disney movies and since I really have nothing else to talk about - other than Mom visiting again and taking me and my sister out to Noodles, awesome - I'm just gonna post this, watch some more Burn Notice and then crash.
Also, people actually read this blog? Note to self: be more witty and charming in the future.


Sketch and Edit Watch a Movie

E – “Disney movies are never as magical once you’re old enough to understand what’s going on.”
S – “What do you mean?”
E – “Well, Snow White lived in the middle of the woods with seven men. What sane women would want to do that? Plus one of them was on drugs. Is that even allowed on the Disney channel?”
S – “Dopey was dumb, not on drugs.”
E – “You don’t know that. Look, he can’t even walk in a straight line.”
S – “Give me another example.”
E – “Okay, Prince Whatever kissed a dead girl.”
S – “Sleeping Beauty was not dead, she was asleep.”
E – “That’s not who I was talking about but that’s gross too. Snow White was dead and Prince What’s-his-name kissed her. But yeah, What’s-his-name kissed Sleeping Beauty after she had been asleep for like hundreds of years.”
S – “Phillip.”
E – “That’s still gross, can you imagine the morning breath? And how was she living after all those years anyway without food or water…or going to the bathroom?! That bed would be disgusting.”
S – “Disney is magic. You’re being too literal.”
E – “Another thing, why are all of the main characters an only child?”
S – “Really? I never noticed that.”
E – “Yeah, Aladdin, Belle, Snow White, Aurora, and the bulk of them have single parents.”
S – “Like who?”
E – “Cinderella, Belle, Ariel… I just don’t get her.”
S – “Ariel?”
E – “Yeah, what’s appealing about someone who has to swim around all day in algae? She’s just shells and big hair - which is another thing.”
S – “What?”
E – “Why do they all look like Barbie? And why do they wear practically nothing?”
S – “Because they all look like Barbie?”
E – “And why are they all in their teens?”
S – “Maybe they feel that the children who are watching the movies won’t identify with older characters.”
E – “Is that why they make all the older people bad guys?”
S – “Who?”
E – “Ursula, Cruella, the Queen, the evil stepmother… You know who my favorite villain was?”
S – “Who?”
E – “Maleficent.”
S – “You just like her because you played her in Briar Rose.”
E – “Because she’s fabulous, with all the black and the purple and she could turn into a dragon.”
S – “Lovely.”
E – “Uber-fabulous, you know who else was fabulous?”
S – “Your mom?”
E – “Cruella De Ville.”
S – “You only like her because she was based on Tallulah Bankhead.”
E – “What’s wrong with that? She was rich and powerful and had hired henchmen. It’s the only way to live.”
S – “She was also terrible and tried to kill a bunch of dogs just for a coat.”
E – “Yeah, dead puppies aren’t much fun. You know who I never really got?”
S – “Who’s that?”
E – “Peter Pan, he’s this weird adolescent boy who flies around in green tights. Plus his best friend is a fairy. What does that say about teen boys?”
S – “You’re being too literal, but you know what else is messed up?”
E – “What’s that?”
S – “The men in Moulin. They’re always running around without their shirts in the snow.”
E – “It shows off their masculinity. That one is your favorite, right?”
S – “Yep.”
E – “I liked the Sword and the Stone, totally underrated and hilarious, but my favorite was Robin Hood.”
S – “Yes because animals of those sorts could coexist without killing each other.”
E – “Now who’s being too literal? But you’re right, what’s with the constant usage of friendly magical creatures?”
S – “I know your least favorite Disney movie.”
E – “Oh really? Try me.”
S – “The Jungle Book…scaredy cat…”
E – “Shutup! That was one time and I was little!”
S – “You ran half a mile barefoot on gravel to get to your grandparents house because the TV was too loud and it was at the scary part.”
E – “I couldn’t find my parents! It was dark! Then grandpa brought me back and they didn’t even realize I was gone!”
S – “What about fairy godfathers? You never see any of those. And all the godmothers are fat.”
E – “Hey I resent that. I’m a godmother.”
S – “Yes but not a fairy.”
E – “Oh, right. Plus they all depend on magic to get their way in life. Not once is God mentioned in any of these movies. And all the girls portrayed are all in need of a hero. They’re all these helpless frail beings who need to be rescued by their princes just to ride off in the fake sunset.”
S – “Doesn’t say much about guys either, half the princes don’t even have lines in these movies.”
E – “Or names, half of them are just called ‘Prince.’ And there’s no punishment for those who’ve done wrong.”
S – “Meaning?”
E – “The beast killed what’s his face-”
S – “Gueston.”
E – “Right, the beast killed Gueston without consequences, and Ursula got hosed by Prince Eric. Aladdin lies for a living and ends up with the princess. The guys in these movies are messed up. The prince in Cinderella – no name - falls in love after one dance, the prince from Snow White – another no name – sees her like twice and then kisses a dead girl – gross – The only real requirement for a guy in these movies is to be tall, dark and handsome. They don’t even have to speak. Talk about a dream role. But all these little kids think these movies are real. So what are we trying to teach them?”
S – “I don’t know but I have a feeling you’re about to tell me.”
E – “Disney shows badly dressed, young, nameless, helpless people who rely on magic and fall in love with random people they find attractive and sing with animals. If you’re already over sixteen you won’t marry a hot, prince or princess and you can’t live happily ever after, instead you’ll turn into this evil ugly hag. I don’t get it.”
S – “Get what?”
E – “Disney is like crack.”
S – “Did you just call Disney ‘crack?’”
E – “These kids get addicted. They go see the movies then have to have all the merchandise that goes along with it.”
S – “It helps stimulate the economy that Bush ran into the ground. So what’s your solution?”
E – “I don’t know. Make the characters older, dress them, give them lines … and names…”
S – “Okay, to you and me this makes sense, but to little kids…these movies bring joy to their lives.”
E – “Have you not paid attention to any part of this discussion? The main character is always a girl with perfect figure or a muscular boy and each and every one of them is royal or ends up royal at the end of the movie. What is a five-year-old girl who’s not in the best shape, going to say after you tell her that her parents are not the king and queen of France and she’s not going to ride off into the fake sunset with a handsome prince in the future? How would that possibly bring joy to a child’s life?”
S – “Ignorance is bliss.”
E – “Ignorance is crap…I miss those days…”
S – “Wanna watch something else?”
E – “Yes, please.”

Edit Gets Back From a Rock Concert

Okay, so I'll make this short and then add a Sketch and Edit. I'm posting this one in particular because it's how I'm feeling currently. Thankfully I have tomorrow off to sleep in and all that. I went to work and felt fine, until I started working, then I got all light-headed and burning up again. But I toughed it out, it was only 3hours. I keep hearing Coach Otte's voice in my head "It's all mental!" But it's not working. Sorry Coach. When I got home I crashed and burned - a familiar concept lately - and my brother-in-law brought me groceries because I'm spoiled and had no food. But hey, they offered so I took it up. Well, my sister offered anyway, I'm sure he was thrilled to bring them all over here. I love my family. Now I'm laid out on my couch in my awesome blue sun hoodie, yay for firefly, and going to start How I Met Your Mother season one.

Sketch and Edit - Get Back From a Rock Concert

E – “Ow.” *limping*
S – “Hey, how was the concert?”
E – “Ow.”
S – “Whoa, are you okay?”
E – “Ow.”
S – “What happened?”
E – “I tried to crowd surf and the tide went out.”
S – “Seriously?”
E – “The sea just parted.”
S – “You tried to crowd surf?”
E – “Yeah, so? Ow.”
S – “You?”
E – “Sometimes, people do things in crowds that they would never do on their own. We learned all about it in Social Psychology.”
S – “I think you’d need a crowd for this one. I don’t think you can do it alone.”
E – “Yeah, I figured that one out.”
S – “Haha, bright side?”
E – “Oh I dare you. Cheese it woman, I’m in pain.”


Faaaaaaaalllllll on your Kneeeees....... Ohh Heeeeeear the angel Vooooiiices...stuck in my head. Told you they stay on my ipod until July. And then it's pointless to take them off so I just leave them on. I start singing Santababy in August anyway.

Sketch and Edit Bake a Pie

since today was the holiday breakfast at work and there was awesome food leftover i figured i'd post this. plus i've been gone since sunday so gotta make up for it.


Bake a Pie

S – “What are you doing in the kitchen?”
E – “What do you mean?”
S – “You’re never in the kitchen.”
E – “Yes I am.”
S – “Why are you wearing an apron? And why does it smell like smoke in here? What did you do?”
E – “I’m making a pie.”
S – “You don’t make pies.”
E – “Well now I do.”
S – “Right.”
E – “In fact I’ve already made 3 today.”
S – “What are we going to do with all that pie?”
E – “I threw them out.”
S – “What, why?”
E – “I said I made them I didn’t say they came out right.”
S – “Ugh.”

Sketch and Edit Decorate a Tree

Today was awesome. Only had to work until 1 then I met up with my grad advisor and we basically planned out the next couple years of my life. Serious weight off my mind. I'm still freaking out about the whole grad school thing but knowing which classes to take and when helps a lot.
Tomorrow is back to work as usual, but in the mean time here's another Sketch and Edit to get you into the holiday spirit. This was actually the first one I ever wrote. It's kind of funny that this is where they originated and it went on from here. Hope you enjoy.


Sketch and Edit Decorate a tree

S – “Got the lights?”
E – “Check.”
S – “Tinsel?”
E – “Check.”
S – “Ornaments?”
E – “Check.”
S – “Booze?”
E – “Check.” *gets on chair*
S – “You’re not going to fall again this year are you?”
E – “That was one time! Two years ago! You were the one that spiked my cocoa! I was helpless.”
S – “You took out the tree!”
E – “Again, you spiked my drink.”
S – “You crushed the ornaments!”
E – “They were ugly, still your fault.”
S – “You killed the reindeer!”
E – “They were staring at me, again your fault.”
S – “Then the lights went psycho and caught the tree on fire.”
E – “Which I successfully put out!”
S – “With the tree skirt!”
E – “It was in grabbing distance.”
S – “Now the tree doesn’t even stand straight anymore.”
E – “Still your fault.”
S – “And it makes the room smell like smoke.”
E – “New tradition, part of the Christmas spirit.”
S – “We need a new star.”
E – “Why?”
S – “Because this one’s old and cracked from when it broke your fall.”
E – “Can I light it on fire?”
S – “Sure pyro…as long as you stay away from the house…”
E – “Sweet!”
S – “Be sure to grab the hose to put out the grass fire!”
E – “Haha, very funny.” *grabs matches, lights on fire, drops it, starts grass fire* “Crap!”


ps- Apparently I say the word "crap" a lot at work which Chris thinks is funny and Superwoman also said it so he claims it stands for Chris Really Acts Professional. Gotta love fun coworkers.

Sketch Gets Some Flowers

This is the real life Sketch's favorite.

S&E Get Some Flowers

E – “What’s with the flowers?”
S – “Just this guy’s demented way of apologizing.”
E – “‘Sorry I tried to run you down with my car?’ I bet the florist doesn’t get to write that one very often.”
S – “Yeah, I thought it was pretty catchy. He’s probably just trying to avoid a lawsuit.”
E – “You gonna tell me what’s going on?”
S – “I can’t right now.”
E – “Why not?”
S – “I gotta go.”
E – “Trolling for Saders? What’s with the outfit?”
S – “I have a date.”
E – “With whom?”
S – “Him.”
E – “The guy who tried to run you down?”
S – “Yeah.”
E – “I’m confused. Who is this guy?”
S – “He’s a jerk. How do I look?”
E – “I don’t like secrets.”
S – “Just the ones you aren’t in on.”
E – “How come you haven’t mentioned him before?”
S – “There was nothing to say.”
E – “He’s not Michael Jackson with a facelift is he?”
S – “No, that card would read ‘I’m sorry I dangled your child off my balcony.’”
E – “Or it’s an invitation to Neverland Ranch.”
S – “I gotta go.”
E – “Watch out for cars...”
S – “Yeah, yeah.”


I'm exhausted, but it was a good day. Tomorrow should be too, I'm off at noon and nothing to avoid!

Sketch and Edit Cook a Turkey

Sketch and Edit Cook a Turkey
E – “Aw, poor G. This will only hurt for a minute!”
S – “G?”
E – “Short for ‘Gobbler.’”
S – “He’s already dead, you know that right?”
E – “Hey, I would want someone to commentate my afterlife. It would be boring to just lay there not knowing what’s going on.”
S – “You would want to hear about someone cooking you very slowly?”
E – “Okay, no. I think I just became a vegetarian. Karma’s totally gonna come back and bite me in the ass for this.” *silence* “We need a code word.”
S – “For what?”
E – “I don’t know, it just seems like something we should have. Like a panic word.”
S – “We already have ‘the code.’”
E – “‘The code’ consists of hitting a bunch of nonsensical characters on a phone keyboard in a text message sent so the receiver knows to call so the sender can get away from their stalker exes or possible future exes.”
S – “So what’s the difference?”
E – “You can’t use that code in person. It would look like you’re having a seizure… ‘alkwekcselsfi6634lkanskjdf7’ …. ‘Huh? Should I call the medic?’ … ‘No I was trying to tell you there’s a psychokiller standing behind you.’”
S – “Why couldn’t you just say ‘there’s a psychokiller standing behind you’?”
E – “Because that would alert the psychokiller that we know they’re a psychokiller and that we were on to them which would make us viable targets for them to stab!” *motions with knife*
S – “Would you put down the dagger please, before you hurt one of us.”
E – “Sorry, I was deep in it.”
S – “So… code word…”
E – “Code word.”
S – “For psychokillers…”
E – “And crazy exes who might potentially become psychokillers…”
S – “You do know how many people are on that list now, right?”
E – “Just because I have more exes than I do years in my life doesn’t make me a bad person!”
S – “Yeah, just keep telling yourself that.”
E – “What about ‘bananas’?”
S – “No, because you’re constantly using the phrase ‘driving me bananas’ and I would just get confused.”
E – “Right. ‘Pineapple’?”
S – “What’s with the fruit? Shouldn’t a code word be inconspicuous?”
E – “Pineapple is inconspicuous.”
S – “Not if you’re standing somewhere in the middle of winter surrounded by people. Yelling that would just draw attention.”
E – “Okay, so not fruit.”
S – “Pookie.”
E – “No, that would just make me want to smack you… or let the psychokiller get you.”
S – “Awww, mean. You’d think a future-librarian could think of a better code word reference.”
E – “Kilgore Trout?”
S – “I’ll get back to you on that.”


happy thanksgiving!

Sketch and Edit Make Grilled Cheese

Okay, here's a second post. In honor of the potluck I had for lunch - awesomeness - I give you a Sketch and Edit based on another real life experience in which I injured myself while making grilled cheese. I should never be allowed in a kitchen.

Sketch and Edit Make Grilled Cheese

S – “Should I get the fire extinguisher?”
E – “Uncalled for…”
S – “Have you seen yourself cook?”
E – “Point taken…”
S – “Please don’t burn down the house.”
E – “This is why you’re here. I got the bread, now what?”
S – “Now you need some butter to put on the outside of the bread so it will cook.”
E – “Okay, butter…butter…we have that somewhere.”
S – “Check the fridge, spazoid.”
E – “Right…fridge…” *opens door, glass bowl falls out and shatters everywhere*
S – “Real smooth there X-lax.”
E – “Woops. I’ll clean it up.” *sweeps up the glass* “Okay.” *applies butter to bread*
S – “Now cut the cheese and put it in the middle.”
E – “Cut the cheese…hehehe…” *gets smacked in the back of the head* “Okay, cutting cheese.”
S – “Now put it in the pan and watch it carefully. Don’t let it burn.”
E – “Okay.” *goes to put butter back in the fridge and steps on glass shard effectively slicing the foot open* “Ouch! Ow! Pain! Vulgar language, vulgar language!” *grabs paper towels and hops to bathroom*
S – “Thanks for the censor. You’re getting blood all over my clean floor.”
E – “It’s my floor too.”
S – “You never use the kitchen, it’s mine.”
E – “Thanks for caring so much about my health.”
S – “You’ll be fine.”
E – “You didn’t even see it!”
S – “You’re still conscious; I think you’ll make it.”
E – “It won’t stop bleeding!”
S – “Should I call the doctor?” *sarcastically*
E – “I don’t like going to the doctor.”
S – “Yes, I’m aware.”
E – *re-enters kitchen with towel wrapped tightly around foot* “Ow, ow, ow…”
S – “That’s hot, Spazoid.”
E – “Thanks, I try so hard. Aw, man, I burnt my grilled cheese!!”
S – “I said, ‘don’t burn it!’ Shame on you…and your cheese!”

Tuesday Bloody Tuesday

Tuesdays are usually my day for errands and cleaning. The only cleaning I got done today was putting away laundry. My place is a mess and all I want to do is crash. So, here is my lazy attempt at an entry before I konk out.

Sketch and Edit Go Grocery Shopping

S – “I’ve never seen someone stare at packages of cheese for half an hour straight.”
E – “I am an enigma like that. It’s all a part of my charm.”
S – “Why are you being so particular?”
E – “Yes because I’m the picky eater out of us…”
S – “Point taken. What are you stuck on exactly?”
E – “Well, the ingredients in this one sound tastier, but this one looks prettier. I was going to go with the prettier one but then I was afraid it was too pretty to eat.”
S – “So go with the ugly one.”
E – “But I don’t want to eat anything that ugly when I could have something much prettier.”
S – “It is a quandry.”
E – “Uh yeah! The hardest kind!”
S – “Why don’t you ask someone who works here for their opinion?”
E – “Are you going to go find me a mediocre looking employee?”
S – “Why mediocre?”
E – “Well he can’t be pretty because what kind of pickup line would that be? Hey, can you help me pick out some cheese? While you’re at it point me in the direction of some coconut milk.”
S – “Coconut milk?”
E – “We’re out.”
S – “Do I want to know why?” *Edit picks up another package * “What if I run into an ugly one first?”
E – “Ugly what?”
S – “Employee.”
E – “Run?”
S – “Alright, you continue to stare intensely. I’ll be back with a mediocre looking employee.”

This one is actually based on a true story. A friend and I went looking for coconut milk and they didn't have any so we ended up getting this coconut goo stuff instead, the drinks didn't turn out as well but they were still fun to make. But we're kind of random and the cute employee vs. ugly one just kind of came out.

Jalapeno Margaritas!

Today was fabulous - got to sleep in because I didn't start work until 2 then it was a slow day in which I didn't get yelled at by a patron - that's new - and I went out to eat with some good friends for supper. Jalapeno margaritas and fajitas at this awesome Mexican place off O Street. Now I'm doing laundry and watching Castle.

Here's another Sketch and Edit for you.
Sketch and Edit Install a Navigational System

S – “Do you think we can set it up so it can say ‘You are driving too fast, slow down or you will be arrested?’”
Mom – “How about, ‘Slow down, your mother doesn’t like it when you drive this fast.’”
E – “I’m kind of hoping for ‘Put on your seatbelt you filthy whore.’”
S – “‘Watch the road you dirty hooker.’”
Mom – “You two are terrible.”
S – “What are you going to name it?”
E – “Either Fred or Thomas.”
S – “As in Cindy Thomas?”
E – “Of course.” *starts driving* “Make it so it talks with an accent.”
Machine – *talks with feminine voice* “Turn right at the next corner.”
E – “Thomas it is, awesome!” *turns left*
S – “Wrong way.”
E – “I know I want to see what it says.”
Machine – “Make a u-turn if possible.”
E – “Nope!”
Machine – “Make a left and then a left.”
E – “What’s the difference between that and a u-turn? Is she trying to trick me? What’ll she do if I keep driving this way?”
Machine – “Make a u-turn if possible.”
E – “Alright, alright, I’m turning around.” *does so, then takes a different route*
Machine – “Turn right at the next corner.”
E – “You don’t take a right here, you go straight and turn right at the stoplight!”
Machine – “Make a u-turn if possible.” *stops talking for a while*
S – “I think you pissed it off.”
E – “Thomas, are you mad at me?”
Machine – “Turn left at the next corner, you filthy whore.”

Sketch and Edit Order Takeout

Okay, so I think it's time I introduce you to Sketch and Edit. Basically, the story behind them is that my best friend is an artist who used to draw me all sorts of pictures. One day she stopped and said she wouldn't draw me anymore pictures until I wrote her something. Since my correspondence sucks (except for the summer in which I wrote to a friend every day because she was at navy bootcamp) I started writing her these short little skits. The character's names (that I came up with at one of my sister's craftshows) are Sketch since she's an artist and Edit since I'm a writer.
Here's one for you, let me know what you think.

Sketch and Edit Order Takeout

Edit – “What do you want for supper?”
Sketch – “Whatever.” *enthralled in a TV show*
E – “Wanna eat here or out?”
S – “Whatever.”
E – “Want to make something?”
S – “Whatever.”
E – “Want me to order something?”
S – “Whatever.”
E – “Well thank you for all that help General Vague. I’ll call and get some pizza. What kind do you want?”
S – “Whatever.”
E – “Is pepperoni okay?”
S – “Whatever.”
E – “Are you even listening to me?”
S – “Whatever.”
E – “Do you like cheese?”
S – “Whatever.”
E – “Can I borrow some cash?”
S – “Whatever.”
E – “Can I go take a joy ride in your car?”
S – “Whatever.”
E – “Can I look through the classifieds and set you up on a blind date?”
S – “Whatever.”
E – “I think Godzilla is attacking!”
S – “Whatever.”
E – “The sky is falling!”
S – “Whatever.”
E – “I hear the call of the wild!”
S – “Whatever.”
E – “I’m calling your mother!”
S – “Huh?”