and i wanna believe you when you tell me that it'll be okay.

Ah, a weekend off.

Just what I needed.

Before all hell breaks loose this week.

That's right, homework assignments and camp prep 24/7.

And working full time.

Plus I'd like to actually see my boyfriend before I go off the radar for a week.

Cause I like him and all that.

So it's gonna be an interesting week.

Today was fun.

Family reunion in the morning.

Well, noon.

Got to see Shirl and jam with the family for like half an hour before I had to take off for a camp meeting.

Was good to see her as it only seems to happen once a year.

Was bummed the artist uncle couldn't make it, but I did get to see my great aunt so that's okay.

And the food was good, huzzah!

Camp meeting was successful and productive. Even after our ice cream break.

Nametags and t-shirts, plus more songbook stuff and just finalizing everything, making sure we had all our campers and counselors assigned and everything.

We stayed away from cleaning out the trailer because the only thing really taken out of it was the songbooks so we think we're good.

If not we'll buy stuff down there.

I have to get skit stuff Thursday night anyway.

We always end up at the Walmart buying the most random of things.

Cause even though we are the ones who created the packing checklist we're the ones that forget things.

To be fair, we did create it like 5 years ago, so...

Yeah, will have to look that over. But I've got time, only working until noon on Thursday and then I have time to pack since I don't have to be out there until 4.

Anyway, so after the dinner and the meeting and all that came the inevitable HeeHaw marathon.

Oh yeah, you knew it was coming. Luckily we just watched the Where Oh Where parts of the episode so I could record them for their lyrics.

But it was like 20 episodes so it equaled out to at least one full one.

So that's a marathon to me.

Now I have them so I'll pick the ones I like and edit them and then I'll be officially done picking out skits cause I already have all my others assigned.

Though I'm still missing the whole writing them out part of the equation.

Thursday.

Everything becomes "Thursday."

Like, eh, we'll look through the trailer Thursday.

We can hit up Walmart on Thursday.

Yeah, I'll finish those cabin folders Thursday.

I'll write them out longhand on Thursday.

and then of course, when will this be over? Thursday.

Well, we go home on Wednesday, but it's officially over Thursday.

Until next year's Thursday when we get to start it all over again.

After HeeHaw I stopped to see the boyfriend - just for my sanity - went out to supper and back out to that lake. It's becoming our place. Sat and talked for a while.

More drama, which I hoped would calm down this week but just got a text confirming it has not.

Only made worse by the fact that he told me he doesn't want to wait to get married anymore but now we're being forced to.

Stupid "you have five years to ask me" rule will actually lead to five years.

Just not voluntarily.

Ugh.

But I guess whatever happens happens and we'll work around it.


And that was my day. Hoping tomorrow will be drama-free but it's highly doubtful.

Song of the Day cause I heard it on the way back:

Tomorrow - Avril Lavigne


used to listen to this CD on repeat.

and i'm out.

That's not pants.

I know, I haven't been very good about posting this month.

But you guys need a break every once in a while, right?

No, I've just been busy.

Like tonight.

Just got back from a wedding.

One of my lifeguards got married... and the other one gets married in November. Though that one is my cousin.

Which leaves me lifeguardless.

So I've had to find a substitute.

But it's not the same.

There will be no more Mama's and the Papa's or How Bizarre singing.

Sad day.


Anyway, so it was kind of a crappy drama-filled week. Two days ago being the worst of it and then yesterday was not such a great day.

Lost it in front of my boss.

Cause I'm weak and pathetic.

Fortunately it was in her office so there weren't others around to see me all weak and pathetic.

Even more weak and pathetic?

That's like the third time that's happened.

So apparently I am a girl. Cause girls are emotional like that.

But we had all these plans and going to a wedding really didn't help things cause I'm just reminded that now that's not gonna happen for like 3 more years until stuff calms down.

And he jokes about it cause you know I gave him 5 years to ask me originally so at the dance tonight he said if I caught the bouquet maybe it would cut a few years off. Meg said if she caught it she'd give it to me. And then when it came time for the garter he was like no, if I have to go up there it'll add years to it.

So we joke and banter but the fact is I do want to get married.

I mean it doesn't have to happen now, that's fine, but I don't want to wait 3 years.

And I know that's not his fault.

Cause he got screwed over, but it sucks cause that shift completely changes everything.

Maybe it'll be okay. Maybe HR will fix it and then this whole drama will be for nothing.

I don't know, I'm not gonna think about it.


Yesterday night was fun, had dinner with his brother and sister-in-law then we watched some old Whose Line is it Anyway - did you know they brought it back?!

Today I slept in, met him for lunch, changed for the wedding - yes, I wore a dress. His only comment was, "that's not pants."

Thanks honey.

Then went out there early. Sat with Obi-Wan and caravan'd to the wedding. Which was good cause I had no idea where we were going. And I was driving Boggs' car so I didn't want to get stranded.

Cause that would have been bad.

Jammed with the camp group, we all sat together and made cheesy comments. It took a while for the bridal party to get there - taken note that if it takes that long before we get there let the guests eat when they arrive - and of course we sat at the wrong end of the room so we had to go last. Ugh.

But it was fun.

Usually I'm out on the floor for every dance but it was nice to kind of sit back and relax for a while.

And that was the joy and excitement of yesterday and today.

Camp meeting tomorrow afternoon to sort t-shirts and do nametags.

Huzzah.

I mean, huzzah!

Cause it'll be our last one before camp.

Finally picked out all my skits and guess what I found online....



And that's only one in a string of compilations.

oh yes.

So now I'll have these along with all of Dad's recordings. Should be set for the 7th and 8th graders for a couple years at least.

Woohoo!

If you weren't aware, I make the 7th and 8th graders sing these for their skit. They sing the verses between all the other grades skits - we alternate girls and boys and then at the very end they scream it at each other.

The parents love me. The kids not so much.

alright, i'm out.

Sketch and Edit Go to the Spa

I can't decide if it's funny or sad that someone googling specific HeeHaw lyrics led them to my blog.

I'm gonna go with the former cause the latter will just depress me.

So, remember how yesterday was totally awesome with the softball tournament and even though I broke open my leg in the same spot yet again it was totally worth it?

Yeah, woke up this morning and yes the leg was nasty, but apparently I forgot to factor in the pain that would come from landing flat on my back when I did the spin in mid-air, (read yesterdays entry). I don't remember it hurting so much at the time, but forcing myself to get up this morning after sleeping on it led to me looking at my back in the mirror and noticing the bruises on my shoulder blades.

So, needless to say, today was not fun and I could barely move.

With really bad timing.

We were closed both Sunday and Monday which meant we had a massive backlog of stuff to be checked in this morning. Usually I can fly through at least four carts in an hour, this morning I barely got through one because it was constantly grab a book on your right, scan it, turn to put it on a different cart cause it was headed somewhere else, turn back, grab another book, rather rinse repeat. However, every time I turned my body instead of the chair I literally cringed in pain.

And I was limping.

So I was seriously no ninja of awesome today. There was no awesomeness and there was definitely no ninja-ness whatsoever.

I would and should have called in sick, but I couldn't because of literally the only thing that went right today - aka my first official TAB meeting.

TAB standing for Teen Advisory Board and I gotta say, I love this group of teens, they were fantastic. Super enthused about the ideas that I brought forward and brought in a bunch of their own, we combined everything into a seriously killer lineup for September-May.

They're just good kids, you know? Not like big partiers and all that, and they actually want to be there.

And one of them even put my chair away for me because at that point I was practically useless. I didn't even ask she just did it.

I did have to call the guard and ask for his help taking down tables though. It's not the walking them to the wall that hurt, it was the bending over them to hold in the levers then pushing the ends together thing that hurt.

Oh well, it's done and over and now I'm home jamming with my big fat cat.

Aaannd, since the envelope I sent Sketch like two weeks ago finally arrived I get to share this.

And a couple more throughout the week.

Yes, it's been a while, do I have to re-explain the concept?

Basically, Sketch used to draw me pictures all the time then stopped claiming she wouldn't draw me anything until I wrote her something. That weekend I was at a craftshow with my sister thinking of ideas and came up with the character names Sketch and Edit since that's basically who we are. After that it just snowballed. If you want to read the previous ones go here

Alright, on to the sketch, then the music and I'm out.

Sketch and Edit Go to the Spa

S – “Would you relax? Stop fidgeting.”

E – “I can’t. I don’t like it when people touch my feet.”

S – “No one is touching your feet.”

E – “Yeah, but they’re about to. I can feel it.”

S – “You know, this is supposed to be relaxing. Spa from the Latin ‘spring’ meaning life, growth or flow.”

E – “You’re making that up.”

S – “Whatever, my point is relaxation. I brought you here to relax. Right now you’re the opposite of relaxed. Stop stressing!”

E – “These places make me uncomfortable. Everyone is all granola.”

S – “Granola?”

E – “You know all touchy-feely, live green, save the whales.”

S – “They flow.”

E – “I don’t want their flow. I want my own flow.”

S – “Whatever, flow is flow.”

E – “How very Viola of you.”

S – “Did you just ‘She’s the Man’ me?”

E – “You started it.”

Spa lady – “Ladies, can I get you anything? Some cucumber water perhaps?”

S – “No, we’re fine. Thank you.” *she leaves*

E – “What’s cucumber water?”

S – “Dunno, sounds gross.”

E – “Can’t we just go to a movie or something?”

S – “No.”

E – “Laser tag?”

S – “No.”

E – “Paintball?”

S – “In the winter?”

E – “What’s this really about?”

S – “Cats.”

E – “Cats?”

S – “Cats.”

E – “What about cats?”

S – “I don’t like cats.”

E – “Okay?”

S – “I’m a dog person.”

E – “So?”

S – “So, if you keep up the life you’re living you’re going to turn into the stereotype.”

E – “What stereotype?”

S – “The old maid. The librarian with the thick glasses. The crazy cat lady. I hate cats. They bite and they eat and they sleep and they steal your spot and they lay there…”

E – “Okay.”

S – “We live together.”

E – “Okay.”

S – “We live together and you’re gonna be the crazy cat lady and since we live together I’m gonna be the roommate to the crazy cat lady which is worse than being the crazy cat lady herself.”

E – “How is that worse?”

S – “Because, the roommate has the option of leaving the crazy cat lady and her crazy cats in her crazy cat house but she doesn’t. She stays voluntarily making people believe she’s also a crazy cat lady when in fact she isn’t.”

E – “You’re rambling.”

S – “I don’t like cats!”

E – “Then we’ll get a dog.”

S – “Then we’ll…okay.”

E – “Okay?”

S – “Okay. Bring on the cucumber water!”

Songs You Know But Forgot You Knew Them

"Except for Monday" Lorrie Morgan

classic. yes i'm aware i should probably post this on sunday or monday but because of the holiday all of my days are messed up....and it's stuck in my head.


"Your Woman" - White Town
seriously, seriously cool video.

2012 skits, sickness, olympics and a giant guitar.

I didn't factor in the exhaustion that appears immediately following camp into my work vacation.

I will do that next year.

Needless to say I texted Superwoman this morning - cause I knew if I called she'd laugh at my lack-of-voice. I think she secretly enjoys putting me at the desk right after camp cause I can't talk and it's amusing.

But then she had BossLady call me, so my plan failed.

And she laughed at my lack-of-voice.

I couldn't talk, I felt like crap cause I didn't sleep well, and I was just physically exhausted so I went back to sleep and woke up at 4.

PM.

After that I was fine.

And I'll be fine for tomorrow.

It's just my back that's bugging me now. Think I need to visit a chiropractor. I keep saying that but I never do, I think Sketch is getting tired of hearing it.

You said that last week.

And the week before that.

Only gotta do 8 hours tomorrow and I'm off for the golf tournament on Saturday and post-camp stuff Sunday.

After the sleep-a-thon I headed out to see the boyfriend cause I missed him. We hit up the county fair where he won me - but I helped - a neon orange giant stuffed guitar in this bulldozer vs tokens game. We didn't do any rides or anything though we did watch some lawn mower racing.

Now I'm back watching taped olympics. The Americans just won gold in women's gymnastics. Sad Jordyn couldn't make the all-around but at least she got gold for this. Cool to see Shawn Johnson in the crowd, would have been cooler if she competed but apparently she was injured. Missing Nastia Luikin as well. Next up swimming. So more Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte. Actually Lochte hasn't been all that impressive and Phelps is gonna have to pick it up if he wants more medals to be the winningest in history.

Okay, as promised, here are the skits from Camp J 2012. I'm not taking credit for any as I found them all online then tweaked them a bit to fit our camp. Maybe that's why I finished them before 2AM Thursday night.

3^rd boys: Bologna

Counselor: “Did you know that Camp Jefferson has an echo? All you have to do is yell and it will repeat what you say.”

Kid: “Let me try it. I love Camp Jefferson!”

Echo: “I love Camp Jefferson!”

Kid: “3^rd grade boys rule!”

Echo: “3^rd grade boys rule!”

Kid: “Cheese!”

Echo: “Cheese!”

Kid: “Crackers!”

Echo: “Crackers!”

Kid: “Bologna!”

Echo is silent

Counselor: “It must be broken, let me try it. I’m the greatest counselor in the world!”

Echo: “Bologna!”

3^rd/4^th girls – Yaputcha

Campers: “Counselors, is it time for Yaputcha?”

Counselors check time: “No, not time yet.”

*repeat* add check wind speed, sniff the air, look into distance

Campers: “Counselors, is it time for Yaputcha?”

Counselors: “Yes, it’s time for Yaputcha.”

*all stand up*

All: “Ya-put-ya-left hand in, ya-put-ya-left hand out…”

4th boys – Outhouse
Children in a line facing pacing father
Father: "As you know, someone has pushed the outhouse into the river.(To first son) Was it you?"
First Son: "No Father!"
Father: (To second son) "Did you push the outhouse into the river?"
Second son: "No Father!" *He asks all of them, and they all say no.*
Father: "George Washington chopped down his Father's cherry tree. He told his Father 'I can not tell a lie'. When his Father heard this, he did not punish him, but he honored him for telling the truth." Now can someone tell me who did this?"
Second son: "I cannot tell a lie either Father. It was me!"
Father: "Why you little!"
He runs up after his son and other chase them
Second son: “Father! Why are you chasing me when I told you the truth? You said George Washington did not get punished!"
Father: "George Washington's Father was not in the tree when he cut it down!!"

2 kids lay in sleeping bags, 2 other pretend to be thugs
Thugs beat up 2nd kid and run off
2nd kid: “Two thugs just came through the woods and beat me up."
1st kid: "It was just a dream, go back to sleep."
*goes back to sleep and happens again*
2nd kid: “They did it again!”
1st kid: “I told you it’s a dream. Stop being a wimp and go back to sleep!”
*goes back to sleep and it happens again*
2nd kid: “They beat me up again!”
1st kid: "Fine, if it will make you feel better, I'll switch places with you."
*thugs come back*
Thug: "This guy's had enough, let's get the other guy."
2nd Kid: "Not again!!"
1st Kid: "I'm trying to sleep over here!"

5^th Grade Girls – TV Surfing 7 kids – have kids write TV stations on signs

Counselor: “Wonder what’s on the news tonight.” *hits button*

1: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, this is Seymour Skidmarks bringing you the latest news in the world of sports. The annual football game between the Huskers and the Hawkeyes was played last week to the enjoyment of a large crowd who went wild at the crucial point during the game when Coach Pelini sent in … (click) 
2: …three eggs, a cup of buttermilk, and a pinch of salt. Stir well and pour into a flat greased pan or… (click) 
3: …your new fall hat. This year, fashion decrees that women shall wear a large variety of charm bracelets. A most popular design is to make them of… (click) 
4: …old whiskers? If you do, just shave them off with Bates’ Better Shaving Cream. Use this cream, and you will be so handsome that all the girls will… (click) 
5: …bend over and touch the floor twenty times. This exercise is superb for general reducing. All right now, again, let’s bend over, up, over… (click) 
6: …(singing) the ocean. My Bonnie lies over the sea. My Bonnie lies over the ocean, oh bring back my Bonnie to … (click) 
1: …Jim Oberlander who sailed down the field for a touchdown that tied the game. What a play! What a perfect… (click) 
3: …ly darling little summer bag that all you girls simply must have. At first glimpse they may remind you of… (click) 
7: …a bowl of soup. But it was tooooo hot. The second bowl was as hot as the first, but the third was just right. Goldilocks ate, and ate, until she could… 
4: …feel the stiff beard with your hand. Does that appear to be very romantic? Our foolproof way to get a girlfriend is to… (click) 
5: …breathe deeply four times, and pound on your chest with your fists after inhaling each breath. This enlivens the tissues and makes one feel… (click) 
2: …puffy and full of air. This effect can be had by beating the mixture with a rotary eggbeater for five… (click) 
3: …hundred years. The things our grandmothers wore then are the most popular things today. Already fashion leaders, prominent society women are trying to bring back more old-fashioned manners. Their cry is "Bring back…" (click) 
6: …(singing) my Bonnie to me, bring back, bring back, oh bring back my Bonnie to me. Bring back, bring back … (click) 
4: …a nice soft chin and a host of compliments. If you use our cream, those whiskers will come out with a … (click) 
7: …CRASH!! Goldilocks had broken the little chair all to pieces. Then she jumped up and started up the stairs. There she saw three beds. The first bed was covered with a bearskin rug, which was too soft. The second bed was covered with… (click) 
1: …what looked like crawling things from the press box, but it was only the players in hard scrimmage. We are looking forward with expectations for the Huskers and their 100^th championship this fall. The players are in good condition and average weight is… (click) 
5: …110 pounds. You, too, can weigh this much if you but follow these simple exercises. Don’t take them too hard at first or you will probably have to… (click) 
6: …(singing) lay on a pillow. Last night as I lay on my bed; last night as I lay on my pillow, I dreamed that my Bonnie was… (click) 
2: …cooking in a hot oven about 450 degrees Fahrenheit. For an extra treat, garnish, add cloves or whole… (click) 
7: …bears? Will Goldilocks get home safely? How will the story end? Keep your radio tuned to this station until tomorrow at this time for the next episode of this thrilling story. Until then kiddies, be sweet and don’t forget too… (click) 
4: …shave off the whiskers with Bates’. Our motto is… (click) 
5: …stand on your head and wave your feet in the air. Gym clothes are best for this exercise, but… (click) 
3: …an ostrich feather will do just as well. Take my tip and you girls will be as fashionable as… (click) 
1: …Greg Schwartz to whom we are looking for great things this year. This is your friendly announcer, Seymour Skidmarks signing off and saying… (click) 
3: …Buh-bye!

6^th Boys – Tankety Tank Tank

*a group of campers are standing around at boot camp and another camper - the drill sergeant - strides onto the scene.*

Drill Sergeant: ATTENTION!

*The campers scurry into line and salute.*

Drill Sergeant: Today, we'll be doing a war simulation. Get your equipment and MOVE OUT!

*The campers run to the box on the middle of the stage filled with fake weapons. When the last camper arrives there are none left.*

Drill Sergeant: Private Zammerman, I'm afraid we're short on supplies. Seeing as how your name is last on my list, you will not be receiving a gun or knife.

Private Zammerman: Awwww...

Drill Sergeant: However, the troops take their training very seriously and if you pretend to shoot or stab them they will play along. Now MOVE OUT!

*The campers line up in a single file line, all facing Private Zammerman who's at the opposite side of the stage

the first camper holds up a gun. Private Zammerman holds up an imaginary gun at the camper and says...*

Private Zammerman: Bangity-Bang-Bang!

*The camper acts as if shot and falls onto the ground.

Next camper steps up, this time holding a knife. Zammerman holds up an imaginary knife and points it at the camper while saying...*

Zammerman: Stabbity-stab-stab!

*The camper acts as if stabbed and falls to the ground.

Cleaver – Choppity-chop-chop

Sword – Slicity-slice-slice

Nunchucks – Whooshity-whoosh-whoosh

The last camper slowly approaches Zammerman in a straight line.*

Zammerman: Bangity-bang-bang!

*The camper ignores the shot and keeps approaching Zammerman*

Zammerman: Stabbity-stab-stab!

*still nothing*

Zammerman: Zappity-Zap-Zap!...Slicety-Slice-Slice!...Choppity-chop-chop!

*The camper pushes Zammerman over and walks passed him.*

Zammerman: Hey! What do you think you're doing?!

*The camper turns, faces Zammerman and YELLS...*

Kid: TANKETY-TANK-TANK! TANKETY-TANK-TANK!

*then keeps walking*

6^th grade girls – Enlarging Machine

1 scientist, 1 machine worker, 1 baby, 1 business person, 1 little girl, 6 passersby

Scientist: I, Madison Einstein, after many years of intense research have created my masterpiece. An enlarging machine! With this device, what goes in comes out twice its size.

1: What’s this?

Scientist: It’s an enlarging machine.

1: What’s it do?

Scientist: Well, you put something in here, and it comes out here greatly enlarged!

1: Can I try?

Scientist: Sure, but be careful!

*throws in a twig, big stick comes out*

Same thing again with

-coin - dollar

-ping pong - softball

-hairbrush - broom

-lifesaver – hula hoop

-kid with pebbles, “stop that!” gets hit in head by a big rock

Businessman: What is this contraption? Why did you put it here? Can’t you see I’m trying to get to work? Do you even have a license for this thing? It’s a piece of junk, it belongs in a dump!

*spits into machine gets bucket of water dumped on head*

Little Girl: What’s that?

Scientist: It’s an enlarging machine, don’t touch it!

Little Girl: What’s it do?

Scientist: It enlarges things. Leave me alone!

Little girl: *sticks tongue out and throws baby doll in it*

Scientist: What have you done? Oh no, my machine! My enlarging machine!

*baby comes out and chases scientist*

Baby: Mama! Mama! Mama!

and last but not least 7th and 8th grade girls and boys HeeHaw verses, sang between all the other skits, alternating sides and including the refrain in each. 

You liked to save on things for the house dear

It was something that I could not understand

But now I know why you never bought dishes

You wanted me to eat out of your hand

When I look at you I get melancholy

You make me feel like a bump on a log

You’re not for real, I mean it by golly

A head like a melon and a face like a dog.

All of my money you’re spending on makeup

You’re trying to look like those Hollywood greats

Your mouth is too big and your nose really matches

Your eyes are so lovely too bad their not mates

I brought you a saw to save time wood-cutting

I thought cutting logs you’d get to enjoy

You said it’s too hard to work this contraption

I pulled the starter, you said what’s that noise?

The morning I felt our love start to weaken

I said to myself well I’ll grow a beard.

But that didn’t get the love I was seeking

You started laughing and said I looked weird.

Your old uncle Fudd thought he was an airplane

Went to the airfield and set off alarms

He tried to take off and fly ‘cross the ocean

With twelve bald eagles scotch taped to his arms

My daughter said John asked me to marry

I said go ahead with my blessing too

She said daddy dear how can I leave mother

That suits me fine dear just take her with you

When you went away you took my heart with you

I’ve been so upset I’m losing my head

I miss you all day I’m worse in the evening

Can’t sleep a wink now cause you took the bed

The neighbors know well the reason we broke up

I found out the way you got your enjoys

You used to send back the gifts I would send you

But you would keep the delivery boy

Where oh where are you tonight?

Why did you leave me here all alone?

I searched the world over and thought I found true love.

You met another and *pbbt* you was gone. 

don't hand me no lines and keep your hands to yourself...

Saw some old friends at church this morning.

Kid I grew up with who's getting married soon and my Delayed...Reaction partner who is going to make a teen camp appearance, but just for a day. Probably not enough time to write a song and film it, but it'll still be fun to jam out for a while. 

We didn't write a song last year, as he is all grown up and married now I'll have to find a new partner and revamp D...R. 

Cause it's just not D...R without him. 

He's the Hamilton to my Jane Fraser, seriously man. 

Anyway, after that was the extended family extravaganza. 

And I'm awful because I could maybe tell you the names of about 10 people there total and they all sat at my table. 

Except my great aunt. 

But we had fun, joked around with my brother, favorite (and only) sister-in-law and their kids, plus my mentor, parentals, and my uncle the artist and his wife. 

Gotta send a shout-out his way as he actually reads this thing. 

Got some good advice from him and his wife today about the stress madness that will be this fall/spring. 

I'll get through it, got a lot of people rooting for me. 

After that it was all HeeHaw. 

For serious, I went home and worked on skits and then Dad got there and was like, "I taped a bunch of HeeHaw episodes and have them set up for you."

He neglected to mention that "a bunch" meant 62 episodes, all set so that when I hit play they immediately started the "where oh where" skit. 

He either really loves me or he really loves HeeHaw. 

I got through about half of them and left with about 15 minutes of HeeHaw recordings on my phone. 

It would have been 20 but my phone went, "seriously?" and decided to freeze instead. 

Anyway, spent about an hour listening and typing them up, plus transcribing the ones that Dad had already written out. 

I didn't know it was possible to have worse handwriting than my own. 

Even Mentor makes fun of my handwriting and she was the one that taught me how to write in the first place!!

My Kindergarten-like 3rd grade teacher (plus art and english after that) now turned fellow camp Skits & Worship leader. 

Who keeps wanting to pass the baton, but I will have none of it. 

Cause she will forever be the mentor. 

We attempted to write a song last year and ended up with just another verse to "Oh Lord of Light". 

You can read 2G's version of that here: My Life in Closed Captions: 2G's version of Oh Lord of Light

Not the one we taught the kids, but it's the one that 2G took away from the experience. 

Speaking of 2G, the golf tourney is quickly approaching. It's on man, we practiced and everything. I even bought some tall tees and bright yellow Spongebob golf balls. 

Because he annoys me which will motivate me to beat him to a pulp and hit him farther. 

Alright, I'm all skits'd out. I'll finish them tomorrow. 

Or the next day. 

Or Thursday night like always. 

But that's okay cause I'll be there earlier this year and I'll bring my printer like last year. So much easier to pass out copies when you have more than one. 

"Keep Your Hands To Yourself" Georgia Satellites

song just reminds me of Sweet Home Alabama

"you have a baby. in a bar."

Gonna turn on some Wipeout and crash. 

Ha.

You can take the girl out of the honky tonk, but you can't take the honky tonk out of the girl.

Where do you think you're going, baby?

Sometimes I forget that people I know read this thing.

Don't worry, it won't happen again.

Today was great.

Literally great.

Had a lot of fun, especially with the awesome females in the building. Not that my male coworkers weren't fun, there was just a lot of random female bonding throughout the day.

Mostly about frustration.

Um, see I'm in charge of supplies and BossLady had me order some of those drawer organizer things with the compartments. And they came in and we have three of them. So we went to install the first one and realized that it was too big to fit in the drawer.

Even though we measured before we ordered them. I guess the edges were too thick.

I wanted to go grab the mallet that's in the cabinet and just make them fit but she refused.

Boo.

Instead she found a way to get rid of the back side of the drawer so it would fit.

Unfortunately, in order to take that side off we'd need a philip's head screwdriver which according to the Little Shelver Boy didn't exist in the building as he had looked previously.

But we were on a mission, and I had to find one - mostly because he told me we wouldn't - so we searched the headquarters of Buildings and Grounds. When we had a Buildings and Grounds crew. Which now we don't so it's like the former headquarters. And it's like a tool junkies dream. Except it's a pit so BossLady and I are thinking about cleaning it out.

Cause that would be fun.

Yes, we're weird like that.

Anyway, so we searched the place high and low - literally - and it's seriously a tool shop. It's storage for shelves and pretty much everything electric, but there was a not a single phillip's head screwdriver in the entire room.

Rooms.

So, as I wouldn't admit defeat, I ran - well road - upstairs to the fantastic people on the third floor and asked if they had any.

And they did!

Saved me.

They do that a lot.

I go up there probably twice daily flailing mostly about supplies, but a lot of Summer Reading stuff as well.

Anyway, so I grabbed a couple, brought them down, BossLady took off the back part and it still wouldn't fit cause there were like brackets. And you can't take off the brackets cause you need them to hold the metal things.

Then, as fate would have it, at that exact moment one of my flailees - aka the magician - walks by, and she knew about the organizers cause she's my supply supervisor who I order everything through and she's like "you pull and i'll push" and they barely got it to fit, then smashed it in and claimed victory.

I was sad I couldn't use the mallet but hey, it works.

And now we get to do two more tomorrow morning.

Cause just the one took an hour.

Also tomorrow my fate is decided, sort of, as they're going over my evaluation with me.

So I probably shouldn't talk about it now.

Though it wasn't bad, but still should probably wait on that.

After that whole escapade came the awesomeness that is Fearless Leader and me figuring out damages stuff.
Cause there's a process and we're changing things. I'll get to that more later.

Anyway, she's leaving so she's passing off all her smarts to me. Tricks of the trade. I will seriously miss that woman, she's great. And we're all crying inside, even the ones upstairs who don't work with her on a regular basis.

But we're making booze cakes again before she leaves so we're sending her out in style.

After work it was more camp stuff. 4 phone calls in 2 hours, plus a bunch of emails and crap! I still gotta upload that graphic, woops. Do that when I post this.

I'm trying to assemble some skits, I kind of have working numbers now since camp is like, holy crap soon, anyway I always put them off until last minute and I have enough crap to deal with once I'm there so I need to get at least half done by the end of the week.

People are requesting the repeat of Tankety-Tank-Tank since apparently enough years have passed and what's funny is that the 5th graders that did it previously are teen helper age now. And since I have one of them in a cabin with 5th graders and it's the kid that played Zammerman I was thinking about having their cabin do it and he can show him how it's done.

7th and 8th graders will sing HeeHaw so as soon as I get the verses down that just leaves me with 7 skits to write and I can come up with those.

I hope.

At the moment I'm a bit blocked, but it's a work in progress.

Anyway, I should crash as it is almost midnight and I need to be semi-conscious tomorrow as it's sort of a big day with the BossLady and Superwoman.

Alright, watch this.

I'm serious.

Watch this.

I found it at noon and it had 2,000 some hits, right now it's at like 3 million.

Someone took clips from all the Star Wars movies and clipped them so it sings "Call Me Maybe" by what's her name. Carly Rae Jepsen. yeah.

It's freakin' awesome.

They showed it to George Lucas and he loved it. 



i'm sorry, but i just laugh everytime Obi-Wan says "maybe"

tone of voice.

won't be able to watch it the same way again.

love the random creature shots when they couldn't find matching lyrics.

"it's a trap!"

"I'm explaining our body/trunk situation." "Awesome!"

Oh, the smell of gunpowder in the morning. There will be even more of it tomorrow.

This is probably my favorite holiday. Well, this and Christmas. Maybe some Thanksgiving, nah, mostly 4th of July and Christmas.

Today was actually fantastic. Went to the right branch this morning, woohoo! Lunch with Slim Shady, conversation with Library Goddess about NLA conference coming up in October apparently I'm going both days, then a really interesting discussion in the backroom with BossLady and The Intern.

The last time it was just the three of us in the back room was with the bird so you knew it'd be an interesting hour, both times ended with us laughing hysterically. Basically it all started with talk about 4th of July plans and I told them about me driving one of my dad's cars in the parade tomorrow and my fear that he's gonna stick me with one of his slutty manikins.

Have I told you about the slutty manikins? I don't remember. Okay, so my dad is a collector and he has all these model trains and old cars and he likes to put these manikin women in them, I have no idea why, he just does.

Anyway, so the last time I came home Mom was like, you have to see the outfits he bought for his manikins. Dad brought one inside and my jaw just dropped. "Why do you have slutty manikins?!" "They're not slutty, that's how the girls dress on Hee-Haw."

Right.

With the button down shirts tied in front.



That's not slutty at all.

Everyone woman dresses like that on a regular basis.

So I had this fear that he was gonna stick me in a car with one and I told that to BossLady and I was like, "if that happens I'll wait 'til he leaves then I'll stick in the trunk, do the parade, then take a detour, take it out of the trunk, drive back to the start point and act like nothing happened."

I look over and she's laughing hysterically, and she hits me with, "I would call the cops and say 'I think I saw Carrie shoving a body in the trunk.'"

Yeah, there would be like a blockade at the end of the parade...

So then we changed it to putting one in dad's trunk, then calling the cops and saying something to the effect of, "I saw him shove a body in the trunk and I haven't seen my mom all afternoon..." He'd get through the parade and they'd pull him over be like, "Sir, we're gonna need you to step out of the car..."

Would be the best prank ever.

Though he probably would not think so at the time.

But thoughts for the future.

It is a serious small town parade though. Floats and tractors and all that. Is Nebraska the only state that includes tractors in a parade? Total rednecks. I'm guessing they don't exactly make an appearance in any parades in New York.

But that's just a guess.

After work I packed up my fireworks, bought far too many, but now I have my tanks for the epic tank war between myself and Bubby, more on that tomorrow, and headed out to the boyfriend's house. We went out and bought even more fireworks then went back to watch the town's firework show. Jammed with his parents for a while, they're pretty cool. Sane. Which I appreciate immensely.

Though she did mention something about worrying she'll never have grandchildren. We'll see about that.

Big day tomorrow so I should probably konk out. Finally talked the boyfriend into coming out and driving in the parade. He's gonna save me from the slutty manikin. I sense a story.

And not a good one.

But that's true for most of mine as of late.

Alright, soon to be out, here's a couple of songs that were stuck in my head all day for no reason.

"A Little Bit Stronger" Leighton Meester

originally by Sara Evans, covered by Leighton Meester for Country Strong and Jordis Unga on The Voice.

love it. don't get me started on Jordis, we'd be here for a while.

If you want to read them find a "voice" or "jordis unga" tag.

"Mario Live"

it was the theme song that was a stuck in my head, but oh my god so cool! dude performs the entire first level of Super Mario Bros. Live. love that flag at the end.

OUT!

ps -  i enjoy immensely that now i get to have a tag for "slutty manikins". awesome. will attempt to use it again in the future.

you better change it back or we will both be sorry

VACATION!!

I'm free!!

For two whole days!

The library is closed for Memorial Day so I'm heading out to stay with the parentals for a couple days.

I see reruns of HeeHaw and Swamp People in my future.

Oh well, it could be worse.

At least this way I can kill two birds with one stone - watch HeeHaw and come up with camp skit lyrics at the same time.

Since the parents wanted a repeat of last year when I made the 7th and 8th graders since Where Oh Where, but I gotta give them new verses.

Though Dad already has a bunch written out for me.

So, now I'm going to sleep. Tomorrow is church and some family stuff, after that is more relaxation and I'm guessing a whole lineup of DVR'd stuff I'm supposed to watch while I'm here, so here's your music rec and then I'm out for the night.

And consider yourselves on vacation from Word of the Day.

I'll pick it up Tuesday.

Or Monday night for Tuesday.


"Don't You Want Me Baby" Glee


so if you haven't watched him in the harry potter musical online you're missing out online. youtube it people. it's fantastic. and draco is played by a girl.


that's all i got.

I'm so glad we had this time together.

Well, that sucked.

I learned today that I'm a crazy emotional girl.

So I spent the majority of my day doing what crazy emotional girls do.

I figured it was my last day, so I had an excuse.

And I had this whole thing planned out to say. About how we're a family. Now it just makes me sad, but I should say it anyway.

The father (Glee-Loving Boss) who watches out for everyone, teases them about getting flu shots, jokes with you about Glee.

The mom (Sensei) who's a genius about family histories, and who you can joke about anything with, especially anything involving The Closer, Criminal Minds, or Jay Leno.

The cool aunt (Space Cadet) who you debate about things like sea cows and snow leopards. And bond over things like breadsticks, pizza, and morning shifts.

The older brother (Joe Studley) whose knowledge of movie and music trivia will make your head spin. Who'll do voice impersonations just to make you laugh.

The older sister (Queen of Awesome) who keeps you sane in times of crazy, who you can count on when you need someone to talk to or a night out for sushi.

The younger brother (the Quiet One) who makes you laugh and steps up when you need them to.

And now we've adopted another older sister (Trainee) who you can talk derby, basketball, football, booze cakes, library, practically anything with. Someone who's proud that, when a derby girl walks in and comes to the desk, you're able to remain professional and withhold going all fangirls until said derby girl has left the building.

Originally, I was the shy younger sister. Too afraid she was going to screw up to stand up for herself.

But, with the assistance of everyone listed above, I've definitely grown into something completely different. And I'm grateful for each one of them and their guidance and support for more than a year now. I will miss them all.

And I know, I'll still be around a few nights a week, but that's different.

Walking out of there tonight was different.

Tomorrow is my first full day as a 40hr professional.

But I'll always remember my first day as an Aide. Spent half of it in the back room, three-hole-punching the bottoms of plastic bags, because apparently tiny children might think it's fun to put them over their heads. I can still hear Glee-Loving Boss saying, "I know this is ridiculous, but..."

That was just the start of what became a crazy and exciting year-and-a-half long journey to where we are now.

And I'm grateful for the experience.

"This Time Together" Show Finale


I figured, for the night, I'd hit you with a collection of some of the songs I'd sing while shelving.

I'll call it "Songs of the Shelver" much like those collections you see advertised late at night or on Who's Line is it Anyway, except these have their actual lyrics.

"All My Ex's Live In Texas" George Strait


"6 Months" Hey Monday live/acoustic


"Where Oh Where" HeeHaw


Random assortment, I'm aware. But those are just three of the many. Perhaps tomorrow I'll post some more.

Tomorrow.

Big day.

Where Oh Where Are You Tonight?

Remember when you went out hunting for possum? -- You said you’d get one and wouldn’t be long. -- That’s ten years ago and I’m sitting here waiting -- beginning to wonder if something went wrong.

Down here on the farm the weather is messy -- lying around with nothing to do -- when you went away you took my cow Bessie -- I miss her darling more than I miss you.

Pardon me dear if my words seem bitter -- There’s no defense for my broken dreams. -- I didn’t know I married a quitter -- my life is coming apart at the seams.

Remember you phoned me a-sobbin' and cryin' -- The dog bit your maw, and drug her around -- You said she looked pale and thought she was dying -- I said "Don't worry, I'll buy a new hound."

The noises you made at our supper table -- Your habits, my dear, were surely absurd -- But how many times do I have to tell you -- Soup is a dish to be seen and not heard.

You took out your false teeth, your wig and your glasses – You were just scattered all over the place. – I wanted to kiss you and hug you so tightly – I guess I would have if I’d found your face.



Where Oh Where are you tonight? Why did you leave me here all alone? I searched the world over and thought I found true love. You met another and *pbbb* you was gone.

Just when it finally got out of your head I hit you with it again. THAT'S HOW I FELT! It's been months, MONTHS! And then out of nowhere, BAM!! Back in my head. I'll never escape it.

Those are the verses I made my 7th and 8th graders sing this year for their skit at camp. Their parents love me. Yes, 7th and 8th grade boys singing. And they did it. Cause they got to spit at the girls.

My father seemed to enjoy it. It was his fault anyway. Not that he told me to make the kids do it, that was my own twisted idea, but he's the one who introduced me to that crazy, insane, obnoxiously country, hick shows. And got the freaking song stuck in my head in the first place. So, of course, when the parents say they want me to do it again next year what does he do? Hands me a stack of index cards with lyrics on them for next year. Oh yeah, there are more verses. They did that skit for years. YEARS! It will never die. But at least this way I'm good for one skit next year. And the year after that...and the year after that...and the year after that...

I've never heard silence quite this loud.

JANSEN!
I love it. It's like "Towanda" minus the bubblewrap.

Have you ever had one of those days where you're so sore that doing something as simple as walking up a flight of stairs makes you want to writhe in pain? That was me today. And I worked 9-6. It wasn't a total epic fail though, I shelved and got a lot done this morning, then worked at the desk basically all day. Work Big Brother found this pair of paper glasses and said he'd pay me a dollar if I wore them for the rest of the night. And since there was only 10 minutes left in the day he owes me a buck. I rocked them.

Oh, my, god. So people know me now. Which sucks. I liked blending in. Even when I had red hair they still had no idea who I was. Today I called a branch looking for a hold that was supposed to be picked up at one I'm at but she accidentally sent it to be picked up somewhere else and the dude who answered was very nice and helpful and after he found her hold and put it to be sent over he's like, "oh and you have a hold." "for Martin?" "no, you." Um. what? I didn't tell him my last name, just my first and he made the connection. Although I have no idea what hold he was talking about for anything being held there for me. I'd never been there before the Food Drive. Which is what brought this all on in the first place. I sent out so many mass emails that I'd be surprised if everyone didn't know my name by now. Or at least that my name exists in the system. Man.


Have you ever watched a fictional show that has like magic or supernatural stuff in it and then switched over to a regular mystery show and just feel like at any point they're going to whip out some magical weapon or discover some artifact that is causing someone to kill all these people? or is that just me after watching a marathon of Warehouse 13 online. Caught up. Stoked about H.G. huzzah!

Can't believe camp is over already. Well, sort of. Now it's all the after camp meetings plus send out mailing stuff and feeback, burning picture cd's and sending them to all campers, checking budget, paying for everything we owe. yikes.
I was really proud of the kids and how they pulled off the skits. Here are a few, as promised.
3rd Grade Boys - Keeps Running
*Half of boys stand with arms up as trees, other half are birds that fly across the stage the counselors run through the trees 'til the end*
"This is the story of Camp Jefferson.
Every year starts out the same. During spring, the trees get greener and the birds come back north for the spring." *trees stand up with leaves and birds fly across*
"Then in the fall, the birds start their long journey south for the winter." *birds fly back across*
"And the trees start to change color." *trees spin around*
"In the winter, the trees have lost all their leaves" *drop leaves but keep arms up*
"Then in the summer Camp Jefferson takes place and the whole process repeats its self. Yep, Camp J is just like any other camp. And, just like any other camp, the sap keeps on running through the trees."


The 3rd Grade Girls sold brains, 1 was extrememly expensive because "It's the brain of a counselor, it's never been used!" sorry Emily.

4th Grade Boys had a firing squad - the boys about to be fired at would yell out a diversion, point behind them and the others would turn around and look while the original boy escaped. "Ready, Aim..." "Tornado!" turn. "Ready, Aim..." "Hurricane!" turn. last one wasn't so smart "Ready, aim..." "FIRE!" and then yeah, got shot with a water gun.

4th Grade Girls did Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. literally. They were all piano keys except the musician which was the one going around and hitting them on the head. Every time she hit one they would sing the next note in the song. We did it all the way through and I told the last one to be way off key so they musician lifted up her arms, smacked her on the forehead, shook her, then stomped away and after that she finally did it right.

5th grade boys were in a contagious disease ward. every time another one came in they'd get their symptoms as well. then a pregnant boy walks in and they all ran.

5th grade girls had the Scary Monster skit where one of my favorite girls - I've known her since she was like tiny tiny cause her mom used to be my counselor and she would bring her along. Anyway, she was under a sheet and people would come, look under the sheet, see her, scream and faint, until the last girl came and instead the monster jumped up and ran. Cause she was ever scarier than the monster.

6th grade boys fought over tracks - they're beaver tracks, no they're deer tracks, no they're beaver tracks, no they're deer tracks. turns out they're train tracks so you're dead because you don't look up in time and you get run over by the camp jefferson express

6th grade girls did Pencils for Sale in which there's a russian chick who only knows the following words "Pencils for sale" "3 for 50 cents" "yellow" "if you don't someone else will." not a good variety of english when someone comes by and doesn't want to buy pencils. it ends with "i'm gonna punch you in the face!" "if you don't someone else will." kablam!

7th and 8th grade boys did the HeeHaw skit with the 8th grade girls - I'll get there.
The 7th grade girls were a giant group so I had to divide them up. Group A got to do a continuation of last year's Rapunzal skit. Told you I'd bring her back. It's the later years. And I kill her off. Sort of.

7th Grade Girls group A - "She appears to be dead"

Witch: So, you thought you could escape the tower, Rapunzal, but no. I have found you and for your punishment you get the curse. Fall down on the ground and appear to be dead! MWHAHAHA! *girl falls down, 2 girls come to rescue*
Girl 1: You gotta call for an ambulance. She appears to be dead!
Chick: 911 what’s your emergency?
Girl 2 calls: Please, please you have to send an ambulance! There’s a girl here and she appears to be dead!
Chick: Who is she? What happened?
Girl 2: I don’t know, everything was fine then an evil witch cast a spell on her and she fell over and appears to be dead!
Chick: Where are you?
Girl 2: The sign says Montgomery and Westchester.
Chick: What did you say? You’re breaking up.
Girl 1: What’s wrong?
Girl 2: I’m breaking up. Blast this cellphone service!
Chick: Repeat what you said. Where are you?
Girl 2: Montgomery and Westchester.
Chick: Where?!
Girl 2: Montgomery and Westchester!!!
Chick: Westchester and what? I still can’t understand you! Try spelling it.
Girl 1: We’ve got to do something! She appears to be dead!
Girl 2: Uh, it’s M..O….T…G … hold on a minute. Let’s drag her over to King and Elm!

so that's the later years. maybe next year we'll cover Rapunzel the middle years.

Group B did this one:
Airplane Disaster
Four campers are sitting on chairs, one pretending to be an airplane pilot, and the others are the passengers.
Pilot: "The plane is too heavy - we can't land!"
1: "I'll throw out the drink cart!" (Throws a gatorade cooler out an imaginary window)
Pilot: "We're still too heavy to land!"
2: "I'll chuck out this packet of peanuts" (Throws peanuts out)
Pilot: We're still too heavy, throw something else out!"
3: “I’ll throw Cassie out!”
4: “What?! Not again!” *thrown out* “AHHHHH!!! This stinks!”
Pilot: “What’d you do for?”
3: “hehehehehe” evil laugh
Pilot: “Almost there, just one more thing!”
2 Pretends to throw something out and says: "Done."
Pilot: "What did you throw out that time?"
2: "A Grenade"
Pilot: "I don't think you should have done that. Oh, well, at least we can land now. Prepare to land. Everybody ready? 1.2.3. Jump!" *they all jump*
Pilot and passengers land the plane and start walking away.
They pass Camper 1, who is holding her head and the gatorade cooler.
Pilot: "What happened to you?"
Camper 1: "I was walking along and this drink cart fell out of the sky and hit me in the head!"
They pass Camper 2, who is holding her head and eating peanuts.
Pilot: "What happened to you?"
Camper 2: "I was walking along and this packet of peanuts fell out of the sky and hit me in the head!"
They pass Camper 3, who’s sitting in shock staring at passenger #4.
Pilot: What happened?!
Camper 3: “I was just sitting here, eating a banana when suddenly this chick just falls right in front of me. It’s rainin’ women!”
They pass Camper 4, who is laughing.
Pilot: "What happened to you?"
Camper 4: "I farted and the bathroom I was standing in blew up!"


And then there was the highlight of all highlights aka the 7/8th boys and 8th girls. These are the verses I used this year. I found them online - some lyrics, some youtube videos. next year i'll have to write more.

GIRLS 1. Remember when you went out hunting for possum? -- You said you’d get one and wouldn’t be long. -- That’s ten years ago and I’m sitting here waiting -- beginning to wonder if something went wrong.
Where Oh Where are you tonight? Why did you leave me here all alone? I searched the world over and thought I found true love. You met another and *pbbb* you was gone.

BOYS 2. Down here on the farm the weather is messy -- lying around with nothing to do -- when you went away you took my cow Bessie -- I miss her darling more than I miss you.
Where Oh Where are you tonight? Why did you leave me here all alone? I searched the world over and thought I found true love. You met another and *pbbb* you was gone.

GIRLS 3. Pardon me dear if my words seem bitter -- There’s no defense for my broken dreams. -- I didn’t know I married a quitter -- my life is coming apart at the seams.
Where Oh Where are you tonight? Why did you leave me here all alone? I searched the world over and thought I found true love. You met another and *pbbb* you was gone.

BOYS 4. Remember you phoned me a-sobbin' and cryin' -- The dog bit your maw, and drug her around -- You said she looked pale and thought she was dying -- I said "Don't worry, I'll buy a new hound."
Where Oh Where are you tonight? Why did you leave me here all alone? I searched the world over and thought I found true love. You met another and *pbbb* you was gone.

GIRLS 5. The noises you made at our supper table -- Your habits, my dear, were surely absurd -- But how many times do I have to tell you -- Soup is a dish to be seen and not heard
Where Oh Where are you tonight? Why did you leave me here all alone? I searched the world over and thought I found true love. You met another and *pbbb* you was gone.

BOYS 6. You took out your false teeth, your wig and your glasses – You were just scattered all over the place. – I wanted to kiss you and hug you so tightly – I guess I would have if I’d found your face
Where Oh Where are you tonight? Why did you leave me here all alone? I searched the world over and thought I found true love. You met another and *pbbb* you was gone.


Still working on uploading that video. I'll have plenty of pics to go with it once I get Jim's camera and all the pictures downloaded.

Other than camp life is good. Busy with work. Oh, quote of the day. My mom, who now reads this blog, read yesterday's massive post and all she had to say was, "didn't know you liked Justin Timberlake." I cracked up. Apparently actual people read this thing. which is a little nervewracking since I'm a nerd but I'll go with it.

"Story of Us" Taylor Swift



Completely stoked for Saturday. Tee it up for tuition is gonna rock. This is how we golf.
"Oh Oh Oh" Golf Boys

Song and dance included. And if it's a bad hit we say "there was no woohoo in your backswing." And Pastor is hysterical. "Woohoo with you. And also with you." Our orange t-shirts came in and they are super super bright. Apparently. I haven't seen them yet, they got sent to Nic at the school. I'll get mine Friday night. Huzzah!



I feel like there was so much more than I'm forgetting. Oh well, I'll post more tomorrow.

Camp J 2011 Highlights

prepare for a massively massive post. gone for a week but coming back with a vengeance.
DAY ONE:
-The Sideways Hat Theory
::: So, I have this theory. I call it the sideways hat theory. It goes something like this. I’m the boss. Well, me, Jim and Pastor, plus Phil, Liz, Jayne, Cantrell, Steve and Cherie. Those are all the section leaders. But I handled all the registrations, assignments, schedule, ordering stuff – my name is on everything they send in and everything that goes out. So, everyone associates camp with me. But! When they all show up and I wear my hat backwards and slightly sideways they walk straight past me because I look like a Junior Counselor. It’s awesome because they go to someone else with their problems…but then of course the adults they go to then come to me so I’m screwed anyway.
-“Get my Cantrell on”
::: Night patrol sucks. I didn’t realize that before I had to do it. People don’t give our usual guy enough credit. Seriously. Those 3rd graders kicked my butt. I couldn’t believe it. They were up later than the 8th graders. It was crazy, every time I walked by I was all “It’s passed lights out. Go to bed.” “We can’t sleep!” Try it anyway. Okay. So they would try. Then I’d walk by again a few minutes later and they were waving around glow sticks and laughing. Go to bed! “We can’t sleep!” “Close your eyes and count to 100.” Okay. So then they’d try that. Yeah, no. I wanted to yell Go to bed!! I want to shower and go to sleep!! Ahhh!! It was amusing though to sneak up to cabins and join in their conversations. They jumped.
-“Looks like I have junk”
::: The teen helpers this year rocked it. I was proud. Which is new, cause last year they were awful. Well, some of them anyway. My skits and worship crew was fantastic - got the kids to sing, played guitar, helped with skits. I was proud. And the teens are really funny. Especially when you get them all together to sing Pharaoh Pharaoh. It gets pretty intense. Got myself a new ringtone.
-I live my life behind the tab.
::: We have these songbooks with all of our music in them. The sacred songs are in the front and then there are silly songs in the back behind the tab. Everything is in alphabetical order but there’s a tab to separate the sacred from the silly. I like to think I live my life behind the tab, amongst the not so serious. That way I can jam out with My Bonnie, Catalina Madalina, and Three Myopic Rodents, argue about holes in buckets, and repeat after myself with The Bear Song all day long. Which is what I did this week at work while shelving. Well, that one and HeeHaw. Which I’ll get to shortly.

DAY TWO:
-Take ‘em to the bridge
::: Timberlake style. Saturday means taking the kids tubing down the river. It’s not the safest river but it’s fun. Steve and I took the front, checking for danger in the water and all that. Yes, danger in the water. “This was no boating accident!” There’s a lot of cars down there, and trees and metal and all that sticking out of the water. We start just right outside the gate where there is a bridge and we go past one bridge and to the second one to be picked up. It usually takes a couple hours to float all the way there but this time the water was pretty high so the current took us there in about an hour and a half.
-“This is about the time when Phil said there’s no water”
::: Last year the pipes got clogged and we didn’t have water for a few days. And, with all the timing, it started right when we got back from tubing so no one could shower and it was just disgusting. This year we were pulling in and Steve had brought up that last year this is when we learned about all that. And then Phil stepped into the bus and we all held our breath. I was like, “Steve! If he says there’s no water I’m blaming it on you!” Last year we hosed down a bunch of kids with an actual garden hose. Then told them to jump in the pool. Which, in turn, made the pool disgusting. One of many reasons why I chose not to swim in it. Which leads me to my next tidbit.
-“It stings and I know why!!”
::: There’s this line in Will and Grace that Karen says when she goes to one of her Step-Kids’ swim meets. “A public pool?! Why doesn’t somebody just pee directly on me?!” That one sticks with me, which is why I’m not so much into swimming anymore. This particular line came from one of the teen helpers about kids in the pool and when your eyes start to sting from the water. It’s not the chlorine.
-“Where’s your lost and found?”
::: It’s amazing what someone can find under a cone on the game field here at camp. One of our game helpers found a pair of boys’ underwear and it was funny because she carries them all the way up to the cafeteria holding on to as little a piece of them as possible, brings them to me and asks where the lost and found was. Then, with her perfect timing, the nurse was there and asked “Somebody lose their skivvies?” It was hilarious. I told her to put them on the table against the wall, that’s usually where our lost and found starts before it gets moved outside. Then the nurse was like, “Don’t put them there! I deal meds there!” I think it’s one of those things that you had to be there for but it was hysterical.
-Gracebook: God would friend you
::: Every year at camp we discuss possible future camp themes. Everyone keeps dissing my idea of Brokeback Camp J – which is probably not a good theme but I’ve been joking about it ever since the movie came out. Usually we throw out a bunch of weird ones when we’re writing the awards. This year, because it’s so hot, we decided to skip the awards all together and just go with the skits. That way it was over sooner. The possible theme for next year is The Ultimate Transformer. Liz already has some ideas rolling around for her song. But Pastor had also suggested Gracebook instead of Facebook – God’s Social Network or something like that. I found it amusing. But the t-shirts would be cool. We like to keep them related to TV shows, movies, music – that way the kids can tie them to them. Like this year it was Jesus is my Guiding Light so there was a lot of soap opera drama – even the kitchen help did a skit at the campfire – year before that it was Extreme Makeover: God’s Edition, few years before that it was Survivor in Christ based on the Survivor show, we’ve also done Fear Factor, and Mission Possible – not impossible, possible….and many others. But it’s cool to have that tie-in so the kids are excited about it.
- “I can’t believe I turned around for that”
::: Ever since we did the theme “Survivor in Christ” like 5-6 years ago, maybe more, we have all the cabins come up with their own cabin cheer. Some of them are really original, some of them not so much. I guess it depends on your perspective. If you’re a 5th grade boy and don’t like campfire, singing, or cheers, watching the 7th grade girls form a line and spell dynamite wrong probably isn’t all that appealing. Not that he noticed you spell it with an A and not an O. We did. Whatever. The point was that there were so many of the 7th grade girls that we didn’t have space enough for them to spread out to do their cheer so we made everyone turn around on their benches to see them do it in the back where there was more room. Long story short he was not a fan.

DAY THREE:
-And *pbbb* You Was Gone.
::: Sunday’s events always include breakfast, camp cleanup, church service and the skits right after it. I give the kids the skits when they get stuck with us for an hour during the day when they make their rounds. We go over the songs and then the skits then we kick them out for their next period. But, in the case for the 7th/8th boys and 8th grade girls their skit was a song. And not just any song. Oh yeah. It was The song. You know the one I’m talking about. The one I’ve been talking about for a few weeks now. Posting and reposting the video. Singing while I’m shelving. Driving everyone nuts with it. That’s right. HeeHaw. Yes, I made them do HeeHaw. I’ve reached the ultimate low. But they loved it. As did the parents. Of course in my intro I had to tell them how I heard about the skit in the first place and blamed it all on my dad and his DVR. But the parents loved the whole thing and requested for it to be an annual thing. Guess I’ll be writing more verses. Originally we were going to make them sing one verse then have one grade perform their skits, then have them be an interlude then move up to the next grade, lather, rinse, repeat but, me being as unorganized as I am, totally forgot. So, we just made them do it all at the end. It was a battle royale. Girls vs. Boys. Girls sang one verse and the refrain and the boys answered with a different verse and refrain. I think I ended with about 6 verses. And on the last one the boys sang the verse and we all joined in on the refrain, yelling it in each other’s faces. I’ll have to upload the video. We got the last one on tape. Hysterical.
-“Jansen!”
::: So, we were making our usual teen camp grocery run on Sunday afternoon after the teens had started to arrive. We planned on getting food for supper plus supplies for Monday at least. It’s ridiculous how much food 29 teens go through in a couple of days. So, we’re driving and we see all these clothes and a towel on the gravel. It looked like they had fallen off the top of someone’s car. Turns out they had fallen out the back. We pulled on to the highway and saw one of our helpers stranded on the side. His fuel pump went out. Jim lent him his phone and he called his mom. And this guy is over 60 so his mom is probably pretty far up there. Anyway, she was apparently hard of hearing, so he had to repeat things about 20 times, getting louder each time. We tried not to laugh, but when you’re in this weather and you’re miserable, even the tiniest things can be hysterical. I swear we heard the word JANSEN!!! in that phone call more than most southern Nebraskan’s have in their entire life. We ended up just towing him back home, then coming back and going grocery shopping. It didn’t take too much longer. I fell asleep after playing Angry Birds. Jim claims that I slept-talked about evil green pigs. There was a lot of yelling the following words throughout camp because of this incident: “Jansen.” “Rock Creek Station.” “Jansen!” “PFD Road” “JANSEN!” “I’m between Steele City and Endicott!” “JANSEN!!!”
-Ben’s Little Blue Slew
::: Turns out that teens will eat or drink anything. Even if it looks like the color of the river they went tubing on. Tang + raspberry lemonade + grape juice = A disgusting looking dirty river-colored drink. It was surprisingly delightful. I think that’s true for a lot of things at camp though. Everything tastes better at camp. Like, I hate Gatorade. I can’t stand it. Especially that fruit punch crap. I have no idea why. But at camp, it’s awesome. Maybe it’s because we’re so hungry and we’re so thirsty so, because it’s sustenance, it’s perfection. But it’s gotta be something more. I mean, at teen camp we’re spoiled. Steaks, burgers, pizza, tacos, fancy breakfast stuff. Much better than I eat at my apartment.
-Chickens In The Sandbox
::: One of the other counselors here was talking about her chickens. They live in town but her daughter talked her into buying chickens. So they keep them in their backyard in their old jungle gym thing. You know where you got like the two levels with the sandbox on bottom then the slide and the triangle roof and all that. Yeah, her kids weren’t using it anymore so they put boards around the sandbox, took the ladder and put it sideways and they love it. And apparently chickens aren’t actually chicken. In the scared sense of the word. They chase right after you. Then try to come in the house after the dogs do. But, of course they’re not allowed in so they end up tapping the glass door with their beaks while the dogs stare at them through it. Reminds me of Carter when we’re at the farm in the winter. He looks out at the outdoor cats and says, “Haha, I’m inside in the warm and you’re out in the snow. Look at me, all nice and warm. I shall walk back and forth in front of this window strutting and bragging because I’m so cool and you’re just cold.” Okay, so he doesn’t actually say that…out loud. But I swear that’s what he’s thinking. Just like right now when he’s staring at me like, “Why aren’t you feeding me? You left me alone with your sister for a week and she just laughed at how fat I am and made fun of the bullseye on my side. She thinks I want to eat her. I wouldn’t have to if she feeds me more. Talk to her. Tell her I need more food. And treats. I like treats.” I need to stop using the Garfield/Carter voice, it’s freaking me out. “PS – she stole your DVD and made fun of your Marshmallow Mateys. She didn’t listen when I tried to tell her that Second Sister talked you into buying them.”
-Do you have a concussion?
::: Sometimes you do have to worry about teens in the pool. You know when they hit their head on the side and one of them says, “Do you have a concussion? Quick what number am I thinking of?” When the one who hit her head replies with “Pizza” it’s time to get out of the pool. Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water… Well, there’s that and one of them wearing 2 right shoes tubing down the river. But it was her mom that packed them.
-the Thing and the Thing
::: So, Sketch and I have this thing. Where we’ve been friends for so long that we know what each other is thinking. We call it “the Thing and the Thing”. Because that’s what it is. Sometimes it’s really amusing. Especially when you live thousands of miles apart, haven’t talked in days and decide to text each other at the exact same minute. Apparently we can only be apart for so long.
-You’ll shoot your eye out!
::: I’m in a quandary. Ken gave me a slingshot. A homemade one. With a lead bullet. Mine is red. He gave Jim a black one. The quandary is that if I shoot it inside I’ll break something but if I shoot it outside I’ll lose my bullet. But I want to shoot it. I’m glad I got the red one. When he was showing Jim how to shoot the black one the rubber band came off and hit him in the face. These can apparently shoot through a deck of cards.
-Everybody Loves Jim
::: More quandaries. I have two ideas for this year’s song. Either I rewrite “Everybody Loves Me” by OneRepublic to “Everybody Loves Jim” cause I keep telling him it’s his theme song or I take “Sitting, Waiting, Wishing” by Jack Johnson and stick in my camp highlights like always. I’m leaning toward the latter. And I’ll make “Everybody Loves Jim” an ongoing project. "And he shall be called, Wonderful Counselor, Mighty Electronic Wizard, Everlasting Chef, Prince of Camp." He and I are stuck with camp for all of eternity. Or so we’ve been told. Maybe I’ll scrap them both and rewrite “16 Military Wives” by the Decemberists. I’m hooked on that freaking song. – I wrote this one earlier, I started with the Jack Johnson one and have made progress but nothing final. It’s harder to write a parody by yourself when you’re used to having your Delayed…Reaction partner helping you. He chose to get engaged this weekend instead. Which is probably a better choice, considering we’re all crazy and it was super hot outside.
-Everlasting HeeHaw on the wall
::: Every year at teen camp we watch movies on the wall. And it’s tradition that at least one of them is cheesy. So, when Ken brought me a copy of the 10th Anniversary of HeeHaw filmed in 1978 I couldn’t say no. Especially after putting everybody through that skit. Oh. My. God. I thought that thing was never ending. And now, I’m gonna have to buy it online for Dad because I know he’d love it cause it’s filled with all these musical performances and their best skits and all that. And he’s gonna make me watch it with him. Again. Crap. Just reminds me of Roseanne Roseannadanna. “and I thought I was gonna die!”
-Oreos on my stomach
::: Yes, on my stomach. See, I’m the cool aunt. I stuff my nieces with oreos and send them to bed. But that only works when there aren’t 100 other kids around. It causes stampedes. So when they came toward me I shoved the box under my shirt. And it just looked like I had swallowed the box whole. Claire just kept laughing and couldn’t stop. Then she punched me in the stomach and it was hilarious cause you could hear the crunch. The kids looked over and I made her stand in front of me. “What was that?” “Nothing. I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
-It’s official. I’m old.
::: Oh my god, so Noel and I were playing Apples to Apples with all the kids – we started it actually and they joined in, but it was awful because there’s such a generation gap. References/People the kids didn’t know: Austin Powers, Al Pacino, Jack Nicholson, Casablanca, Mahatma Gandhi, Georgia O’Keefe, …. See, I’m only 23. And with my daily routine that puts me as usually the youngest at what I’m doing – directing camps, working at the desk, etc. So it’s weird for me to actually have to explain something to a younger generation while feeling totally sad that they’ve missed out on life.
-Freaking Spiders.
::: I’m covered in bites. At first I thought they were all mosquito bites. Now that one on my foot has made my ankle swell to twice its size they say it’s an allergic reaction to something – possibly a spider. Maybe it was Aragog and his children. Don’t they live in the woods? or the Forbidden Forest. Our woods were filled with poison ivy, that makes them forbidden, right?

DAY FOUR:
-Tubing down the Little Blue
::: I stayed back while the kids went tubing. I was exhausted, plus my foot was all swelled and I didn’t want to have to walk down a river after the water had dropped a foot dragging my ankle through all the gross. I worked on the song. And watched Warehouse 13. Cause I’m awesome like that.
-The Slow Clap
::: Another theme at camp is somehow we always end up slow clapping someone. This time it was slow clapping a song. We sang Awesome God at campfire and he was playing it a little slower than what we’re used to so we were clapping and it was like super super long time between claps. Abnormal even. So Bailey and I were like “Screw it! Double Time!” Fixed it.
-“Woops, shouldn’t dance to that.”
::: A lot of our songs have actions, especially the sacred ones. There’s a lot of crosses and lifting your arms up and clapping and all that. Our favorite one to dance to is Pharaoh Pharoah. Or King Jesus is All. But sometimes we get really into it and dance to the others. Even when it’s on a somber note. So, when you’re leading, and end up dancing to a line that goes something like, “There in the ground his body lay” you should probably tone it down a little.
-More teen help hysteria
::: So, one of the kids has those round glasses like Harry Potter and a girl was trying to ask him if he got those glasses because he was a Harry Potter fan. But she didn’t word it correctly and even though we/he knew what she meant his reply was, “No, I got them because I have bad eyesight.” This was in the middle of a game of Apples to Apples – yet again, as that’s basically the only board game we play. Even though it isn’t technically a board game because it’s just cards and no board. Well, the played Twister too. Which, again, not a board game.
-Cosmo’s War of the Planets
::: A few years ago Jim and I went to town and bought a load of cheesy movies for a dollar at Walmart. One of them had 4 movies on a single disc and they were all about alien invasions and encounters in outer space. The best out of all the four was called Cosmo’s “War of the Planets”. The plot is confusing, the characters are conflicting – even their names change halfway through the movie – the sound effects are non-existent and the music is far too loud. But, the movie is so cheesy that it’s fantastic. And it came out the same year as Star Wars so it really had no chance. We were thinking that the filmmakers of this one went to see Star Wars after they made theirs and said, “Well crap.” There were a lot more kids that watched it this year – usually it’s just the adults and the kids play Capture the Flag. That’s hardcore intensity in a game. Pure darkness. They get pretty into it. We only made it halfway through the movie before it was lights out.

DAY FIVE:
-Take me out to the Bowl Yard.
::: Every year we take the teens bowling. Mostly because it’s hot and after we added that extra day we ran out of organized activities to do with them. Anyway, we have to call ahead to reserve the place and we took up all but one lane. Mass hysteria. Every year we have our usual group bowl together but this year I was not only out Boggs, Martha and Cory I also lost Megz and Beth aka Boomer and Chickenfro so it was just me and Jim as the usuals. Plus Beck and Giggles aka Heidie who we bowled with last year. Yes we all have nicknames. Jim is Obi-Wan, Josh is Badger, and I’m Maynard. They originated the first year and we’ve stuck with them. I think Scuba Steve bowled with us last year too. But we try to keep the adults together, that way we give the kids a chance. HA! I sucked it up, majorly. I got like 1 strike in 3 games plus some spares. Or no, wait, was it four games? We stayed longer cause it was so hot outside and nice and cool in there. Whatever, my point is that I haven’t always sucked. In high school we did a section on it for P.E. and went bowling to learn how to keep score manually. I bowled a turkey aka three strikes in a row and got a high five from Tutor Hahm who was the teacher and not actually a Tutor or one of our teachers anymore either. After my Sophomore year he became Mr. Hahm. Now he’s Mr. Hahm and far far away… yet we still call him Tutor Hahm. It’s one of those things, you meet him that way as a Freshman and the name sticks. Plus bowling with us means the return of the slow clap. Last year we figured out that it doesn't matter how good you are - if we slow clap you you'll get a gutter ball. My favorite line from last year: "We won't judge you. We may slow clap you, but we won't judge you." That was one of mine.
-Thank you for calling Salty Dog Escort Service – I’ll have the extra salty please.
::: So, we went to Walmart to get soda pop after ordering 10 pizzas from Pizza Hut. Then picked up the pizzas and realized that wasn’t enough for over 30 people, especially with how many boys were there, so we ran back to Walmart and had perfect timing cause – okay, you know when you see someone who clearly just doesn’t blend in or look like they belong there. Like, one of these things is not like the other? Walmart in Nebraska is filled with hicks with redneck tans. This chick was about 6 foot with her black stilletos and skirt that was about 10 inches too short. And I’m of course with two older guys who just couldn’t stop laughing and making jokes about an escort service. “Where do you want to go?” “Well, let’s start at Walmart and go from there.” There isn’t a lot of options in that town. Other than Ray’s Apple Market and some bar called Wally’s. I just remember commenting on her and something about inches and Obi-Wan replied “Not every inch! Why would anyone want every inch of that?!”
-So close yet so far…
::: And a Budweiser plant. Which is just out of our reach and haunts our dreams. Not that we’d be stupid enough to bring alcohol to camp. We already had to call in the cops on our kids once. That was not a fun year. But it made for a good coming back to school story. “What’d you do this summer?” “Got a job, went swimming, taught VBS. What about you?” “Oh you know, directed a kids camp, caught them with alcohol, stayed up the whole night interviewing kids and decided to call the cops around 4AM who then showed up with their K9 unit and tore apart one of the cabins. Then got to hang out with the Sheriff while they searched the grounds. You know, the usual.”
-The Impossible Bedbugs vs. the Unstoppable Squiters
::: We try to play softball every year and make the teams semi-even. It was crazy this year though because we had the better team yet we kept getting smoked and 5-runned. BUT! We caught up! We were down by like 12, held them and were within 3 with the bases loaded and 2 out. Didn’t turn out in our favor but it was fun. I was stoked Scuba Steve and I got to be on the same team. That rarely happens.
-Impromptu Dance Party
::: So, a few years ago when we were talking about things to do with the teens someone suggested having a dance, to which another person replied, that would be lame. Which, it would be. If it was scheduled and planned. However, if someone happened to be playing music on their laptop while they waited for certain adults to come out and finish Cosmo’s with her and others surrounding her said, play some NSYNC and she just happened to have some, an impromptu dance party might take place. And it did. For half an hour. With my music. And Bailey’s ipod for Party in the USA. Another age gap thing I think. Miley Cyrus isn’t my strongpoint.
-Cosmo’s War of the Planets take two
::: Finished the Cosmo’s. Did I mention we watch it every year since we’ve bought it. It’s hysterical. Even though it’s not supposed to be. So finished that and then watched Clue. Which is another tradition. Those are basically the two movies we watch. Plus a serious one if we have time. The first night we decided to watch HeeHaw instead.

DAY SIX:
-I hate mornings.
::: Breakfast at 8:30, then camp cleanup, packing up the trailer and closing service all done before 12:30. Shock. Usually we’re there ‘til at least 2. Church was fun, Hillman is a great speaker and we sang more than anything else. The teens this year were very impressive voice-wise. Josh was loving it. We ended with King Jesus is All – actions included “Weeellllll….” – followed closely by Someday. Which the kids soon learned is not my favorite song after singing for 5 days straight. My voice is shot. Completely. And that’s high soprano stuff. Never-ending high soprano stuff. It sucks. But the song is great. Another fun ringtone. I enjoy leading it, lots of clapping and all that. It’s semi-dorky but sounds totally awesome.
-Stumbling Isn’t Falling
::: That may be, but why would you use that as a slogan for a chiropractor clinic? It’s interesting the buildings you pass by in small towns. I love the historic buildings, they’re so pretty. Small towns are so cool. I miss small town life/farm life. You could see the stars. Camp was awesome cause the skies were clear at night. Wish I had a camera that could take actual pictures of stars, not just pitch black screens. The drive back went okay – and of course we had to stop for McDonalds as is tradition. Me, Scuba Steve and Obi-Wan go every year. Sit in practically the same booth and get basically the same thing. Except this year I went for the chicken selects over the hamburger. All in all it was a good year. Nobody had to go home from homesickness, nobody got majorly injured, we didn’t have to call the cops… And! Guess what I got to drive through on my way back home….. JANSEN!!

The song that started it all: "Pop" NSync

aka the impromptu dance party. it started here, went to backstreet boys, spice girls, bieber, miley, cupid shuffle, etc etc etc ended with the cha cha slide. this is my favorite of their videos. yes i was a fan. get over it.

The song to end all songs: "Where Oh Where" HeeHaw

was super proud of my 7th and 8th graders for pulling this off. now just gotta write more verses for next year.