Oh my god, Oh my god, the snake on Bones, totally disgusting. Did anyone else watch that? I'm still screaming.
Alright, more Quotes of the Year
Friends:
Lori: "Give him a pamphlet and tell him to find Jesus."
advice for making stalkers go away
Ben at the derby: "I could be wearing them now, You don't know what I'm wearing under these jeans." fishnet stockings...
Me: "That was pretty."
Ben: "That wasn't pretty at all. It was hardcore."
Me: "Right it was hardcore pretty!"
Wordsmith: When do I get a blender?
W's Mom: When you get married.
Wordsmith: How do you expect me to get a woman if I can't blend a margarita?
Me: “How do I make it go woo?”
D...R partner: “Tripods don’t make that noise.”
…
Me: “Did it work?”
D...R partner: “I guess we’ll find out if it falls down and breaks.”
pre-recording our Delayed...Reaction new songs
Juwanna: “That’s why I don’t know anything about babies, I ran after you!”
i'm sorry! but watching that on tv was just not appetizing at all!
Smo: “Show me your T-Magic!”
yeah, she actually said it. to T-Magic. well, yelled it at him as he was leaving.
Pastor: “Cause when I think of cheerleaders I think of the Golden Girls.” golfing. enough said.
Taylor: “Where’s your lost and found?”
Carrie the nurse: “Somebody lose their skivvies?”
Me: “Just put it on the table.”
Carrie: “Don’t put them there, I keep meds there!”
camp fun.
Jim/Me/Ken: JANSEN!
more camp fun.
Grad School:
Classmate: "I was in nursing until I realized I have no bedside manner." on life before the library
Classmate: "Just don't be a D-bag."
Me: "That's your mission statement?" that's his life code.
Classmate: "Unless he was quelling their rebellion by boring them to death." someone's comment of joy about the diary of a certain one of shackleton's crew members
Presenter: "Why do we collect statistics? Anyone?" *silence* "Okay!"
Classmate: "Yeah, but there's a difference between that and forgetting to put sauce on a big mac!" this chick is married to a military officer so they were talking about discipline and then this other dude's former boss was an officer and flipped out at this dude at mcdonalds for messing up his order. somehow that mistake got tied to officers making mistakes and having consequences.
Professor: "Note to self, it there's ice and a ship, don't go!" about titanic and shackleton.
Professor: "You need a plan, Shackleton."
Library Goddessisms:
-"That could bore the paint off walls..."
-"I'm so glad that spellcheck doesn't have a 'duh'... It took me five times to spell weenie..."
-"Got sexier than their server will support!"
-"Why are we looking up magazine articles on the Titanic? It sunk, we're over it...Why would you go to that movie? We know how it ends! I can save you some money, it sinks!"
-"Interoperability...haha, FACE!" excited she could spell it
-"Who, When, What, Where and then we have another Who...ish" about citation
-"That's why there are 800 books named 'Frog'!!.......I don't know where that example came from." since you can't put a copyright on a title
-"Ha! plus five!" pronounced a difficult last name correctly
-"Donkey Hotey" okay...I can't explain that one
-"I don't care if you have a girl middle and a boy high or a boy middle and a girl high...school! High school!" yeah...haha, gotta include school on that one.
-"Take the call but go down the hall, don't say Hey by the door. We don't care about your hey." but it was like "Hey" as in "Hey, Ho, Hey, Ho" hysterical.
-"You will not get a handout for your marriage." true dat.
-"They call it the highrise because it's the only building there with 2 stories."
-"Support a para-professional a year, pay your library fines!"
-"Hoarders...one time's all you need."
-"Practice in your car, they'll just think you're singing."
-"I've been booktalking since dirt!"
-"I've read that book four times and I still don't know what happens!"
-"Like we'd know if you mess up...if it falls apart just lie!" booktalks
-"Big plastic fish thing." Jaws, she was talking about Jaws.
TV:
Claudia (Warehouse 13): "Well, Serendipity is my stripper name." Oh Claudia, how much you add to Warehouse 13's already awesome level.
Wolcott: "Is there not a man in London you haven't charmed?"
Helena (HG) Wells: "Oscar Wilde, and not for lack of trying."
Castle: “How do you know when you’re in love?”
Beckett: “All of the songs make sense.”
Roz (Frasier): “Just passing by, thought I’d stop in for a career.”
Frasier: “We’ve decided to think it’s charming.”
Maya (Just Shoot Me): "Competition brings out the worst in people!"
Nina: "Actually bike shorts bring out the worst in people..."
Nina: “Guess what I got!”
Finch: “Why, are they stumped down at the clinic?”
The Chief (Carmen Sandiego): “If cheese isn’t safe in Wisconsin, nothing is safe in Wisconsin!”
Victoria (Hot in Cleveland): "God I hate jocks!"
Joy: "You were married to a wide receiver!"
Victoria: "I still don't know what sport that is!"
Carrie Fisher: “I just have basically too much personality for one person but not enough for two.”
Magwilde (Bonekickers): "It's like graveyard jenga down here." Freaking Bonekickers. Every thought in my head for weeks came out in a Scottish accent.
Victoria (Mike and Molly): “So yes, I do believe in Bigfoot. And yes, I think he’s a total jerk.”
Elphaba (Wicked): “Not everyone can come and go by bubble.”
Scott Pilgrim vs. the Universe: “He punched the highlights out of her hair!”
Kelly (Charlie's Angels): “You move it turkey, we were here first!”
General Beckman (Chuck): “It’s longer than my copy of Atlas Shrugged!”
Castle: “And now, I own a boat!”
love the horn at the end.
Random:
-Bumper Sticker: “Hit me, I need the excitement.”
-Rasputin was poisoned, shot and drowned.
-An Angler on the Amazon hit a beehive with his stick. In order to avoid the angry bees he jumped into the river and was eaten by piranhas.
-When in doubt shelf-read the jNonfiction. That place is always a disaster area.
-In 1865, in the war between Uruguay and Brazil, one of Uruguay's ships ran out of cannon balls so they fired chunks of stale Dutch cheese out of the cannons. One of them dismasted an enemy ship and killed two sailors.
-If you've ever had to haul a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend your sister's honor you may be a redneck.
-People used a rhyme in the olden days to remind others to stay away from Oak trees in a lightning storm. "The oak brings the stroke." Apparently oak trees were thought to be highly conductive.
-It's lucky to spit in your hand before you pick up your bat. It's unlucky to share bats with someone else. ....and now totally gross if you play with superstitious people.
A random collection of knowledge I know. That's the beauty of public libraries. The information is limitless, unlike academic or special libraries. Booyah.
New Life Mottos:
-Social life in progress
-Well that’s something to scrapbook
-At least the baby stopped crying
-I’m just coloring in the chicken feathers
-Black in the crevices
-I’m a constant surprise
-I’m just not hooked on your phonics
-That's a second Friends reference for those of you counting.
-Because everyone should have someone to scream at in a giant elephant.
-Another day another margarita
-And don't go all shrink on me. If you tried to analyze my crazy you'd drive yourself there.
-Is she telling me this because she expects me to be social?
-The Sideways Hat Theory
-I live my life behind the tab.
and that's all she wrote.
Showing posts with label remember remember the fifth of november. Show all posts
Showing posts with label remember remember the fifth of november. Show all posts
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Remember, Remember the Fifth of November: Take Five
"I've had marriages shorter than that story." Okay Jack, I'll try to keep it simple.
I've had the pleasure of working at two public libraries for over a year now, add that to my very amusing family, hysterical friends and crazy imagination and you get hours of entertainment.
So, without any further ado you get,
Quotes of the Year:
ps- there were far too many so the other half comes tomorrow.
Things overheard at the library:
Fearless Leader: *holding up a copy of Legally Blonde the Musical* THIS is why I hate musicals!
Trainee: "It's like, what's that mean? and then Why are you reading my ass?" about the shorts with words on them.
Me: “He says I deserve a pizza.”
Superwoman: “Crap.” ha!
Slim Shady: “Magnet, Magnet, Magnet…” i attract all the crazies.
Coworker at Staff Inservice: “There’s no crying in Koha.”
Creeper: “Likes ass or jazz” what are you supposed to say when someone hands you a note with their name and that on it? Seriously? Thanks, but no.
Me after hitting button in car and it asked for a command: "What the hell?"
Jarvis my car: "To call hell say dial."
...
Glee-Loving Boss: "Did a creepy guy with a deep voice answer?"
Slim Shady: "They say it's a psychological thriller. I want to know what that means in the context of ballerinas." About Black Swan
Me: "That'll be me in 40 years."
Space Cadet: “But you'll use your inside voice...unless you're too deaf to hear it." She says that my hearing at 35 will be her hearing at 70 since I blast music in my headphones.
Koha Queen: "I'm way passed bananas."
Girlscout: "My orca is gonna attack your porpoise!" summer reading program water guns were sea animal-shaped
Super Librarian Status: "You have a lot to live up to. Just don’t throw cranky customers across the room." about my nickname Pippi cause of my hat
Reference Queen: "This shirt is older than you are." Barcode Blues
Superwoman: “Are you free tonight? Do you need to ask your mother?” geez, you forget about one family gathering.
Coworker: “Don’t run in the library.”
Kid: “I’m jogging” and keeps running.
Me: “Was it Patience or Fortitude?”
Slim Shady: “I think it was Patience.”
Me: “You don’t know do you?”
Slim Shady: “No idea.” take a picture in front of the lions
Sam the Man: “Jam hands bring nothing but pain.” joy
Family:
Me: "It's like, I'm surrounded by books all day. The last thing I want to do when I get home is read."
Second Sister the pharmacist: "Well, I don't come home and do drugs."
Bubby: “Can I do it to Mandy?”
Me: “No.”
Bubby: “Can you do it to Mandy?” oh sibling love.
Oldest Sister: "Give me a piece of that gum, you didn't tell me it was enjoyable!"
Rick: "Spontaneous combustion is pretty awesome unless it happens to you." Apples to Apples
Oldest Sister: “Picture ‘I can’t run anymore I’m gonna puke!’ and then running the next few steps.”
Oldest Sister: “They didn’t punch a hole, they punched a crawl space.”
Oldest Sister: “Get your head out of your purse.”
Squirt: “It smells good in here.”
Teina: “How do you spell Eminem?”
Rick: “It’s on the candies.”
Me: “You get the jerky, I’ll get the nuts.” christmas shopping
Aunt Hay-Hay: “We ordered an ostrich and they had to go out and find one.” order took longer than anyone else's
Dad: “You were good, you didn’t fight with anyone.”
Mom: “That’s because she didn’t have anyone to fight with. You would have if she did.” Thanks mom.
Mom: “Is it Apples to Apples or Apples to Oranges?”
Second Sister: “It’s an appropriate amount of freakage.” About my level of sanity after I was told about dad in the hospital. Knew it was serious business when both Oldest and Second Sisters called me at work within five minutes of each other.
Mark: “I used to say ‘oh pigeons’ it’s appropriate cause they’re annoying as crap.”
Squirt: “Lock him in the closet with a piece of cheese and a glass of water.”
Mark: “We’ll split the trains four ways. Carrie can have the beer mugs.”
Second Sister: “I want the Corve.”
Me: “Can I have the Bird?”
Mark: “Yes, we’ll flip you the bird.”
Mom: “You get $2500 when you die.”
Me: “What am I supposed to do with it?”
Mom: “Bury yourself.”
Mom: “Get that on! I don’t wanna see you hanging out!”
Me: “The doors are closed!” a seatbelt, she’s talking about a seatbelt.
Justin: “Put on some music. It’ll make her look less crazy.”
Liz: “I will murder you at my wedding. I’m not above that.” about showing a video of her singing and dancing
Justin: “If he made it old dirty underwear in a dump no one would ever look for that. Best Horcrux ever.” harry potter
Oldest Sister: "Did you just turn that down with your butt?"
Me: "Yes, my butt has magic powers."
Oldest Sister: "That's fantastic."
Me: "My butt or the magic powers?" remote control
Me to Creepy Stalker Date: “That’s not love, that’s not even like! That’s nausea-inducing, frustration anxiety psychosis!”
Oldest Sister: "I'm related to that one."
Me: "She's my older sister."
Josh: "You're very strong."
Oldest Sister: "So you've met my family."
Josh: "Just that one."
Dad about Mom: "You're the second biggest blab around."
Me: "Does that make you the first?"
Sarah: "Did you swear in text form?"
Me: "Is that like the Splenda of salt?"
Squirt: "You stole my happy!"
Dad: "And! If that fails! We'll put Mom out there with a shotgun!" he was determined to keep the racoons away from the corn.
Mom: "Tell him he's wonderful for staying to work on that so late. Oh, and you're great too."
Me: "Thanks Mom."
thanks mom.
Me about The Closer: "Should we watch last week's?"
Mom: "Sure, I watched it already." *shows starts and literally 30 seconds later she bombards me with questions about what's happening*
Me: "I thought you said you saw this one."
Mom: "I forgot it already."
Me: “You learn that at pharmacy school?”
Dad: “Oh god, not pizza again.”
Mom: “We don’t want old chicken.”
Oldest Sister: “I’m sorry creepers were taking pictures of your butt.”
Cool Aunt at the College World Series: “Just sitting here, enjoying my hummus.” yeah, they seriously had hummus.
Me: “You’re the Tar to my Heels.”
more tomorrow.
I've had the pleasure of working at two public libraries for over a year now, add that to my very amusing family, hysterical friends and crazy imagination and you get hours of entertainment.
So, without any further ado you get,
Quotes of the Year:
ps- there were far too many so the other half comes tomorrow.
Things overheard at the library:
Fearless Leader: *holding up a copy of Legally Blonde the Musical* THIS is why I hate musicals!
Trainee: "It's like, what's that mean? and then Why are you reading my ass?" about the shorts with words on them.
Me: “He says I deserve a pizza.”
Superwoman: “Crap.” ha!
Slim Shady: “Magnet, Magnet, Magnet…” i attract all the crazies.
Coworker at Staff Inservice: “There’s no crying in Koha.”
Creeper: “Likes ass or jazz” what are you supposed to say when someone hands you a note with their name and that on it? Seriously? Thanks, but no.
Me after hitting button in car and it asked for a command: "What the hell?"
Jarvis my car: "To call hell say dial."
...
Glee-Loving Boss: "Did a creepy guy with a deep voice answer?"
Slim Shady: "They say it's a psychological thriller. I want to know what that means in the context of ballerinas." About Black Swan
Me: "That'll be me in 40 years."
Space Cadet: “But you'll use your inside voice...unless you're too deaf to hear it." She says that my hearing at 35 will be her hearing at 70 since I blast music in my headphones.
Koha Queen: "I'm way passed bananas."
Girlscout: "My orca is gonna attack your porpoise!" summer reading program water guns were sea animal-shaped
Super Librarian Status: "You have a lot to live up to. Just don’t throw cranky customers across the room." about my nickname Pippi cause of my hat
Reference Queen: "This shirt is older than you are." Barcode Blues
Superwoman: “Are you free tonight? Do you need to ask your mother?” geez, you forget about one family gathering.
Coworker: “Don’t run in the library.”
Kid: “I’m jogging” and keeps running.
Me: “Was it Patience or Fortitude?”
Slim Shady: “I think it was Patience.”
Me: “You don’t know do you?”
Slim Shady: “No idea.” take a picture in front of the lions
Sam the Man: “Jam hands bring nothing but pain.” joy
Family:
Me: "It's like, I'm surrounded by books all day. The last thing I want to do when I get home is read."
Second Sister the pharmacist: "Well, I don't come home and do drugs."
Bubby: “Can I do it to Mandy?”
Me: “No.”
Bubby: “Can you do it to Mandy?” oh sibling love.
Oldest Sister: "Give me a piece of that gum, you didn't tell me it was enjoyable!"
Rick: "Spontaneous combustion is pretty awesome unless it happens to you." Apples to Apples
Oldest Sister: “Picture ‘I can’t run anymore I’m gonna puke!’ and then running the next few steps.”
Oldest Sister: “They didn’t punch a hole, they punched a crawl space.”
Oldest Sister: “Get your head out of your purse.”
Squirt: “It smells good in here.”
Teina: “How do you spell Eminem?”
Rick: “It’s on the candies.”
Me: “You get the jerky, I’ll get the nuts.” christmas shopping
Aunt Hay-Hay: “We ordered an ostrich and they had to go out and find one.” order took longer than anyone else's
Dad: “You were good, you didn’t fight with anyone.”
Mom: “That’s because she didn’t have anyone to fight with. You would have if she did.” Thanks mom.
Mom: “Is it Apples to Apples or Apples to Oranges?”
Second Sister: “It’s an appropriate amount of freakage.” About my level of sanity after I was told about dad in the hospital. Knew it was serious business when both Oldest and Second Sisters called me at work within five minutes of each other.
Mark: “I used to say ‘oh pigeons’ it’s appropriate cause they’re annoying as crap.”
Squirt: “Lock him in the closet with a piece of cheese and a glass of water.”
Mark: “We’ll split the trains four ways. Carrie can have the beer mugs.”
Second Sister: “I want the Corve.”
Me: “Can I have the Bird?”
Mark: “Yes, we’ll flip you the bird.”
Mom: “You get $2500 when you die.”
Me: “What am I supposed to do with it?”
Mom: “Bury yourself.”
Mom: “Get that on! I don’t wanna see you hanging out!”
Me: “The doors are closed!” a seatbelt, she’s talking about a seatbelt.
Justin: “Put on some music. It’ll make her look less crazy.”
Liz: “I will murder you at my wedding. I’m not above that.” about showing a video of her singing and dancing
Justin: “If he made it old dirty underwear in a dump no one would ever look for that. Best Horcrux ever.” harry potter
Oldest Sister: "Did you just turn that down with your butt?"
Me: "Yes, my butt has magic powers."
Oldest Sister: "That's fantastic."
Me: "My butt or the magic powers?" remote control
Me to Creepy Stalker Date: “That’s not love, that’s not even like! That’s nausea-inducing, frustration anxiety psychosis!”
Oldest Sister: "I'm related to that one."
Me: "She's my older sister."
Josh: "You're very strong."
Oldest Sister: "So you've met my family."
Josh: "Just that one."
Dad about Mom: "You're the second biggest blab around."
Me: "Does that make you the first?"
Sarah: "Did you swear in text form?"
Me: "Is that like the Splenda of salt?"
Squirt: "You stole my happy!"
Dad: "And! If that fails! We'll put Mom out there with a shotgun!" he was determined to keep the racoons away from the corn.
Mom: "Tell him he's wonderful for staying to work on that so late. Oh, and you're great too."
Me: "Thanks Mom."
thanks mom.
Me about The Closer: "Should we watch last week's?"
Mom: "Sure, I watched it already." *shows starts and literally 30 seconds later she bombards me with questions about what's happening*
Me: "I thought you said you saw this one."
Mom: "I forgot it already."
Me: “You learn that at pharmacy school?”
Dad: “Oh god, not pizza again.”
Mom: “We don’t want old chicken.”
Oldest Sister: “I’m sorry creepers were taking pictures of your butt.”
Cool Aunt at the College World Series: “Just sitting here, enjoying my hummus.” yeah, they seriously had hummus.
Me: “You’re the Tar to my Heels.”
more tomorrow.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Remember, Remember the Fifth of November: Take Two
Have you ever had one of those days where you're so upset with yourself that you literally just want to go cry in a corner? That was me today. And the psychology behind it is actually really interesting. How I can be so much more effected when one person is upset with me compared to anyone else being upset with me. It literally killed my day. But it's okay. I mean, it's not. But it'll be okay. Soon. I'll fix it. I hope.
But if Superwoman has taught me anything it's that being a librarian is much like being an actress so I faked my way through the day successfully as none of the patrons seemed to notice. My coworkers were smart enough to realize it was not a good day and waited for me to come to them. That's how I know I'm where I'm supposed to be.
So I'm trying to be happy and excited and just you know, manageable of emotions. And it's crap, because when I'm really really mad I just write a scene and kill off the bad guy in a really painful inhumane way. But when I'm sad, life just bites.
Slim Shady and I are going out for lunch tomorrow. She's trying to cheer me up. "Yes, I need to be excited about life." "Well, I wouldn't go that far." And the Cool Aunt who is perpetually there when I need her was very helpful. So I'm grateful.
Aannnd now that we've rinsed off the soap we can get back to the good stuff.
So yes, it's been a year. One crazy and exhausting year. Through job interviews, camp excursions, play practices from hell, creepy stalkers hitting on me continually, and I'm still here to post. So that's something. Right?
Those were 38, yes 38, of my favorite posts. And guess what. You're about to get even more.
39. We go, we drink, we banter, we dance, we cheer, we eat, a lot, and drink some more. My Life in Closed Captions: Extra Innings Victory! Love Mom.
40. Damage control on the fly. My Life in Closed Captions: Rockin' the Reference with the Shelver's Curse Plus I'm a nerd. Remember that.
41. Which Steve? My Life in Closed Captions: Tin Roof!...Rusted... "You don't look like a librarian."
42. What's your walkup song? My Life in Closed Captions: Motions of Motherhood "Don't put your lime carcuss on my plate!"
43. Queen of Koha turned Plant Killer My Life in Closed Captions: Say Goodnight and Go "Oh, I was looking for shotguns."
44. Play nice or you will wear my latte. My Life in Closed Captions: "You need a plan, Shackleton." "Unless he was quelling their rebellion by boring them to death."
45. Oh, we're mercenaries, didn't they tell you? My Life in Closed Captions: 2 games, 2 amazing right-field catches, an injured... "Don't listen to him, he's just used to dealing with cold bodies."
46. Just don't sleepwalk when there's an office chair at the base of your bed. My Life in Closed Captions: "Well, this is awkward."It will scar your roommate for life.
47. Library Swag My Life in Closed Captions: Green Bags and Nametags "No idea, but we should probably clap."
48. You die your way, I'll die mine. My Life in Closed Captions: "That's not coffee, that's diabetes on ice." 10/12... "to give you a gentle push, or a kick in the ass."
49. You flip to the back of the hymnal to see if anyone's made a note about the water damage. My Life in Closed Captions: You know you're a librarian when: Who wouldn’t want to drive across the country with a protagonist fixated on drugs, women, and intellectualism?
50. Battle of the Lutherans My Life in Closed Captions: Lutherans in the Outfield Therefore, I'm destined to marry a Catholic.
51. If you see a sign claiming they will file legal action against you if you clean poultry in the bathroom My Life in Closed Captions: Joys of Small Town Nebraska blame my sister. That's all her.
52. Librarians go Gaga My Life in Closed Captions: "Don't you ever interrupt me while I'm readin' a b... "I feel sort of rocky sometimes."
53. Remember when you went out hunting for possum? You said you’d get one and wouldn’t be long. My Life in Closed Captions: Where Oh Where Are You Tonight? That’s ten years ago and I’m sitting here waiting, beginning to wonder if something went wrong.
54. Dear Facebook, My Life in Closed Captions: Something tells me I'm into something good... You need a Bitchslap Button.
55. Rollin' with my gnomies. My Life in Closed Captions: "You know if you move that fast enough, you can al... Why is the g silent?
56-62. Favorites Week - These Are a Few of My Favorite Things Seven whole days of lists and clips of awesomeness.
Tune in tomorrow for clips, quotes and pictures of the awesomeness that's been one year in the life of me.
But if Superwoman has taught me anything it's that being a librarian is much like being an actress so I faked my way through the day successfully as none of the patrons seemed to notice. My coworkers were smart enough to realize it was not a good day and waited for me to come to them. That's how I know I'm where I'm supposed to be.
So I'm trying to be happy and excited and just you know, manageable of emotions. And it's crap, because when I'm really really mad I just write a scene and kill off the bad guy in a really painful inhumane way. But when I'm sad, life just bites.
Slim Shady and I are going out for lunch tomorrow. She's trying to cheer me up. "Yes, I need to be excited about life." "Well, I wouldn't go that far." And the Cool Aunt who is perpetually there when I need her was very helpful. So I'm grateful.
Aannnd now that we've rinsed off the soap we can get back to the good stuff.
So yes, it's been a year. One crazy and exhausting year. Through job interviews, camp excursions, play practices from hell, creepy stalkers hitting on me continually, and I'm still here to post. So that's something. Right?
Those were 38, yes 38, of my favorite posts. And guess what. You're about to get even more.
39. We go, we drink, we banter, we dance, we cheer, we eat, a lot, and drink some more. My Life in Closed Captions: Extra Innings Victory! Love Mom.
40. Damage control on the fly. My Life in Closed Captions: Rockin' the Reference with the Shelver's Curse Plus I'm a nerd. Remember that.
41. Which Steve? My Life in Closed Captions: Tin Roof!...Rusted... "You don't look like a librarian."
42. What's your walkup song? My Life in Closed Captions: Motions of Motherhood "Don't put your lime carcuss on my plate!"
43. Queen of Koha turned Plant Killer My Life in Closed Captions: Say Goodnight and Go "Oh, I was looking for shotguns."
44. Play nice or you will wear my latte. My Life in Closed Captions: "You need a plan, Shackleton." "Unless he was quelling their rebellion by boring them to death."
45. Oh, we're mercenaries, didn't they tell you? My Life in Closed Captions: 2 games, 2 amazing right-field catches, an injured... "Don't listen to him, he's just used to dealing with cold bodies."
46. Just don't sleepwalk when there's an office chair at the base of your bed. My Life in Closed Captions: "Well, this is awkward."It will scar your roommate for life.
47. Library Swag My Life in Closed Captions: Green Bags and Nametags "No idea, but we should probably clap."
48. You die your way, I'll die mine. My Life in Closed Captions: "That's not coffee, that's diabetes on ice." 10/12... "to give you a gentle push, or a kick in the ass."
49. You flip to the back of the hymnal to see if anyone's made a note about the water damage. My Life in Closed Captions: You know you're a librarian when: Who wouldn’t want to drive across the country with a protagonist fixated on drugs, women, and intellectualism?
50. Battle of the Lutherans My Life in Closed Captions: Lutherans in the Outfield Therefore, I'm destined to marry a Catholic.
51. If you see a sign claiming they will file legal action against you if you clean poultry in the bathroom My Life in Closed Captions: Joys of Small Town Nebraska blame my sister. That's all her.
52. Librarians go Gaga My Life in Closed Captions: "Don't you ever interrupt me while I'm readin' a b... "I feel sort of rocky sometimes."
53. Remember when you went out hunting for possum? You said you’d get one and wouldn’t be long. My Life in Closed Captions: Where Oh Where Are You Tonight? That’s ten years ago and I’m sitting here waiting, beginning to wonder if something went wrong.
54. Dear Facebook, My Life in Closed Captions: Something tells me I'm into something good... You need a Bitchslap Button.
55. Rollin' with my gnomies. My Life in Closed Captions: "You know if you move that fast enough, you can al... Why is the g silent?
56-62. Favorites Week - These Are a Few of My Favorite Things Seven whole days of lists and clips of awesomeness.
Tune in tomorrow for clips, quotes and pictures of the awesomeness that's been one year in the life of me.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Remember, Remember the Fifth of November
Remember, Remember the Fifth of November, the day that it all began.
A blog, I thought to myself, well that'd be an interesting life plan.
So I plotted, and searched looking for the right place for me,
Running into blogspot and flipping through their formats for free.
This could work, I said, already planning it all,
I could talk about work, about life, about foosball.
Hyjinks, shenanigans, awkward experiences too,
All in great detail and ready to view.
It started so simple, just one introduction post,
Soon after was when I found I was toast.
A year later I'm still here, posting almost every night,
About anything that gives me inspiration to write.
Now what? I ask myself, should I keep on going?
Then thinking, okay scratch that and make it knowing,
That my life without this blog would truly be lacking,
What else could I do at night that's so useful in tracking
My life occurrences much like a journal,
If a journal was something you shared with stalkers eternal.
So I'll still be here tomorrow, and the day after that too
And if you're still reading this then here is my cue,
A few of my favorite posts I'd like to re-share,
About work, about family about dating, yes I dared.
Read these or not it's been my pleasure to entertain,
Or overload you with random facts that stick in your brain.
Thank you for reading about a year in life of me,
Yes, this poem is almost over and I give you all for free,
A few of the highlights in this year-long journey,
Library adventures, family shenanigans and a pitch tourney.
1. Introductory Post: My Life in Closed Captions: *Insert Clever Title Here* "I have dyed my hair the following colors: red, blonde, purple, orange, blue, black and back to the original brown that we forgot it was."
2. A Christmas Tree Nightmare: My Life in Closed Captions: A Christmas Tree Nightmare "I put the trees up at the farmhouse today and gotta say wow. I've never wanted to burn something more in my life."
3. Onward, Gypsy Leader: My Life in Closed Captions: Well, at least the baby stopped crying... "What happens at the holiday party stays at the holiday party!"
4. Twelve Days of Christmas, Janice Dickinson Style My Life in Closed Captions: Christmas Came Indeed! "and a totally insufficient dowry..."
5. Sleep-Deprived Space Cadets My Life in Closed Captions: "Screw the fan, You want an E-Reader!" "Yes, I took out my rage against e-readers on this pen!"
6. Carbination 101 My Life in Closed Captions: Library + Science experiments = Hootie Hoo "It was disgusting but caffeinated."
7. Tell them you worship snakes My Life in Closed Captions: The girl with the captivating eyes + sick day + fi... It always works for me.
8. Shimmy Damnit, Shimmy! My Life in Closed Captions: Right about now, the funk soul brother. Check it o... "Give me a piece of that gum, you didn't tell me it would be enjoyable."
9. I hope you're wearing socks. My Life in Closed Captions: His Name Was GADE - Delayed...Reaction "Gade said no wonder, these shoes don't fit me so great."
10. I like cheese, but I don't like cheese. My Life in Closed Captions: New Shoes, the Cheese Speech, Warped Tour and MXPX... "It's ridiculous that it's this hard to walk like a normal person."
11. Don't put that in the blog! My Life in Closed Captions: Make the lambs stop screaming! "She's got the biggest bajoingas at this table."
12. Satan has a thing for redheads My Life in Closed Captions: "Those are gonna be some weirdass dreams..." "Are we gonna get in trouble?" "Just tell them you were the one waiving the flag."
13. Happy Birthday to me My Life in Closed Captions: "It sunk, we're over it!" haha, FACE!
14. I learned two things, 1. There are such things are Snow Leopards My Life in Closed Captions: We can be heroes just for one day... and 2. If I call Superwoman at 2AM she will retaliate.
15. Apparently, within the next few weeks, I'm going to find my mate. My Life in Closed Captions: Just you and me and my GUAAARRRDS! Oh, and the world is going to end.
16. I met a guy. I thought he was sane. My Life in Closed Captions: You're everything that everybody warned about... We went out. Turns out he's not.
17. The Dirt System My Life in Closed Captions: "Cause even after three text messages, four missed... So I have this doppelganger.
18. Mr. Rogers was an ordained minister. My Life in Closed Captions: Sitting, Waiting, Wishing on Red Wine, Mistakes, M... We've decided to think it's charming.
19. White Walls and Sterylized Equipment My Life in Closed Captions: This is a week of my favorite things Day Three: Te... "Yes, we'll flip you the bird."
20. You're too nice to the weird boys. My Life in Closed Captions: This Magnet Moment... Likes ass or jazz.
21. Barf Chips and Face Aerobics My Life in Closed Captions: Hello Koha! But I do own a bicycle.
22. The Surgery Group My Life in Closed Captions: Embark the vehicle! "I'm sorry creepers were taking pictures of your butt."
23. It's not a club. My Life in Closed Captions: I'm a pancake. I'm a pancake. Do you need me for this conversation?
24. You will not get a handout for your marriage. My Life in Closed Captions: So you'll remember what I forgot to say... Donkey Hotey.
25. If it falls apart just lie. My Life in Closed Captions: Can I Keep You - Some Assembly Required "Support a para-professional a year, pay your library fines!"
26. Take that "Creative Reasons" My Life in Closed Captions: *Spoiler Alert* I ain't sayin' I was wrong about any of these...
27. Well, we can't all come and go by bubble. My Life in Closed Captions: Oh, just wear the frock, it's pretty! I'm beautifully tragic.
28. You fell in love with a liar who will light you on fire. My Life in Closed Captions: Wickham, you mischievous man, You plotted a mischi... Move on to the neighbor Joanne.
29. Zombies vs. Unicorns My Life in Closed Captions: Impromptu speech-writing Edward vs. Jacob
30. Black! Gold! Black! Gold! My Life in Closed Captions: Yeah... still gonna call it Rosenblatt. + 0-6, 0-6... "That's why I don't know anything about babies, I ran after you!"
31. Jack the Pigeon My Life in Closed Captions: Welcome to Earth, third rock from the sun...pigeon... seriously?
32. Circle! Square! My Life in Closed Captions: Circles, Squares and Ugly Women, Oh My! "Damn, the place is going to the cops."
33. Jim passed a kidney stone through his parietal bone. My Life in Closed Captions: 2G's version of Oh Lord of Light "Why don't you have a verse?"
34. Put on some music, it'll make her look less crazy. My Life in Closed Captions: 10 points for Gryffindor! "I will murder you at my wedding. I'm not above that."
35. The Sideways Hat Theory My Life in Closed Captions: Camp J 2011 Highlights "and pbbt you was gone."
36. List of skits My Life in Closed Captions: I've never heard silence quite this loud. JANSEN!
37. I'll google it. My Life in Closed Captions: Our drinking team has a golfing problem "Because when I think of cheerleaders I think of the Golden Girls."
38. You're a bit of a blonde in a brunette's body. My Life in Closed Captions: Groove is in the Heart "Get your head out of your purse." "It smells nice in here!"
More to come tomorrow.
A blog, I thought to myself, well that'd be an interesting life plan.
So I plotted, and searched looking for the right place for me,
Running into blogspot and flipping through their formats for free.
This could work, I said, already planning it all,
I could talk about work, about life, about foosball.
Hyjinks, shenanigans, awkward experiences too,
All in great detail and ready to view.
It started so simple, just one introduction post,
Soon after was when I found I was toast.
A year later I'm still here, posting almost every night,
About anything that gives me inspiration to write.
Now what? I ask myself, should I keep on going?
Then thinking, okay scratch that and make it knowing,
That my life without this blog would truly be lacking,
What else could I do at night that's so useful in tracking
My life occurrences much like a journal,
If a journal was something you shared with stalkers eternal.
So I'll still be here tomorrow, and the day after that too
And if you're still reading this then here is my cue,
A few of my favorite posts I'd like to re-share,
About work, about family about dating, yes I dared.
Read these or not it's been my pleasure to entertain,
Or overload you with random facts that stick in your brain.
Thank you for reading about a year in life of me,
Yes, this poem is almost over and I give you all for free,
A few of the highlights in this year-long journey,
Library adventures, family shenanigans and a pitch tourney.
1. Introductory Post: My Life in Closed Captions: *Insert Clever Title Here* "I have dyed my hair the following colors: red, blonde, purple, orange, blue, black and back to the original brown that we forgot it was."
2. A Christmas Tree Nightmare: My Life in Closed Captions: A Christmas Tree Nightmare "I put the trees up at the farmhouse today and gotta say wow. I've never wanted to burn something more in my life."
3. Onward, Gypsy Leader: My Life in Closed Captions: Well, at least the baby stopped crying... "What happens at the holiday party stays at the holiday party!"
4. Twelve Days of Christmas, Janice Dickinson Style My Life in Closed Captions: Christmas Came Indeed! "and a totally insufficient dowry..."
5. Sleep-Deprived Space Cadets My Life in Closed Captions: "Screw the fan, You want an E-Reader!" "Yes, I took out my rage against e-readers on this pen!"
6. Carbination 101 My Life in Closed Captions: Library + Science experiments = Hootie Hoo "It was disgusting but caffeinated."
7. Tell them you worship snakes My Life in Closed Captions: The girl with the captivating eyes + sick day + fi... It always works for me.
8. Shimmy Damnit, Shimmy! My Life in Closed Captions: Right about now, the funk soul brother. Check it o... "Give me a piece of that gum, you didn't tell me it would be enjoyable."
9. I hope you're wearing socks. My Life in Closed Captions: His Name Was GADE - Delayed...Reaction "Gade said no wonder, these shoes don't fit me so great."
10. I like cheese, but I don't like cheese. My Life in Closed Captions: New Shoes, the Cheese Speech, Warped Tour and MXPX... "It's ridiculous that it's this hard to walk like a normal person."
11. Don't put that in the blog! My Life in Closed Captions: Make the lambs stop screaming! "She's got the biggest bajoingas at this table."
12. Satan has a thing for redheads My Life in Closed Captions: "Those are gonna be some weirdass dreams..." "Are we gonna get in trouble?" "Just tell them you were the one waiving the flag."
13. Happy Birthday to me My Life in Closed Captions: "It sunk, we're over it!" haha, FACE!
14. I learned two things, 1. There are such things are Snow Leopards My Life in Closed Captions: We can be heroes just for one day... and 2. If I call Superwoman at 2AM she will retaliate.
15. Apparently, within the next few weeks, I'm going to find my mate. My Life in Closed Captions: Just you and me and my GUAAARRRDS! Oh, and the world is going to end.
16. I met a guy. I thought he was sane. My Life in Closed Captions: You're everything that everybody warned about... We went out. Turns out he's not.
17. The Dirt System My Life in Closed Captions: "Cause even after three text messages, four missed... So I have this doppelganger.
18. Mr. Rogers was an ordained minister. My Life in Closed Captions: Sitting, Waiting, Wishing on Red Wine, Mistakes, M... We've decided to think it's charming.
19. White Walls and Sterylized Equipment My Life in Closed Captions: This is a week of my favorite things Day Three: Te... "Yes, we'll flip you the bird."
20. You're too nice to the weird boys. My Life in Closed Captions: This Magnet Moment... Likes ass or jazz.
21. Barf Chips and Face Aerobics My Life in Closed Captions: Hello Koha! But I do own a bicycle.
22. The Surgery Group My Life in Closed Captions: Embark the vehicle! "I'm sorry creepers were taking pictures of your butt."
23. It's not a club. My Life in Closed Captions: I'm a pancake. I'm a pancake. Do you need me for this conversation?
24. You will not get a handout for your marriage. My Life in Closed Captions: So you'll remember what I forgot to say... Donkey Hotey.
25. If it falls apart just lie. My Life in Closed Captions: Can I Keep You - Some Assembly Required "Support a para-professional a year, pay your library fines!"
26. Take that "Creative Reasons" My Life in Closed Captions: *Spoiler Alert* I ain't sayin' I was wrong about any of these...
27. Well, we can't all come and go by bubble. My Life in Closed Captions: Oh, just wear the frock, it's pretty! I'm beautifully tragic.
28. You fell in love with a liar who will light you on fire. My Life in Closed Captions: Wickham, you mischievous man, You plotted a mischi... Move on to the neighbor Joanne.
29. Zombies vs. Unicorns My Life in Closed Captions: Impromptu speech-writing Edward vs. Jacob
30. Black! Gold! Black! Gold! My Life in Closed Captions: Yeah... still gonna call it Rosenblatt. + 0-6, 0-6... "That's why I don't know anything about babies, I ran after you!"
31. Jack the Pigeon My Life in Closed Captions: Welcome to Earth, third rock from the sun...pigeon... seriously?
32. Circle! Square! My Life in Closed Captions: Circles, Squares and Ugly Women, Oh My! "Damn, the place is going to the cops."
33. Jim passed a kidney stone through his parietal bone. My Life in Closed Captions: 2G's version of Oh Lord of Light "Why don't you have a verse?"
34. Put on some music, it'll make her look less crazy. My Life in Closed Captions: 10 points for Gryffindor! "I will murder you at my wedding. I'm not above that."
35. The Sideways Hat Theory My Life in Closed Captions: Camp J 2011 Highlights "and pbbt you was gone."
36. List of skits My Life in Closed Captions: I've never heard silence quite this loud. JANSEN!
37. I'll google it. My Life in Closed Captions: Our drinking team has a golfing problem "Because when I think of cheerleaders I think of the Golden Girls."
38. You're a bit of a blonde in a brunette's body. My Life in Closed Captions: Groove is in the Heart "Get your head out of your purse." "It smells nice in here!"
More to come tomorrow.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)