A Christmas Tree Nightmare

I put the trees up at the farmhouse today and gotta say wow. I've never wanted to burn something more in my life. The first tree, the one of awesomeness, is seriously a piece by piece thing. Every branch you have to put in individually. And even though it takes forever I love it. It's relaxing. I'm the only one who knows the order they go in. It's all red and gold and pretty.
The second tree...oh man. It's only three pieces, bottom, middle then top. It should take maybe 5 minutes to put up, right? No. Two hours and I finally had the thing standing up straight. By this time I was just plain ticked. It was bad. My secret plan is to take it out to the trash hole the day after Christmas, cover it in lighter fluid and light a match. Oh man. The problem is that the bottom thing that goes into the stand isn't like a pole. It's this triangle thing. Why would you make it a triangle? It's the base, it's supposed to be perpendicular to the floor so the thing can stand up straight. You'd think anyway. But no. Then you have to tighten the screws, there are three, and they have to be completely even or the tree is crooked. And they don't screw in easy, it takes pliers. Plus you're getting stabbed in the face by the branches because they're in the way. Then the branches all look weird because it's one of those that has the lights already on it. So the branches are all tied together and sticking in different directions. And of course none of the lights work anymore anyway. We've had the thing four years and I honestly don't remember them ever working. So I took a scissors to some of them, (sh, don't tell mom). Anyway, two hours later and it's up.
Then I have to decorate the stupid thing. And it's the cheesy tree - the one that gets all the childhood-art-class-made-ornaments, pictures of grandkids, random ornaments that make noise when plugged into the light sockets, toys and random objects with string on them but clearly not meant for a Christmas tree, silver tinsel and colored lights galore. But it works. So I distracted myself from the gag-worthiness with Rizzoli and Isles episodes I have DVR'd from earlier this year.
Now they are both up and have special things attached to the chord so all you have to do is hit a button and you can turn them on and off without even having to unplug anything. Hooray. I can sleep in peace. Or have another dream about my dad being murdered and mom and I being held hostage. So weird. It's been a banner day.