My Old Fines - Parody #16

My Old Fines

Written by Info-Man

To the tune of Auld Lang Syne

I think that I should get a break,
I thought this was on time

Please don’t charge me for my mistake
don’t add to my old fines!

CHORUS:
For my old fines, you see,
for my old fines,
I’ll take a waiver form, with me,
for my old fines.

I swear these bed bugs can not be

They’re someone’s fault, not mine
For those blood stains, please don’t blame me,
don’t add to my old fines!

CHORUS

My puppy sure is cute, you see
He thinks books taste divine
On those he doesn’t chew, he’ll pee,
don’t add to my old fines!

CHORUS

These purple stains in chapter three
Well, yes, I had some wine
I didn’t spill, so hear my plea,
don’t add to my old fines!

CHORUS

My son plays games, he loves his Wii
Still, sixty nine nine nine
seems awful high for one lost disc,
don’t add to my old fines!

CHORUS

A 2016 library filksong by “InfoMan”






Original Lyrics - Auld Lang Syne

Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind?
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and old lang syne?

CHORUS:
For auld lang syne, my dear,
for auld lang syne,
we'll take a cup of kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

And surely you’ll buy your pint cup!
and surely I’ll buy mine!
And we'll take a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

CHORUS

We two have run about the slopes,
and picked the daisies fine;
But we’ve wandered many a weary foot,
since auld lang syne.

CHORUS

We two have paddled in the stream,
from morning sun till dine;
But seas between us broad have roared
since auld lang syne.

CHORUS

And there’s a hand my trusty friend!
And give me a hand o’ thine!
And we’ll take a right good-will draught,
for auld lang syne.

CHORUS

Based on a 1788 Scots poem by Robert Burns

Security Guard is Coming Around - Parody #15

Security Guard is Coming Around

Written by CK

To the tune of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town"

You better watch out

You better comply

Better not shout

I’m telling you why

Security Guard is coming around

No need to resist

That’s my advice

We’ve already banned you

This year twice

Security Guard is coming around

He sees you when you’re sleeping

He’ll make sure you’re awake

He knows if you've been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake!

You better watch out

You better comply

Better not shout

I’m telling you why

Security Guard is coming around

He sees you when you’re sleeping

He’ll make sure you’re awake

He knows if you've been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake!

You better watch out

You better comply

Better not shout

I’m telling you why

Security Guard is coming around

Original Lyrics - Santa Claus is Coming to Town

You better watch out
You better not cry
Better not pout
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town

He's making a list
And checking it twice;
He's gonna find out
Who's naughty or nice
Santa Claus is coming to town

He sees you when you're sleeping
He knows when you're awake
He knows if you've been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake!

You better watch out!
You better not cry
You better not pout
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town

He sees you when you're sleeping
He knows when you're awake
He knows if you've been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake

You better watch out!
You better not cry
You better not pout
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town

Rockin' Around the Library - Parody #14

Rockin’ Around the Li-bra-ry 
Written by Tracy T. 
To the tune of "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree"

Rockin’ around the library

As Christmas tensions pop

Cleptos stealin’ DVD’s

We just can’t make them stop

Rockin’ around the library

Let the Christmas spirit ring,

If that guy exposes himself

Our guard will do his thing.

You will get a real disgusted feeling when you hear,

“Hey there, mama, you look pretty,”

Yup! You actually feel quite shitty.

Rockin’ around the library,

It’s another holiday,

Three days off are not enough

To chase the spooks away.

You will get a real disgusted feeling when you hear,

“Hey there, mama, you look pretty,”

Yup! You actually feel quite shitty.

Rockin’ around the library,

It’s another holiday,

Three days off are not enough

To chase the spooks away.

Original Lyrics - Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree 

Rockin' around the Christmas tree
At the Christmas party hop,
Mistletoe hung where you can see,
Every couple tries to stop,

Rockin' around the Christmas tree,
Let the Christmas spirit ring,
Later we'll have some pumpkin pie,
And we'll do some caroling.

You will get a sentimental feeling when you hear,
Voices singing, "Let's be jolly,
Deck the halls with boughs of holly",

Rockin' around the Christmas tree,
Have a happy holiday,
Everyone dancin' merrily,
In the new old-fashioned way.

You will get a sentimental feeling when you hear,
Voices singing, "Let's be jolly,
Deck the halls with boughs of holly",

Rockin' around the Christmas tree,
Have a happy holiday,
Everyone dancin' merrily,
In the new old-fashioned way.

Patron Got Arrested For Drinking Here - Parody #13

Patron Got Arrested For Drinking Here

Written by CK

To the tune of "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer"

Patron got arrested for drinking here

Tried to hide the bottle up his sleeve

You can lie and say it’s a banana

Sorry, but the guard doesn’t believe

He’d been trying to play leapfrog

And we begged him to walk slow

But he was hooked on that libation

Running into shelves - they fell like dominos

We said this was the final warning

But he reached in his backpack

Pulled out his giant liquor bottle

And continued to act like a maniac

Patron got arrested for drinking here

Tried to hide the bottle up his sleeve

You can lie and say it’s a banana

Sorry, but the guard doesn’t believe

The patrons came to watch the hoopla

Taking pictures with their cell’s

Watch him dance around empty halls

Drinking beer and run from the guard when he yells

Never boring when they break the law

Our branch gets lot and lots of flack

And we just can’t help but wonder

Should we help the guard chase him

He doubled back

Patron got arrested for drinking here

Tried to hide the bottle up his sleeve

You can lie and say it’s a banana

Sorry, but the guard doesn’t believe

Now he’s standing on the table

For that one he is way too big

If it breaks he’ll be a vandal

But he doesn’t care and takes another swig

He’s making a break toward the door

Better watch out for yourselves

That’s when the guard tries to convince

The man that he can’t hide out

In the shelves

Patron got arrested for drinking here

Tried to hide the bottle up his sleeve

You can lie and say it’s a banana

Sorry, but the guard doesn’t believe

Original Lyrics - Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer

Grandma got run over by a reindeer
Walking home from our house Christmas eve
You can say there's no such thing as Santa
But as for me and grandpa we believe

She'd been drinking too much eggnog
And we begged her not to go
But she forgot her medication
And she staggered out the door into the snow

When we found her Christmas morning
At the scene of the attack
She had hoof-prints on her forehead
And incriminating Claus marks on her back

Grandma got run over by a reindeer
Walking home from our house Christmas eve
You can say there's no such thing as Santa
But as for me and grandpa we believe

Now we're all so proud of grandpa
He's been taking this so well
See him in there watching football
Drinking beer and playing cards with cousin Mel

It's not Christmas without Grandma
All the family's dressed in black
And we just can't help but wonder
Should we open up her gifts
Or send them back (send them back)

Grandma got run over by a reindeer
Walking home from our house Christmas eve
You can say there's no such thing as Santa
But as for me and grandpa we believe

Now the goose is on the table
And the pudding made of fig
And the blue and silver candles
That would just have matched the hair on grandma's wig

I've warned all my friends and neighbors

Better watch out for yourselves

They should never give a license
To a man who drives a sleigh
And plays with elves

Grandma got run over by a reindeer
Walking home from our house Christmas eve
You can say there's no such thing as Santa
But as for me and grandpa we believe

Twelve Days of Christmas - Parody #12

Library Twelve Days of Christmas
Written by CK

On the First day of Christmas my true love gave to me…

   A cartridge of ink for HP

   2 Plastic gloves

   3 Black Pens

   4 Book nerds

   5 Stephen Kings

   6 Fines a-paying

   7 Books a-skimming

   8 Aides a-shelving

   9 Drunks a-prancing

   10 People sleeping

   11 Staffers typing

   12 Patrons humming

Original Lyrics

On the First day of Christmas my true love gave to me…

    A Partridge in a Pear Tree

    2 Turtle Doves

    3 French Hens

    4 Calling Birds

    5 Golden Rings

    6 Geese a-Laying

    7 Swans a-Swimming

    8 Maids a-Milking

    9 Ladies Dancing

    10 Lords a-Leaping

    11 Pipers Piping

    12 Drummers Drumming

Renew For You - Parody #11

Renew For You

Written by CK

To the tune of "Straight On" by Heart

For some time, I been walkin’ around

Helping out patrons, to find books to check out

I found them King and Wilde, and Patterson

But, they, got books overdue, better handle them

Do you want to renew

You have a fine

I will renew, cause it’s overdue

Renew, Renew for you

Renew for you

Now, I know, it’s not what you planned

You should take care of that fine, before it gets out of hand

You say it was someone else not you, and you pretend

Someone else must have done it, but we defend

Do you want to renew

You have a fine

I will renew, cause it’s overdue

Renew, Renew for you

Renew for you

"Straight On" Original Lyrics

Quite some time, I been sittin' it out
Didn't take no chances, I was a prisoner of doubt
I knocked down the wailin' wall, it ain't no sin
I, got, the feel of fortune, deal me in

I'm comin' straight on for you
You made my mind
Now I'm stronger, now I'm comin' through,
Straight on, straight on for you,
Straight on for you

Now, I know, I got to play my hand
What the winner don't know, the gambler understands
My heart keeps playin' it through with you, my friend
I'll take my chances on you, again and again, again

I'm comin' straight on for you
You made my mind
Now I'm stronger, now I'm comin' through,
Straight on, straight on for you,
Straight on for you

The Ballad of Bibliophiles - Parody #10

The Ballad of Bibliophiles

Written by CK

To the tune of "The Ballad of Gilligan's Isle"

Just sit right back

And you’ll hear a tale

A tale of a fateful trip,

That started through this library

With books it was equip.

The associate was a literate man,

The director brave and sure.

Five visitors came in that day,

For a three hour tour,

A three hour tour.

They started to get excited,

When they heard there was no cost.

If not for the funding of the tax payers

The library would be lost.

The library would be lost.

They went all over our four floors

Lots to choose in every aisle

With Valerie,

And Tracy too,

And Pat Leach director,

With Scott Clark,

Miss Charlotte and Jeff Tangeman,

Here with bibliophiles.

Original Lyrics - The Ballad of Gilligan's Isle

Just sit right back
And you'll hear a tale
A tale of a fateful trip,
That started from this tropic port,
Aboard this tiny ship.

The mate was a mighty sailin' man,
The Skipper brave and sure.
Five passengers set sail that day,
For a three hour tour,
A three hour tour.

The weather started getting rough,
But the tiny ship was tossed.
If not for the courage of the fearless crew
The Minnow would be lost.
The Minnow would be lost.

The ship set aground on the shore
Of this uncharted desert isle
With Gilligan,
The Skipper too.
A millionaire and his wife,
A movie star,
The professor and Mary Ann,
Here on Gilligan's Isle.

Holiday Laminate - Parody #9

Holiday Laminate

To the tune of “Holiday” by Madonna

Written by Tracy

Holiday Laminate

Holiday Laminate

[Chorus:]

If we took a holiday

Took some time to laminate

Pictures, bookmarks and signs

It would be, it would be so nice

Everybody spread the word

We’re gonna do some lamination

All across the libraries

For every patron

It’s time for protection

Forget about torn pages, oh yeah

One day to come together

And make pages last forever

We need a holiday

[chorus]

You can turn this thing around

And bring back all of those happy days

Put torn pages down

It’s time to laminate!

It will shine

Really shine

The plastic comes together

And makes things better

We need a holiday

[chorus]

Holiday Laminate

Holiday Laminate

[chorus]

Holiday Laminate

Holiday Laminate

Holiday, Lamination

It’s protection for all the patrons

 

Original Lyrics

Holiday Celebrate
Holiday Celebrate

[Chorus:]

If we took a holiday
Took some time to celebrate
Just one day out of life
It would be, it would be so nice

Everybody spread the word
We're gonna have a celebration
All across the world
In every nation
It's time for the good times
Forget about the bad times, oh yeah
One day to come together
To release the pressure
We need a holiday

[chorus]

You can turn this world around
And bring back all of those happy days
Put your troubles down
It's time to celebrate
Let love shine
And we will find
A way to come together
And make things better
We need a holiday

[chorus]

Holiday Celebrate
Holiday Celebrate

[chorus]

Holiday Celebrate
Holiday Celebrate

Holiday, Celebration
Come together in every nation

It's Your Fine - Parody #8

It’s Your Fine

To the tune of “He’s So Fine” by the Chiffons

Written by CK

Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang
Do-lang, do-lang

It's your fine
(Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang)
Broke the spine
(Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang)
Checked out a book
(Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang)
Dropped it in a brook
(Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang)

I don't know how you did it
(Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang)
You tripped over a rock
(Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang)
It would be for your benefit
(Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang)
To learn how to walk
(Do-lang, do-lang)

You're not a soft spoken guy
(Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang)
Definitely not shy
(Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang)
Makes me wonder if I
(Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang)
Call a supervisor should try
(Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang)

But then I know you can't yell
(Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang)
Can't yell at me forever
(Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang)
Not at this decibel
(Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang)
But it feels like forever
(Do-lang, do-lang)

It's your fine
(Oh yeah)
Gonna draw the line
(Oh yeah)
Sooner or later
(Oh yeah)
I hope it's not later
(Oh yeah)
You're gonna have to pay
(Oh yeah)
For that book about ballet
(Oh yeah)
I just can't wait, I just can't wait
For you to pull your wallet out

You're not a king
(Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang)
So get off your throne
(Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang)
You won't do anything I've asked
(Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang)
Anything but moan
(Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang)

For it's your fine
(Your fine)
Your fine
(Your fine)
It's your fine
(Your fine)
Your fine
(Your fine)
It's your fine
(Your fine)
Oh yeah
(It's your fine)
It's your fine

Original Lyrics

Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang
Do-lang, do-lang

He's so fine
(Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang)
Wish he were mine
(Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang)
That handsome boy over there
(Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang)
The one with the wavy hair
(Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang)

I don't know how, I'm gonna do it
(Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang)
But I'm gonna make him mine
(Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang)
He's the envy of all the girls
(Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang)
It's just a matter of time
(Do-lang, do-lang)

He's a soft spoken guy
(Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang)
Also seems kinda shy
(Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang)
Makes me wonder if I
(Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang)
Should even give him a try
(Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang)

But then I know he can't shy
(Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang)
He can't shy away forever
(Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang)
And I'm gonna make him mine
(Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang)
If it takes me forever
(Do-lang, do-lang)

He's so fine
(Oh yeah)
Gotta be mine
(Oh yeah)
Sooner or later
(Oh yeah)
I hope it's not later
(Oh yeah)
We gotta get together
(Oh yeah)
The sooner the better
(Oh yeah)
I just can't wait, I just can't wait
To be held in his arms

If I were a queen
(Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang)
And he asked me to leave my throne
(Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang)
I'll do anything that he asked
(Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang)
Anything to make him my own
(Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang)

For he's so fine
(So fine)
So fine
(So fine)
He's so fine
(So fine)
So fine
(So fine)
He's so fine
(So fine)
Oh yeah
(He's so fine)
He's so fine

Readin' Adventure - Parody #7

"Readin' Adventure"

Written by CK

To the tune of "Surfin' Safari"

Let’s start readin’ now

Everybody’s learning how

Come on an adventure with me

(Come on an adventure with me…)

Early in the morning we’ll be readin’ now

Some patrons will be reading along

We’re loading up our Woody

With our books inside

And headin’ out reading prologues

Come on (readin’) patron wait and see (readin’ adventure)

Yes I’m gonna (readin’) take you readin’ (readin’ adventure) with me

Come along (readin’) patron wait and see (readin’ adventure)

Yes I’m gonna (readin’) take you readin’ (readin’ adventure) with me

Let’s start readin’ now

Everybody’s learning how

Come on an adventure with me

(Come on an adventure with me…)

At Anderson and Bethany

They’re reading King Lear

At Walt it’s Henry David Thoreau

They’re reading King and Patterson over at Gere

So if you join in get ready to go

Come on (readin’) patron wait and see (readin’ adventure)

Yes I’m gonna (readin’) take you readin’ (readin’ adventure) with me

Come along (readin’) patron wait and see (readin’ adventure)

Yes I’m gonna (readin’) take you readin’ (readin’ adventure) with me

Let’s start readin’ now

Everybody’s learning how

Come on an adventure with me

(Come on an adventure with me…)

At South they’re reading Cather cause she’s really cool

They like Neihardt and Sandoz too

I tell you reading’s mighty wild

It’s getting bigger every day

If you like a book then leave a review

Come on (readin’) patron wait and see (readin’ adventure)

Yes I’m gonna (readin’) take you readin’ (readin’ adventure) with me

Come along (readin’) patron wait and see (readin’ adventure)

Yes I’m gonna (readin’) take you readin’ (readin’ adventure) with me

Let’s start readin’ now

Everybody’s learning how

Come on an adventure with me

(Come on an adventure with me…)

With me

Readin’ adventure

With me

Readin’ adventure

…

Original Lyrics - Surfin' Safari

Let's go surfin' now
Everybody's learning how
Come on and safari with me
(Come on and safari with...)

Early in the morning we'll be startin' out
Some honeys will be coming along
We're loading up our Woody
With our boards inside
And headin' out singing our song

Come on (surfin') baby wait and see (surfin' safari)
Yes I'm gonna (surfin') take you surfin' (surfin' safari)with me
Come along (surfin') baby wait and see (surfin' safari)
Yes I'm gonna (surfin') take you surfin' (surfin' safari)with me

Let's go surfin' now
Everybody's learning how
Come on and safari with me
(Come on and safari with...)

At Huntington and Malibu
They're shooting the pier
At Rincon they're walking the nose
We're going on safari to the islands this year
So if you're coming get ready to go

Come on (surfin') baby wait and see (surfin' safari)
Yes I'm gonna (surfin') take you surfin' (surfin' safari)with me
Come along (surfin') baby wait and see (surfin' safari)
Yes I'm gonna (surfin') take you surfin' (surfin' safari)with me

Let's go surfin' now
Everybody's learning how
Come on and safari with me
(Come on and safari with...)

They're anglin' in Laguna in Cerro Azul
They're kicking out in Doheny too
I tell you surfing's mighty wild
It's getting bigger every day
From Hawaii to the shores of Peru

Come on (surfin') baby wait and see (surfin' safari)
Yes I'm gonna (surfin') take you surfin' (surfin' safari)with me
Come along (surfin') baby wait and see (surfin' safari)
Yes I'm gonna (surfin') take you surfin' (surfin' safari)with me

Let's go surfin' now
Everybody's learning how
Come on and safari with me
(Come on and safari with...)

With me
Surfin' Safari
With me
Surfin' Safari
With me

…

Talking to Myself - Parody #6

Talking to Myself

Written by Tracy T.

To the tune of “Dancing with Myself” by Billy Idol

Up and down the floors I go
Running in here is a no-no
A-with the CD selection
Then I see my reflection
And I'm talking to myself

A-when the usual crowd's in sight
A-in the crowded printer line
Well, I wait so long for good conversation
So I'm talking to myself

Oh oh, Talking to myself
Oh oh, a-talking to myself
Well, there's nothing to lose
And there's nothing to prove, well,
Talking a-to myself

If I looked all around the room
And I've got this sense of doom
But the librarian's eyes seem to pass me by
And leave me talking to myself

So I'll linger in the stacks
'Cause I don't like to turn my back
When I take a walk, I really like to talk,
And I'll be talking to myself

Oh oh, Talking a-to myself,
Oh, oh, talking to myself
When I take a walk, I really like to talk,
When I take a walk, I really like to talk,
When I take a walk, I really like to talk,
Oh, oh, oh, oh oh
Oh, oh, oh talkin' to myself.
Oh, oh, talking to myself, oh, oh,
Sweat, sweat, etc.

Dancing With Myself

Original Lyrics

By Billy Idol

On the floors of Tokyo
A-down in London town's a go go
A-with the record selection,
And the mirror's reflection,
I'm a dancin' with myself

A-when there's no one else in sight,
A-in crowded lonely night
Well, I wait so long for my love vibration
And I'm dancing with myself

Oh oh, Dancing with a-myself,
Oh, oh, dancing with myself
Well, there's nothing to lose
And there's nothing to prove, well,
Dancing a-with myself

If I looked all over the world
And there's every type of girl
But your empty eyes seem to pass me by
And leave me dancin' with myself.

So let's sink another drink
Cause it'll give me time to think
If I had the chance I'd ask the world to dance
And I'll be dancin' with myself

Oh oh, Dancing with a-myself,
Oh, oh, dancing with myself
Well, there's nothing to lose
And there's nothing to prove, well,
Dancing a-with myself

Well if I looked all over the world
And there's every type of girl
But your empty eyes seem to pass me by
And leave me dancin' with myself.

So let's sink another drink
Cause it'll give me time to think
If I had the chance I'd ask the world to dance
And I'll be dancin' with myself

Oh oh, Dancing a-with myself,
Oh, oh, dancing with myself
If I had the chance I'd ask the world to dance
If I had the chance I'd ask the world to dance
If I had the chance I'd ask the world to dance
Oh, oh, oh, oh oh
Oh, oh, oh dancin' with myself.
Oh, oh, dancin' with myself, oh, oh,
Sweat, sweat, etc.