Patron Got Arrested For Drinking Here - Parody #13

Patron Got Arrested For Drinking Here

Written by CK

To the tune of "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer"

Patron got arrested for drinking here

Tried to hide the bottle up his sleeve

You can lie and say it’s a banana

Sorry, but the guard doesn’t believe

He’d been trying to play leapfrog

And we begged him to walk slow

But he was hooked on that libation

Running into shelves - they fell like dominos

We said this was the final warning

But he reached in his backpack

Pulled out his giant liquor bottle

And continued to act like a maniac

Patron got arrested for drinking here

Tried to hide the bottle up his sleeve

You can lie and say it’s a banana

Sorry, but the guard doesn’t believe

The patrons came to watch the hoopla

Taking pictures with their cell’s

Watch him dance around empty halls

Drinking beer and run from the guard when he yells

Never boring when they break the law

Our branch gets lot and lots of flack

And we just can’t help but wonder

Should we help the guard chase him

He doubled back

Patron got arrested for drinking here

Tried to hide the bottle up his sleeve

You can lie and say it’s a banana

Sorry, but the guard doesn’t believe

Now he’s standing on the table

For that one he is way too big

If it breaks he’ll be a vandal

But he doesn’t care and takes another swig

He’s making a break toward the door

Better watch out for yourselves

That’s when the guard tries to convince

The man that he can’t hide out

In the shelves

Patron got arrested for drinking here

Tried to hide the bottle up his sleeve

You can lie and say it’s a banana

Sorry, but the guard doesn’t believe

Original Lyrics - Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer

Grandma got run over by a reindeer
Walking home from our house Christmas eve
You can say there's no such thing as Santa
But as for me and grandpa we believe

She'd been drinking too much eggnog
And we begged her not to go
But she forgot her medication
And she staggered out the door into the snow

When we found her Christmas morning
At the scene of the attack
She had hoof-prints on her forehead
And incriminating Claus marks on her back

Grandma got run over by a reindeer
Walking home from our house Christmas eve
You can say there's no such thing as Santa
But as for me and grandpa we believe

Now we're all so proud of grandpa
He's been taking this so well
See him in there watching football
Drinking beer and playing cards with cousin Mel

It's not Christmas without Grandma
All the family's dressed in black
And we just can't help but wonder
Should we open up her gifts
Or send them back (send them back)

Grandma got run over by a reindeer
Walking home from our house Christmas eve
You can say there's no such thing as Santa
But as for me and grandpa we believe

Now the goose is on the table
And the pudding made of fig
And the blue and silver candles
That would just have matched the hair on grandma's wig

I've warned all my friends and neighbors

Better watch out for yourselves

They should never give a license
To a man who drives a sleigh
And plays with elves

Grandma got run over by a reindeer
Walking home from our house Christmas eve
You can say there's no such thing as Santa
But as for me and grandpa we believe

That mourns in lonely exile here...

More Christmas Music that Doesn't Suck 2014 Edition: Day Two

Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer - Home Free


this bud's for you...

I absolutely love these guys and all their adlibs. Acapella country man. They're wonderful, I wish I could see them live. Speaking of the Sing-Off is coming back next week!

2011 it was Elmo and Patsy, 2012 it was them 30 years later, 2013 was Jesse Hite


Little Drummer Boy - Dave Days


Okay so the baby Jesus is creepy, but these guys are pretty good.

OH MY GOD, do you remember that awful song "Friday" by Rebecca Black? The only anti-music-rec I ever posted EVER?! He made a "Saturday" video with her. Oh my god. Well, at least it's better than Friday.

2011 it was Sean Kingston, 2012 it was Kevin McHale, 2013 was Pentatonix


Santa Baby - Ashanti


Oh my god I totally forgot about her! To be fair it's been like 5 years. She's that chick that sang Rock Wit You and Foolish and Rain on Me. Then disappeared. Now apparently she's making a comeback. If you call collaborating with Rick Ross and French Montana as a comeback that is...

2011 it was PCD, 2012 it was Eartha Kitt, 2013 was Megan Nicole


Alright, I'm adding another song just because I can. Not sure why it wasn't on the list to begin with but...


O Come O Come Emmanuel - Christina Grimmie


That's right, it's my Voice pick from last year! Still got it, very cool. And all acapella, very impressive.



2011 Day Two - "That's just Joe's Finger and Pandemonium"
2012 Day Two - So hurry down the chimney tonight.
2013 Day Two - "I have to work to keep this figure." "You don't work very hard."

"I have to work to keep this figure." "You don't work very hard."

Sketch just called my new hair style "tame" and "classy". If you've seen my current hair style you may not characterize it as those things, but that just means you haven't seen my previous hair colors.

She labeled my old hair colors as "screw you society". I guess this is a bit more reserved than previously.

It's also way short, but I'm getting used to it.


So, as most of you know by now we didn't end up going to the graduation service as planned due to mad weather in Missouri.

However, it didn't stop us from celebrating here.

And it was kind of nice to have a lazy weekend to fall back on.

I got off of work at 3 on Friday so I came home and took a nap - it was glorious - did some laundry then the boyfriend came up and we watched White House Down.



Scale of Awesome 8/10. I liked it. I've actually wanted to see it for a while. I didn't realize Maggie Gyllenhaal was in it. She was great.

So that was Friday, Saturday the boyfriend took me out for lunch.

Well, brunch.

No, it was lunch.

But it was breakfast at lunch.

What constitutes brunch exactly?

Anyway, breakfast/lunch and then we went shopping.

Well, we wandered the aisles of Menards for a while looking for presents for him.

I am now officially done with all my Christmas shopping.

Minus my cat, that is.

Still have to get him toys to go in his stocking.

Though I won't put them in until last minute cause otherwise he'll try to knock it down like last year.

Cat nip.


After that we met up with my family - Cool Aunt and son included - for dinner.

What is ironic is that originally I was supposed to be spending the weekend with my parents, boyfriend, and Second Sister's family in Missouri.

What really happened is that I had supper with my brother's family yesterday then my Oldest Sister's family today, completely missing Second Sister's family all together.

Weirdness.

After dinner we went to his place, watched the VH1 countdown and some of Larry The Cable Guy's Christmas special - welcome to Nebraska - before I headed back.


Today was Bubby's Christmas program so went to that this morning, dinner with Oldest Sister's family as mentioned and then - because I had nothing else to do, huzzah for lazy weekends - I came back to my apartment watched more of Arrow season one - made it to disc 3 and loving it - and took a nap.

Oh and played Angry Birds on my new iPad Air. Graduation present from Mom to replace the one I had as a GA after I had to give it back when my job was done.

I now have far too much time on my hands, I think I played that and Hearts for like 2 hours.

See what I'm turning into?

It's okay, work tomorrow will fix that. Gotta get ready for Christmas - sorry, can't say Christmas - Holiday Party for my teens. The joys of working for the City.

Anyway, the Holiday Party is this upcoming weekend right before my graduation party so I'll be all celebrated out by midnight.


Quotes of the Weekend:

Brother: "That's an ugly seven."

Boyfriend: "I have to work to keep this figure."
Nephew: "You don't work very hard."

President: “We got some knives in the kitchen.”
Kale: “WHAT?” 
President: “They're big knives.” 
Kale: “Great, you can make me a sandwich.”


To be truthful I'm kind of glad I didn't go to the ceremony. It would have sucked to drive that far in that weather, plus you have to wait in line to be announced and since it was an online school I didn't know anyone anyway.

This way they'll mail me my diploma and I'll celebrate my way with my friends and family next weekend.

Should be fun.

Alright, on to Christmas Music that Doesn't Suck: Day Two

Today's songs are:

Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer - Jesse Hite


2011 it was Elmo and Patsy, 2012 it was them 30 years later

even though the world seems to hate this song i'm posting it anyway cause i like it. and this kid is actually pretty good. he did this 365 days of music where he covers something new every day, it's pretty cool.

oh my god he covers what does the fox say? weirdness. Everybody Talks and Pretty Woman are probably my favorite of his covers.


Little Drummer Boy - Pentatonix


2011 it was Sean Kingston, 2012 it was Kevin McHale

i posted one by these guys last year so i can officially say i was a fan before they got big. they're all over the place now. yes they seem like big nerds but it works for them.


Santa Baby - Megan Nicole


2011 it was PCD, 2012 it was Eartha Kitt

elf selfie anyone? i enjoy that he proposes and she walks away. crazy cool voice for a kid.

you may know her from some of her covers: Lazy Song, Never Getting Back Together, and Payphone, all have view counts in the millions. my favorite is probably Just Give Me a Reason.


2011 Day Two - "That's just Joe's Finger and Pandemonium"
2012 Day Two - So hurry down the chimney tonight.

legit pre-midnight post, holy crap tag in use.

so hurry down the chimney tonight.

Yes, this is late. Sorry. Didn't get back 'til way late after the wedding last night.

Yes, there was a wedding.

And a holiday party.

Big day.

Woke up at 9AM, picked up the pizza around 10:15, then went to work to set up all the stuff for the holiday party - frantically flailing because I only had like 20 minutes by the time I got there.

The original plan was to eat pizza and other junk food - I got them clementines so it wasn't completely unhealthy - make holiday cards to take to the City Mission, then play apples to apples.

It ended up being just food and Apples to Apples.

Which I was okay with and they were haven't lots of fun so I'm calling it a victory.

After that I came home then n the boyfriend picked me up to go to his cousin's wedding reception. Got to meet some of the extended family and hung out with his siblings - danced with Rachel to the Cha Cha Slide and Gangam Style then did the Cotton Eyed Joe with his and Rebecca so I officially got my exercise.

That song is always so much longer than I remember. You get halfway through and go, ah crap.

They played Call Me Maybe but I was too lazy to go out there. It was funny though cause the dance floor was empty and then that started and people flocked out there.

The majority of the music played was country.

When I say majority I think the only ones that weren't country were 1 polka song and then previously mentioned ones.

We debated on making a list of music that will be banned from our wedding. Anything by Jason Aldean - sorry sketch - and the Chicken Dance.

Sorry but just no. We both run for the hills whenever that makes an appearance.

But we'll see.

We headed home around 10:15ish but it's a long drive so it was well after midnight before we got to the parking lot.

An interesting drive home, apparently glass caps are illegal on a truck.

Long story.

And our music taste is apparently similar cause half the stuff on his ipod is on mine as well.

So that was that.

Moving on to day two of the annual: Christmas Music That Doesn't Suck countdown until Christmas.

Day Two goes like this:

Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer - interview on ABC News before performance
what the heck is grandma doing getting run over by a reindeer?! how many drinks did this woman have?

i know this is sensei's least favorite but it makes me laugh.

Little Drummer Boy - Kevin McHale, Glee soundtrack
no video for this one but kevin mchale is fantastic.
last year's was Sean Kingston which is also good but I think this one's better

Santa Baby - Eartha Kitt
it's hard to beat the original even though i am a big fan of last year's PCD

For last year's Day Two go here

"That's just Joe's finger and pandemonium!"

Today's Highlights:

-Pretty sure my Boss's Boss thinks I'm a total nerd. First time I met him I went all fangirls. Then I hugged him when he told me I got the job. Today we talked about drawing mazes. I did it a lot in grade school, but stopped in high school as that's nerdy. Today I was on break and bored and had a notebook and with all the writer's block going on in my head what else was I supposed to put on the paper?
So yeah, he probably thinks I'm a total nerd. But what's wrong with being a total nerd? I work in a library anyway, I mean, that's kind of nerd-central anyway. That's why I like it!

-Staff meeting in the morning, I'm really liking this whole parking space thing. I don't have to freak out about finding a space and paying and all that jazz. Much easier this way.

-Worked more on the YA project, got through to the C's. Which is exciting, since they started at the Z's.

-Sent in my insurance paperwork, huzzah! Administration people were teasing me and calling me an adult. I told them to take it back. I like being a kid.
Apparently working 40 hours, going to grad school and directing a children's camp makes one old. I was not aware.

-Squirt has decided she wants to volunteer at the library so they stopped by this afternoon to get signed up. It's pretty exciting, I think she'll pull it off.
And I'll have people watching out for her since she's my niece and all that. They know they'll have to deal with me. But books and all that are kind of her forte so I think she'll have fun with it.

-Met up with Oldest and Second Sisters after work. They were shopping, of course, I'm way behind on all that so I need to work on that soon. Maybe this weekend. I do have it off. A whole weekend off?! What?! I know right?! It's usually because I have class. But I'm free of that until mid-January. Shocker to have really nothing planned. Other than going to the farm.
But yes, I should get some of my shopping done as well. I have some of the kids done, but there are like 16 of us. Well, 16.5 soon to be 17.
I was told I'm supposed to make a list, because apparently just going somewhere and picking things out there is crazy.
But I don't make lists. I make lists of things after I've bought them, to make sure I've got everyone covered.
Do you all really know exactly what you're buying for people before you buy it? I just kind of roll with it.

-Apparently I need new clothing. Or so they say. Always. But I like my clothes. They're comfortable. and I dress up when I need to! I got a full-time job, I'm in school, I direct a camp, I'm professional, what more do you want from me?!
and no there will be no "I've got it going on"s when I walk through a door. I'll just watch as you do that and take pictures.

-And speaking of taking pictures, so yeah. There was some interesting dancing going on by Squirt and Bubby. and I filmed a majority of it. and I will upload them...when the formatting decides to work.

I could post them now but all you will get is a black box. With nothing in it.

I'll figure it out tomorrow night when I'm not falling asleep as I type.

Quotes of the Day:
-"and you walk through the door and go, I've got it going on!" dance included. don't ask. cause i've got nothing. no way that dance is coming from me.

-"that's just joe's finger and pandemonium!" while filming bubby grabbed my ipod and ran with it. but you get some great exterior shots, so it's nice.


There's more, but I'll post them with the videos when I upload them. For now you'll get these.



Christmas Music that doesn't suck: Day Two

"Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer" Elmo and Patsy

love it.

"Little Drummer Boy" Sean Kingston

interesting take on the song. while obnoxious at first, it turns out okay. i actually like this one.

"Santa Baby" Pussycat Dolls
and snoop dogg. in a santa suit. random, but okay, i'll go there.


alright, off to bed. full day tomorrow.

banjos duel as grandma has an unfortunate encounter with a reindeer.

I love my job. Just gonna put that out there. Today the Queen of Awesome brought me super hero crazy bands so I went around today with Iron Man, Captain America and Spiderman.
And it was super funny this morning because it was our Post-4th-of-July party and my Glee-Loving Boss made a bracelet out of pipe-cleaner and beads, hands it to me and says, "Here, you can't say I never gave you jewelry."

Another thing I love about my job - interlibrary loan. Currently I'm watching Best of Match Game. The pilot isn't as funny but it has Brett Somers' husband on it. He agreed to do it if they let Brett join the show as well. Every answer he has he makes fun of his wife. Funny stuff.

Okay, so if you haven't seen the pictures on Facebook that I was tagged in - I haven't posted mine yet - for the love of God do it now. That way we can get over it and move on faster. Yes, I wore a dress. No, that's not happening again anytime soon. I will, however, wear the cowboy boots to work. I'm thinking Thursday since it's my shorter day.

The wedding was awesome. Outdoor on a ranch, seriously pretty. There was a slight rain delay but it was a baseball wedding so they're used to those. Well, not like a baseball themed wedding but the groom is a baseball coach and their family is linked to the SF Giants. The bride was super calm the whole time, no bridezilla moments even when he sat around in the basement for like 4 hours.

After I got back it was fireworks central. And me and my niece and nephew are pretty goofy so Oldest Sister took a lot of pictures of us posing. There's a super awesome one of me and M holding confetti guns and looking like we're gonna peek around the corner of it and attack. Definitely one to post on here. It's my profile pic on Facebook. Plus Charlie's Angels with J. "It's Bubby's Angels. Who the heck is Charlie?" This is second general CA, I went as Dylan with my two friends as the other angels. We had shirts made and everything. Love it.
Other fun quotes:
-"Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water." I had this neverending fountain in the road and a car pulled up and sat there for like five minutes then when it looked like the fountain was done he passed it and right at that moment it started shooting a bunch of stuff again right as he was passing it. Awesomeness.
-"Not as comfortable with strobes up your butt?" I sat down to watch the finale and the chair was super uncomfortable.... yeah forgot to take the bag of strobe lights out of my back pocket. After that it was much better.
-"I feel bad drinking out of this. But Jesus drank wine! So its okay." Sister-In-Law and I got koozies at the parade and they had religious stuff on them. We used them to hold our alcohol.

How does one "Watch their language". Just curious.

Songs from the weekend

"Dueling Banjos." Deliverance

A dedication for Beej who spent an hour trying to think of the title of this movie. We knew it was one word so we kept guessing titles that sounded western.
That kid is awesome.

"Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer" - Dr. Elmo

was stuck in my head all day today. I have no idea why or where it came from. No grandma or reindeer books at all.
I swear it sounds like he's saying Grandpa got run over and not Grandma but I'm going with it.
I love 0:58. Pause. Turn. Sing. SEND THEM BACK!

Alright, all for tonight. Today was 9-12, 1-5 and 6-8 so I'm gonna was MG and crash.