I could write a blog. I have thoughts.

Life at the library, adventures with friends and other hysterics...

Wednesday, March 21, 2018

Patron Don't Lose That Number - Parody #19


Patron Don't Lose That Number
Library Song Parody written by Tracy T
To the tune of "Rikki Don't Lose That Number"
by Steely Dan


I see you're leaving, that's okay
Looks like your computer session is now done
I guess you kind wet yourself--please don’t run
But if you go and change your pants….


Patron, don’t lose that number
You don’t wanna share it with someone else
Send it off in an e-mail to yourself
Patron don’t lose that number
It’s the only one you own
If you use it you might feel better
Or just go home

I have a co-worker, she knows your name
She can look your info up on Workflows
She says you like to play games, I don’t know
But if you go and change your pants….

Patron, don’t lose that number
You don’t wanna share it with someone else
Send it off in an e-mail to yourself
Patron, don’t lose that number
It’s the only one you own
If you use it you might feel better
Or just go home

You tell me that I’m not kind
I think that you have lost your mind
And you should go and change your pants

Patron, don’t lost that number
You don’t wanna share it with someone else
Send it off in an e-mail to yourself
Patron, don’t lose that number
It’s the only one you own
If you use it you might feel better
Or just go home






Rikki Don't Lose That Number - Original Lyrics


We hear you're leaving, that's okay
I thought our little wild time had just begun
I guess you kind of scared yourself, you turn and run
But if you have a change of heart

Rikki don't lose that number
You don't want to call nobody else
Send it off in a letter to yourself
Rikki don't lose that number
It's the only one you own
You might use it if you feel better
When you get home

I have a friend in town, he's heard your name
We can go out driving on Slow Hand Row
We could stay inside and play games, I don't know
And you could have a change of heart

Rikki don't lose that number
You don't want to call nobody else
Send it off in a letter to yourself
Rikki don't lose that number
It's the only one you own
You might use it if you feel better
When you get home

You tell yourself you're not my kind
But you don't even know your mind
And you could have a change of heart

Rikki don't lose that number
You don't want to call nobody else
Send it off in a letter to yourself
Rikki don't lose that number
It's the only one you own
You might use it if you feel better
When you get home






Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Read Honey - Parody #18

Read Honey
Written by CK
To the tune of “Lean on Me” by Bill Withers

Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know there’s books that we can borrow

Read honey, when you’re not strong
Books can be your friend
They’ll help you carry on
For it won’t be long
Til they’re gonna need
Somebody to read them

Please go take a ride
To the library where you can borrow
Lots of books that fill all of your needs
That you won’t let show

Just call a librarian, when you need a hand
They all know just where to find them
You just might have a subject that they understand
They all know just where to find them

Read honey, when you’re not strong
Books can be your friend
They’ll help you carry on
For it won’t be long
Til they’re gonna need
Somebody to read them

Just call a librarian, when you need a hand
They all know just where to find them
You just might have a subject that they understand
They all know just where to find them

If you have a load you have to bear
That you can’t carry
There are plastic bags
For your borrowed
Feel free to take one (take one)

If you need some help (take one) take one uh huh (take one)
If you need some help (take one)
If you ever need some help (take one)

Take one (take one) take one (take one) take one (take one) if you need some help
(Take one) Take one (take one) take one (take one) take one (take one)



library



Lean on Me - Original Lyrics

Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there's always tomorrow

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Please swallow your pride
If I have faith you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you won't let show

You just call on me brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you'll understand
We all need somebody to lean on

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

You just call on me brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you'll understand
We all need somebody to lean on

If there is a load you have to bear
That you can't carry
I'm right up the road
I'll share your load
If you just call me (call me)

If you need a friend (call me) call me uh huh(call me) if you need a friend (call me)
If you ever need a friend (call me)

Call me (call me) call me (call me) call me
(Call me) call me (call me) if you need a friend
(Call me) call me (call me) call me (call me) call me (call me) call me (call me)









and yes, the title of this parody does make me think of Karen Walker.

image


Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Spooky - Parody #17

The gang's back at it.

Decided to take a break for the holidays...it turned into a bit more extended than planned but now we're back.


















Spooky 
Written by TT
To the tune of "Spooky" by Atlanta Rhythm Section 
(and a bunch of other different artists)

You call in the evening, asking if your overdues are renewable
I try to look you up, ask if you have your card number available
At first you say “No,” you say, “It’s nowhere in sight”
And then you stop and say, “Alright”
Work is kinda crazy with a spooky old dude like you.

You always keep me guessing, I can’t figure out exactly what you’re saying
You cover the phone, tell someone “This ain’t the time for you to bother me, playing!”
I get confused, I don’t know what’s going on,
And then you’re back, you say, “Carry on.”
Work is kinda crazy with a spooky old dude like you.
Spooky! Spooky! Yeah – yeah!

If you decide you’re going to stop harassing me with all your phone calls
I’d be so pleased, I will go jumping up and down through library halls
Just like a ghost, you’ve been a’hauntin’ my dreams,
Please don’t call or come in on Halloween
Work is kinda crazy with a spooky old dude like you!

Ah, Spooky! Yeah!!!

Saturday Night Live snl tom hanks snl 2016 leslie jones

Spooky - Original Lyrics

In the cool of the evenin' when ev'rything is gettin' kind of groovy
I call you up and ask you if you'd like to go with me and see a movie
First you say "No", you've got some plans for the night
And then you stop, and say, "All right"
Love is kinda crazy with a spooky little girl like you.

You always keep me guessin', I never seem to know what you are thinkin'
And if some fellow looks at you, it's for sure your little eye will be a-winkin'
I get confused, 'cause I don't know where I stand
And then you smile, and hold my hand
Love is kinda crazy with a spooky little girl like you
Spooky! Spooky! Yeah - yeah

If you decide someday to stop this little game that you are playin'
I'm gonna tell you all that my heart's been a-dyin' to be sayin'
Just like a ghost, you've been a-hauntin' my dreams
So I'll propose... on Halloween.
Baby, love is kinda crazy with a spooky little girl like you

Ah, spooky, yeah-uh!






Stay tuned on Wednesday's for more library parody fun.

Hopefully.

Saturday, December 31, 2016

My Old Fines - Parody #16

My Old Fines
Written by Info-Man
To the tune of Auld Lang Syne


I think that I should get a break,
I thought this was on time
Please don’t charge me for my mistake
don’t add to my old fines!

CHORUS:
For my old fines, you see,
for my old fines,
I’ll take a waiver form, with me,
for my old fines.

I swear these bed bugs can not be
They’re someone’s fault, not mine
For those blood stains, please don’t blame me,
don’t add to my old fines!

CHORUS

My puppy sure is cute, you see
He thinks books taste divine
On those he doesn’t chew, he’ll pee,
don’t add to my old fines!

CHORUS

These purple stains in chapter three
Well, yes, I had some wine
I didn’t spill, so hear my plea,
don’t add to my old fines!

CHORUS

My son plays games, he loves his Wii
Still, sixty nine nine nine
seems awful high for one lost disc,
don’t add to my old fines!

CHORUS

A 2016 library filksong by “InfoMan”






Original Lyrics - Auld Lang Syne


Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind?
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and old lang syne?

CHORUS:
For auld lang syne, my dear,
for auld lang syne,
we'll take a cup of kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

And surely you’ll buy your pint cup!
and surely I’ll buy mine!
And we'll take a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

CHORUS

We two have run about the slopes,
and picked the daisies fine;
But we’ve wandered many a weary foot,
since auld lang syne.

CHORUS

We two have paddled in the stream,
from morning sun till dine;
But seas between us broad have roared
since auld lang syne.

CHORUS

And there’s a hand my trusty friend!
And give me a hand o’ thine!
And we’ll take a right good-will draught,
for auld lang syne.

CHORUS


Based on a 1788 Scots poem by Robert Burns



Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Security Guard is Coming Around - Parody #15

Security Guard is Coming Around
Written by CK
To the tune of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town"

You better watch out
You better comply
Better not shout
I’m telling you why
Security Guard is coming around

No need to resist
That’s my advice
We’ve already banned you
This year twice
Security Guard is coming around

He sees you when you’re sleeping
He’ll make sure you’re awake
He knows if you've been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake!

You better watch out
You better comply
Better not shout
I’m telling you why
Security Guard is coming around

He sees you when you’re sleeping
He’ll make sure you’re awake
He knows if you've been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake!

You better watch out
You better comply
Better not shout
I’m telling you why
Security Guard is coming around


source security guard httpcoub2gifherokuappcom httpcoubcomviewud4m1kw



Original Lyrics - Santa Claus is Coming to Town

You better watch out
You better not cry
Better not pout
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town

He's making a list
And checking it twice;
He's gonna find out
Who's naughty or nice
Santa Claus is coming to town

He sees you when you're sleeping
He knows when you're awake
He knows if you've been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake!

You better watch out!
You better not cry
You better not pout
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town

He sees you when you're sleeping
He knows when you're awake
He knows if you've been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake

You better watch out!
You better not cry
You better not pout
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town









security guard

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

Rockin' Around the Library - Parody #14

Rockin’ Around the Li-bra-ry 
Written by Tracy T. 
To the tune of "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree"

Rockin’ around the library
As Christmas tensions pop
Cleptos stealin’ DVD’s
We just can’t make them stop

Rockin’ around the library
Let the Christmas spirit ring,
If that guy exposes himself
Our guard will do his thing.

You will get a real disgusted feeling when you hear,
“Hey there, mama, you look pretty,”
Yup! You actually feel quite shitty.

Rockin’ around the library,
It’s another holiday,
Three days off are not enough
To chase the spooks away.

You will get a real disgusted feeling when you hear,
“Hey there, mama, you look pretty,”
Yup! You actually feel quite shitty.

Rockin’ around the library,
It’s another holiday,
Three days off are not enough
To chase the spooks away.





Original Lyrics - Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree 

Rockin' around the Christmas tree
At the Christmas party hop,
Mistletoe hung where you can see,
Every couple tries to stop,

Rockin' around the Christmas tree,
Let the Christmas spirit ring,
Later we'll have some pumpkin pie,
And we'll do some caroling.

You will get a sentimental feeling when you hear,
Voices singing, "Let's be jolly,
Deck the halls with boughs of holly",

Rockin' around the Christmas tree,
Have a happy holiday,
Everyone dancin' merrily,
In the new old-fashioned way.

You will get a sentimental feeling when you hear,
Voices singing, "Let's be jolly,
Deck the halls with boughs of holly",

Rockin' around the Christmas tree,
Have a happy holiday,
Everyone dancin' merrily,
In the new old-fashioned way.




Monday, December 19, 2016

Patron Got Arrested For Drinking Here - Parody #13

Patron Got Arrested For Drinking Here
Written by CK
To the tune of "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer"


Patron got arrested for drinking here
Tried to hide the bottle up his sleeve
You can lie and say it’s a banana
Sorry, but the guard doesn’t believe

He’d been trying to play leapfrog
And we begged him to walk slow
But he was hooked on that libation
Running into shelves - they fell like dominos

We said this was the final warning
But he reached in his backpack
Pulled out his giant liquor bottle
And continued to act like a maniac

Patron got arrested for drinking here
Tried to hide the bottle up his sleeve
You can lie and say it’s a banana
Sorry, but the guard doesn’t believe

The patrons came to watch the hoopla
Taking pictures with their cell’s
Watch him dance around empty halls
Drinking beer and run from the guard when he yells

Never boring when they break the law
Our branch gets lot and lots of flack
And we just can’t help but wonder
Should we help the guard chase him
He doubled back

Patron got arrested for drinking here
Tried to hide the bottle up his sleeve
You can lie and say it’s a banana
Sorry, but the guard doesn’t believe

Now he’s standing on the table
For that one he is way too big
If it breaks he’ll be a vandal
But he doesn’t care and takes another swig


He’s making a break toward the door
Better watch out for yourselves
That’s when the guard tries to convince
The man that he can’t hide out
In the shelves

Patron got arrested for drinking here
Tried to hide the bottle up his sleeve
You can lie and say it’s a banana
Sorry, but the guard doesn’t believe



Original Lyrics - Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer

Grandma got run over by a reindeer
Walking home from our house Christmas eve
You can say there's no such thing as Santa
But as for me and grandpa we believe

She'd been drinking too much eggnog
And we begged her not to go
But she forgot her medication
And she staggered out the door into the snow

When we found her Christmas morning
At the scene of the attack
She had hoof-prints on her forehead
And incriminating Claus marks on her back

Grandma got run over by a reindeer
Walking home from our house Christmas eve
You can say there's no such thing as Santa
But as for me and grandpa we believe

Now we're all so proud of grandpa
He's been taking this so well
See him in there watching football
Drinking beer and playing cards with cousin Mel

It's not Christmas without Grandma
All the family's dressed in black
And we just can't help but wonder
Should we open up her gifts
Or send them back (send them back)

Grandma got run over by a reindeer
Walking home from our house Christmas eve
You can say there's no such thing as Santa
But as for me and grandpa we believe

Now the goose is on the table
And the pudding made of fig
And the blue and silver candles
That would just have matched the hair on grandma's wig

I've warned all my friends and neighbors
Better watch out for yourselves
They should never give a license
To a man who drives a sleigh
And plays with elves

Grandma got run over by a reindeer
Walking home from our house Christmas eve
You can say there's no such thing as Santa
But as for me and grandpa we believe






Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Twelve Days of Christmas - Parody #12

Library Twelve Days of Christmas
Written by CK

On the First day of Christmas my true love gave to me…

   A cartridge of ink for HP
   2 Plastic gloves
   3 Black Pens
   4 Book nerds
   5 Stephen Kings
   6 Fines a-paying
   7 Books a-skimming
   8 Aides a-shelving
   9 Drunks a-prancing
   10 People sleeping
   11 Staffers typing
   12 Patrons humming


not funny


Original Lyrics

On the First day of Christmas my true love gave to me…

    A Partridge in a Pear Tree
    2 Turtle Doves
    3 French Hens
    4 Calling Birds
    5 Golden Rings
    6 Geese a-Laying
    7 Swans a-Swimming
    8 Maids a-Milking
    9 Ladies Dancing
    10 Lords a-Leaping
    11 Pipers Piping

    12 Drummers Drumming




Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Renew For You - Parody #11

Renew For You
Written by CK
To the tune of "Straight On" by Heart

For some time, I been walkin’ around
Helping out patrons, to find books to check out
I found them King and Wilde, and Patterson
But, they, got books overdue, better handle them

Do you want to renew
You have a fine
I will renew, cause it’s overdue
Renew, Renew for you
Renew for you

Now, I know, it’s not what you planned
You should take care of that fine, before it gets out of hand
You say it was someone else not you, and you pretend
Someone else must have done it, but we defend

Do you want to renew
You have a fine
I will renew, cause it’s overdue
Renew, Renew for you
Renew for you


image


"Straight On" Original Lyrics

Quite some time, I been sittin' it out
Didn't take no chances, I was a prisoner of doubt
I knocked down the wailin' wall, it ain't no sin
I, got, the feel of fortune, deal me in

I'm comin' straight on for you
You made my mind
Now I'm stronger, now I'm comin' through,
Straight on, straight on for you,
Straight on for you

Now, I know, I got to play my hand
What the winner don't know, the gambler understands
My heart keeps playin' it through with you, my friend
I'll take my chances on you, again and again, again

I'm comin' straight on for you
You made my mind
Now I'm stronger, now I'm comin' through,
Straight on, straight on for you,
Straight on for you


Wednesday, November 30, 2016

The Ballad of Bibliophiles - Parody #10

The Ballad of Bibliophiles
Written by CK
To the tune of "The Ballad of Gilligan's Isle"

Just sit right back
And you’ll hear a tale
A tale of a fateful trip,
That started through this library
With books it was equip.

The associate was a literate man,
The director brave and sure.
Five visitors came in that day,
For a three hour tour,
A three hour tour.

They started to get excited,
When they heard there was no cost.
If not for the funding of the tax payers
The library would be lost.
The library would be lost.

They went all over our four floors
Lots to choose in every aisle
With Valerie,
And Tracy too,
And Pat Leach director,
With Scott Clark,
Miss Charlotte and Jeff Tangeman,
Here with bibliophiles.



eye roll facepalm over it the professor dawn wells

Original Lyrics - The Ballad of Gilligan's Isle

Just sit right back
And you'll hear a tale
A tale of a fateful trip,
That started from this tropic port,
Aboard this tiny ship.

The mate was a mighty sailin' man,
The Skipper brave and sure.
Five passengers set sail that day,
For a three hour tour,
A three hour tour.

The weather started getting rough,
But the tiny ship was tossed.
If not for the courage of the fearless crew
The Minnow would be lost.
The Minnow would be lost.

The ship set aground on the shore
Of this uncharted desert isle
With Gilligan,
The Skipper too.
A millionaire and his wife,
A movie star,
The professor and Mary Ann,
Here on Gilligan's Isle.





Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Holiday Laminate - Parody #9

Holiday Laminate
To the tune of “Holiday” by Madonna
Written by Tracy

Holiday Laminate
Holiday Laminate

[Chorus:]

If we took a holiday
Took some time to laminate
Pictures, bookmarks and signs
It would be, it would be so nice

Everybody spread the word
We’re gonna do some lamination
All across the libraries
For every patron
It’s time for protection
Forget about torn pages, oh yeah
One day to come together
And make pages last forever
We need a holiday

[chorus]

You can turn this thing around
And bring back all of those happy days
Put torn pages down
It’s time to laminate!
It will shine
Really shine
The plastic comes together
And makes things better
We need a holiday

[chorus]

Holiday Laminate
Holiday Laminate

[chorus]

Holiday Laminate
Holiday Laminate

Holiday, Lamination
It’s protection for all the patrons


 


Original Lyrics

Holiday Celebrate
Holiday Celebrate

[Chorus:]

If we took a holiday
Took some time to celebrate
Just one day out of life
It would be, it would be so nice

Everybody spread the word
We're gonna have a celebration
All across the world
In every nation
It's time for the good times
Forget about the bad times, oh yeah
One day to come together
To release the pressure
We need a holiday

[chorus]

You can turn this world around
And bring back all of those happy days
Put your troubles down
It's time to celebrate
Let love shine
And we will find
A way to come together
And make things better
We need a holiday

[chorus]

Holiday Celebrate
Holiday Celebrate

[chorus]

Holiday Celebrate
Holiday Celebrate

Holiday, Celebration
Come together in every nation