Balls to you sir, balls to you sir, up and down the court.

Guess what I found AGAIN this morning at work!

A freakin' bat.

Flippin' winged creatures at the library - I'm on a roll.

I feel like Neville, "why is it always me?"

For those of you who don't already know go here: "Bats are Cute-ish" "Bats have rabies" "That's why I said ish"

or Here: "Freakin' Birds"

Anyway, so I'm doing the expired/cancelled holds list and I look up and see this big black thing on the ceiling. Of course my kneejerk reaction was to run screaming in the other direction.

My farmgirl background failed me, not for the first time.

When I couldn't find Superwoman I ran (actually ran) to the basement to get Girlscout and Cabin Fever was like "you do realize what shirt you're wearing, right?"

I look down and it's a Batman t-shirt.

So apparently this is all my fault.

I ran into my Trainee on the street after it happened and she said that tomorrow I should wear a t-shirt with a bag of money on it.

Good plan, but it would probably just end up as "found money" and go to the cash register.

Anyway, here's the pic that's went viral around the workplace.



The whole time I'm attempting not to flee just in case it would detach and fly at my head.

I have a feeling I won't be living that down anytime soon.

But whatever.

I await all the upcoming pranks...

So, I've decided that fall is my favorite season.

The weather cools down.

Football starts.

Hockey starts.

The good TV shows come back - except Major Crimes, that goes away for a few months.

I know it isn't technically fall yet, but I consider it to be fall because school is back in session.

Which is another reason why I like the fall - I no longer have to worry about school being back in session cause I'm done.

Got my Master's, I've earned some time off.

As much as I love the Blacklist, the Voice, Castle and all that I'm mostly excited for the football and hockey. Huskers are gonna rock it - even though our quarterback is only a Sophomore I have faith. We've got Bell, Abdullah, and Gregory - we'll be fine.

And as for hockey, it's gonna be interesting because we have a new manager, a new coach, and a completely different team (with the exception of a few who made it from last year) so it'll be exciting to see the changes. Which were needed cause last year was not our best year by far.

We went for full season tickets this year, and I'm stoked cause pre-season is coming up in September. However, the boyfriend will be gone so I'll have to take someone else. Hmmm....whom to choose. Queen of the Known Universe has no interest. It's Oldest Sister's birthday so she'd have other plans. Perhaps I'll ask Smo. Or Queen of Awesome. Or P-Squared. Will have to look into that.

What else?

Okay, now that camp season is officially over I can finally post this. This is the M rated version of the 7th and 8th graders skit from this year. If you want the G rated version that they did scroll down a post.

Watch it, it will make you laugh I promise. Even if it is wildly inappropriate. I did say M rated. 



Again, M Rated and they did the G version. There are many versions on Youtube but this crew is my favorite.

This one from the 90's comes in second:


Wow that's a lot faster.

The flag man is my favorite.

Though the tennis player in this one is pretty good too...

By the way, the end ballerina is usually either the captain or cruise director.

You have no idea how many times I've watched those videos and continually repeat the phrases as I walk through the library. It just brightens my day.

Though "balls to you" is frequently whispered under my breath if something bad happens.

In other news we went to World of Outlaws again this year. Donny Schatz won so balls to that. He wins everything so no one likes him.

With the exception of the like 4 people in the immediate row in front of us.

Though we spent most of our time down in the pits. It's cool cause you get to talk to all the drivers and of course the boyfriend knows all their names and all about their cars and all that. Cause he's smart like that. But his favorite driver was there so he got a couple new shirts. He and his wife have these southern accents, it's awesome.

I would have gotten shirts but I like my yellow crew shirt. Even though it means commentators will talk about it over the microphone.

I did mention that already right? We were at the races and I was talking to my friend so I wasn't paying attention when suddenly the boyfriend leans over and goes "they're talking about your shirt." I was like what? Then listened and heard "she's ignoring us..." So I turned around and they were like "heeyyyyyyy!"

Then they kept offering me money for my shirt. Which I rejected. And just when I thought it was done they brought it up again later.

Oh the joys.

But it's my fault cause it is an awesome shirt.

And bright yellow so it's hard to miss.

And speaking of all things awesome, I hit up a Saltdogs game and got paid for it!

Hey, it was for work, don't give me that look.

The game itself was a part of Summer Reading - if you completed the program you got a ticket for that one and the kids who wanted to could participate in a parade beforehand.

Which a coworker and I got forced into marshalling.

She needs a nickname, especially now that she's transferring to our branch. And I will be flailing to her frequently because that's what I did to her predecessor. She was in charge of supplies for the system and I am for our branch. Hmm...Will have to work on a nickname. Ideas?

What else? Oh yeah, got some Scale of Awesome's for you.

Guardians of the Galaxy


Scale of Awesome says 8/10. This one was actually pretty enjoyable, the boyfriend and I laughed a lot, especially about the Kevin Bacon stuff. And I'm looking into buying the soundtrack, it was pretty awesome as well.

Dish Nation


Okay so this is actually a TV series, not a movie but I'm including it because it's new to me and I like it. Basically it's a bunch of different entertainment radio morning shows that are filmed and it's hilarious. My favorite is the Rickey Smiley Morning Show out of Atlanta. It consists of Rickey Smiley, Headkrack, Rock-T and Porsha Williams. A close second is the Heidi and Frank Show or the Kidd Kraddick Show, those are both good. I don't like Seattle's which is Brooke and Jubal in the Morning but it rotates in every other week.



There, those are my three favorites. (order shown Kidd, H/F, and Rickey)

I know you don't care, but I do.

Anyway, you know how I am about media and entertainment news and all that so this is like the fun and entertaining way to keep up on my stuff. You should check it out, it's wildly entertaining.


Alright, on to the music:

Shake It Off - Taylor Swift


too catchy for its own good, it's been out like 2 days and i already bought it...i love her. i know most people don't but i really do.

All About That Bass - Meghan Trainor


which is fantastic!

and guess who just covered that one...

Home Free!!


i love those guys, but i've already rambled about them enough.

final one of the night is...

Bang Bang - Ariana Grande, Nicki Minaj, and Jessie J


no official video for that one yet but it's still early on. and all three are huge so i'm sure it will be awesome.


And that's all I got. Wow, that was long. Should probably post more often, huh?

Up next in life is Roller Derby, TAB and (if it gets approved) a crap-ton of programming aimed at patrons aged 18-29. But we'll see about that last one. IF it does get approved, and that's a big IF, I'm gonna need some serious feedback.

Alright, have a rock star week.

Eat a donut, write a ticket, hands in the air - Camp J Skits 2014

Now, as promised, here were my skits for Camp J 2014.

3rd Boys – Gathering of Nuts

Vincent: I am the famous artist, Vincent Van Go Go. I have come here this evening at great expense to create one of my living nature paintings which will express the atmosphere of this camp!
First I am going to need some trees. (Trees are selected from the campers and are directed where to stand. They wave their arms gently.)
Now I will need some birds to twitter among the trees. (Birds are selected and they move around the trees making twittering sounds.)
Perhaps a sun to shine on everything. (A tall camper stands on a bench and smiles brightly.)
It's not right yet. I know, some rabbits hopping around. (Rabbits are selected and they hop around)
One last touch. A babbling brook. Camper, will you be the brook, you're always babbling. (The brook takes his place.)
There it is, another Vincent Van Go Go original nature scene. I call it "The Gathering of the Nuts."


3rd Girls – The Medicrin
(with younger kids I've learned it's easier to make them repeat things like sound effects over and over instead of having them learn lines so they said the words inside the asterisks while their counselor narrated)

Narrator: There once was a medieval village named Trinsic *welcome to Trinsic*. This village was being terrorized *ahhh!* by a vile monster, the Medicrin *grrr*. Each night, the Medicrin *grrr* would stalk down from the hills, and devour one of the villagers *yum yum*.

The terrified villagers called a meeting, and decided to pool their money *cha-ching* together to hire the great hero Erin. *da-da-da-da*

Erin *da-da-da-da* came and listened to the complaints of the villagers *he keeps eating us!*. She consulted her Great Hero's Book of Vile Monsters *oo scary*, and learned that Medicrins *grrr* love to eat Loons *ooo-ooo*.

So Erin *da-da-da-da* hunted high and low to find a loon *ooo-ooo*. She found one, captured it *gotcha!*, tied it up, and brought it back to the village. She then had the villagers dig a deep pit *dig, dig, dig*.

Erin *da-da-da-da* threw the loon *ooo-ooo* into the pit, hoping to capture the Medicrin *grrr*, and slay it *take that!*.

That night, the Medicrin *grrr* came . . . It smelled the loon . . . *ooo-ooo*

But it also smelled DANGER *danger!*, and it ran off, devouring one of the villagers on the way out. *ahhhh!!*

After calming the villagers, *shhhh* the next day, Erin *da-da-da-da* again consulted her Great Hero's Book of Vile Monsters *oo scary*, and learned that Medicrins *grrr* also love sugar. *mmm*

So Erin *da-da-da-da* gathered up all of the sugar *mmm* in the village, and threw it into the pit *look out below!*. The loon *ooo-ooo*, not having eaten in days, *I’m hungry* devoured all of the sugar in a single gulp *gulp*. Erin *da-da-da-da* was struck with panic *ahhh*, and ran to and fro trying to figure out what to do next, but night had fallen, and the Medicrin *grrr* would be there soon, so Erin *da-da-da-da* crossed her fingers, and hoped for the best.

That night, the Medicrin *grrr* came . . . It smelled the loon *ooo-ooo* . . . It smelled danger *danger!*...

But it also smelled the sugar, *mmm* and the Medicrin *grrr* dived into the pit *look out below*, and devoured the loon *ooo-ooo*. The villagers swarmed over the Medicrin *grrr*, and slew it. *take that!*

The moral of the story: "A loon full of sugar helps the Medicrin go down." *sing Mary Poppins*


4th Boys – 7-up
(Four campers are sitting in a hospital waiting room. A doctor enters.)

"Hello _____ I have great news! Your wife just gave birth to twins!"
Camper 1 jumps up and exclaims: "Wow, this is really funny, because I work for the Minnesota Twins!" and he exits.
Time passes, and the doctor enters again.
"Hello _______ I have wonderful news! Your wife just gave birth to triplets!"
Camper 2 jumps up and says: "Wow, that's really funny, because I work at 3-M Communications!" and he exits.
Time passes, and the doctors enters again.
"Hello _____ I have exciting news! Your wife just gave birth to quadruplets!"
Camper 3 jumps up and says: "Wow, that's really funny, because I work at the Four Seasons." before he exits, the last camper gets up.
Camper 4: "That's it, I'm outta here."
Doctor: "Why is that?"
Camper 4: "I work at 7-up!"


4th Girls – Quit While You’re A Head

Narrator: A young couple managed to finally have a child after years of trying. The only problem is that this child was born with only her head. The child lived her life looking out the window at the other kids and by the age of 4 she really wanted to join them. She went to her mother and asked,
Child: "Mother can I go and play outside with the other kids?"
Narrator: Her mother looks at her daughter and said,
Mother: "I'm sorry daughter but you don’t have a torso, how can you hope to play with them?"
Narrator: The girl prayed before she went to sleep that night,
Child: "God please give me a torso so I can play with the other kids."
Narrator: The next day the child woke up with a torso. She screamed for her mother,
Child: "Mommy, mommy! I grew a torso. Can I play with them now?"
Narrator: The mother looked at the girl and said,
Mother: "I'm sorry daughter but you don’t have any arms, how can you hope to play with them?"
Narrator: The girl again prayed before going to sleep that night,
Child: "God please give me arms so I can play with the other kids."
Narrator: The next day the child woke up with arms. She screamed for her mother.
Child: "Mommy, mommy I grew arms. Can I play with the other kids now?"
Narrator: The mother looked at the girl and said,
Mother: "I'm sorry daughter but you don’t have any legs, how can you hope to play with them?"
Narrator: The girl yet again prayed before going to sleep that night,
Child: "God please give me legs so I can play with the other kids."
Narrator: The next day the child woke up with legs. She screamed for her mother,
Child: "Mommy, mommy, I grew legs. Can I play with the other kids now?"
Narrator: The mother smiled and said,
Mother: "Of course you can, just be careful crossing the road."
Narrator: The girl ran across the road and got hit by a bus. *honk honk, girls as bus run her over while singing wheels on the bus* The moral of this story? Quit while you're a head.


5th Boys – My Bonnie
(this one we did with one camper as a piano player and the rest of the campers on their knees acting as the piano. he'd hit them on their heads and they'd say a word. when they got to the very last word the camper wouldn't sing, the piano player tried everything and after he walked away frustrated the kid finally sang the final word)

My Bonnie leaned over the gas tank,
The height of its contents to see,
She lighted a match to assist her,
O Bring back my Bonnie to me.

Bring back, bring back
Bring back my Bonnie to me, to me
Bring back, bring back
Bring back my Bonnie to me


5th Girls – Royal Papers

Leader: Bring me my royal papers!
(a camper runs up to her with a newspaper.)
Leader: Those are NOT my Royal papers. (throws them aside.)
Leader: Bring me my Royal papers now!
(a camper runs up to her with notebook paper.)
Leader: Those are NOT my Royal papers. (throws them aside.)
(repeat with other papers)
Leader: Bring me my Royal papers now!
(a camper runs up to her with roll of toilet paper.)
Leader: Aaaaaah, FINALLY! My Royal papers! (and hugs the roll to her chest as she runs offstage toward the bathroom.)


6th Boys – God’s Word 
(this was a chant I found online) It goes like this:


B – Word (echo)
B – Word (echo)
B – God’s Word (echo)
B – God’s Word (echo)
B – God’s Word is powerful and mighty (echo)
B – Mighty mighty is God’s Word it makes the devil tremble (echo)
B – Beat that big bad devil with a bible verse (echo)
REPEAT
Teach to crowd
Someone walks out as devil each yell the theme passage at him "It is by grace you have been saved through faith" and he falls over


6/7th Grade Girls – Channel Changer 
(each camper holds up sign listing what channel they are, this took forever to piece together but they were great at it)

Camper: Wonder what’s on TV today. (click)
News Anchor: Good morning ladies and gentleman. On today’s show we’ll be talking about a human interest story that will make…
Girl Scout Commercial: …you feel like you’re missing something in your life? Do you always find yourself unprepared? Do you like camping and hiking in the great outdoors? If you do then join the Girl Scouts of America. Scouting today - it’s a lot more than just...
Cooking: …cookies. Along with that we’ll be making meatloaf, scalloped potatoes, and peas. Then we’ll serve those cookies for dessert. Okay ladies, get out your note pads and your cooking utensils. Listen carefully and you will learn how to prepare this scrumptious dish to please that hard working hungry husband of yours after a long day’s work at...
Story time: ...Fantasy land, where all of your dreams come true. Hello boys and girls. Today’s story is an old time favorite. It is about a famous little girl and her dear old grandmother who was a...
Gangster: ...dirty, rotten, no good, two bit, double crossing crook and when I get my hands on him I’ll pulverize him to a pulp, fit him to a pair of concrete shoes, and he will never be seen in my territory again. Even if the low down, dirty rat is...
Baseball: ...the next batter at the plate for the Yankees. Here’s the first pitch... It’s a ball, outside. The pitcher gets his signals. He winds up... Whoa! It’s a hard fast ball right down the pipe. Strike one. The count is one and one. The pitcher delivers again. The batter swings and hits…
Game Show: … a new car!! Which you’ll get if you win this next game. The rules are simple. All you have to do is put…
Cooking: ...the meatloaf into the pan and fry for fifteen minutes or until brown. Now ladies, this next step is very crucial to the success of your meatloaf. If you don’t get it correctly...
Gangster: ...I’ll bash your head in and make mash potatoes out of your face. So don’t mess up or I’ll send you to...
Girl Scout: ...the Girl Scouts of America. Just imagine the fun you’ll have swimming, boating, hiking, and sitting around the campfire at night. Only you, the stars, the moon and...
Aerobics: …exercise balls. Can you feel the burn? You’re doing great ladies. Keep it up, just follow…
Soap Opera: …Me? You want to marry me? Oh Biff, I, I....
Game Show: ...am so sorry, that's the wrong answer. The correct answer was…
Story time: ...Little Red Riding Hood”, said the wolf. “What do you have in your basket?” “Well, Mr. Wolf”, said Little Red Riding Hood, “I have...
Baseball: ...two outs! Yankees on first and second at the bottom of the third and they are down by two runs. They’ve got to have a hit with this batter or they’re...
Soap Opera: …getting married. I can’t believe it. I have to go to tell my…
Cooking: ...meatloaf will be hot, so be careful ladies, because it’s…
Aerobics:...burning that fat so sweat it out and you'll feel...
Soap Opera:...so sad...I can’t believe you cheated on me. We were going to get married. How could you do this to me?...I just...
Game Show Host:...won a million dollars!!!! No one ever wins a million dollars on this show. I can’t believe it, it’s…
Baseball: ...a home run! And that will put the Yankees in the lead, 6 to 5, in the bottom of the sixth inning here at county stadium. Wow! What a change of events. This game has changed from a dull, typical pitchers battle to an…
Aerobics: …hour long workout. Only 3 minutes left, don’t forget to…
News Anchor: …cause major flooding. The only reasonable explanation is that…
Soap Opera: …I set your house on fire! That’s right! And I’d do it again! I hope you…
Gangster: ...get your guts blown out if you double cross me again. I’ll put so many holes in you that you’ll look like a screen door. No one fools around with me except...
Girl Scout: ...the Girls Scouts of America...
Baseball: ...have struck out again, and boy is the Red Sox’s manager giving it to the ump. I can just imagine him saying...
News Anchor:… wow! Look at those geese fly. Let’s send it over to our weatherman Kyle. Kyle, what’s in store for us today?
Aerobics: …Blood, sweat, and tears. But it’s been worth it ladies. I want each of you to…
Soap Opera: …get arrested? All I did was burn his house down! He was the one that cheated on me with…
Story time: ...Grandmother, what big eyes you have”, said Little Red Riding Hood. “The better to see you with my dear,” said the wolf. “And grandmother”, said Little Red Riding Hood, “what a big head you have...
Baseball: ...says the ump to the Red Sox’s manager as he throws him out of the game. Well, Bob, it looks like the only thing that can save the Red Sox now is...
Girl Scout: ...the Girl Scouts of America...
Cooking: ...and your piping hot peas. By now your cookies should be tender and flaky, just like ...
Story time: ...Little Red Riding Hood was about to be gobbled up by the wicked old wolf. Suddenly, the door burst open, and the woodsman said...
Gangster: ...you dirty bugger. I’ve got you dead to right now. Mess with my man, will you? Well, no one messes with my guy and gets away with it. The only thing that can save you now is...
Baseball: ...the Yankees...
Cooking: ...your meatloaf…
Aerobics: …some high kicks…
Game Show: … this gallon of orange juice…
Story time: ...Little Red Riding Hood…
Soap Opera: …my attorney…
News Anchor: …Kyle the weatherman…
Girl Scout: ...and the Girl Scouts of America.


7/8th Boys and 8th Girls – If I were not a Camper 
goes something like this but I traded out a few of the verses:


Here were the verses we used:

If I weren’t a camper I know what I would be, if I weren’t a camper a ____ I would be.

Farmer - Give Bessie give, the baby's gotta live
Boxer - Left hook, right hook, knock him out cold

Referee - Holding, offsides, field goal's good
Police Officer - Eat a donut, write a ticket, hands in the air

Taxi Driver - Pay your fare, hop in back, hold on for your life!
Queen - I'd bow my head, and curtsey low and off with his head

Surfer - Whoa, Dave, look at that gnarly wave - AH!
Lifeguard – Save yourself man, I'm working on my tan

Garbage Man - Scoop it, dump it, pick out the good stuff
Lunch Lady - Scoop it, dump it, pick out the good stuff

Bellhop - Here's your key, here's your room, have a pillow sir
Counselor - Go to bed, Clean your bunk, I think I'll take a nap

Pastor - Halleluiah, Amen, pass the plate around again
Politician - Vote for me, vote for me, thanks for your support

Hard to be a boy in a cabin named Sioux - Camp J 2014 Highlights

And now, the post you’ve all been waiting for. Or at least I have since it's the one I look forward to every year.

First here are the previous years:

2011 Highlights - Jansen
2012 Highlights - Eh, they signed a waiver
2013 Highlights - Now Rhonda has no Honda

Now on to...

Camp J 2014 Highlights - Hard to be a boy in a cabin named Sioux

Thursday

-Tent Setup
:: After working Thursday morning I headed out to the camp site in the afternoon. Jim arrived soon after. After we had unloaded the trailer - with much help from others there - we went to set up our tents. This is an adventure in itself every year. And you would think after doing it for at least 10 years we would have it down, but not so much. Though technically he did just get a new tent like last year. This year there were spider webs everywhere so I was super nervous I was gonna walk into one (yes I'm a farm girl but that doesn't mean I like bugs) but really the only bugs we encountered the whole weekend were wasps, and we have spray for that. Oh and hornets, apparently there were angry hornets in Mary Lee. Glad I missed out on that one. Anyway, 2 hours later after a few failed attempts and a lot of screaming the tents were up and running and it was time for food. Cantrell made us burgers - they were good stuff - and just when we thought Smo was lost she turned up.

-Oooo vs Ewww
:: For those of you who don't know, Smo was my high school roommate - well, one of the many. I talked her into going to camp a few months ago and - after registering on time, woohoo! - she made it this year. Since she was new she went with us on a cabin tour - or as we call it "Mattress Count". The count exists because the one year when we didn't count them we were short and had to drag extras from Mary Lee to Mohican which was all the way at the other end. Here, here's a map, courtesy of Michael's computer skills.




Similar to last year, we had more boys than girls so we had the same arrangement, however this year we did have a cabin of girls on the very edge of the boys side (Pawnee). We chose to put the 3rd grade girls in this one because there is a difference between the 8th grade girls "oooo" at boys and the 3rd grade girls "ewww" at boys. And if they're "ewww"ing them then we don't have to worry about them venturing past their cabin into boy territory.

-The Butter Aisle
:: Every year Jim and I find ourselves going to Walmart Thursday night to get things we've forgotten. This year his list was longer than mine and included things like soap and sheets. I made fun of this then three days later found myself running to Walmart because I forgot extra shorts. They were in the dryer, woops. To be fair I did remember pants...but you don't wear pants in 100 degree weather. But whatever, he got his forgotten stuff and I got my skit supplies and then we were like, let's get ice cream and chocolate syrup! Cause that's what we do on Thursdays before the kids get there. We found the ice cream right away but got lost finding syrup so we asked an employee. Then of course she had no idea so she radioed and they told us it was in the "butter aisle." Well, where the crap is that? Butter is not in an aisle it's on an end in the refrigerated section. Whatever, so we found the "butter aisle" and there was no syrup in sight. But you know what WAS in the butter aisle? LIQUOR. Lots and lots of liquor. So we're thinking either employees really have no idea where anything is in that store or they were watching us on camera wandering around going "where the crap is the butter aisle?" and laughing. Or maybe we looked stressed and they thought we needed to visit the "butter aisle." Anyway, every Walmart trip after that we kept finding excuses to go visit the "butter aisle." Though we didn't get anything from it because that's what caused a lot of drama last year. Not by us, but with a teen. Read last year's highlights.

-Injury
:: So I don't know what happened but somehow in the middle of the night I did something to my back. I don't know if I slept on it wrong or reached too far for something or what, but every time I rolled over I was in pain. This pain carried on throughout the weekend so much so that it hurt to laugh. Which explains me laughing and then doubling over in pain multiple times. Thankfully Jim had drugs in his medkit so I spent most of camp on Bayer because it seemed to work the best. It's turning into yet another camp tradition - me being injured in some way or another. I get bit up by bugs and my feet swells up, I get blisters, etc. something always happens. I should just learn to expect it.


Friday

-French Toast
:: There are many camp traditions. Cantrell's french toast is one of them. Along with flour tag, lasagna assembly lines, Apples to Apples, and rootbeer floats. Though you'll be proud that I skipped out on that last one keeping my "no more pop" experiment alive. I was asked if it was a permanent thing or if it would be ending soon. Truth is I'm not sure. I just wanna see how long I can make it last. But anyway, the french toast was awesome and it woke us up for what happened next.

-Registration
:: This is always an adventure. I had it set up the night before so that morning it went pretty smoothly. Girls stuff on one table, boys on the other. Set up right by the door so they grab their lanyard and schedule, then drop off any medications for the nurse before heading to their cabin where their counselor was waiting. Usually I have Oldest Sister to help me out but she was otherwise engaged at a family reunion. Not mine, hers. If that makes sense. However, this year both other siblings made an appearance. My brother with his daughter who was up to her 4th year of camp and his son who was there for his first year. Then Second Sister brought her oldest son who was also there for the first time. To be fair I did warn their counselor in advance that when they're together they can be rowdy, but they actually weren't so bad. Minus the fact that one of them wore the same clothes the entire weekend and the other one I'm pretty sure never put on sunscreen. But they both survived and so did the camp, mostly unscathed.

-"I went outside once, it was awful." 


::Before I go any further I should mention that it was about 100 degrees on both Friday and Saturday. Thankfully myself and the music crew were inside in the air conditioning and rarely ventured out. When we did it was horrible. But the kids didn't seem to notice because to compensate for the heat we just increased their swimming time. Actually it was so cold in the mess hall that Smo and I ended up putting on sweatshirts. Which confused everyone as they walked in.

-Skits Day One
:: Each group seemed to be content with their skit, which was a big relief after the hell that was last year, the only one with problems was me and that's because of the whole back injury thing. Which meant I used Smo as my demonstrator. It was amusing so I called it initiation but she seemed to handle it well.

-Hole in the bucket
:: The boys seem to really enjoy when we sing There's a Hole in the Bucket at campfire. We've figured out that it's because it's really the only time they get to win an argument. But as patient women we said we'd let them have their small victory while secretly plotting to Google some sort of rebuttal when we returned from camp. All I can say is that it's top secret and they better be ready next year.

-Night patrol headlamps
:: Remember how I got stuck doing night patrol? Cause Phil is just so persuasive. This year I drug Smo around with me and it's dark so we came up with some interesting lighting options. I had my headlamp, which still works - huzzah - and instead of carrying around the lantern in her hand Smo decided to turn it into a decorative head ornament by strapping it on with a headband.



Very stylish I must say. We had to be sneaky this year because I was challenged. Keep in mind this year was my 19th year of camp so I've been doing this for quite some time but I've only recently picked up night patrol duty. My niece - the one who'd been at camp 4 years - told my brother, aka her dad, that the kids only pretend to sleep when I come around for night patrol. I told her (through him) that I knew that because I went to camp at that age and know all the tricks and don't stop circling until I know that they are actually asleep. Upon hearing that I knew all the tricks she vowed to come up with new tricks. Which led to Smo and I crawling and ninja rolling around their cabin, avoiding all windows and trying to find her bunk without alerting the other girls to our presence. We failed cause she's tiny and we couldn't find her, but to be fair SHE WAS ALREADY ASLEEP. So take that.

-No bug spray in enclosed spaces
:: So Smo crashed with me in my tent this year. We fit 2 mattresses in it along with all of our stuff and still had room to walk, so yay big tent! A worthy investment! Though we were outdoors and there were bugs everywhere. Smo decided to spray herself with bugspray thinking that that would keep them away. The only thing about it was she did it inside the tent with no windows open. I wasn't paying attention cause I was texting the boyfriend but suddenly I was engulfed in this wave of spray and couldn't stop coughing. My "did you spray that inside the tent?" was followed by loud laughter from Jim (who was about 5 feet away in his tent) and then us as we coughed for the next ten minutes. Needless to say she didn't do that again.Other than the frogs and the trains and the crickets and the back pain and the fog of bug spray tent life was pretty good this year.


Saturday

-Speaking of ferrets
:: No band is complete without a name. Every year we challenge ourselves to come up with a new name. Last year we were Destiny's Red-Headed Step-Child, this year we went with Speaking of Ferrets. Don't ask. All I'll say was that it came from an interesting conversation about ferrets and then stuck. Our band did excellent this year. We rocked the house for skits and worship and then dominated at campfires (though it was too hot to have them outside so they were moved into the air conditioning).

-"Sounds like a car driving through a halftime show"
:: As part of our band our lead guitarist also plays some piano. We have an electric keyboard that we bring every year complete with different settings you can play with. When working on skits he decided to find the drum setting so he could add in some rimshots after big jokes. While attempting to find it he pressed a bunch of keys and it sounded like a car drove through a halftime show. Which was wildly entertaining, though I'm sure would have been scary if you were apart of it.

-Ping Pong
:: Our un-air-conditioned chapel, where our band used to reside and where I spent the majority of my camp years, is now complete with not one but two ping pong tables. I learned I have no skill whatsoever, but that's okay because I was playing against Smo who faced a similar situation. Ping pong turned into water balloon wars which lead to our next segment...

-"Would you feel better if you threw water balloons at Michael?"
:: After being pelted over and over by water balloons that Michael had thrown at her, Smo tried to be sneaky by stealing my sweatshirt and storing a bunch in there. She failed, they saw her coming a mile away. On our way to get payback we saw a little girl who was starting to get homesick. We worked with what we had on hand - aka two water balloons - and she got Smo's revenge for her.

-Or so we thought, Smo gets thrown in pool
:: Though that didn't last long cause less than five minutes later Smo was over Michael's shoulder as he ran toward the pool. Which really was her fault cause she kept asking what the pool looked like. (It was too dark to see during our mattress count.) Thankfully she did not have any electronic devices - like I did the one time, which was not one of my favorite life moments - and she was thrown in. She stayed outside for a while afterward to dry off in the sun.

-"Hard to be a boy in a cabin named Sioux"
:: Another camp tradition is cabin cheers. Each cabin must come up with a cheer that they will perform for all of camp on Saturday night. Pyramids are popular amongst girls, along with chanting, singing, dancing, and posters. It's not a competition but if it was the 4th grade boys would have won. They had our lead guitarist play as they did a Johnny Cash-inspired song about the rough life for a boy sleeping in a cabin named Sioux. If you don't get that joke you'll make me cry inside and say "oh, for the love, scroll down to the music rec's."


Sunday

-Skits
:: Sunday morning is our closing service for kid's camp. They get up, eat some breakfast, clean camp, then we rehearse for the service by singing through the songs (which we covered during Skits and Worship during our day sessions) before the parents start to arrive at 9. We offer them breakfast - so some of the kids wait to eat - and then church starts at 10. The service was great, Pastor is always great at that, and the kids sang nice and loud. Afterwards is when we perform the skits they practiced (which is the other half of the Skits and Worship sessions) on Friday and Saturday. Needless to say they all did great. I was super proud. If I had to pick a favorite... while the 3rd grade girls did an excellent parodied version of Mary Poppins I think I would still go with the 7th and 8th graders. For the three previous years I made them sing Hee-Haw which I did away with this year because of last year's drama (see post). But I did keep up the singing tradition which was actually worth all the time and effort put into it. The skit was called "If I were not a Camper" and went something like this:



Though I switched out a few of the professions and changed it from boy scout to camper. The ref and police section made people laugh every time and the Pastor and politician were also grand. The boys that I had as the lunch lady and garbage man really REALLY got into it and that made that section hysterical as well. All in all it went over really well with the parents and I was super proud.

-Standing ovation
:: As I introduced myself before the skits I mentioned something about talking to all the parents at one point or another because my name was on everything. After the skits Pastor always does his thank yous and mine was the very last one. I even got a semi-standing ovation from half of the kids. Nice to know all of the hard work was appreciated.

-Walmart shorts, horseshoes, and etc.
:: The first thing that Jim and I do after youth camp - after eating lunch and almost falling asleep that is - is make a Walmart/Ray's Apple Market run for food for teen camp. This year Smo and Michael tagged along. As mentioned previously, I made fun of Jim for forgetting essential items and then ended up buying shorts for the rest of teen camp. It was pretty smooth. After buying out the grocery store we picked up my shorts and some cheap horse shoes at Walmart. Was nice being able to take our time and all that in the air conditioning.

-Fly zappers
:: So we bought all this food and after lugging it all in I picked up my fly zappers and got to work. They're the electronic fly swatters. You press a button and it zaps the fly. While morbid for the flies it's actually quite entertaining. And I make it that way because it's my only job in the kitchen. Jim doesn't let me help anymore after a few years ago when I karate chopped an avocado with a cleaver and missed my fingers holding it by a mere inch. Though this year I did get to help cut fruit. With a paring knife and constant supervision. But even Jim was a bit more relaxed in the kitchen this year because he has decided to promote Michael to head cook. Michael and I have already agreed that as soon as Jim retires from camp we will also, but he was happy to take over kitchen duties as long as Jim still helped out.

-With Bacon
:: The thing about teen camp is that it requires a lot of bacon. This year we had 20 pounds and went through 10 of those in a single meal. We had steak - with bacon to put on top - sauteed onions - which were sauteed in bacon grease - cheesy potatoes - with bacon on top - salad - with bacon on top - and brownies - with no bacon, but it did say it was on it on the sign hanging next to the lineup. You're stunned by this but it has became the norm at teen camp. Last year we went through at least 10 pounds so this year Jim stocked up. And you know we had to use it, couldn't let it go bad....we learned there's no such thing as leftover bacon.

-Missing Ferret
:: Campfire on Sunday night was all about teaching them the theme song. Another one of camp's traditions. Usually it's Liz that writes it but this year she took a step back and let Joel - our new lead guitarist - write this year. The song always revolves around the theme for camp. This year it was Gracebook so he added some Facebook lingo in there. It was really good, though it took us about a day and a half to realize the refrain sounded suspiciously like "Time of Your Life" by Green Day. Scroll down. Anyway, we thought we had it down after singing it over and over at youth camp, but teen camp campfires always seem to have some sort of drama and ours just wasn't the same without our lead guitarist (he just comes for youth camp).

-LOTR
:: After watching basically the same movies over and over we have decided to switch it up over the past few years. One year we did Star Wars' original trilogy, then there was Harry Potter...this year we went with the Lord of the Rings original trilogy. It was awesome, but long, and after starting it at 10:30 we ended up going to bed around 1:30. Which was fine, except we had to be up early the next day. Though not as early as youth camp - there's a major difference between 7:30 and 8:30...The fun thing about watching Lord of the Rings with Smo is that it brings back memories of her beating me in the middle of the night with her giant tiger because she dreamed she was being attacked by orcs.


Monday

-What kind of Star Wars are you watching?
:: While working in the kitchen - they were prepping, I was killing flies - we got on the topic of hospitals and blood. Smo said something about hearing her blood "wooshing" through her veins and how it sounded like Darth Vader. I don't know what kind of Star Wars she's been watching but I'm pretty sure that's not how James Earl Jones sounds. Just throwing that out there.

-Your face is wrong/I know words
:: Remember how I said we didn't go to bed until 1:30? Did I mention I didn't fall asleep until 2:30? This lack of sleep accompanied by the heat made me extremely tired throughout Monday. I don't know why Monday of all days, it may have something do with the fact that I was running on pure adrenaline Thursday-Sunday cause I'm partly in charge of youth camp and I'm only a helper at teen camp so I crashed...I don't know. Anyway, Oldest Sister and Squirt came for Monday of teen camp and I could barely form words. I don't know how this conversation started, all I remember was we were at a picnic table outside and I mumbled something that I understand but they didn't and they made fun of me. I know words, I just couldn't pronounce them at the time. Oldest Sister said I was wrong about something to which I contradicted saying in the dictionary there's a picture of her face next to the word "wrong" and kept repeating the phrase "your face is wrong" for the majority of the afternoon. I know words.

-Women start forest fires too
:: Of course there was a lot of Apples to Apples played at teen camp - and even a little played at youth camp. The only amusing one that I can think of at the moment is Squirt. The word was masculine and someone turned in a card that said "forest fires" to which she responded, "women start forest fires too" and immediately flipped the card over. Scuba Steve found a "trendy" expansion pack and added those cards to our bunch so now our collection includes nouns like "Hastag" "Mommie Bloggers" "Amish Mafia" and "Beliebers". That last one got used with the word "obnoxious" or something similar. Made me proud.

-Campfire fail/I need to use the sleep
:: As mentioned I was extremely sleep-deprived on Monday and by the time campfire rolled around it had come to my breaking point. This was the only outdoor campfire we did the whole week and we couldn't see cause it was dark. There was moke in our eyes from the fire and adding to those the kids didn't want to be there - you could tell cause they weren't participating at all. We were off with the beat because we couldn't hear them, my bandmates didn't want to play certain songs that the teens wanted to sing, and then I had an epic voice crack which made me laugh and I completely lost it laughing hysterically and basically just closed and sent them all away. Apparently even Jim leaned over to Pastor and went "I think there's something wrong with her." I needed to use the sleep.

-Family Guy/Cosmos War of the Planets
:: Since the failed campfire was outdoors and we started it late instead of watching the second movie in the LOTR trilogy Monday night (and being up 'til like 2) we instead watched our favorite camp movie of all time Cosmo's War of the Planets cause it was much shorter. Don't pretend you've seen it, I'm fairly sure you haven't. Which is a shame. Cause it's so bad that it's good. If you're commentating with the right group of people I should say. Cause you have to commentate otherwise it's super lame....because the characters names change, there are no special effects, the storyline's awful, but we still love it. It came out the same year as Star Wars did and we're thinking the filmmakers saw that and went "well, crap." But whatever, that one finished so early that we threw in a Family Guy Star Wars movie - which I fell asleep to.


Tuesday

-Alarm fail
:: Apparently I was so tired from the night before that I slept through my alarm. I have no recollection of it going off, but Smo heard the bell so we got to breakfast when the teens were getting there. Woops. But Jim and Michael seemed to have it under control.

-Nap Time
:: One of the songs we sing at campfire is called I Just Wanna Be a Sheep. It goes like this:
I just wanna be a sheep, baa baa baa baa
I just wanna be a sheep, baa baa baa baa
I pray the lord my soul to keep
I just wanna be a sheep, baa baa baa baa

As mentioned we were pretty sleep-deprived so by Tuesday Michael and I had changed the words to:
I just wanna go to sleep, nap nap nap nap
I just wanna go to sleep, nap nap nap nap
I pray the lord give me some sleep
I just wanna go to sleep nap nap nap nap

We were so tired that Jim and I actually took a nap for like 20 minutes before going back out for more groceries.

-Campfire redemption
:: Tuesday night's campfire was redemption night and I figured it out. You have to go in with a plan cause otherwise it drags on and they don't want to be there. So we started off with some Pharaoh Pharaoh (anytime you say that title Jim and Steve make a run for the hills cause they don't want to do the dance) moved on to some King Jesus is All, then Hole in the Bucket, took some requests and did Squiters and the Bedbugs (another camp classic) and finished with Someday. Which has become basically our annual theme song and every year it makes me cry. Mostly during the closing service of the youth camp, but teens sing it well too.

-Dance party
:: With teens you can't plan a dance party because they'll think it's lame. However, every year they want one, and I never know when it's going to be. Since Squirt was there Tuesday night again I basically pulled out my laptop and suddenly they were all over with requests. Cupid Shuffle, NSync, Backstreet Boys, Pharrell, and Barbie Girl were among the favorites. That's where most of the teen camp pictures come from, though this year I tried to take more of other stuff and ended up with a ton of board games pics and also a load of flour tag ones.

-More LOTR
:: The last night of camp we ended with the second of the Lord of the Rings trilogy because we did have time. The teens did smores, we had more rootbeer floats (which I avoided) and we basically pulled out everything we had left to snack on to get rid of it.


Wednesday

-Why, oh why
:: I don't know why but every year when Josh shakes my hand and thanks me for my help I get emotional. Josh is our teen camp pastor and he will forever be Josh because one time like 5 years ago I called him Josh and he went "finally, someone who doesn't call me pastor!" Thankfully I wasn't the only emotional one on hand but we only get that way cause we honestly do love camp. I miss it already. Not the hot weather so much or the bugs, frogs and trains that keeps me up late, but interacting with the kids, playing the games, eating good food, teaching the music and skits, making memories, it's all awesome.

-Rock and Roll McDonald's
:: Our final camp tradition is our yearly McDonald's trip. Each year after the closing service at teen camp and after the trailer and our cars are loaded Jim, myself, Steve, Pastor and now Michael stop at McDonald's for sort of a last meal thing. Steve and Michael order lots of food and count calories cause they're listed on the placemats while the rest of us make fun of the amount of food they order. No, actually, we're all dead tired so we joke about camp for about an hour and then head on our ways. It's a nice and relaxing way to end camp and we enjoy it.


Boy Named Sue - Johnny Cash



Time of Your Life - Green Day



All in all it was a successful camp. We're calling it Redemption Year since last year was so bad. Here's hoping that next year's is even better. And that I don't injure my back like that ever again.

Tomorrow will be a list of the skits as usual. Hope you all are having a rockin' summer.