Now, as promised, here were my skits for Camp J 2014.
3rd Boys – Gathering of Nuts
Vincent: I am the famous artist, Vincent Van Go Go. I have come here this evening at great expense to create one of my living nature paintings which will express the atmosphere of this camp!
First I am going to need some trees. (Trees are selected from the campers and are directed where to stand. They wave their arms gently.)
Now I will need some birds to twitter among the trees. (Birds are selected and they move around the trees making twittering sounds.)
Perhaps a sun to shine on everything. (A tall camper stands on a bench and smiles brightly.)
It's not right yet. I know, some rabbits hopping around. (Rabbits are selected and they hop around)
One last touch. A babbling brook. Camper, will you be the brook, you're always babbling. (The brook takes his place.)
There it is, another Vincent Van Go Go original nature scene. I call it "The Gathering of the Nuts."
3rd Girls – The Medicrin
(with younger kids I've learned it's easier to make them repeat things like sound effects over and over instead of having them learn lines so they said the words inside the asterisks while their counselor narrated)
Narrator: There once was a medieval village named Trinsic *welcome to Trinsic*. This village was being terrorized *ahhh!* by a vile monster, the Medicrin *grrr*. Each night, the Medicrin *grrr* would stalk down from the hills, and devour one of the villagers *yum yum*.
The terrified villagers called a meeting, and decided to pool their money *cha-ching* together to hire the great hero Erin. *da-da-da-da*
Erin *da-da-da-da* came and listened to the complaints of the villagers *he keeps eating us!*. She consulted her Great Hero's Book of Vile Monsters *oo scary*, and learned that Medicrins *grrr* love to eat Loons *ooo-ooo*.
So Erin *da-da-da-da* hunted high and low to find a loon *ooo-ooo*. She found one, captured it *gotcha!*, tied it up, and brought it back to the village. She then had the villagers dig a deep pit *dig, dig, dig*.
Erin *da-da-da-da* threw the loon *ooo-ooo* into the pit, hoping to capture the Medicrin *grrr*, and slay it *take that!*.
That night, the Medicrin *grrr* came . . . It smelled the loon . . . *ooo-ooo*
But it also smelled DANGER *danger!*, and it ran off, devouring one of the villagers on the way out. *ahhhh!!*
After calming the villagers, *shhhh* the next day, Erin *da-da-da-da* again consulted her Great Hero's Book of Vile Monsters *oo scary*, and learned that Medicrins *grrr* also love sugar. *mmm*
So Erin *da-da-da-da* gathered up all of the sugar *mmm* in the village, and threw it into the pit *look out below!*. The loon *ooo-ooo*, not having eaten in days, *I’m hungry* devoured all of the sugar in a single gulp *gulp*. Erin *da-da-da-da* was struck with panic *ahhh*, and ran to and fro trying to figure out what to do next, but night had fallen, and the Medicrin *grrr* would be there soon, so Erin *da-da-da-da* crossed her fingers, and hoped for the best.
That night, the Medicrin *grrr* came . . . It smelled the loon *ooo-ooo* . . . It smelled danger *danger!*...
But it also smelled the sugar, *mmm* and the Medicrin *grrr* dived into the pit *look out below*, and devoured the loon *ooo-ooo*. The villagers swarmed over the Medicrin *grrr*, and slew it. *take that!*
The moral of the story: "A loon full of sugar helps the Medicrin go down." *sing Mary Poppins*
4th Boys – 7-up
(Four campers are sitting in a hospital waiting room. A doctor enters.)
"Hello _____ I have great news! Your wife just gave birth to twins!"
Camper 1 jumps up and exclaims: "Wow, this is really funny, because I work for the Minnesota Twins!" and he exits.
Time passes, and the doctor enters again.
"Hello _______ I have wonderful news! Your wife just gave birth to triplets!"
Camper 2 jumps up and says: "Wow, that's really funny, because I work at 3-M Communications!" and he exits.
Time passes, and the doctors enters again.
"Hello _____ I have exciting news! Your wife just gave birth to quadruplets!"
Camper 3 jumps up and says: "Wow, that's really funny, because I work at the Four Seasons." before he exits, the last camper gets up.
Camper 4: "That's it, I'm outta here."
Doctor: "Why is that?"
Camper 4: "I work at 7-up!"
4th Girls – Quit While You’re A Head
Narrator: A young couple managed to finally have a child after years of trying. The only problem is that this child was born with only her head. The child lived her life looking out the window at the other kids and by the age of 4 she really wanted to join them. She went to her mother and asked,
Child: "Mother can I go and play outside with the other kids?"
Narrator: Her mother looks at her daughter and said,
Mother: "I'm sorry daughter but you don’t have a torso, how can you hope to play with them?"
Narrator: The girl prayed before she went to sleep that night,
Child: "God please give me a torso so I can play with the other kids."
Narrator: The next day the child woke up with a torso. She screamed for her mother,
Child: "Mommy, mommy! I grew a torso. Can I play with them now?"
Narrator: The mother looked at the girl and said,
Mother: "I'm sorry daughter but you don’t have any arms, how can you hope to play with them?"
Narrator: The girl again prayed before going to sleep that night,
Child: "God please give me arms so I can play with the other kids."
Narrator: The next day the child woke up with arms. She screamed for her mother.
Child: "Mommy, mommy I grew arms. Can I play with the other kids now?"
Narrator: The mother looked at the girl and said,
Mother: "I'm sorry daughter but you don’t have any legs, how can you hope to play with them?"
Narrator: The girl yet again prayed before going to sleep that night,
Child: "God please give me legs so I can play with the other kids."
Narrator: The next day the child woke up with legs. She screamed for her mother,
Child: "Mommy, mommy, I grew legs. Can I play with the other kids now?"
Narrator: The mother smiled and said,
Mother: "Of course you can, just be careful crossing the road."
Narrator: The girl ran across the road and got hit by a bus. *honk honk, girls as bus run her over while singing wheels on the bus* The moral of this story? Quit while you're a head.
5th Boys – My Bonnie
(this one we did with one camper as a piano player and the rest of the campers on their knees acting as the piano. he'd hit them on their heads and they'd say a word. when they got to the very last word the camper wouldn't sing, the piano player tried everything and after he walked away frustrated the kid finally sang the final word)
My Bonnie leaned over the gas tank,
The height of its contents to see,
She lighted a match to assist her,
O Bring back my Bonnie to me.
Bring back, bring back
Bring back my Bonnie to me, to me
Bring back, bring back
Bring back my Bonnie to me
5th Girls – Royal Papers
Leader: Bring me my royal papers!
(a camper runs up to her with a newspaper.)
Leader: Those are NOT my Royal papers. (throws them aside.)
Leader: Bring me my Royal papers now!
(a camper runs up to her with notebook paper.)
Leader: Those are NOT my Royal papers. (throws them aside.)
(repeat with other papers)
Leader: Bring me my Royal papers now!
(a camper runs up to her with roll of toilet paper.)
Leader: Aaaaaah, FINALLY! My Royal papers! (and hugs the roll to her chest as she runs offstage toward the bathroom.)
6th Boys – God’s Word
(this was a chant I found online) It goes like this:
B – Word (echo)
B – Word (echo)
B – God’s Word (echo)
B – God’s Word (echo)
B – God’s Word is powerful and mighty (echo)
B – Mighty mighty is God’s Word it makes the devil tremble (echo)
B – Beat that big bad devil with a bible verse (echo)
REPEAT
Teach to crowd
Someone walks out as devil each yell the theme passage at him "It is by grace you have been saved through faith" and he falls over
6/7th Grade Girls – Channel Changer
(each camper holds up sign listing what channel they are, this took forever to piece together but they were great at it)
Camper: Wonder what’s on TV today. (click)
News Anchor: Good morning ladies and gentleman. On today’s show we’ll be talking about a human interest story that will make…
Girl Scout Commercial: …you feel like you’re missing something in your life? Do you always find yourself unprepared? Do you like camping and hiking in the great outdoors? If you do then join the Girl Scouts of America. Scouting today - it’s a lot more than just...
Cooking: …cookies. Along with that we’ll be making meatloaf, scalloped potatoes, and peas. Then we’ll serve those cookies for dessert. Okay ladies, get out your note pads and your cooking utensils. Listen carefully and you will learn how to prepare this scrumptious dish to please that hard working hungry husband of yours after a long day’s work at...
Story time: ...Fantasy land, where all of your dreams come true. Hello boys and girls. Today’s story is an old time favorite. It is about a famous little girl and her dear old grandmother who was a...
Gangster: ...dirty, rotten, no good, two bit, double crossing crook and when I get my hands on him I’ll pulverize him to a pulp, fit him to a pair of concrete shoes, and he will never be seen in my territory again. Even if the low down, dirty rat is...
Baseball: ...the next batter at the plate for the Yankees. Here’s the first pitch... It’s a ball, outside. The pitcher gets his signals. He winds up... Whoa! It’s a hard fast ball right down the pipe. Strike one. The count is one and one. The pitcher delivers again. The batter swings and hits…
Game Show: … a new car!! Which you’ll get if you win this next game. The rules are simple. All you have to do is put…
Cooking: ...the meatloaf into the pan and fry for fifteen minutes or until brown. Now ladies, this next step is very crucial to the success of your meatloaf. If you don’t get it correctly...
Gangster: ...I’ll bash your head in and make mash potatoes out of your face. So don’t mess up or I’ll send you to...
Girl Scout: ...the Girl Scouts of America. Just imagine the fun you’ll have swimming, boating, hiking, and sitting around the campfire at night. Only you, the stars, the moon and...
Aerobics: …exercise balls. Can you feel the burn? You’re doing great ladies. Keep it up, just follow…
Soap Opera: …Me? You want to marry me? Oh Biff, I, I....
Game Show: ...am so sorry, that's the wrong answer. The correct answer was…
Story time: ...Little Red Riding Hood”, said the wolf. “What do you have in your basket?” “Well, Mr. Wolf”, said Little Red Riding Hood, “I have...
Baseball: ...two outs! Yankees on first and second at the bottom of the third and they are down by two runs. They’ve got to have a hit with this batter or they’re...
Soap Opera: …getting married. I can’t believe it. I have to go to tell my…
Cooking: ...meatloaf will be hot, so be careful ladies, because it’s…
Aerobics:...burning that fat so sweat it out and you'll feel...
Soap Opera:...so sad...I can’t believe you cheated on me. We were going to get married. How could you do this to me?...I just...
Game Show Host:...won a million dollars!!!! No one ever wins a million dollars on this show. I can’t believe it, it’s…
Baseball: ...a home run! And that will put the Yankees in the lead, 6 to 5, in the bottom of the sixth inning here at county stadium. Wow! What a change of events. This game has changed from a dull, typical pitchers battle to an…
Aerobics: …hour long workout. Only 3 minutes left, don’t forget to…
News Anchor: …cause major flooding. The only reasonable explanation is that…
Soap Opera: …I set your house on fire! That’s right! And I’d do it again! I hope you…
Gangster: ...get your guts blown out if you double cross me again. I’ll put so many holes in you that you’ll look like a screen door. No one fools around with me except...
Girl Scout: ...the Girls Scouts of America...
Baseball: ...have struck out again, and boy is the Red Sox’s manager giving it to the ump. I can just imagine him saying...
News Anchor:… wow! Look at those geese fly. Let’s send it over to our weatherman Kyle. Kyle, what’s in store for us today?
Aerobics: …Blood, sweat, and tears. But it’s been worth it ladies. I want each of you to…
Soap Opera: …get arrested? All I did was burn his house down! He was the one that cheated on me with…
Story time: ...Grandmother, what big eyes you have”, said Little Red Riding Hood. “The better to see you with my dear,” said the wolf. “And grandmother”, said Little Red Riding Hood, “what a big head you have...
Baseball: ...says the ump to the Red Sox’s manager as he throws him out of the game. Well, Bob, it looks like the only thing that can save the Red Sox now is...
Girl Scout: ...the Girl Scouts of America...
Cooking: ...and your piping hot peas. By now your cookies should be tender and flaky, just like ...
Story time: ...Little Red Riding Hood was about to be gobbled up by the wicked old wolf. Suddenly, the door burst open, and the woodsman said...
Gangster: ...you dirty bugger. I’ve got you dead to right now. Mess with my man, will you? Well, no one messes with my guy and gets away with it. The only thing that can save you now is...
Baseball: ...the Yankees...
Cooking: ...your meatloaf…
Aerobics: …some high kicks…
Game Show: … this gallon of orange juice…
Story time: ...Little Red Riding Hood…
Soap Opera: …my attorney…
News Anchor: …Kyle the weatherman…
Girl Scout: ...and the Girl Scouts of America.
7/8th Boys and 8th Girls – If I were not a Camper
goes something like this but I traded out a few of the verses:
Here were the verses we used:
If I weren’t a camper I know what I would be, if I weren’t a camper a ____ I would be.
Farmer - Give Bessie give, the baby's gotta live
Boxer - Left hook, right hook, knock him out cold
Referee - Holding, offsides, field goal's good
Police Officer - Eat a donut, write a ticket, hands in the air
Taxi Driver - Pay your fare, hop in back, hold on for your life!
Queen - I'd bow my head, and curtsey low and off with his head
Surfer - Whoa, Dave, look at that gnarly wave - AH!
Lifeguard – Save yourself man, I'm working on my tan
Garbage Man - Scoop it, dump it, pick out the good stuff
Lunch Lady - Scoop it, dump it, pick out the good stuff
Bellhop - Here's your key, here's your room, have a pillow sir
Counselor - Go to bed, Clean your bunk, I think I'll take a nap
Pastor - Halleluiah, Amen, pass the plate around again
Politician - Vote for me, vote for me, thanks for your support
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