My Old Fines - Parody #16

My Old Fines

Written by Info-Man

To the tune of Auld Lang Syne

I think that I should get a break,
I thought this was on time

Please don’t charge me for my mistake
don’t add to my old fines!

CHORUS:
For my old fines, you see,
for my old fines,
I’ll take a waiver form, with me,
for my old fines.

I swear these bed bugs can not be

They’re someone’s fault, not mine
For those blood stains, please don’t blame me,
don’t add to my old fines!

CHORUS

My puppy sure is cute, you see
He thinks books taste divine
On those he doesn’t chew, he’ll pee,
don’t add to my old fines!

CHORUS

These purple stains in chapter three
Well, yes, I had some wine
I didn’t spill, so hear my plea,
don’t add to my old fines!

CHORUS

My son plays games, he loves his Wii
Still, sixty nine nine nine
seems awful high for one lost disc,
don’t add to my old fines!

CHORUS

A 2016 library filksong by “InfoMan”






Original Lyrics - Auld Lang Syne

Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind?
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and old lang syne?

CHORUS:
For auld lang syne, my dear,
for auld lang syne,
we'll take a cup of kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

And surely you’ll buy your pint cup!
and surely I’ll buy mine!
And we'll take a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

CHORUS

We two have run about the slopes,
and picked the daisies fine;
But we’ve wandered many a weary foot,
since auld lang syne.

CHORUS

We two have paddled in the stream,
from morning sun till dine;
But seas between us broad have roared
since auld lang syne.

CHORUS

And there’s a hand my trusty friend!
And give me a hand o’ thine!
And we’ll take a right good-will draught,
for auld lang syne.

CHORUS

Based on a 1788 Scots poem by Robert Burns

Security Guard is Coming Around - Parody #15

Security Guard is Coming Around

Written by CK

To the tune of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town"

You better watch out

You better comply

Better not shout

I’m telling you why

Security Guard is coming around

No need to resist

That’s my advice

We’ve already banned you

This year twice

Security Guard is coming around

He sees you when you’re sleeping

He’ll make sure you’re awake

He knows if you've been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake!

You better watch out

You better comply

Better not shout

I’m telling you why

Security Guard is coming around

He sees you when you’re sleeping

He’ll make sure you’re awake

He knows if you've been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake!

You better watch out

You better comply

Better not shout

I’m telling you why

Security Guard is coming around

Original Lyrics - Santa Claus is Coming to Town

You better watch out
You better not cry
Better not pout
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town

He's making a list
And checking it twice;
He's gonna find out
Who's naughty or nice
Santa Claus is coming to town

He sees you when you're sleeping
He knows when you're awake
He knows if you've been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake!

You better watch out!
You better not cry
You better not pout
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town

He sees you when you're sleeping
He knows when you're awake
He knows if you've been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake

You better watch out!
You better not cry
You better not pout
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town

Rockin' Around the Library - Parody #14

Rockin’ Around the Li-bra-ry 
Written by Tracy T. 
To the tune of "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree"

Rockin’ around the library

As Christmas tensions pop

Cleptos stealin’ DVD’s

We just can’t make them stop

Rockin’ around the library

Let the Christmas spirit ring,

If that guy exposes himself

Our guard will do his thing.

You will get a real disgusted feeling when you hear,

“Hey there, mama, you look pretty,”

Yup! You actually feel quite shitty.

Rockin’ around the library,

It’s another holiday,

Three days off are not enough

To chase the spooks away.

You will get a real disgusted feeling when you hear,

“Hey there, mama, you look pretty,”

Yup! You actually feel quite shitty.

Rockin’ around the library,

It’s another holiday,

Three days off are not enough

To chase the spooks away.

Original Lyrics - Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree 

Rockin' around the Christmas tree
At the Christmas party hop,
Mistletoe hung where you can see,
Every couple tries to stop,

Rockin' around the Christmas tree,
Let the Christmas spirit ring,
Later we'll have some pumpkin pie,
And we'll do some caroling.

You will get a sentimental feeling when you hear,
Voices singing, "Let's be jolly,
Deck the halls with boughs of holly",

Rockin' around the Christmas tree,
Have a happy holiday,
Everyone dancin' merrily,
In the new old-fashioned way.

You will get a sentimental feeling when you hear,
Voices singing, "Let's be jolly,
Deck the halls with boughs of holly",

Rockin' around the Christmas tree,
Have a happy holiday,
Everyone dancin' merrily,
In the new old-fashioned way.

Patron Got Arrested For Drinking Here - Parody #13

Patron Got Arrested For Drinking Here

Written by CK

To the tune of "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer"

Patron got arrested for drinking here

Tried to hide the bottle up his sleeve

You can lie and say it’s a banana

Sorry, but the guard doesn’t believe

He’d been trying to play leapfrog

And we begged him to walk slow

But he was hooked on that libation

Running into shelves - they fell like dominos

We said this was the final warning

But he reached in his backpack

Pulled out his giant liquor bottle

And continued to act like a maniac

Patron got arrested for drinking here

Tried to hide the bottle up his sleeve

You can lie and say it’s a banana

Sorry, but the guard doesn’t believe

The patrons came to watch the hoopla

Taking pictures with their cell’s

Watch him dance around empty halls

Drinking beer and run from the guard when he yells

Never boring when they break the law

Our branch gets lot and lots of flack

And we just can’t help but wonder

Should we help the guard chase him

He doubled back

Patron got arrested for drinking here

Tried to hide the bottle up his sleeve

You can lie and say it’s a banana

Sorry, but the guard doesn’t believe

Now he’s standing on the table

For that one he is way too big

If it breaks he’ll be a vandal

But he doesn’t care and takes another swig

He’s making a break toward the door

Better watch out for yourselves

That’s when the guard tries to convince

The man that he can’t hide out

In the shelves

Patron got arrested for drinking here

Tried to hide the bottle up his sleeve

You can lie and say it’s a banana

Sorry, but the guard doesn’t believe

Original Lyrics - Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer

Grandma got run over by a reindeer
Walking home from our house Christmas eve
You can say there's no such thing as Santa
But as for me and grandpa we believe

She'd been drinking too much eggnog
And we begged her not to go
But she forgot her medication
And she staggered out the door into the snow

When we found her Christmas morning
At the scene of the attack
She had hoof-prints on her forehead
And incriminating Claus marks on her back

Grandma got run over by a reindeer
Walking home from our house Christmas eve
You can say there's no such thing as Santa
But as for me and grandpa we believe

Now we're all so proud of grandpa
He's been taking this so well
See him in there watching football
Drinking beer and playing cards with cousin Mel

It's not Christmas without Grandma
All the family's dressed in black
And we just can't help but wonder
Should we open up her gifts
Or send them back (send them back)

Grandma got run over by a reindeer
Walking home from our house Christmas eve
You can say there's no such thing as Santa
But as for me and grandpa we believe

Now the goose is on the table
And the pudding made of fig
And the blue and silver candles
That would just have matched the hair on grandma's wig

I've warned all my friends and neighbors

Better watch out for yourselves

They should never give a license
To a man who drives a sleigh
And plays with elves

Grandma got run over by a reindeer
Walking home from our house Christmas eve
You can say there's no such thing as Santa
But as for me and grandpa we believe

Twelve Days of Christmas - Parody #12

Library Twelve Days of Christmas
Written by CK

On the First day of Christmas my true love gave to me…

   A cartridge of ink for HP

   2 Plastic gloves

   3 Black Pens

   4 Book nerds

   5 Stephen Kings

   6 Fines a-paying

   7 Books a-skimming

   8 Aides a-shelving

   9 Drunks a-prancing

   10 People sleeping

   11 Staffers typing

   12 Patrons humming

Original Lyrics

On the First day of Christmas my true love gave to me…

    A Partridge in a Pear Tree

    2 Turtle Doves

    3 French Hens

    4 Calling Birds

    5 Golden Rings

    6 Geese a-Laying

    7 Swans a-Swimming

    8 Maids a-Milking

    9 Ladies Dancing

    10 Lords a-Leaping

    11 Pipers Piping

    12 Drummers Drumming

Renew For You - Parody #11

Renew For You

Written by CK

To the tune of "Straight On" by Heart

For some time, I been walkin’ around

Helping out patrons, to find books to check out

I found them King and Wilde, and Patterson

But, they, got books overdue, better handle them

Do you want to renew

You have a fine

I will renew, cause it’s overdue

Renew, Renew for you

Renew for you

Now, I know, it’s not what you planned

You should take care of that fine, before it gets out of hand

You say it was someone else not you, and you pretend

Someone else must have done it, but we defend

Do you want to renew

You have a fine

I will renew, cause it’s overdue

Renew, Renew for you

Renew for you

"Straight On" Original Lyrics

Quite some time, I been sittin' it out
Didn't take no chances, I was a prisoner of doubt
I knocked down the wailin' wall, it ain't no sin
I, got, the feel of fortune, deal me in

I'm comin' straight on for you
You made my mind
Now I'm stronger, now I'm comin' through,
Straight on, straight on for you,
Straight on for you

Now, I know, I got to play my hand
What the winner don't know, the gambler understands
My heart keeps playin' it through with you, my friend
I'll take my chances on you, again and again, again

I'm comin' straight on for you
You made my mind
Now I'm stronger, now I'm comin' through,
Straight on, straight on for you,
Straight on for you