Eat a donut, write a ticket, hands in the air - Camp J Skits 2014

Now, as promised, here were my skits for Camp J 2014.

3rd Boys – Gathering of Nuts

Vincent: I am the famous artist, Vincent Van Go Go. I have come here this evening at great expense to create one of my living nature paintings which will express the atmosphere of this camp!
First I am going to need some trees. (Trees are selected from the campers and are directed where to stand. They wave their arms gently.)
Now I will need some birds to twitter among the trees. (Birds are selected and they move around the trees making twittering sounds.)
Perhaps a sun to shine on everything. (A tall camper stands on a bench and smiles brightly.)
It's not right yet. I know, some rabbits hopping around. (Rabbits are selected and they hop around)
One last touch. A babbling brook. Camper, will you be the brook, you're always babbling. (The brook takes his place.)
There it is, another Vincent Van Go Go original nature scene. I call it "The Gathering of the Nuts."


3rd Girls – The Medicrin
(with younger kids I've learned it's easier to make them repeat things like sound effects over and over instead of having them learn lines so they said the words inside the asterisks while their counselor narrated)

Narrator: There once was a medieval village named Trinsic *welcome to Trinsic*. This village was being terrorized *ahhh!* by a vile monster, the Medicrin *grrr*. Each night, the Medicrin *grrr* would stalk down from the hills, and devour one of the villagers *yum yum*.

The terrified villagers called a meeting, and decided to pool their money *cha-ching* together to hire the great hero Erin. *da-da-da-da*

Erin *da-da-da-da* came and listened to the complaints of the villagers *he keeps eating us!*. She consulted her Great Hero's Book of Vile Monsters *oo scary*, and learned that Medicrins *grrr* love to eat Loons *ooo-ooo*.

So Erin *da-da-da-da* hunted high and low to find a loon *ooo-ooo*. She found one, captured it *gotcha!*, tied it up, and brought it back to the village. She then had the villagers dig a deep pit *dig, dig, dig*.

Erin *da-da-da-da* threw the loon *ooo-ooo* into the pit, hoping to capture the Medicrin *grrr*, and slay it *take that!*.

That night, the Medicrin *grrr* came . . . It smelled the loon . . . *ooo-ooo*

But it also smelled DANGER *danger!*, and it ran off, devouring one of the villagers on the way out. *ahhhh!!*

After calming the villagers, *shhhh* the next day, Erin *da-da-da-da* again consulted her Great Hero's Book of Vile Monsters *oo scary*, and learned that Medicrins *grrr* also love sugar. *mmm*

So Erin *da-da-da-da* gathered up all of the sugar *mmm* in the village, and threw it into the pit *look out below!*. The loon *ooo-ooo*, not having eaten in days, *I’m hungry* devoured all of the sugar in a single gulp *gulp*. Erin *da-da-da-da* was struck with panic *ahhh*, and ran to and fro trying to figure out what to do next, but night had fallen, and the Medicrin *grrr* would be there soon, so Erin *da-da-da-da* crossed her fingers, and hoped for the best.

That night, the Medicrin *grrr* came . . . It smelled the loon *ooo-ooo* . . . It smelled danger *danger!*...

But it also smelled the sugar, *mmm* and the Medicrin *grrr* dived into the pit *look out below*, and devoured the loon *ooo-ooo*. The villagers swarmed over the Medicrin *grrr*, and slew it. *take that!*

The moral of the story: "A loon full of sugar helps the Medicrin go down." *sing Mary Poppins*


4th Boys – 7-up
(Four campers are sitting in a hospital waiting room. A doctor enters.)

"Hello _____ I have great news! Your wife just gave birth to twins!"
Camper 1 jumps up and exclaims: "Wow, this is really funny, because I work for the Minnesota Twins!" and he exits.
Time passes, and the doctor enters again.
"Hello _______ I have wonderful news! Your wife just gave birth to triplets!"
Camper 2 jumps up and says: "Wow, that's really funny, because I work at 3-M Communications!" and he exits.
Time passes, and the doctors enters again.
"Hello _____ I have exciting news! Your wife just gave birth to quadruplets!"
Camper 3 jumps up and says: "Wow, that's really funny, because I work at the Four Seasons." before he exits, the last camper gets up.
Camper 4: "That's it, I'm outta here."
Doctor: "Why is that?"
Camper 4: "I work at 7-up!"


4th Girls – Quit While You’re A Head

Narrator: A young couple managed to finally have a child after years of trying. The only problem is that this child was born with only her head. The child lived her life looking out the window at the other kids and by the age of 4 she really wanted to join them. She went to her mother and asked,
Child: "Mother can I go and play outside with the other kids?"
Narrator: Her mother looks at her daughter and said,
Mother: "I'm sorry daughter but you don’t have a torso, how can you hope to play with them?"
Narrator: The girl prayed before she went to sleep that night,
Child: "God please give me a torso so I can play with the other kids."
Narrator: The next day the child woke up with a torso. She screamed for her mother,
Child: "Mommy, mommy! I grew a torso. Can I play with them now?"
Narrator: The mother looked at the girl and said,
Mother: "I'm sorry daughter but you don’t have any arms, how can you hope to play with them?"
Narrator: The girl again prayed before going to sleep that night,
Child: "God please give me arms so I can play with the other kids."
Narrator: The next day the child woke up with arms. She screamed for her mother.
Child: "Mommy, mommy I grew arms. Can I play with the other kids now?"
Narrator: The mother looked at the girl and said,
Mother: "I'm sorry daughter but you don’t have any legs, how can you hope to play with them?"
Narrator: The girl yet again prayed before going to sleep that night,
Child: "God please give me legs so I can play with the other kids."
Narrator: The next day the child woke up with legs. She screamed for her mother,
Child: "Mommy, mommy, I grew legs. Can I play with the other kids now?"
Narrator: The mother smiled and said,
Mother: "Of course you can, just be careful crossing the road."
Narrator: The girl ran across the road and got hit by a bus. *honk honk, girls as bus run her over while singing wheels on the bus* The moral of this story? Quit while you're a head.


5th Boys – My Bonnie
(this one we did with one camper as a piano player and the rest of the campers on their knees acting as the piano. he'd hit them on their heads and they'd say a word. when they got to the very last word the camper wouldn't sing, the piano player tried everything and after he walked away frustrated the kid finally sang the final word)

My Bonnie leaned over the gas tank,
The height of its contents to see,
She lighted a match to assist her,
O Bring back my Bonnie to me.

Bring back, bring back
Bring back my Bonnie to me, to me
Bring back, bring back
Bring back my Bonnie to me


5th Girls – Royal Papers

Leader: Bring me my royal papers!
(a camper runs up to her with a newspaper.)
Leader: Those are NOT my Royal papers. (throws them aside.)
Leader: Bring me my Royal papers now!
(a camper runs up to her with notebook paper.)
Leader: Those are NOT my Royal papers. (throws them aside.)
(repeat with other papers)
Leader: Bring me my Royal papers now!
(a camper runs up to her with roll of toilet paper.)
Leader: Aaaaaah, FINALLY! My Royal papers! (and hugs the roll to her chest as she runs offstage toward the bathroom.)


6th Boys – God’s Word 
(this was a chant I found online) It goes like this:


B – Word (echo)
B – Word (echo)
B – God’s Word (echo)
B – God’s Word (echo)
B – God’s Word is powerful and mighty (echo)
B – Mighty mighty is God’s Word it makes the devil tremble (echo)
B – Beat that big bad devil with a bible verse (echo)
REPEAT
Teach to crowd
Someone walks out as devil each yell the theme passage at him "It is by grace you have been saved through faith" and he falls over


6/7th Grade Girls – Channel Changer 
(each camper holds up sign listing what channel they are, this took forever to piece together but they were great at it)

Camper: Wonder what’s on TV today. (click)
News Anchor: Good morning ladies and gentleman. On today’s show we’ll be talking about a human interest story that will make…
Girl Scout Commercial: …you feel like you’re missing something in your life? Do you always find yourself unprepared? Do you like camping and hiking in the great outdoors? If you do then join the Girl Scouts of America. Scouting today - it’s a lot more than just...
Cooking: …cookies. Along with that we’ll be making meatloaf, scalloped potatoes, and peas. Then we’ll serve those cookies for dessert. Okay ladies, get out your note pads and your cooking utensils. Listen carefully and you will learn how to prepare this scrumptious dish to please that hard working hungry husband of yours after a long day’s work at...
Story time: ...Fantasy land, where all of your dreams come true. Hello boys and girls. Today’s story is an old time favorite. It is about a famous little girl and her dear old grandmother who was a...
Gangster: ...dirty, rotten, no good, two bit, double crossing crook and when I get my hands on him I’ll pulverize him to a pulp, fit him to a pair of concrete shoes, and he will never be seen in my territory again. Even if the low down, dirty rat is...
Baseball: ...the next batter at the plate for the Yankees. Here’s the first pitch... It’s a ball, outside. The pitcher gets his signals. He winds up... Whoa! It’s a hard fast ball right down the pipe. Strike one. The count is one and one. The pitcher delivers again. The batter swings and hits…
Game Show: … a new car!! Which you’ll get if you win this next game. The rules are simple. All you have to do is put…
Cooking: ...the meatloaf into the pan and fry for fifteen minutes or until brown. Now ladies, this next step is very crucial to the success of your meatloaf. If you don’t get it correctly...
Gangster: ...I’ll bash your head in and make mash potatoes out of your face. So don’t mess up or I’ll send you to...
Girl Scout: ...the Girl Scouts of America. Just imagine the fun you’ll have swimming, boating, hiking, and sitting around the campfire at night. Only you, the stars, the moon and...
Aerobics: …exercise balls. Can you feel the burn? You’re doing great ladies. Keep it up, just follow…
Soap Opera: …Me? You want to marry me? Oh Biff, I, I....
Game Show: ...am so sorry, that's the wrong answer. The correct answer was…
Story time: ...Little Red Riding Hood”, said the wolf. “What do you have in your basket?” “Well, Mr. Wolf”, said Little Red Riding Hood, “I have...
Baseball: ...two outs! Yankees on first and second at the bottom of the third and they are down by two runs. They’ve got to have a hit with this batter or they’re...
Soap Opera: …getting married. I can’t believe it. I have to go to tell my…
Cooking: ...meatloaf will be hot, so be careful ladies, because it’s…
Aerobics:...burning that fat so sweat it out and you'll feel...
Soap Opera:...so sad...I can’t believe you cheated on me. We were going to get married. How could you do this to me?...I just...
Game Show Host:...won a million dollars!!!! No one ever wins a million dollars on this show. I can’t believe it, it’s…
Baseball: ...a home run! And that will put the Yankees in the lead, 6 to 5, in the bottom of the sixth inning here at county stadium. Wow! What a change of events. This game has changed from a dull, typical pitchers battle to an…
Aerobics: …hour long workout. Only 3 minutes left, don’t forget to…
News Anchor: …cause major flooding. The only reasonable explanation is that…
Soap Opera: …I set your house on fire! That’s right! And I’d do it again! I hope you…
Gangster: ...get your guts blown out if you double cross me again. I’ll put so many holes in you that you’ll look like a screen door. No one fools around with me except...
Girl Scout: ...the Girls Scouts of America...
Baseball: ...have struck out again, and boy is the Red Sox’s manager giving it to the ump. I can just imagine him saying...
News Anchor:… wow! Look at those geese fly. Let’s send it over to our weatherman Kyle. Kyle, what’s in store for us today?
Aerobics: …Blood, sweat, and tears. But it’s been worth it ladies. I want each of you to…
Soap Opera: …get arrested? All I did was burn his house down! He was the one that cheated on me with…
Story time: ...Grandmother, what big eyes you have”, said Little Red Riding Hood. “The better to see you with my dear,” said the wolf. “And grandmother”, said Little Red Riding Hood, “what a big head you have...
Baseball: ...says the ump to the Red Sox’s manager as he throws him out of the game. Well, Bob, it looks like the only thing that can save the Red Sox now is...
Girl Scout: ...the Girl Scouts of America...
Cooking: ...and your piping hot peas. By now your cookies should be tender and flaky, just like ...
Story time: ...Little Red Riding Hood was about to be gobbled up by the wicked old wolf. Suddenly, the door burst open, and the woodsman said...
Gangster: ...you dirty bugger. I’ve got you dead to right now. Mess with my man, will you? Well, no one messes with my guy and gets away with it. The only thing that can save you now is...
Baseball: ...the Yankees...
Cooking: ...your meatloaf…
Aerobics: …some high kicks…
Game Show: … this gallon of orange juice…
Story time: ...Little Red Riding Hood…
Soap Opera: …my attorney…
News Anchor: …Kyle the weatherman…
Girl Scout: ...and the Girl Scouts of America.


7/8th Boys and 8th Girls – If I were not a Camper 
goes something like this but I traded out a few of the verses:


Here were the verses we used:

If I weren’t a camper I know what I would be, if I weren’t a camper a ____ I would be.

Farmer - Give Bessie give, the baby's gotta live
Boxer - Left hook, right hook, knock him out cold

Referee - Holding, offsides, field goal's good
Police Officer - Eat a donut, write a ticket, hands in the air

Taxi Driver - Pay your fare, hop in back, hold on for your life!
Queen - I'd bow my head, and curtsey low and off with his head

Surfer - Whoa, Dave, look at that gnarly wave - AH!
Lifeguard – Save yourself man, I'm working on my tan

Garbage Man - Scoop it, dump it, pick out the good stuff
Lunch Lady - Scoop it, dump it, pick out the good stuff

Bellhop - Here's your key, here's your room, have a pillow sir
Counselor - Go to bed, Clean your bunk, I think I'll take a nap

Pastor - Halleluiah, Amen, pass the plate around again
Politician - Vote for me, vote for me, thanks for your support

when you went away you took my cow Bessie, I miss her darling more than I miss you.

Remember how last year I said, hey I'm going to feel like crap immediately following camp so I should take the rest of that week off?

And then this year when requesting vacation I said, I need to save vacation because of all the hell that's going to break loose in the fall, I'll be able to handle it?

Guess how well that worked out.

Feeling a lot better today than I did yesterday, but that's not really saying much.

My whole body hurts, my voice is gone and I'm exhausted.

But I had to actually get off the couch today - which is more than I can say about yesterday - so I only slept until 4 because the boyfriend's sister is getting married tomorrow and we had the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner to go to tonight. Met even more family and then we went to the fair with his brother.

Remember the quarter game he's addicted to? With the trucks and you put it in the tube and then it lands and it pushes stuff forward? We played for hours. Got like 48 red coins and won 2 bigass stuffed creatures. He got a parrot and I got a ninja banana.

I would post a picture but it's in my car and I'm too lazy to go and get it. Perhaps tomorrow.

But it's awesome. I'll put it next to the giant guitar we won last year.

His brother won his wife a giant Nemo, which was also cool but not AS COOL as my giant ninja banana.

Anyway, aside from the whole lady gunning for my job thing camp was pretty good. Had a lot of fun with the usual gang and we are meeting up on Sunday to finish up camp stuff before our golf tournament next weekend!

So, as promised, here are the skits I used for this year's round of Skits and Worship.


3rd boys: Two Suckers On a Stick Camping Skit
One camper is the store owner and the other 3 campers are customers that enter the store one at a time. Ask the two counselors nicely if they will stand on a tree branch on the stage and tell them they're "scenery".
Customer 1: Do you have any Hershey's?
Owner: Sorry, I'm all out.
Customer 2: Do you have any M&M's?
Owner: Sorry, I'm all out.
Customer 3: Do you have any Snickers bars?
Owner: Sorry, I'm all out.
Customer 3: Well, what DO you have?
Owner: All I have are these two suckers on a stick.



3rd Girls: Bravest Camper in the World Camping Skit
MC: Campers, Parents, and Guests - welcome. We have with us today a very special camper. Sally, please come up here. This young woman has proven her bravery through trials and challenges most of us would never dream of let alone live through. Sally is afraid of nothing! She has traveled through Transylvania during a full moon, even camped out alone in a cemetery.
MC: I'm sure some of you probably don't believe anyone could be so brave so I've rounded up some of the most gruesome monsters that have ever walked the face of the earth. Sally will demonstrate her bravery for you. Here comes DRACULA - a blood-thirsty fiend from the old country!
(Dracula glides up to Sally and raises her arms about to attack.)
(Sally smiles and shakes her hand.)
(Dracula dejectedly shuffles off behind Sally while werewolf is coming on.)
MC: And now, a foul werewolf from England - a ferocious beast of the night!
(Werewolf charges in, growling and clawing the air.)
(Sally yawns as she looks at the werewolf.)
(werewolf whimpers away behind Sally as mummy comes in.)
MC: The mummy! an undead creature from Egypt!
(Mummy walks in with arms straight ahead, groaning and mumbling.)
(Sally checks her wristwatch and looks bored.)
(mummy shuffles away as next monster comes in.)
MC: As you can see, nothing scares this bravest of campers, not even the most hideous monsters of the world. And, to recognize Sally's bravery, our leader will now present her with a small trophy. Good job, Sally!
(Sally needs to keep looking out at the audience and smiling. As the leader gets close to her and holds out the trophy, Sally turns from the audience to look at her. Then with a terrified look on her face she runs away from the leader screaming. All the monsters and MC also run away yelling, screaming, and moaning as they leave the stage.)


4th Boys: SFX script
Group of campers make sound effects in parenthesis
Narrator: It's summer time at Camp J. One big day of rain (THUNDERSTORM) and two days later the birds are out (CHIRP), the counselors have come out of hibernation (WHO MOVED MY MATTRESS).
It's like the end of school, everyone cheering (CHEERING), and the campers come out (MOM DID YOU PACK MY SWIM TRUNKS?), and the music crew is jamming on their guitars (PHARAOH PHARAOH OH BABY LET MY PEOPLE GO).People put on sunscreen (SPLORT) and sit in the shade and watch the kids playing kickball (HOW DID YOU MISS THAT?!).

The camp is full of people, counselors (PUT DAT DOWN. DON'T EAT DAT.) and kids playing volleyball (HIT IT OVER!) And birdwatchers watching for snipes. (I SAW ONE! NO YOU DIDN’T! YES I DID! NO YOU DIDN’T! YES I DID!)

The big news was the 50-ton gray whale who washed up in the lagoon (SPLASHING, WALLOWING) — evidently all the excitement interfered with his navigational equipment (ELECTRONIC CHAOS) but there he was in the lagoon, all 50 tons of him and the campers came out and sprayed him with garden hoses (SPLASH) and they poured Kool-Aid on him (SPLASH) and he started singing. He seemed to be singing doo-wop (DOOWOP) and they x-rayed him and found that he had swallowed a member of the cast of "Forever Plaid" from a cruise ship in the Caribbean — so they got the whale to swallow a rope and the guy got hold of it and they pulled him out (HEAVE! HEAVE!)

When he came out, so did some car tires (SCREECH) and bubble wrap (POP) and a 1995 Mazda which still worked (VROOM VROOM) and now the whale really felt like singing. He sang some show songs. (OKLAHOMA) Like Oklahoma. And "Sound of Music" (THE HILLS ARE ALIVE WITH THE SOUND OF MUSIC). And it was pretty exciting at first, but then it was clear that his repertoire was limited. And when the whale sang, "Love will keep us Together" (LOVE WILL KEEP US TOGETHER THINK OF ME BABE WHENEVER) over and over and over, they called in a tugboat (BOAT HORN) and they towed him out of the lagoon and into the little blue and everybody at camp had to stop what they were doing for one whole afternoon so the whale could regain his navigational system and then he rose up huge and gray in the river and he blew (AIR) and he blew again (AIR) and off he went to rejoin his group.


4th Girls: Look What I Found Fishing!
Campers walk on one by one each with an object they caught fishing
Camper 1: I went fishing and I found an octopus
2: I went fishing and I found a penguin.
3: I went fishing and I found a snake.
4: I went fishing and I found Ariel.
The last camper is dragging the leader behind her, and announces all she got fishing was A CRAB!


5th Boys: Walk On Selections
Camper walks in wearing a flashlight headlamp. Walks around center stage awhile, looking somewhat confused or dreamy.
MC: What's the matter?
Camper : I'm feeling a little LIGHT-headed.
Campers walk in wearing the same item of clothing, we used a skirt.
MC: What are you guys doing?
All Campers: It says 'One Size Fits All!'
A camper runs on stage looking all over.
Camper : Where is it? I can't find it.
MC: What are you looking for?
Camper : The humor in that last joke/skit!
2 campers walk on carrying tree branches with leaves loosely connected so they can be shaken off. They shake their branches as they walk across the stage, leaving leafs behind.
MC: You guys need to get off the stage!
Campers: Don't worry - we're just LEAFing.
Camper runs on, looking frantic.
Camper : It's all around me! It's all around me!
MC: What is it? What's all around you?
Camper : My Belt!
Camper runs on stage frantically waving his arms.
Camper : They're after me! They're after me!
MC: Who's after you?
Camper : The squirrels - they think I'm NUTS!
Camper walks across stage dragging a rope.
MC: Why are you pulling that rope through here?
Camper : Ever try to PUSH one?
Camper runs to center stage with companion.
Camper : And, now, its time to make a Spot announcement.
Companion: BARK!
Camper : Thank you, Spot!
Camper walks to center stage and starts throwing a ball up and catching it.
MC: Hey, what are you doing?
Camper : I don't feel very well and I'm THROWING UP!
Camper walks to center stage while yelling 'ATTENTION! ATTENTION!'
MC: Hey, what are you doing?
Camper : I'm just looking for a little attention.
Camper runs onstage
Camper : Mr. Scott, the Tribles are after me. BEAM ME ABOARD!
Camper offstage throws a board to land in front of the camper.
Camper : Thank you! picks up board and runs off


5th Girls: Smoke Signals Skit
#1: Wow, it's great to be out here in the wild.
#2: Hey, what's that over there? Looks like smoke signals.
Two campers wave a blanket back and forth to make signals
#1: Fortunately, I learned smoke signaling at camp last summer. Let me see if I can read them.
#1: (looking through binoculars and sounding out each word)
Help . . . our . . . blanket . . . is . . . on . . . fire.
#1: Huh. (walk off uninterested)

6th boys: Run-aways Camping Skit 
Run-away #1: Quick, we've got to hide. The warden with his dogs are right behind us!
Run-away #2: Hey, climb these trees and pretend to be an animal.
Run-away #3: They'll never catch us up there!
Run-away #4: Good idea!
Climb counselors posing as trees - all climb a different tree
Warden comes on stage, with two dogs barking and sniffing the trail to the first tree. The dogs start barking up the tree
Run-away #1: Tweet, Tweet, Tweet
Warden: Dumb dogs, there's just a bird up there, let's go!
dogs bark and sniff to the 2nd tree
Run-away #2: Meow, Meow, Meow
Warden: Dumb dogs, that's just a cat up there.
dogs bark and sniff to 3rd tree
Run-away #3: Hoo, Hoo, Hoo
Warden: Dumb dogs, that’s just an owl.
dogs bark and sniff next tree
Run-away #4: Mooooooo!
Dogs bark in a frenzy and warden gets the run-away

6th Girls: Not Enough Parachutes Camping Skit
Pilot: to arriving passenger Good afternoon. Please tell me who you are so I can cross-check our passenger list.
President: I am the President of the United States.
Pilot: Welcome aboard, Mr. President. Please take a seat.
Pilot: Good afternoon. Please tell me who you are so I can cross-check our passenger list.
Elvis: I’m Elvis, thank you very much.
Pilot: Welcome aboard, please take a seat.
Pilot: Good afternoon. Please tell me who you are so I can cross-check our passenger list.
Queen Elizabeth: I am the Queen, do you even need to ask.
Pilot: Sorry, welcome aboard. Please take a seat.
Pilot:  Good afternoon. Please tell me who you are so I can cross-check our passenger list.
Angelina Jolie: I’m Angelina Jolie, the famous movie star.
Pilot: Welcome aboard, please take a seat.
Pilot: Good afternoon. Please tell me who you are so I can cross-check our passenger list.
Donald Trump: I’m Donald Trump, check out my hairdo.
Pilot: It looks very nice sir. Please take a seat.
Pilot: Good afternoon. Please tell me who you are so I can cross-check our passenger list.
Smart Woman: importantly I am the Smartest Woman in the World. I've just been awarded this wonderful 'Smart Girl' award and I'm heading to my laboratory to think about important things.
Pilot: Welcome aboard, ma’am. Please take a seat.
Pilot: Good afternoon. Please tell me who you are so I can cross-check our passenger list.
Person: I am a Camper on my way to Camp J.
Pilot: Welcome aboard. Please take a seat.
Pilot: takes seat in cockpit This is your pilot. We are cleared for take-off. Please buckle your seatbelts and enjoy the ride.
plane takes off and everyone looks out the windows for a few seconds then make siren noises
Pilot: looks nervously at controls. I'm sorry to report that we have a major malfunction. The plane is losing altitude and we will crash in 2 minutes. We will need to parachute to safety. Please follow me.
pilot counts parachutes and addresses passengers.
Pilot: I have more bad news. We only have 7 parachutes.
President: pushing past pilot to rear and grabbing a parachute I am the President! My country needs me! and he jumps out
All make excuses on why they should get parachute
Smart Man: pushing past pilot to rear and grabbing a parachute I am the world's Smartest Woman! I must live so I can do important things! and she jumps out
Pilot: to camper Well, there's only one chute left. You take it. I guess the pilot will go down with his ship.
Camper : Actually, there are 2 chutes left.
Pilot: Really? How is that possible?
Camper : Well, the Smartest Woman in the World just jumped out with my knapsack!


Hee Haw 7th/8th Grade
perform between each grades skit, all sing final refrain at each other
BOYS: Down here on the farm the weather is messy -- lying around with nothing to do -- when you went away you took my cow Bessie -- I miss her darling more than I miss you.
Where Oh Where are you tonight? Why did you leave me here all alone? I searched the world over and thought I found true love. You met another and *pbbb* you was gone.
GIRLS: Now birdies eat seeds and some people plant them -- And now I’ve got seeds but what can I do -- Beyond any doubt I really don’t need them -- But they came with a tomato like you.
Where Oh Where are you tonight? Why did you leave me here all alone? I searched the world over and thought I found true love. You met another and *pbbb* you was gone.

BOYS: Remember you phoned me a-sobbin' and cryin' -- The dog bit your maw, and drug her around -- You said she looked pale and thought she was dying -- I said "Don't worry, I'll buy a new hound."
Where Oh Where are you tonight? Why did you leave me here all alone? I searched the world over and thought I found true love. You met another and *pbbb* you was gone.

GIRLS: You had six kids and I had eleven -- We had four more and they bloomed like flowers -- I wish you’d come back without you ain’t heaven -- Cause your kids and my kids are beating up ours
Where Oh Where are you tonight? Why did you leave me here all alone? I searched the world over and thought I found true love. You met another and *pbbb* you was gone.

BOYS: Remember the night we went to the church dance -- You came and asked me if your lipstick was smeared -- Now you got so mad cause I told the truth dear -- I can’t see your lips through you mustache and beard
Where Oh Where are you tonight? Why did you leave me here all alone? I searched the world over and thought I found true love. You met another and *pbbb* you was gone.

If you don't know Where oh Where watch this:



For previous years skits go here or here.


Song of the Day:

Heard this at the fair and did a doubletake.

Now You're Gone - Basshunter


I was obsessed with this song back in college (ask sketch) when it was still Boten Anna. He made an English version - though the lyrics have totally changed - because the original one was so popular.

I discovered it while writing a speech on the dangers of online chatrooms. Here's the original in Swedish.



and that's all i got. have a good one.

2012 skits, sickness, olympics and a giant guitar.

I didn't factor in the exhaustion that appears immediately following camp into my work vacation.

I will do that next year.

Needless to say I texted Superwoman this morning - cause I knew if I called she'd laugh at my lack-of-voice. I think she secretly enjoys putting me at the desk right after camp cause I can't talk and it's amusing.

But then she had BossLady call me, so my plan failed.

And she laughed at my lack-of-voice.

I couldn't talk, I felt like crap cause I didn't sleep well, and I was just physically exhausted so I went back to sleep and woke up at 4.

PM.

After that I was fine.

And I'll be fine for tomorrow.

It's just my back that's bugging me now. Think I need to visit a chiropractor. I keep saying that but I never do, I think Sketch is getting tired of hearing it.

You said that last week.

And the week before that.

Only gotta do 8 hours tomorrow and I'm off for the golf tournament on Saturday and post-camp stuff Sunday.

After the sleep-a-thon I headed out to see the boyfriend cause I missed him. We hit up the county fair where he won me - but I helped - a neon orange giant stuffed guitar in this bulldozer vs tokens game. We didn't do any rides or anything though we did watch some lawn mower racing.

Now I'm back watching taped olympics. The Americans just won gold in women's gymnastics. Sad Jordyn couldn't make the all-around but at least she got gold for this. Cool to see Shawn Johnson in the crowd, would have been cooler if she competed but apparently she was injured. Missing Nastia Luikin as well. Next up swimming. So more Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte. Actually Lochte hasn't been all that impressive and Phelps is gonna have to pick it up if he wants more medals to be the winningest in history.

Okay, as promised, here are the skits from Camp J 2012. I'm not taking credit for any as I found them all online then tweaked them a bit to fit our camp. Maybe that's why I finished them before 2AM Thursday night.

3^rd boys: Bologna

Counselor: “Did you know that Camp Jefferson has an echo? All you have to do is yell and it will repeat what you say.”

Kid: “Let me try it. I love Camp Jefferson!”

Echo: “I love Camp Jefferson!”

Kid: “3^rd grade boys rule!”

Echo: “3^rd grade boys rule!”

Kid: “Cheese!”

Echo: “Cheese!”

Kid: “Crackers!”

Echo: “Crackers!”

Kid: “Bologna!”

Echo is silent

Counselor: “It must be broken, let me try it. I’m the greatest counselor in the world!”

Echo: “Bologna!”

3^rd/4^th girls – Yaputcha

Campers: “Counselors, is it time for Yaputcha?”

Counselors check time: “No, not time yet.”

*repeat* add check wind speed, sniff the air, look into distance

Campers: “Counselors, is it time for Yaputcha?”

Counselors: “Yes, it’s time for Yaputcha.”

*all stand up*

All: “Ya-put-ya-left hand in, ya-put-ya-left hand out…”

4th boys – Outhouse
Children in a line facing pacing father
Father: "As you know, someone has pushed the outhouse into the river.(To first son) Was it you?"
First Son: "No Father!"
Father: (To second son) "Did you push the outhouse into the river?"
Second son: "No Father!" *He asks all of them, and they all say no.*
Father: "George Washington chopped down his Father's cherry tree. He told his Father 'I can not tell a lie'. When his Father heard this, he did not punish him, but he honored him for telling the truth." Now can someone tell me who did this?"
Second son: "I cannot tell a lie either Father. It was me!"
Father: "Why you little!"
He runs up after his son and other chase them
Second son: “Father! Why are you chasing me when I told you the truth? You said George Washington did not get punished!"
Father: "George Washington's Father was not in the tree when he cut it down!!"

2 kids lay in sleeping bags, 2 other pretend to be thugs
Thugs beat up 2nd kid and run off
2nd kid: “Two thugs just came through the woods and beat me up."
1st kid: "It was just a dream, go back to sleep."
*goes back to sleep and happens again*
2nd kid: “They did it again!”
1st kid: “I told you it’s a dream. Stop being a wimp and go back to sleep!”
*goes back to sleep and it happens again*
2nd kid: “They beat me up again!”
1st kid: "Fine, if it will make you feel better, I'll switch places with you."
*thugs come back*
Thug: "This guy's had enough, let's get the other guy."
2nd Kid: "Not again!!"
1st Kid: "I'm trying to sleep over here!"

5^th Grade Girls – TV Surfing 7 kids – have kids write TV stations on signs

Counselor: “Wonder what’s on the news tonight.” *hits button*

1: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, this is Seymour Skidmarks bringing you the latest news in the world of sports. The annual football game between the Huskers and the Hawkeyes was played last week to the enjoyment of a large crowd who went wild at the crucial point during the game when Coach Pelini sent in … (click) 
2: …three eggs, a cup of buttermilk, and a pinch of salt. Stir well and pour into a flat greased pan or… (click) 
3: …your new fall hat. This year, fashion decrees that women shall wear a large variety of charm bracelets. A most popular design is to make them of… (click) 
4: …old whiskers? If you do, just shave them off with Bates’ Better Shaving Cream. Use this cream, and you will be so handsome that all the girls will… (click) 
5: …bend over and touch the floor twenty times. This exercise is superb for general reducing. All right now, again, let’s bend over, up, over… (click) 
6: …(singing) the ocean. My Bonnie lies over the sea. My Bonnie lies over the ocean, oh bring back my Bonnie to … (click) 
1: …Jim Oberlander who sailed down the field for a touchdown that tied the game. What a play! What a perfect… (click) 
3: …ly darling little summer bag that all you girls simply must have. At first glimpse they may remind you of… (click) 
7: …a bowl of soup. But it was tooooo hot. The second bowl was as hot as the first, but the third was just right. Goldilocks ate, and ate, until she could… 
4: …feel the stiff beard with your hand. Does that appear to be very romantic? Our foolproof way to get a girlfriend is to… (click) 
5: …breathe deeply four times, and pound on your chest with your fists after inhaling each breath. This enlivens the tissues and makes one feel… (click) 
2: …puffy and full of air. This effect can be had by beating the mixture with a rotary eggbeater for five… (click) 
3: …hundred years. The things our grandmothers wore then are the most popular things today. Already fashion leaders, prominent society women are trying to bring back more old-fashioned manners. Their cry is "Bring back…" (click) 
6: …(singing) my Bonnie to me, bring back, bring back, oh bring back my Bonnie to me. Bring back, bring back … (click) 
4: …a nice soft chin and a host of compliments. If you use our cream, those whiskers will come out with a … (click) 
7: …CRASH!! Goldilocks had broken the little chair all to pieces. Then she jumped up and started up the stairs. There she saw three beds. The first bed was covered with a bearskin rug, which was too soft. The second bed was covered with… (click) 
1: …what looked like crawling things from the press box, but it was only the players in hard scrimmage. We are looking forward with expectations for the Huskers and their 100^th championship this fall. The players are in good condition and average weight is… (click) 
5: …110 pounds. You, too, can weigh this much if you but follow these simple exercises. Don’t take them too hard at first or you will probably have to… (click) 
6: …(singing) lay on a pillow. Last night as I lay on my bed; last night as I lay on my pillow, I dreamed that my Bonnie was… (click) 
2: …cooking in a hot oven about 450 degrees Fahrenheit. For an extra treat, garnish, add cloves or whole… (click) 
7: …bears? Will Goldilocks get home safely? How will the story end? Keep your radio tuned to this station until tomorrow at this time for the next episode of this thrilling story. Until then kiddies, be sweet and don’t forget too… (click) 
4: …shave off the whiskers with Bates’. Our motto is… (click) 
5: …stand on your head and wave your feet in the air. Gym clothes are best for this exercise, but… (click) 
3: …an ostrich feather will do just as well. Take my tip and you girls will be as fashionable as… (click) 
1: …Greg Schwartz to whom we are looking for great things this year. This is your friendly announcer, Seymour Skidmarks signing off and saying… (click) 
3: …Buh-bye!

6^th Boys – Tankety Tank Tank

*a group of campers are standing around at boot camp and another camper - the drill sergeant - strides onto the scene.*

Drill Sergeant: ATTENTION!

*The campers scurry into line and salute.*

Drill Sergeant: Today, we'll be doing a war simulation. Get your equipment and MOVE OUT!

*The campers run to the box on the middle of the stage filled with fake weapons. When the last camper arrives there are none left.*

Drill Sergeant: Private Zammerman, I'm afraid we're short on supplies. Seeing as how your name is last on my list, you will not be receiving a gun or knife.

Private Zammerman: Awwww...

Drill Sergeant: However, the troops take their training very seriously and if you pretend to shoot or stab them they will play along. Now MOVE OUT!

*The campers line up in a single file line, all facing Private Zammerman who's at the opposite side of the stage

the first camper holds up a gun. Private Zammerman holds up an imaginary gun at the camper and says...*

Private Zammerman: Bangity-Bang-Bang!

*The camper acts as if shot and falls onto the ground.

Next camper steps up, this time holding a knife. Zammerman holds up an imaginary knife and points it at the camper while saying...*

Zammerman: Stabbity-stab-stab!

*The camper acts as if stabbed and falls to the ground.

Cleaver – Choppity-chop-chop

Sword – Slicity-slice-slice

Nunchucks – Whooshity-whoosh-whoosh

The last camper slowly approaches Zammerman in a straight line.*

Zammerman: Bangity-bang-bang!

*The camper ignores the shot and keeps approaching Zammerman*

Zammerman: Stabbity-stab-stab!

*still nothing*

Zammerman: Zappity-Zap-Zap!...Slicety-Slice-Slice!...Choppity-chop-chop!

*The camper pushes Zammerman over and walks passed him.*

Zammerman: Hey! What do you think you're doing?!

*The camper turns, faces Zammerman and YELLS...*

Kid: TANKETY-TANK-TANK! TANKETY-TANK-TANK!

*then keeps walking*

6^th grade girls – Enlarging Machine

1 scientist, 1 machine worker, 1 baby, 1 business person, 1 little girl, 6 passersby

Scientist: I, Madison Einstein, after many years of intense research have created my masterpiece. An enlarging machine! With this device, what goes in comes out twice its size.

1: What’s this?

Scientist: It’s an enlarging machine.

1: What’s it do?

Scientist: Well, you put something in here, and it comes out here greatly enlarged!

1: Can I try?

Scientist: Sure, but be careful!

*throws in a twig, big stick comes out*

Same thing again with

-coin - dollar

-ping pong - softball

-hairbrush - broom

-lifesaver – hula hoop

-kid with pebbles, “stop that!” gets hit in head by a big rock

Businessman: What is this contraption? Why did you put it here? Can’t you see I’m trying to get to work? Do you even have a license for this thing? It’s a piece of junk, it belongs in a dump!

*spits into machine gets bucket of water dumped on head*

Little Girl: What’s that?

Scientist: It’s an enlarging machine, don’t touch it!

Little Girl: What’s it do?

Scientist: It enlarges things. Leave me alone!

Little girl: *sticks tongue out and throws baby doll in it*

Scientist: What have you done? Oh no, my machine! My enlarging machine!

*baby comes out and chases scientist*

Baby: Mama! Mama! Mama!

and last but not least 7th and 8th grade girls and boys HeeHaw verses, sang between all the other skits, alternating sides and including the refrain in each. 

You liked to save on things for the house dear

It was something that I could not understand

But now I know why you never bought dishes

You wanted me to eat out of your hand

When I look at you I get melancholy

You make me feel like a bump on a log

You’re not for real, I mean it by golly

A head like a melon and a face like a dog.

All of my money you’re spending on makeup

You’re trying to look like those Hollywood greats

Your mouth is too big and your nose really matches

Your eyes are so lovely too bad their not mates

I brought you a saw to save time wood-cutting

I thought cutting logs you’d get to enjoy

You said it’s too hard to work this contraption

I pulled the starter, you said what’s that noise?

The morning I felt our love start to weaken

I said to myself well I’ll grow a beard.

But that didn’t get the love I was seeking

You started laughing and said I looked weird.

Your old uncle Fudd thought he was an airplane

Went to the airfield and set off alarms

He tried to take off and fly ‘cross the ocean

With twelve bald eagles scotch taped to his arms

My daughter said John asked me to marry

I said go ahead with my blessing too

She said daddy dear how can I leave mother

That suits me fine dear just take her with you

When you went away you took my heart with you

I’ve been so upset I’m losing my head

I miss you all day I’m worse in the evening

Can’t sleep a wink now cause you took the bed

The neighbors know well the reason we broke up

I found out the way you got your enjoys

You used to send back the gifts I would send you

But you would keep the delivery boy

Where oh where are you tonight?

Why did you leave me here all alone?

I searched the world over and thought I found true love.

You met another and *pbbt* you was gone. 

Camp J 2012 Highlights

This year's highlights.
For last year's go here: Camp J 2011

Thursday:

-Hangin’ with the cool kid

:: My fellow lifers couldn’t make it tonight so I jammed with one of their little brothers. He’s a cool kid, pretty funny and really interested in camp stuff. Helped carry mattresses across camp, took pictures of the walk-in freezer, helped with pre-registration stuff. When we get there Thursday night one of the first things we do is make sure every cabin has a fan and do a mattress count to make sure we have space for everyone. He volunteered us to do the girls side. I’d never seen someone so excited to check more cabins and deliver more fans – the boys side only has 4 cabins while the girls has 7. His reason? He’d never seen the inside of the Mary Lee cabin. That’s the giant one way on the far east side. So we did our fan deliveries and mattress counts, then set up some tents for the extra boys. Oh the joys of working with the Jim’s.

-“What is wrong with this picture?”

:: So, usually I’m up until like 2AM writing skits on Thursday night. Camp starts Friday morning and our first session is at like 1PM, but I find my greatest skits are written at 2AM. Apparently that’s when the creative genius kicks in. Anyway, finished them before 10 tonight. It was crazy, all I had left was to print them off. My only freakout moment was when I ran out of black ink, but I found a way around that, the cheater’s way I printed them in color. I’ll get more ink tomorrow morning before the kids get here.

Breakfast at 8, Walmart trip at 9, Counselor meeting at 10:30, Campers arrive at 11:30.

DAY ONE:

-“Buzz the Lightyear”

:: Walmart runs rock. Except of course when you forget the ink cartridges you were going there for in the first place. But that’s cool, I’ll get them later. Not on our list but we bought them anyway were some super sweet flashlights. I’ll get to the headlamps later, but Megan found these sweet Buzz Lightyear and princess flashlights that were also lanterns. Jim O wanted the princess one so Megan took the “Buzz the Lightyear” one.

-“I hear the nerds.”

:: Also not on our Walmart list were the 100 Sci-Fi classic movie collection and massive stock of candies. Nerds being one of them. The quote came after hitting a bump on the ride back.

-“Eh, they signed a waiver.”

:: This was the theme for camp this year. Well, Jim and my theme for camp this year. The actual theme was “The Ultimate Transformer” and as it is a religious camp there was much talk of transformation with Christ. But I quoted our theme probably three times a day, every day - basically whenever there was some sort of emergency, or the possibility of some sort of emergency. I mean, we fixed the problems because we’re good people, but there’s always that joking moment when poles fall off buildings or children come in with bloody noses after getting hit in the face with a ball where you sit back and ask, “they signed a waiver that covered that right?” “yeah, we’re good.”

-Ninja flyswatter

:: We made weapons at camp this year. Again. We being myself and the people keeping me sane aka Katey, Ryan, Jim, Liz, Steve and Pastor. We made a sword and a knife and a cleaver. If it makes you feel any better they were for a skit. Tankety-tank-tank to be exact. I used the skit previously so you could either find it on here now or wait until I post it tomorrow. I wanted to make a lightsaber and throw in a “force-ity force-force” but didn’t have the necessary ingredients to pull it off. The “Ninja Flyswatter” was our original sword, a skewer covered in foil. Turns out the only thing it was good at killing was flies so we gave it to Pastor and a made a new one out of cardboard.

-Purse in the microwave

:: Sleeping in Oldest Sister’s camper was the bomb, for serious. Megan and I joined her instead of sleeping in our usual tent or the un-air-conditioned storm shelter. In a camper you “gotta take advantage of storage options.” As we were plugged in for air conditioning but didn’t plan on doing any cooking that left the oven and microwave available for storage. Megan took advantage and shoved her purse in the microwave. Then took a picture. I have one as well, look for that later in the week. She’s always highly amusing so her camper tour was hilarious. “I already told you I broke it, why are you surprised?”

-“Those are gonna be some weirdass rashes”

:: Flashbacks to the port-a-potty year. Megan and I were explaining to Oldest Sister our exploits from Camp J 2010 – aka the “we pooped in a bucket and you can too” year- one such exploit involved not finding/using the port-a-potties until nightfall when we couldn’t see and of course didn’t have flashlights with us. Darkness in a port-a-potty makes it even more awkward so we made some commentary "not a sink, don't touch that", then realized how close we were to a cabin. “We’re commentating their dreams.” “Those are gonna be some weirdass dreams.” Oldest Sister said if we couldn’t have found the port-a-potties – so if Judy wasn’t there to point her flashlight in their general direction when we asked at like 11PM – we could have squatted by a tree. HOWEVER, there is poison ivy by those trees so instead of “those are gonna be some weirdass dreams” it became “those are gonna be some weirdass rashes.”

-“Night Patrol Anonymous”

:: Megan and I pulled night patrol. Was glad to have someone with me this year. We were pretty stoked cause on the Walmart run this morning we found these sweet Cars headlamps, like they were red and had McQueen on them and you put them on your head and hit the button and they rocked. So we went around at night, turned them off when we got close to the cabins, snuck up to the windows of the cabins still up past lights out, and turned them on right up against the windows. They screamed and we rejoiced. The best part was they were super bright so they couldn’t see who was wearing them. “Who are you guys?” “It’s night patrol anonymous, we don’t have names.” “Aren’t you the lifeguard and that music lady?” “Crap.”

-“They stole my weed, Megan bawls.”

:: More flashbacks, this time to a Delayed…Reaction reference based on yet another experience with Megan and Bethany. Whilst on our way to the tent like 3 years ago Megan almost walked into the weeds that could have led to the “those would have been some weirdass rashes” therein came the phrase “Avoid the weed!” We do a lot of cheering when we bowl at teen camp so when Megan went up I yelled “Avoid the weed!” and she fell and lost it. In the song it became “Avoid the weed! Megan falls.” This year we realized that all of that weed was gone. Camp got a makeover and apparently that was a part of it. So now it’s “They stole my weed! Megan Bawls.”

DAY TWO

-“And you thought your name was bad.”

:: Catalina Madelina definitely earns the weirdest name award. Campfire songs are always fun. Unless they are the sheep song. I don’t want to be a sheep. I don’t want to baa, baa, baa, or baa. I also don’t want to have the song stuck in my head throughout the entire camp experience. It was so bad that Megan and I were like pseudo-napping and we both ended up singing it pre-teen camp instead of sleeping and I kept singing it on and off all the way until now. Not again.

-“No her name was not “Mary Again”

:: When looking for a woman’s name in the bible and you can’t find it Mary is a safe bet. This year instead of tubing we went with more crafts, more swimming, more games and bible trivia. Pastor led the trivia and there was a lot of stuff I had no idea about. Like who Timothy’s mother and grandmother were.

-Get down with the sickness.

:: It was about mid-day when I got word that one of our counselors was feeling sick and was down for the count. Shortly after his teen helper came down with the same one and we were freaked we’d have to send the kids home or quarantine them. Instead our head nurse and her mother sanitized the place top to bottom twice. And it must have worked cause that was all we heard of it. Though they did pilfer one of my teen helpers to cover, blah. 

-“That’s not part of the snack”

:: Every year we feed the kids snacks before bedtime. Pastor announced this after campfire right after he announced that anyone who had medications needed to stop by and get them before bed. Shortly after he included, “that’s not part of the snack.”

DAY THREE

-“And *pbbt* you was gone.”

:: Actually remembered to alternate the skits with the 7^th and 8^th graders singing. Last year I forgot until after like the 5^th grade skit and instead I went with the verses all together instead. Had a lot of great verses this year, though nothing can top this one:

I’ll post this year’s tomorrow.

-With a “wet stone”

:: Yet another never ending stuck in your head song was the ever popular “There’s a Hole in the Bucket”. We told the boys to enjoy it while it lasts cause it’s the only last word they’ll ever get.  Joel – our new guitar guy – threw in the quotations hand gesture while saying “wet stone” cause really, what is a wet stone? Does it have to be wet in order to sharpen things? Totally changes the song, I’m adding the quote gesture to my list of actions. Maybe I should add in “then google it, dear Henry.” as a final verse. I used to finish with “use the other one” but then Kracke came back with “we’re poor, we can’t afford another bucket.”

-“To be fair I did say avoid the parents.”

:: I guess tiny children weren’t included in that statement so when one of the skits involved throwing a bucket of water on one of the campers the majority of it ended up on one of the little kids in the audience. Needless to say she wasn’t happy.

 -“Eat a lotta, eat a lotta, eat a lotta pizza.”

:: Oh the more joys of campfire music. It truly is the joy that never ends. Just keeps on giving. Especially whilst shelving in the jNonfiction section. I sang a lot in that corner. This one was a variation of one we already knew, and for some reason – okay it was my fault – the kids started singing it so they would smile when the parents were taking their group pictures. I’m sure Mom will send me copies within the next few days. Unless she’s already sent them through email.

-“Jo-Pastor!”

:: Gotta remember to watch myself when calling Pastor “Josh” as the kids really don’t. I heard somewhere that if the pastor isn’t yours you can call them by their first name, and since I was used to hearing him being addressed as Josh about 3 years ago I greeted him with “Hey Josh!” to which he replied “Finally! Someone who doesn’t call me Pastor!” So I stuck with Josh. But then of course had to stop myself and call him Pastor in front of the teens.

DAY FOUR

-“Guacamole smash-age”

:: Megan rocked the guac. Smashing it to mush and adding ingredients. I was banished to fly swatting and foil wrapping after I meat-cleaver-chopped one of the watermelons. No faith man, no faith. But I didn’t lose any limbs so he eventually let me help again. Actually learned a lot of new recipes, Mom would be proud. Cobler, cheesy potatoes, rice crispies and all that. 

-“Yay, now I can play Apples to Apples”

:: Noel and the Kansas crew arrived today. We both immediately went “woohoo, someone who understands my references!” She totally would have picked Jesse Jackson for the fake card but instead the award went to Dolly Parton. I guess she could be considered as fake, some of that hair has to be synthetic. 

-“Nope, no cellphone in my pocket this time.”

:: Went down to the pool this year. Told Jim we didn’t swim last year so we had to swim this year. This way we can stick with the every other year tradition. Or start one at least. I got pushed in by some schoolers. As did Katey. We picked up the ringleader and threw her in later. First time it wasn’t Scuba Steve. He did ask if I had a cellphone in my pocket which meant it was soon to come. Wouldn’t be my first cellphone ruined in that pool. Not my fault. GADE man, GADE.

DAY FIVE

-“We gave it the old college try.”

:: Past camp theme songs are good…when you remember the verse melodies. I mean, I did, but I’m used to Liz playing them in a certain rhythm and as she wasn’t there it threw me off a bit. But Kracke was fantastic on the guitar so I was grateful it wasn’t acapella as my voice is shot.

-Cook everyday like the health inspector is coming to visit.

:: I work down the street from HHS so when I saw the lanyard I went, “crap.” First time we’d had one come in and inspect and really the only thing wrong was the cholorine level in the pool. And that’s not us, that’s the manager’s responsibility so she came out and fixed it. Oh, and the gravy. Apparently he needed a wider Tupperware thing so it could cool properly. We avoided a lot because of flail-age. He went to check the pool first so Noel and I jumped up and with Jim threw out and dated all we needed to while Cory was the lookout. Rocked it.

-Impromptu dance party

:: Wasn’t as big as last year, though it was a different atmosphere inside the building instead of outside the old one. Oldest sister and I kept selecting “Tubthumping” but they kept switching it. Sometimes I forget how young they are until something like that happens. Then I feel old. Much like the Apples to Apples thing.

-“Is Yoda the green guy?”

:: Instead of our usual “Cosmo’s War of the Planets” we switched to the Star Wars original trilogy instead. I know, I know, it’s tradition but with the new air conditioned building it wasn’t the first one to be broken. And there were a few who hadn’t seen the originals – sad I know – but now they are cultured. It was sweet, had it on the projector pulled way back so the screen was giant and speakers right next to us so it was the theater. Though I think my favorite part was after Cindy fell asleep on the air mattress next to me - we convinced her to stay - and there was that scene in 6 when they're riding the bikes through the woods. There's this line that's like "Look there's more over there!" She sat straight up, looked around, mumbled something about too many bikes, then went immediately back to sleep. 

-“Even four-year-olds can suck bubbles.­”

:: More nighttime snackage, this one was during intermission. Monday night we watched Star Wars 4, then Tuesday night we watched 5 and 6. Root Beer floats this time - Noel made me one. My cup runneth over with bubbles. I was supposed to suck up the bubbles so we could avoid the mess but my bubble-suckage skills are lacking and I wasn’t fast enough. Apparently even 4 year olds can suck the bubbles so it doesn’t get all over. 20 minutes later it ended all over the floor anyway.  I put it on a bench and then that bench got plowed over cause the bench was dark and so was the room.

DAY SIX

-Rock and Roll McDonalds.

:: Did keep one tradition with our McDonald’s lunch on Wednesday after camp. Usually it’s just Scuba Steve, Jim and myself. This year we added Kracke and Pastor and sat in our usual area. Chicken mcnuggets this year instead of my usual chicken selects. It was good stuff. We attempted to count calories but the results were too depressing.

More will be added as I remember and am reminded. 

so you better get this party started.

To whoever got to my blog by searching "granola superfly" I salute you.

Is it whoever or whomever?

I know, I'm an English major but I'm too tired to function correctly.

But it's worth it cause I shockingly am done with all my skits.

I know, right?! What is wrong with this picture?

I'm like in shock. Usually I don't finish them until Thursday night at like 2AM.

Actually I usually don't START half of them until Thursday night at 2AM. All I have left to do is print them all out and I can do that tomorrow when I get there.

Sad fact, I have to use the list I created for counselors and campers to remember what to pack.

To be fair we did make it years ago, but I look it over every year. It's the little things like shower shoes that I don't wanna forget.

Still haven't started packing yet, figured skits should be the priority this year. Last year I was all stressed out and freaked they weren't gonna get done. We do have some good ones this year. Bringing back tankety-tank-tank, thinking of bringing back the original Zammerman to play the drill sergeant since he's coming back as a teen helper this year. Go here: Tankety Tank Tank

The HeeHaw verses are fantastic and I still have plenty of them to choose from next year. Just gotta remember to have them go between other skits, unlike last year when I didn't realize I'd forgotten that part until after like the 5th grade skits. Woops.

But they did them all together at the end.

Hopefully we'll have the service inside and they'll actually be able to hear them. Every year the microphones pick up the wind and the people are too far back - we're Lutherans, there is no sitting in the front row now matter where the service takes place.

Alright, this will be my last post for a while. I'm sure I'll overload you when I get back.

Food day plus some food for winning the food drive competition, so lots of food tomorrow morning. Gotta remember to grab some fruit before I leave.

Hope queen of the known universe brings her awesome dip. That stuff rocks, gonna have to buy the mix. Though that would involve cooking and that' not exactly my strongpoint. I can put peanut butter onto celery, make sandwiches and add milk to cereal, throw some fruit into the blender for a smoothie but that's about it.

Alright, officially going to crash.

Gonna be mad at myself tomorrow morning. This post will say it's 11:50, at the moment is way passed 12. Actually passed 1. But that's okay cause I'm done with my skits so it's worth it.

You have no idea how weird it is to have them all done. Usually I still have yet to pick out half of them.

I blame it on the fact that I don't have my final numbers yet, which I don't. Got a phone call today from a kid wanting to know if they could still go. Which is fine cause that grade I didn't have to tweak anything. She's in 8th and I'm making them sing HeeHaw so it doesn't matter how big the group becomes. As long as they sing and sing loud.

Alright, moving on. Square!

You can add "Marry Me" the Glee cast version to my ever-growing list of songs Carter hates.

Met up with mom so she could take him while I'm gone.

For some bizarre reason he was actually okay with this one.

might be my new jam.

well, old jam brought back from the dead.

love the video, for serious cool stuff.

Alright, I'm out.

Have a good night/morning/day/whenever you're reading this