2012 skits, sickness, olympics and a giant guitar.

I didn't factor in the exhaustion that appears immediately following camp into my work vacation.

I will do that next year.

Needless to say I texted Superwoman this morning - cause I knew if I called she'd laugh at my lack-of-voice. I think she secretly enjoys putting me at the desk right after camp cause I can't talk and it's amusing.

But then she had BossLady call me, so my plan failed.

And she laughed at my lack-of-voice.

I couldn't talk, I felt like crap cause I didn't sleep well, and I was just physically exhausted so I went back to sleep and woke up at 4.

PM.

After that I was fine.

And I'll be fine for tomorrow.

It's just my back that's bugging me now. Think I need to visit a chiropractor. I keep saying that but I never do, I think Sketch is getting tired of hearing it.

You said that last week.

And the week before that.

Only gotta do 8 hours tomorrow and I'm off for the golf tournament on Saturday and post-camp stuff Sunday.

After the sleep-a-thon I headed out to see the boyfriend cause I missed him. We hit up the county fair where he won me - but I helped - a neon orange giant stuffed guitar in this bulldozer vs tokens game. We didn't do any rides or anything though we did watch some lawn mower racing.

Now I'm back watching taped olympics. The Americans just won gold in women's gymnastics. Sad Jordyn couldn't make the all-around but at least she got gold for this. Cool to see Shawn Johnson in the crowd, would have been cooler if she competed but apparently she was injured. Missing Nastia Luikin as well. Next up swimming. So more Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte. Actually Lochte hasn't been all that impressive and Phelps is gonna have to pick it up if he wants more medals to be the winningest in history.

Okay, as promised, here are the skits from Camp J 2012. I'm not taking credit for any as I found them all online then tweaked them a bit to fit our camp. Maybe that's why I finished them before 2AM Thursday night.

3^rd boys: Bologna

Counselor: “Did you know that Camp Jefferson has an echo? All you have to do is yell and it will repeat what you say.”

Kid: “Let me try it. I love Camp Jefferson!”

Echo: “I love Camp Jefferson!”

Kid: “3^rd grade boys rule!”

Echo: “3^rd grade boys rule!”

Kid: “Cheese!”

Echo: “Cheese!”

Kid: “Crackers!”

Echo: “Crackers!”

Kid: “Bologna!”

Echo is silent

Counselor: “It must be broken, let me try it. I’m the greatest counselor in the world!”

Echo: “Bologna!”

3^rd/4^th girls – Yaputcha

Campers: “Counselors, is it time for Yaputcha?”

Counselors check time: “No, not time yet.”

*repeat* add check wind speed, sniff the air, look into distance

Campers: “Counselors, is it time for Yaputcha?”

Counselors: “Yes, it’s time for Yaputcha.”

*all stand up*

All: “Ya-put-ya-left hand in, ya-put-ya-left hand out…”

4th boys – Outhouse
Children in a line facing pacing father
Father: "As you know, someone has pushed the outhouse into the river.(To first son) Was it you?"
First Son: "No Father!"
Father: (To second son) "Did you push the outhouse into the river?"
Second son: "No Father!" *He asks all of them, and they all say no.*
Father: "George Washington chopped down his Father's cherry tree. He told his Father 'I can not tell a lie'. When his Father heard this, he did not punish him, but he honored him for telling the truth." Now can someone tell me who did this?"
Second son: "I cannot tell a lie either Father. It was me!"
Father: "Why you little!"
He runs up after his son and other chase them
Second son: “Father! Why are you chasing me when I told you the truth? You said George Washington did not get punished!"
Father: "George Washington's Father was not in the tree when he cut it down!!"

2 kids lay in sleeping bags, 2 other pretend to be thugs
Thugs beat up 2nd kid and run off
2nd kid: “Two thugs just came through the woods and beat me up."
1st kid: "It was just a dream, go back to sleep."
*goes back to sleep and happens again*
2nd kid: “They did it again!”
1st kid: “I told you it’s a dream. Stop being a wimp and go back to sleep!”
*goes back to sleep and it happens again*
2nd kid: “They beat me up again!”
1st kid: "Fine, if it will make you feel better, I'll switch places with you."
*thugs come back*
Thug: "This guy's had enough, let's get the other guy."
2nd Kid: "Not again!!"
1st Kid: "I'm trying to sleep over here!"

5^th Grade Girls – TV Surfing 7 kids – have kids write TV stations on signs

Counselor: “Wonder what’s on the news tonight.” *hits button*

1: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, this is Seymour Skidmarks bringing you the latest news in the world of sports. The annual football game between the Huskers and the Hawkeyes was played last week to the enjoyment of a large crowd who went wild at the crucial point during the game when Coach Pelini sent in … (click) 
2: …three eggs, a cup of buttermilk, and a pinch of salt. Stir well and pour into a flat greased pan or… (click) 
3: …your new fall hat. This year, fashion decrees that women shall wear a large variety of charm bracelets. A most popular design is to make them of… (click) 
4: …old whiskers? If you do, just shave them off with Bates’ Better Shaving Cream. Use this cream, and you will be so handsome that all the girls will… (click) 
5: …bend over and touch the floor twenty times. This exercise is superb for general reducing. All right now, again, let’s bend over, up, over… (click) 
6: …(singing) the ocean. My Bonnie lies over the sea. My Bonnie lies over the ocean, oh bring back my Bonnie to … (click) 
1: …Jim Oberlander who sailed down the field for a touchdown that tied the game. What a play! What a perfect… (click) 
3: …ly darling little summer bag that all you girls simply must have. At first glimpse they may remind you of… (click) 
7: …a bowl of soup. But it was tooooo hot. The second bowl was as hot as the first, but the third was just right. Goldilocks ate, and ate, until she could… 
4: …feel the stiff beard with your hand. Does that appear to be very romantic? Our foolproof way to get a girlfriend is to… (click) 
5: …breathe deeply four times, and pound on your chest with your fists after inhaling each breath. This enlivens the tissues and makes one feel… (click) 
2: …puffy and full of air. This effect can be had by beating the mixture with a rotary eggbeater for five… (click) 
3: …hundred years. The things our grandmothers wore then are the most popular things today. Already fashion leaders, prominent society women are trying to bring back more old-fashioned manners. Their cry is "Bring back…" (click) 
6: …(singing) my Bonnie to me, bring back, bring back, oh bring back my Bonnie to me. Bring back, bring back … (click) 
4: …a nice soft chin and a host of compliments. If you use our cream, those whiskers will come out with a … (click) 
7: …CRASH!! Goldilocks had broken the little chair all to pieces. Then she jumped up and started up the stairs. There she saw three beds. The first bed was covered with a bearskin rug, which was too soft. The second bed was covered with… (click) 
1: …what looked like crawling things from the press box, but it was only the players in hard scrimmage. We are looking forward with expectations for the Huskers and their 100^th championship this fall. The players are in good condition and average weight is… (click) 
5: …110 pounds. You, too, can weigh this much if you but follow these simple exercises. Don’t take them too hard at first or you will probably have to… (click) 
6: …(singing) lay on a pillow. Last night as I lay on my bed; last night as I lay on my pillow, I dreamed that my Bonnie was… (click) 
2: …cooking in a hot oven about 450 degrees Fahrenheit. For an extra treat, garnish, add cloves or whole… (click) 
7: …bears? Will Goldilocks get home safely? How will the story end? Keep your radio tuned to this station until tomorrow at this time for the next episode of this thrilling story. Until then kiddies, be sweet and don’t forget too… (click) 
4: …shave off the whiskers with Bates’. Our motto is… (click) 
5: …stand on your head and wave your feet in the air. Gym clothes are best for this exercise, but… (click) 
3: …an ostrich feather will do just as well. Take my tip and you girls will be as fashionable as… (click) 
1: …Greg Schwartz to whom we are looking for great things this year. This is your friendly announcer, Seymour Skidmarks signing off and saying… (click) 
3: …Buh-bye!

6^th Boys – Tankety Tank Tank

*a group of campers are standing around at boot camp and another camper - the drill sergeant - strides onto the scene.*

Drill Sergeant: ATTENTION!

*The campers scurry into line and salute.*

Drill Sergeant: Today, we'll be doing a war simulation. Get your equipment and MOVE OUT!

*The campers run to the box on the middle of the stage filled with fake weapons. When the last camper arrives there are none left.*

Drill Sergeant: Private Zammerman, I'm afraid we're short on supplies. Seeing as how your name is last on my list, you will not be receiving a gun or knife.

Private Zammerman: Awwww...

Drill Sergeant: However, the troops take their training very seriously and if you pretend to shoot or stab them they will play along. Now MOVE OUT!

*The campers line up in a single file line, all facing Private Zammerman who's at the opposite side of the stage

the first camper holds up a gun. Private Zammerman holds up an imaginary gun at the camper and says...*

Private Zammerman: Bangity-Bang-Bang!

*The camper acts as if shot and falls onto the ground.

Next camper steps up, this time holding a knife. Zammerman holds up an imaginary knife and points it at the camper while saying...*

Zammerman: Stabbity-stab-stab!

*The camper acts as if stabbed and falls to the ground.

Cleaver – Choppity-chop-chop

Sword – Slicity-slice-slice

Nunchucks – Whooshity-whoosh-whoosh

The last camper slowly approaches Zammerman in a straight line.*

Zammerman: Bangity-bang-bang!

*The camper ignores the shot and keeps approaching Zammerman*

Zammerman: Stabbity-stab-stab!

*still nothing*

Zammerman: Zappity-Zap-Zap!...Slicety-Slice-Slice!...Choppity-chop-chop!

*The camper pushes Zammerman over and walks passed him.*

Zammerman: Hey! What do you think you're doing?!

*The camper turns, faces Zammerman and YELLS...*

Kid: TANKETY-TANK-TANK! TANKETY-TANK-TANK!

*then keeps walking*

6^th grade girls – Enlarging Machine

1 scientist, 1 machine worker, 1 baby, 1 business person, 1 little girl, 6 passersby

Scientist: I, Madison Einstein, after many years of intense research have created my masterpiece. An enlarging machine! With this device, what goes in comes out twice its size.

1: What’s this?

Scientist: It’s an enlarging machine.

1: What’s it do?

Scientist: Well, you put something in here, and it comes out here greatly enlarged!

1: Can I try?

Scientist: Sure, but be careful!

*throws in a twig, big stick comes out*

Same thing again with

-coin - dollar

-ping pong - softball

-hairbrush - broom

-lifesaver – hula hoop

-kid with pebbles, “stop that!” gets hit in head by a big rock

Businessman: What is this contraption? Why did you put it here? Can’t you see I’m trying to get to work? Do you even have a license for this thing? It’s a piece of junk, it belongs in a dump!

*spits into machine gets bucket of water dumped on head*

Little Girl: What’s that?

Scientist: It’s an enlarging machine, don’t touch it!

Little Girl: What’s it do?

Scientist: It enlarges things. Leave me alone!

Little girl: *sticks tongue out and throws baby doll in it*

Scientist: What have you done? Oh no, my machine! My enlarging machine!

*baby comes out and chases scientist*

Baby: Mama! Mama! Mama!

and last but not least 7th and 8th grade girls and boys HeeHaw verses, sang between all the other skits, alternating sides and including the refrain in each. 

You liked to save on things for the house dear

It was something that I could not understand

But now I know why you never bought dishes

You wanted me to eat out of your hand

When I look at you I get melancholy

You make me feel like a bump on a log

You’re not for real, I mean it by golly

A head like a melon and a face like a dog.

All of my money you’re spending on makeup

You’re trying to look like those Hollywood greats

Your mouth is too big and your nose really matches

Your eyes are so lovely too bad their not mates

I brought you a saw to save time wood-cutting

I thought cutting logs you’d get to enjoy

You said it’s too hard to work this contraption

I pulled the starter, you said what’s that noise?

The morning I felt our love start to weaken

I said to myself well I’ll grow a beard.

But that didn’t get the love I was seeking

You started laughing and said I looked weird.

Your old uncle Fudd thought he was an airplane

Went to the airfield and set off alarms

He tried to take off and fly ‘cross the ocean

With twelve bald eagles scotch taped to his arms

My daughter said John asked me to marry

I said go ahead with my blessing too

She said daddy dear how can I leave mother

That suits me fine dear just take her with you

When you went away you took my heart with you

I’ve been so upset I’m losing my head

I miss you all day I’m worse in the evening

Can’t sleep a wink now cause you took the bed

The neighbors know well the reason we broke up

I found out the way you got your enjoys

You used to send back the gifts I would send you

But you would keep the delivery boy

Where oh where are you tonight?

Why did you leave me here all alone?

I searched the world over and thought I found true love.

You met another and *pbbt* you was gone.