But then, you know, there's always drums, and bass, and maybe even one day a tambourine.

So, I don't know what the heck happened this morning, but when I woke up to the steam cleaning dude knocking on my door - 9:30AM - my left leg was asleep and I fell three times on the way to the door.

It's like 10 feet from the couch to the door so it was every freaking step.

I can only imagine as to what he was thinking outside my door cause every time I fell a different expletive came out.

And not quietly.

It explained the amused look on his face when the door swung open.

And Carter was just laying there like what the hell?

Like, by the time I made it to the door I was holding on to it for dear life, then stood against the wall for a while just to make sure I wasn't gonna faceplant in front of him.

The last time that happened to me in the morning - that I can remember, though a lot of my mornings are fuzzy cause I hate mornings - was in high school. And actually it was because I was injured.

So, if you know me or you've read this long enough you've probably heard of the sleeping walking incident.

If not, here's the short version.

Basically, I had this dream that I was crabwalking through a tunnel on a college visit and it turns out I was actually crabwalking down my bed. And the metal bar that I felt by my feet was real. I stepped on an office chair and it flew out from under me so naturally I grabbed the closest object to me to regain my balance, that just happened to be a dresser.

I woke up on the ground - tile floor was especially cold that night - with something really heavy on top of me and I couldn't move. About 10 minutes later, after the panic attacks had stopped - I realized that I had a roommate.

Juwanna thought the screaming was just me having a bad dream. So did I - somewhere between all the flailing and the blacking out - though that changed when she turned the lights on and went "oh my god!"

Then, when I could actually see that the giant object crushing me to the floor was in fact my own dresser, filled with my clothes and covered in my radio and my random crap that was now scattered all over my floor, I was able to realize that no, this was actually happening and it would probably be a wise idea to, in the future, just sleep on the floor of a room with padded walls.

Anyway, my ankle got crushed somewhere between the dresser falling and it being lifted off of me.

Juwanna went to get the dorm-mom, who naturally had to call the Dean - oh yeah, the Dean of the high school - at like 2AM - then she gave me a glass of water and put me back to bed.

I woke up in the morning with her at the base of my bed asking if I could get up.

I took one step and totally face planted - again on the cold tile floor.

That's when she said, "well, guess we should call your parents."
"Crap."

Still haven't heard the end of that one.

Yes, that was the short version.

Granted I don't remove painting from walls like one former coworker but I'm pretty sure that one can top any of your sleep-walking stories.

I lost myself.

Oh right, so yeah, that's the last time I remember having no control of my body and not being able to regain my balance before I fell straight to the ground.

So that made for a fun morning.

The dude was actually very efficient.

And chatty.

So that made the fact that he was cleaning my carpet as I sat on the couch less awkward.

Carter hid out in the kitchen the whole time - he's not so good with loud noises - but the carpet has never looked cleaner.

It took all day for the carpets to dry, watched 10 Things I Hate About You amongst other things, much funnier than I remember. But hysterical cause I was quoting it as it went. Didn't realize I had watched it that many times growing up, but apparently so.

Now everything is back in its place.

Though I'm thinking of asking my parents if they can take my foosball table and store it for me until I have a house and a place to put it.

Cause I can't get rid of it, cause it's like a memorabilia thing, you know? And the third best Christmas present ever.

The first being Maroon 5 tickets from my boyfriend and the second being a signed script from Charmed from Second Sister.

Yes, I am one of those Charmed nerds.

I could be queen of all Charmed nerds can cause I can list episode titles from all 8 seasons and quote from each of them as well.

Speaking of quotes, so my original intention - before all these ramblings - was to go through my box of random crap that I've collected since I moved here that's filled with all sorts of coworker and patrons quotes from the three years that I've worked in the library system.

Yes, as of today, it has officially been three years of working at the work branch - technically it was 3 years in the system as of the 16th cause that's when I started at the home branch, but I already did a big post about the home branch my last day there, so, here's to three years.


Things overheard at the library:

"It takes two to screw up a tango. Or something like that."

"Why would anyone want to eat anything that pink?"

"My sickle's in the car."

"Give me the one with the naked dancing men."

"Don't give me virgins, no!"

"There's so much water around the mosquitoes are gonna be as big as small birds this year!"

"We could call it PITA - Pain In The Ass!"
"Yeah, BYOP - Bring Your Own Painkiller."

"That's my mean look."
"You need practice."

"I left it on a cruise ship."

"She kept constantly murdering people in hopes of meeting Angela Landsbury."

"Do you get paid to sit there and look pretty?....And she's smart too!"

"I would have cussed him out in Russian."


Coworker Moments:

Fearless Leader holding up a copy of Legally Blonde the Musical: "THIS is why I hate musicals!"

Little Shelver Boy: "Can you check out anything in the library?"
Slim Shady: "Yes."
Little Shelver Boy: "Then can I check you out?"
Slim Shady: "Don't you have books to shelve?"

Queen of Awesome: "Trash it and do a happy dance."

Space Cadet: "Screw the fan, you want an e-reader!"

Me: "He went all Hulk and broke in!"
InfoMan: "The lights were still off!"

Me: "I just got an LOL from Superwoman. Brings me back to my MSN Messenger days. 'BRB' I'm not actually going anywhere but neither is this conversation."

Shirley: "You've been naughty so here's the scoop. Your Christmas gift is snowman poop!"

Girlscout: "My orca is gonna attack your porpoise."

Me: "Wicked? It's like the ultimate fan fiction."

Patron: "Hey, I'm trying to get my groove on here."
New Guy: "You're gonna have to get your groove on somewhere else."

Space Cadet: "You deserve like a sticker. or a gold star. or a pizza."
Superwoman: "Oh good grief, she would say pizza."

Space Cadet: "If I yell-"
Me: "I will run."

Superwoman: "It's a psychological thriller."
Slim Shady: "What does that mean in the context of ballerinas?"

Super Librarian Status: "Someone tried to flush a copy of The Economist down the toilet."
Me: "Irony."

Queen of Awesome: "I am envious of your boxes."

Me: "You looked all serious."
Space Cadet: "I am serious, I gotta get rid of this 7Up!"

Me: "You're a fan of Charlie's Angels?"
KPH: "I'm a fan of girls in general."

Me: "Here is my phone number so you can stop calling my mother."
Superwoman: "Maybe we like talking to your mother."

Fearless Leader: "I tried to use p-slip as a verb, p-slipping, don't do it."

Me: "Codeword: Josh."
Slim Shady: "You're good. You're really really good."

Me: "Some dude got bit by a rattlesnake at Walmart."
Library Judge: "Yeah, but it only caused 60% damage."

QotKU: "I don't want to cougar him."

QotKU: "I'll wait for the hot firefighters."

Me: "We should write a book called 'What the hell were we thinking: The Hindsight Bias.' We could have a chapter called 'Relationship Mistakes, Mishaps and Malfunctions."

Cabin Fever: "Tell them you worship snakes. Always works for me."

Darth Scheduler: "A joyous observation on the day of your birth!"
Me: "What?"
Darth Scheduler: "Happy birthday."

Me: "You threw away the plant?"
Koha Queen: "It was dead!"

Me: "Well, in the words of Eric Overmeier..."

KPH: "I'm a sweater addict, I admit that freely. She wanted fashion in the 80's, has that changed?"

Me: "Does the coffee machine in the breakroom work?"
Fearless Leader: "Don't do it!"

Me: "Just say no to vending machine orange juice."

Me: "Justin Bieber wants to know if I like pie. What do I say? Now he's threatening to mug me if I don't answer."

Sensei: "I think this is a lovely start to the book you're going to write. I will be happy to provide color commentary."

InfoMan: "What happens in the library stays in the library."
Girlscout: "Or checks out for three weeks."

Supervisor: "Let's take 'em down!"
Me: "I gotta go upstairs, you're gonna have to 'take 'em down!' with Jeff."

Darth Scheduler: "Arg the pirate caveman."

Slim Shady: "Just say 'ew' and walk away."

Me: "Does that container say 'barf chips'?"
Glee-Loving Boss: "Yes, they are waste pickup deoderizers."

Me: "What are face aerobics?"

Extra
Second Sister: "If he shows up at your apartment do not let him in. Break up with him over the intercom."
Me: "An intercom breakup?"
Second Sister: "Oh yeah, they're all the rage."

Seth Godin: "We need librarians more than we ever did. What we don't need are more clerks who guard dead paper."

Random Notes in bin
$0.25 for slot machine from Supply Queen - quarter spent in Vegas



Wow.

That was a lot.

But it was three years.

Three years of awesomeness.

Here's to three more.

The Fool-Proof Diet

So we came up with a plan.

And by we I mean myself, Squirt and the awesomeness that is Megan.

To write our own diet book.

You know? One to go amongst the 613 section of the library.

These are our diet rules:

-Eating someone else's food means no calories cause it's not your food.

-If you eat a donut it's only half the calories cause there's a big hole in the middle.

-If you eat a snickers bar while running in place it doesn't count cause they cancel each other out.

-Diet pop means you lose weight as you drink it cause it has diet in the title.

And we call our plan the "Fool-Proof Diet" because it takes fools to prove that our diet doesn't work.

But we're thinking of coming up with more rules - there were more thrown out on the car ride back from the event tonight but I've forgotten half of them. I'm sure they'll remind me tomorrow. Then I will include them in that post.

Anyway, we're thinking of writing this book, then taking before and after pictures but in reverse.

Like Before: *insert picture* we were skinny.

And After: *insert picture* we weigh 400 pounds each.

We would probably need some sort of strong disclaimer to go on the cover.

Like, "if you're serious about dieting you should seriously stay away from this book."

Or something of the sort.

Then use really cool pen names like Marsha Mellow or Chris P. Bacon.

I'm kinda digging it.

Today was like completely weird schedule-wise. 1-5, which actually were my normal hours before I was 40 hours, but then 6-9 for this big TAB event.

Friday the 13th means murder, mystery and mayhem so we had a murder mystery event for the teens over at one of the branches.

It was fun. And loaded with teens, I was impressed.

Neon cheese-puffs were included so I mean how can you say no to that?

I should add that to our diet plan.

Aside from the splitting headache - and I mean actual makes you want to crawl in the corner because this NEVER happens EVER kind of pain - it went off without any major catastophes.

About an hour into it I was alright - I'm library personnel, you just power through it. It's what you do.

It's all mental.

Freakin' Coach Otte, I blame my new life motto on you.

Anyway, the teens got pretty into the whole thing.

Some had parts and were the suspects, the rest were put into groups - I led group 3, woohoo! - and we went around to the crime scene and the detective's desk and all that. Then came back to the room and I made them round-table. They figured it out, I was pretty proud.

And the most unsuspecting person in the world was the murderer, which I LOVED! Because it was one of my coworker's kids. Well, two of my coworkers technically cause they're married and both work with me, but I usually only work with one of them.

But this girl was fantastic, she was helping me put pop and ice in the cooler before everyone arrived and was stabbing the ice pack. "I have violent tendencies." She's like the most mild-mannered girl ever, so her as the murderer just seriously made me laugh.

Especially because she was just sitting at the crime scene reading.

All innocent.

Nope, she poisoned the librarian so she could avoid being arrested for plagiarism!

The set-up was pretty sweet. We even had a taped outline of the murder victim.

I took pictures of them taping it out, but they would probably kill me if I uploaded them.

It was super cool meeting some of the other librarians.

I mean, I've seen them around, but you don't really talk because you're always in meetings or staff inservice or whatever.

These were the other TAB leaders and it was a seriously fun group.

I'm getting more excited as the process goes along.

Although my mentor was loving the fact that she just got to be the advisor tonight.

"You wanna do it?"
"Nope, I'm the mentor."

Our kids kicked butt.

I mean, so did everybody else's, but I was proud of ours and their acting skills.

And they all seemed to have fun.

Next up for TAB is a meeting for more Summer Reading activity planning.

I have a feeling that's going to become my life for the next few months.

Fantastic, just in time for CAMP planning.

And class.

Speaking of, I have my first session on Sunday afternoon.

Carpooling with an awesome classmate so the Library Goddess might have to live without her coffee from me this semester. Not sure if I'll see her anyway, unless I stop by her office.

Which I will.

Always leave the Cool Aunt a note after every class.

Lately it's been pictures.

A turkey for Thanksgiving, a tree for Christmas.

What do I draw now?

MLK?

He does rock.

And we do get a three day weekend because he rocks.

Which means he rocks even more in my book.

And speaking of books and rocking and MLK, my booklist is officially out there, I'm stoked!

Go here: If You Like "The Help"

It's a super awesome website if you're looking for a good book or movie.

Info-Man and Darth Scheduler are major Star Wars fans so if you find the Star Wars booklist you'll be looking at hundreds, and I mean hundreds, of Star Wars titles.

Plain White T's Week: Day Six

Friday the 13th pretty much demands mysterious and weird music, right?

"Welcome to Mystery"

okay, i can't even focus on the song cause all i can see is that dude on the right with the blue shirt dancing like an idiot.

"Cirque Dans La Rue"

"but just remember, while you're watching us do the things that we do,
We're watching you!"


Quote of the night:

Me: Bye Fluffy.
Bubby: Bye.
Me: I was talking to the cat.
Bubby: Well that was awkward.

and she's out!