But then, you know, there's always drums, and bass, and maybe even one day a tambourine.

So, I don't know what the heck happened this morning, but when I woke up to the steam cleaning dude knocking on my door - 9:30AM - my left leg was asleep and I fell three times on the way to the door.

It's like 10 feet from the couch to the door so it was every freaking step.

I can only imagine as to what he was thinking outside my door cause every time I fell a different expletive came out.

And not quietly.

It explained the amused look on his face when the door swung open.

And Carter was just laying there like what the hell?

Like, by the time I made it to the door I was holding on to it for dear life, then stood against the wall for a while just to make sure I wasn't gonna faceplant in front of him.

The last time that happened to me in the morning - that I can remember, though a lot of my mornings are fuzzy cause I hate mornings - was in high school. And actually it was because I was injured.

So, if you know me or you've read this long enough you've probably heard of the sleeping walking incident.

If not, here's the short version.

Basically, I had this dream that I was crabwalking through a tunnel on a college visit and it turns out I was actually crabwalking down my bed. And the metal bar that I felt by my feet was real. I stepped on an office chair and it flew out from under me so naturally I grabbed the closest object to me to regain my balance, that just happened to be a dresser.

I woke up on the ground - tile floor was especially cold that night - with something really heavy on top of me and I couldn't move. About 10 minutes later, after the panic attacks had stopped - I realized that I had a roommate.

Juwanna thought the screaming was just me having a bad dream. So did I - somewhere between all the flailing and the blacking out - though that changed when she turned the lights on and went "oh my god!"

Then, when I could actually see that the giant object crushing me to the floor was in fact my own dresser, filled with my clothes and covered in my radio and my random crap that was now scattered all over my floor, I was able to realize that no, this was actually happening and it would probably be a wise idea to, in the future, just sleep on the floor of a room with padded walls.

Anyway, my ankle got crushed somewhere between the dresser falling and it being lifted off of me.

Juwanna went to get the dorm-mom, who naturally had to call the Dean - oh yeah, the Dean of the high school - at like 2AM - then she gave me a glass of water and put me back to bed.

I woke up in the morning with her at the base of my bed asking if I could get up.

I took one step and totally face planted - again on the cold tile floor.

That's when she said, "well, guess we should call your parents."
"Crap."

Still haven't heard the end of that one.

Yes, that was the short version.

Granted I don't remove painting from walls like one former coworker but I'm pretty sure that one can top any of your sleep-walking stories.

I lost myself.

Oh right, so yeah, that's the last time I remember having no control of my body and not being able to regain my balance before I fell straight to the ground.

So that made for a fun morning.

The dude was actually very efficient.

And chatty.

So that made the fact that he was cleaning my carpet as I sat on the couch less awkward.

Carter hid out in the kitchen the whole time - he's not so good with loud noises - but the carpet has never looked cleaner.

It took all day for the carpets to dry, watched 10 Things I Hate About You amongst other things, much funnier than I remember. But hysterical cause I was quoting it as it went. Didn't realize I had watched it that many times growing up, but apparently so.

Now everything is back in its place.

Though I'm thinking of asking my parents if they can take my foosball table and store it for me until I have a house and a place to put it.

Cause I can't get rid of it, cause it's like a memorabilia thing, you know? And the third best Christmas present ever.

The first being Maroon 5 tickets from my boyfriend and the second being a signed script from Charmed from Second Sister.

Yes, I am one of those Charmed nerds.

I could be queen of all Charmed nerds can cause I can list episode titles from all 8 seasons and quote from each of them as well.

Speaking of quotes, so my original intention - before all these ramblings - was to go through my box of random crap that I've collected since I moved here that's filled with all sorts of coworker and patrons quotes from the three years that I've worked in the library system.

Yes, as of today, it has officially been three years of working at the work branch - technically it was 3 years in the system as of the 16th cause that's when I started at the home branch, but I already did a big post about the home branch my last day there, so, here's to three years.


Things overheard at the library:

"It takes two to screw up a tango. Or something like that."

"Why would anyone want to eat anything that pink?"

"My sickle's in the car."

"Give me the one with the naked dancing men."

"Don't give me virgins, no!"

"There's so much water around the mosquitoes are gonna be as big as small birds this year!"

"We could call it PITA - Pain In The Ass!"
"Yeah, BYOP - Bring Your Own Painkiller."

"That's my mean look."
"You need practice."

"I left it on a cruise ship."

"She kept constantly murdering people in hopes of meeting Angela Landsbury."

"Do you get paid to sit there and look pretty?....And she's smart too!"

"I would have cussed him out in Russian."


Coworker Moments:

Fearless Leader holding up a copy of Legally Blonde the Musical: "THIS is why I hate musicals!"

Little Shelver Boy: "Can you check out anything in the library?"
Slim Shady: "Yes."
Little Shelver Boy: "Then can I check you out?"
Slim Shady: "Don't you have books to shelve?"

Queen of Awesome: "Trash it and do a happy dance."

Space Cadet: "Screw the fan, you want an e-reader!"

Me: "He went all Hulk and broke in!"
InfoMan: "The lights were still off!"

Me: "I just got an LOL from Superwoman. Brings me back to my MSN Messenger days. 'BRB' I'm not actually going anywhere but neither is this conversation."

Shirley: "You've been naughty so here's the scoop. Your Christmas gift is snowman poop!"

Girlscout: "My orca is gonna attack your porpoise."

Me: "Wicked? It's like the ultimate fan fiction."

Patron: "Hey, I'm trying to get my groove on here."
New Guy: "You're gonna have to get your groove on somewhere else."

Space Cadet: "You deserve like a sticker. or a gold star. or a pizza."
Superwoman: "Oh good grief, she would say pizza."

Space Cadet: "If I yell-"
Me: "I will run."

Superwoman: "It's a psychological thriller."
Slim Shady: "What does that mean in the context of ballerinas?"

Super Librarian Status: "Someone tried to flush a copy of The Economist down the toilet."
Me: "Irony."

Queen of Awesome: "I am envious of your boxes."

Me: "You looked all serious."
Space Cadet: "I am serious, I gotta get rid of this 7Up!"

Me: "You're a fan of Charlie's Angels?"
KPH: "I'm a fan of girls in general."

Me: "Here is my phone number so you can stop calling my mother."
Superwoman: "Maybe we like talking to your mother."

Fearless Leader: "I tried to use p-slip as a verb, p-slipping, don't do it."

Me: "Codeword: Josh."
Slim Shady: "You're good. You're really really good."

Me: "Some dude got bit by a rattlesnake at Walmart."
Library Judge: "Yeah, but it only caused 60% damage."

QotKU: "I don't want to cougar him."

QotKU: "I'll wait for the hot firefighters."

Me: "We should write a book called 'What the hell were we thinking: The Hindsight Bias.' We could have a chapter called 'Relationship Mistakes, Mishaps and Malfunctions."

Cabin Fever: "Tell them you worship snakes. Always works for me."

Darth Scheduler: "A joyous observation on the day of your birth!"
Me: "What?"
Darth Scheduler: "Happy birthday."

Me: "You threw away the plant?"
Koha Queen: "It was dead!"

Me: "Well, in the words of Eric Overmeier..."

KPH: "I'm a sweater addict, I admit that freely. She wanted fashion in the 80's, has that changed?"

Me: "Does the coffee machine in the breakroom work?"
Fearless Leader: "Don't do it!"

Me: "Just say no to vending machine orange juice."

Me: "Justin Bieber wants to know if I like pie. What do I say? Now he's threatening to mug me if I don't answer."

Sensei: "I think this is a lovely start to the book you're going to write. I will be happy to provide color commentary."

InfoMan: "What happens in the library stays in the library."
Girlscout: "Or checks out for three weeks."

Supervisor: "Let's take 'em down!"
Me: "I gotta go upstairs, you're gonna have to 'take 'em down!' with Jeff."

Darth Scheduler: "Arg the pirate caveman."

Slim Shady: "Just say 'ew' and walk away."

Me: "Does that container say 'barf chips'?"
Glee-Loving Boss: "Yes, they are waste pickup deoderizers."

Me: "What are face aerobics?"

Extra
Second Sister: "If he shows up at your apartment do not let him in. Break up with him over the intercom."
Me: "An intercom breakup?"
Second Sister: "Oh yeah, they're all the rage."

Seth Godin: "We need librarians more than we ever did. What we don't need are more clerks who guard dead paper."

Random Notes in bin
$0.25 for slot machine from Supply Queen - quarter spent in Vegas



Wow.

That was a lot.

But it was three years.

Three years of awesomeness.

Here's to three more.

"It's cold out and I'm not wearing pants. Where are you?"

So I cleaned my apartment tonight.

But not just cleaned it, moved it.

Basically.

Everything from the living room (but the couch, TV and bookshelves) is currently in the kitchen.

That includes shelves, chairs...and the foosball table.



"Why is your foosball table in your kitchen?" one might ask.

Cause they're coming to steam clean my carpets tomorrow.

And I have nowhere else to put it.

You should see my bedroom.

Definitely sleeping on the couch tonight.

As there is nowhere to sleep in the bed.

Carter is loving this whole wide open space thing.

Like he sprawled out by the window, then five minutes later he got up and sprawled out by the door, then he was in the middle of the floor, now he's in the middle of the floor on a footstool.

It's like a whole new apartment in here.

"I had no idea I had such chatty liberal arts hair."

Watching The Makeover.

Julia Stiles is making a comeback.

She did Dexter, Silver Linings, now she's in this.

"Now let's see if we can get you to stop sounding like a pirate. Having a heart attack. While gargling."

And apparently she stars in some show called Blue.

Which I think is on YouTube.

Not like clips, like the show airs on YouTube.

Anyway, this is basically like My Fair Lady but in reverse.

Hannah Higgins, Elliot Doolittle.

Hannah runs for congress and loses. She's not likable enough. Her opponent dies after he's elected. Elliot's a beer vender who wants to become a supervisor and comes to her for speech lessons. She decides he would make a good candidate for congress.



It's highly entertaining.

Thinking 7/10 on the Scale of Awesome.

Been giving out a lot of 7's lately.

They're all good movies, just not like stellar, perfection, stunned speechless kind of stuff.

And for some reason a lot of them lately have been Lifetime movies.

Or I guess this was Hallmark, whatever.

I blame the library for having them available.

And Julia Stiles for getting me interested.

And Lauren Ambrose for getting me interested in the last one.

And before that is was Sara Rue and what's his name from Samantha Who.

That wasn't intended to rhyme.

Anyway, today was interesting.

More training.

Fixed flyers.

I'm off tomorrow and Summer Reading starts tomorrow so I figured it would probably be wise to hang up some ones for the kickoff next week.

Only took me an hour for the font to come out right.

Luckily I had already started the flyer, it just wasn't like stellar, perfection, stunning people speechless and all that.

Now it is wicked sweet.

Gotta make posters for every event.

And now I'm making them for other peoples' it's highly entertaining.

Alright, aside from that I can't really remember anything about today.

Staff meeting.

Talked about the Summer Reading Program.

Yep.

All I got.

So apparently you like the quote books.

I found one that I used to carry around when I first started working in the library system - PS, right now it is officially the 24th which means I've worked at the work branch for three years. Mother Frito, Son of a Beandip - sorry, will talk about that more tomorrow cause this post, like many posts, is gonna say it's 11:50PM.

Anyway, so I ran into this one while cleaning my apartment.

Here are a few of my favorites:

Me: "He says I deserve a pizza."
Superwoman: "Crap."

Me: "That'll be me in 50 years."
Space Cadet: "But you'll use your inside voice. Unless you're too deaf to hear it."

Super Librarian Status: *on my sister-in-law calling me Pippi* "You have a lot to live up to. Just don't throw angry customers across the room."

Slim Shady: "Magnet, magnet magnet."

Oldest Sister: "Picture 'I can't run anymore I'm gonna puke!' and then running the next couple steps."

Oldest Sister: "They didn't punch a hole, they punched a crawlspace."

Nina: "Guess what I got."
Finch: "Why, are they stumped down at the clinic?"

Superwoman: "Are you free tonight? Do you have to call your mother?" ONE TIME. geez. 

Supervisor: "Don't run in the library."
Kid: "I'm jogging!"

Chief from Carmen Sandiego: "If cheese isn't safe in Wisconsin nothing is safe in Wisconsin!"

Wordie: "You guys okay?"
Corey: "I have hay fever. She's hungover."

King of Useless Knowledge: "Spontaneous combustion is pretty awesome, unless it happens to you."

Mom: *about church during a holiday weekend* "I can be giddy. No one else will be there!" 

Bubby: "Porkchop karate!"

Second Sister: "It's an appropriate amount of freakage."

Brother: "Just say 'oh pigeons.' Well, it's appropriate cause they're annoying as crap."

Squirt: "Lock him in the closet with a piece of cheese and a glass of water."

Brother: "We'll split the trains four ways. She can have the beer mugs."
Second Sister: "I want the Corve."
Me: "Can I have the Bird?"
Brother: "Yes, we'll flip you the bird."

Roz: "You can't swing a dead cat without hitting a Marco. I've seen the future and its name is Marco!"

Mom: "You get money when you die."
Me: "What am I supposed to do with it?
Mom: "Bury yourself."

Mom:*about a seatbelt though Second Sister likes to quote it about other things* "Get that on! I don't wanna see you hanging out!"
Me: "The doors are closed!"

Aunt Hay-Hay: "We ordered an ostrich and they had to go find one."


And then it goes on to homework notes but I'll post more of the college ones throughout this week.

For now I should sleep.

No idea what time the guys are coming tomorrow.

Probably 8AM.

Ahh!!

I'll have my assistant set an alarm.

Sam!!

On to the music:

Heard this one of my way home.

Cruel to Be Kind - Nick Lowe

speaking of Julia Stiles - my favorite movie of hers - this is the scene I think of when I hear that song.



gotta love it.

gonna have to make Squirt watch it if she hasn't seen it already.


out for the night.