Impromptu speech-writing

I am brilliant. Genius. So genius that I wrote an entire booktalk today - planned everything out, drafted it, finalized it and completely forgot that I lent my copy of the book to a friend. And now, as I need a physical copy of the book for the booktalk, I'm screwed.
So, I'm going to write a new booktalk on the spot.
Right now.
Three minute speech.
Not a big deal, right?

Okay, to start pick a book...hmmm... well I was going to use Revolution by Jennifer Donnelly, and as much as I freaking love that book and could probably talk about it for more than three minutes, I really hated that booktalk. Like hated it with a passion. I spent all day on it reading it over now I still hate it. But I hate all my writings. Ask Sketch, it drives her bananas. But I can't help that they're crap. I try, but it's all crap. This blog is mostly crap. Yet you still read it, hmmm...

That's another thing with me, I get sidetracked and go off on tangents. So, no more tangents, only booktalks.

So, picking a book...hmm... which book has affected me the most during the semester other than the earth-shattering Revolution? easy answer. Zombies vs. Unicorns. Yes! I should totally do my booktalk on Zombies vs. Unicorns. I've probably talked more about that book with people than I have with Revolution anyway. And I know that I've rambled about it more on here! But that can easily be blamed on cough medicine. Go here: My Life in Closed Captions: sickness, bee stings, greek mythology, zombies, un...

Okay, so book is picked. Zombies vs. Unicorns by Holly Black and Justine Larbalestier. Crap, should learn how to pronounce that for the talk tomorrow. Will look up pronunciation on google later. Focus now.

Okay...soo...introduction...hmm.... OH!

There have been many great debates over the years. Obama vs. McCain, Chuck Norris vs. Chuck Norris, Edward vs. Jacob, but the one debate I want you to focus on today is the debate of all debates, the quandary of all quandaries...is it quandarys or quandaries? doesn't matter this'll be verbal Zombies vs. Unicorns.

Okay, that was crap but I'm going with it anyway sooo...exposition!

This novel is a collection of stories about zombies and unicorns. Each has chosen a side - except for one who tried to do a crossover and failed epically probably shouldn't say that okay scratch that going back
Each has chosen a side, Team Zombie or Team Unicorn. Team Zombie is led by Justine Larbalestier, she says that Zombies are a walking entropy. They are the dissolute wreck of consumerism. They are the eventual death that faces us all. They are a metaphor for slavery, conformity, and oblivion. What are unicorns? Fluffy, monochrome, sticky tedium. There's no way I'm going to remember all that.
Okay cut it short,
Team Zombie is led by Justine Larbalestier, she says Zombies are a metaphor for slavery, conformity and oblivion. And what are unicorns? Fluffy, monochrome, sticky tedium.
Team Unicorn is led by Holly Black who says Seriously? You don't like unicorns? What kind of person doesn't like unicorns? Zombies shamble. I disapprove of shambling. And they have bits that fall off. You never see a unicorn behaving that way.
There's no way I'm going to remember that either. We'll come back to that part later.

The book goes back and forth with a story about a zombie followed by a story about a unicorn, lather rinse repeat. Yeah, shouldn't use that either. especially in the context of unicorns and zombies, that's creepy. moving on.

Many aspects of Zombies are covered, their love of brains, their strong devotion or hatred for their loved ones, their ability to travel in packs and stare at you, their cold hands, and their undead-ness. There's even stories about zombie children!

EDIT - insert Zombie quote from book

And the same with Unicorns, their ability to heal, their draw to virgins, their desire to help baby unicorns, their devotion to their owners, and you know that big spike thing on their foreheads. There are even stories about the depression that can go along with eternal life and the violence of becoming a killer unicorn. Surprisingly, some of the unicorn stories are even more violent than the zombie ones! Some stories are serious and some are parodies. This is more of a parody.

EDIT - insert unicorn quote


You're getting sleepy, very sleeeeeeeepy....10:56, keep going!
okay, find quotes.


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got them! but i'm totally not typing them on here as they are super long. okay, added EDIT's where quotes go.

Now what? Oh, should probably do some sort of conclusion since after including quotes it'll be at least 3 minutes. woops. i'm gonna have to read and record it.

okay outro...is that a word? it's late, i'm tired. i'm going with it. outro:

So, now it's up to you. Which team will you join? Team Zombie or Team Unicorn? Read Zombies vs. Unicorns and maybe it will help you decide.
okay, that's a dumb last line.
Read Zombies vs. Unicorns and make your choice....??? that's dumb too.

Maybe....

So, now it's up to you. Do you like brains? Would you like healing powers? Read Zombies vs. Unicorns by Justine Larbalestier and Holly Black and pick your side, Team Zombie or Team Unicorn.

that was dumb too. okay, gotta find recording device. is around here somewhere.

done! am out. can fix more tomorrow on ride to class.