Roller coasters, Holy Roller, I got shot down in Southern California.

Okay, so I went to Bubby's game to get out of my head.

And then they lost.

So now I'm back in my head.

And I usually don't do this on here.

Like ever.

But I guess there's a first time for everything.

So here goes.

I'm freaked out.

Constantly.

But I don't say it.

Cause it's just weak, and then people all think that I'm a kid and I can't handle stuff.

So I've become good at faking like everything is fine.

Cause who wants to put up with whiney Meredith Grey every day, really?

But everything is fine.

Right now.

It's the fall that's making me freak out.

Here's the thing, end of August means I'll be taking three classes with mass amounts of projects due in all of them. One of which is online so that means I will constantly be adding to discussion groups and forums and all that crap.

August also means that I will be Grad Assistant for the Library Goddess. So I'll be doing a bunch of newsletters, and meeting people and going to conferences, etc. And I'm supposed to do the Grad Assistant thing Fall Semester and Spring Semester meaning August-May.

Also in August I'll be dealing with the post-camp process aka making sure everything gets back to where it needs to be stored, sending out thank you letters, combining all the pictures that were taken on to one massive CD, burning copies and sending them to the all the kids.

Post-camp will be cake, that'll just take a couple weeks and we can do that before school starts. However, pre-camp never officially ends until we're actually at camp. Then it starts up again immediately after to plan for next year.

Then there's work. I work 40 hours a week at the library and don't plan on that ending anytime soon. I finally got used to it there and feel like I'm in the right place.

And I have a boyfriend. Who works nights. And he probably will for a while so we're working around that.

So here is my freak out moment. 

That's a lot of stuff.

Working 9-6 every day doesn't exactly leave time for a lot of other stuff.

Something's gonna have to give.

It ain't gonna be the boyfriend, cause I'm in love with him and he is my priority.

And if people don't like that then they're gonna have to get over themselves cause it's my life and that's how I feel.

I'm also not giving up Camp J.

I know that that may be the logical choice, but seriously, camp gets me through the day. I look forward to that, I don't care if the planning for it flips my life upside down, it's worth it. It makes me happy. It's the biggest thing I look forward to every year. And I'm a lifer so it's gonna stay that way for a long long time.

Work is important to me. Pretty sure I've proven that on a regular basis. I like my job, I like my coworkers - the thought that Fearless Leader is leaving us for Kansas makes me cry inside - but I don't plan on leaving anytime soon.

And I'm paying my own way through Grad School so that shows that it is important to me as well.

So, since I can't give up any of those things it's just gonna be sleep that doesn't happen.

Which is fine, I've done that before.

But the problem is when I don't get enough sleep I get all messed up, similar to my mindstate at the moment.

Though I'm guessing that is true for most people.

A few months ago I talked to a former Grad Assistant and she said she slept maybe 4-5 hours a night. But I thought that was because she had a family and a life and all that. She said I could handle it for a semester. I told her I was doing it for two and she told me good luck.

I don't know what to do in this situation.

I'm sure it will be fine.

And even if it's not fine, I'll make it fine. Or seem fine. Or be fine. Cause that's what I do best.

I'm probably just freaking out over nothing.

Like I said I'm in my head and right now everything is just overwhelming and blah.

All I know is that I'm gonna get through the rest of this week, go in for 2 hours on Saturday, take pictures of the sculptures, send them to the judges, head out to G-Town for the camp meeting and literally just go home to the farmhouse after and stay for the rest of the weekend.

I think I just need to get away from here for a day.

And I really want to see my boyfriend at some point as I probably won't get to during the week.

When Vegas comes in November I'm gonna be ready for it.

I'm probably just overreacting to everything.

I'm sure it will be fine and I'll have a lot of support along the way.

So, now to distract myself from the madness that is me I'm going to watch something that I like and konk out along the way.

Like Leverage season four.

Just got it tonight as it came out today.

But first, fun and exciting music to distract me from the innerworkings of my twisted mind.

Random combination I'm aware.

"Good Time" Leroy

"and now that you're living on the hill i hope that you're social life doesn't get you killed, no!"

oh my god this version is fantastic, almost as good as original recording.

give him a shot. seriously.

i wanna learn how to play guitar like that.

"Hail Holy Queen" Sister Act


so funny to see her now as Kate's sister on NCIS.

Okay, other good stuff. Um?

Finished last night's episode of the Closer. *spoiler alert*

It's not looking good for Gabriel, I'm beginning to think Sensei is right about him being the mole.

Cause he's not in the previews for the spinoff and everyone else is - minus Brenda and that's cause Kyra wanted out, hence the need for a spinoff.

I'm guessing she dies in a shootout with Stroh in the finale. Cause Fritz is in the spinoff and she's not.

And why wouldn't he go with her is she was transferred somewhere else?

I know that would be horribly horribly depressing, but from the previews and the interviews that I've watched they're making it out to be this huge tragic ending.

Should make for an interesting couple of episodes. This week's was pretty funny, I enjoyed that. It's always Flynn and Provensa that screw up. They make me laugh.

Alright, out for the night.