when you went away you took my cow Bessie, I miss her darling more than I miss you.

Remember how last year I said, hey I'm going to feel like crap immediately following camp so I should take the rest of that week off?

And then this year when requesting vacation I said, I need to save vacation because of all the hell that's going to break loose in the fall, I'll be able to handle it?

Guess how well that worked out.

Feeling a lot better today than I did yesterday, but that's not really saying much.

My whole body hurts, my voice is gone and I'm exhausted.

But I had to actually get off the couch today - which is more than I can say about yesterday - so I only slept until 4 because the boyfriend's sister is getting married tomorrow and we had the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner to go to tonight. Met even more family and then we went to the fair with his brother.

Remember the quarter game he's addicted to? With the trucks and you put it in the tube and then it lands and it pushes stuff forward? We played for hours. Got like 48 red coins and won 2 bigass stuffed creatures. He got a parrot and I got a ninja banana.

I would post a picture but it's in my car and I'm too lazy to go and get it. Perhaps tomorrow.

But it's awesome. I'll put it next to the giant guitar we won last year.

His brother won his wife a giant Nemo, which was also cool but not AS COOL as my giant ninja banana.

Anyway, aside from the whole lady gunning for my job thing camp was pretty good. Had a lot of fun with the usual gang and we are meeting up on Sunday to finish up camp stuff before our golf tournament next weekend!

So, as promised, here are the skits I used for this year's round of Skits and Worship.


3rd boys: Two Suckers On a Stick Camping Skit
One camper is the store owner and the other 3 campers are customers that enter the store one at a time. Ask the two counselors nicely if they will stand on a tree branch on the stage and tell them they're "scenery".
Customer 1: Do you have any Hershey's?
Owner: Sorry, I'm all out.
Customer 2: Do you have any M&M's?
Owner: Sorry, I'm all out.
Customer 3: Do you have any Snickers bars?
Owner: Sorry, I'm all out.
Customer 3: Well, what DO you have?
Owner: All I have are these two suckers on a stick.



3rd Girls: Bravest Camper in the World Camping Skit
MC: Campers, Parents, and Guests - welcome. We have with us today a very special camper. Sally, please come up here. This young woman has proven her bravery through trials and challenges most of us would never dream of let alone live through. Sally is afraid of nothing! She has traveled through Transylvania during a full moon, even camped out alone in a cemetery.
MC: I'm sure some of you probably don't believe anyone could be so brave so I've rounded up some of the most gruesome monsters that have ever walked the face of the earth. Sally will demonstrate her bravery for you. Here comes DRACULA - a blood-thirsty fiend from the old country!
(Dracula glides up to Sally and raises her arms about to attack.)
(Sally smiles and shakes her hand.)
(Dracula dejectedly shuffles off behind Sally while werewolf is coming on.)
MC: And now, a foul werewolf from England - a ferocious beast of the night!
(Werewolf charges in, growling and clawing the air.)
(Sally yawns as she looks at the werewolf.)
(werewolf whimpers away behind Sally as mummy comes in.)
MC: The mummy! an undead creature from Egypt!
(Mummy walks in with arms straight ahead, groaning and mumbling.)
(Sally checks her wristwatch and looks bored.)
(mummy shuffles away as next monster comes in.)
MC: As you can see, nothing scares this bravest of campers, not even the most hideous monsters of the world. And, to recognize Sally's bravery, our leader will now present her with a small trophy. Good job, Sally!
(Sally needs to keep looking out at the audience and smiling. As the leader gets close to her and holds out the trophy, Sally turns from the audience to look at her. Then with a terrified look on her face she runs away from the leader screaming. All the monsters and MC also run away yelling, screaming, and moaning as they leave the stage.)


4th Boys: SFX script
Group of campers make sound effects in parenthesis
Narrator: It's summer time at Camp J. One big day of rain (THUNDERSTORM) and two days later the birds are out (CHIRP), the counselors have come out of hibernation (WHO MOVED MY MATTRESS).
It's like the end of school, everyone cheering (CHEERING), and the campers come out (MOM DID YOU PACK MY SWIM TRUNKS?), and the music crew is jamming on their guitars (PHARAOH PHARAOH OH BABY LET MY PEOPLE GO).People put on sunscreen (SPLORT) and sit in the shade and watch the kids playing kickball (HOW DID YOU MISS THAT?!).

The camp is full of people, counselors (PUT DAT DOWN. DON'T EAT DAT.) and kids playing volleyball (HIT IT OVER!) And birdwatchers watching for snipes. (I SAW ONE! NO YOU DIDN’T! YES I DID! NO YOU DIDN’T! YES I DID!)

The big news was the 50-ton gray whale who washed up in the lagoon (SPLASHING, WALLOWING) — evidently all the excitement interfered with his navigational equipment (ELECTRONIC CHAOS) but there he was in the lagoon, all 50 tons of him and the campers came out and sprayed him with garden hoses (SPLASH) and they poured Kool-Aid on him (SPLASH) and he started singing. He seemed to be singing doo-wop (DOOWOP) and they x-rayed him and found that he had swallowed a member of the cast of "Forever Plaid" from a cruise ship in the Caribbean — so they got the whale to swallow a rope and the guy got hold of it and they pulled him out (HEAVE! HEAVE!)

When he came out, so did some car tires (SCREECH) and bubble wrap (POP) and a 1995 Mazda which still worked (VROOM VROOM) and now the whale really felt like singing. He sang some show songs. (OKLAHOMA) Like Oklahoma. And "Sound of Music" (THE HILLS ARE ALIVE WITH THE SOUND OF MUSIC). And it was pretty exciting at first, but then it was clear that his repertoire was limited. And when the whale sang, "Love will keep us Together" (LOVE WILL KEEP US TOGETHER THINK OF ME BABE WHENEVER) over and over and over, they called in a tugboat (BOAT HORN) and they towed him out of the lagoon and into the little blue and everybody at camp had to stop what they were doing for one whole afternoon so the whale could regain his navigational system and then he rose up huge and gray in the river and he blew (AIR) and he blew again (AIR) and off he went to rejoin his group.


4th Girls: Look What I Found Fishing!
Campers walk on one by one each with an object they caught fishing
Camper 1: I went fishing and I found an octopus
2: I went fishing and I found a penguin.
3: I went fishing and I found a snake.
4: I went fishing and I found Ariel.
The last camper is dragging the leader behind her, and announces all she got fishing was A CRAB!


5th Boys: Walk On Selections
Camper walks in wearing a flashlight headlamp. Walks around center stage awhile, looking somewhat confused or dreamy.
MC: What's the matter?
Camper : I'm feeling a little LIGHT-headed.
Campers walk in wearing the same item of clothing, we used a skirt.
MC: What are you guys doing?
All Campers: It says 'One Size Fits All!'
A camper runs on stage looking all over.
Camper : Where is it? I can't find it.
MC: What are you looking for?
Camper : The humor in that last joke/skit!
2 campers walk on carrying tree branches with leaves loosely connected so they can be shaken off. They shake their branches as they walk across the stage, leaving leafs behind.
MC: You guys need to get off the stage!
Campers: Don't worry - we're just LEAFing.
Camper runs on, looking frantic.
Camper : It's all around me! It's all around me!
MC: What is it? What's all around you?
Camper : My Belt!
Camper runs on stage frantically waving his arms.
Camper : They're after me! They're after me!
MC: Who's after you?
Camper : The squirrels - they think I'm NUTS!
Camper walks across stage dragging a rope.
MC: Why are you pulling that rope through here?
Camper : Ever try to PUSH one?
Camper runs to center stage with companion.
Camper : And, now, its time to make a Spot announcement.
Companion: BARK!
Camper : Thank you, Spot!
Camper walks to center stage and starts throwing a ball up and catching it.
MC: Hey, what are you doing?
Camper : I don't feel very well and I'm THROWING UP!
Camper walks to center stage while yelling 'ATTENTION! ATTENTION!'
MC: Hey, what are you doing?
Camper : I'm just looking for a little attention.
Camper runs onstage
Camper : Mr. Scott, the Tribles are after me. BEAM ME ABOARD!
Camper offstage throws a board to land in front of the camper.
Camper : Thank you! picks up board and runs off


5th Girls: Smoke Signals Skit
#1: Wow, it's great to be out here in the wild.
#2: Hey, what's that over there? Looks like smoke signals.
Two campers wave a blanket back and forth to make signals
#1: Fortunately, I learned smoke signaling at camp last summer. Let me see if I can read them.
#1: (looking through binoculars and sounding out each word)
Help . . . our . . . blanket . . . is . . . on . . . fire.
#1: Huh. (walk off uninterested)

6th boys: Run-aways Camping Skit 
Run-away #1: Quick, we've got to hide. The warden with his dogs are right behind us!
Run-away #2: Hey, climb these trees and pretend to be an animal.
Run-away #3: They'll never catch us up there!
Run-away #4: Good idea!
Climb counselors posing as trees - all climb a different tree
Warden comes on stage, with two dogs barking and sniffing the trail to the first tree. The dogs start barking up the tree
Run-away #1: Tweet, Tweet, Tweet
Warden: Dumb dogs, there's just a bird up there, let's go!
dogs bark and sniff to the 2nd tree
Run-away #2: Meow, Meow, Meow
Warden: Dumb dogs, that's just a cat up there.
dogs bark and sniff to 3rd tree
Run-away #3: Hoo, Hoo, Hoo
Warden: Dumb dogs, that’s just an owl.
dogs bark and sniff next tree
Run-away #4: Mooooooo!
Dogs bark in a frenzy and warden gets the run-away

6th Girls: Not Enough Parachutes Camping Skit
Pilot: to arriving passenger Good afternoon. Please tell me who you are so I can cross-check our passenger list.
President: I am the President of the United States.
Pilot: Welcome aboard, Mr. President. Please take a seat.
Pilot: Good afternoon. Please tell me who you are so I can cross-check our passenger list.
Elvis: I’m Elvis, thank you very much.
Pilot: Welcome aboard, please take a seat.
Pilot: Good afternoon. Please tell me who you are so I can cross-check our passenger list.
Queen Elizabeth: I am the Queen, do you even need to ask.
Pilot: Sorry, welcome aboard. Please take a seat.
Pilot:  Good afternoon. Please tell me who you are so I can cross-check our passenger list.
Angelina Jolie: I’m Angelina Jolie, the famous movie star.
Pilot: Welcome aboard, please take a seat.
Pilot: Good afternoon. Please tell me who you are so I can cross-check our passenger list.
Donald Trump: I’m Donald Trump, check out my hairdo.
Pilot: It looks very nice sir. Please take a seat.
Pilot: Good afternoon. Please tell me who you are so I can cross-check our passenger list.
Smart Woman: importantly I am the Smartest Woman in the World. I've just been awarded this wonderful 'Smart Girl' award and I'm heading to my laboratory to think about important things.
Pilot: Welcome aboard, ma’am. Please take a seat.
Pilot: Good afternoon. Please tell me who you are so I can cross-check our passenger list.
Person: I am a Camper on my way to Camp J.
Pilot: Welcome aboard. Please take a seat.
Pilot: takes seat in cockpit This is your pilot. We are cleared for take-off. Please buckle your seatbelts and enjoy the ride.
plane takes off and everyone looks out the windows for a few seconds then make siren noises
Pilot: looks nervously at controls. I'm sorry to report that we have a major malfunction. The plane is losing altitude and we will crash in 2 minutes. We will need to parachute to safety. Please follow me.
pilot counts parachutes and addresses passengers.
Pilot: I have more bad news. We only have 7 parachutes.
President: pushing past pilot to rear and grabbing a parachute I am the President! My country needs me! and he jumps out
All make excuses on why they should get parachute
Smart Man: pushing past pilot to rear and grabbing a parachute I am the world's Smartest Woman! I must live so I can do important things! and she jumps out
Pilot: to camper Well, there's only one chute left. You take it. I guess the pilot will go down with his ship.
Camper : Actually, there are 2 chutes left.
Pilot: Really? How is that possible?
Camper : Well, the Smartest Woman in the World just jumped out with my knapsack!


Hee Haw 7th/8th Grade
perform between each grades skit, all sing final refrain at each other
BOYS: Down here on the farm the weather is messy -- lying around with nothing to do -- when you went away you took my cow Bessie -- I miss her darling more than I miss you.
Where Oh Where are you tonight? Why did you leave me here all alone? I searched the world over and thought I found true love. You met another and *pbbb* you was gone.
GIRLS: Now birdies eat seeds and some people plant them -- And now I’ve got seeds but what can I do -- Beyond any doubt I really don’t need them -- But they came with a tomato like you.
Where Oh Where are you tonight? Why did you leave me here all alone? I searched the world over and thought I found true love. You met another and *pbbb* you was gone.

BOYS: Remember you phoned me a-sobbin' and cryin' -- The dog bit your maw, and drug her around -- You said she looked pale and thought she was dying -- I said "Don't worry, I'll buy a new hound."
Where Oh Where are you tonight? Why did you leave me here all alone? I searched the world over and thought I found true love. You met another and *pbbb* you was gone.

GIRLS: You had six kids and I had eleven -- We had four more and they bloomed like flowers -- I wish you’d come back without you ain’t heaven -- Cause your kids and my kids are beating up ours
Where Oh Where are you tonight? Why did you leave me here all alone? I searched the world over and thought I found true love. You met another and *pbbb* you was gone.

BOYS: Remember the night we went to the church dance -- You came and asked me if your lipstick was smeared -- Now you got so mad cause I told the truth dear -- I can’t see your lips through you mustache and beard
Where Oh Where are you tonight? Why did you leave me here all alone? I searched the world over and thought I found true love. You met another and *pbbb* you was gone.

If you don't know Where oh Where watch this:



For previous years skits go here or here.


Song of the Day:

Heard this at the fair and did a doubletake.

Now You're Gone - Basshunter


I was obsessed with this song back in college (ask sketch) when it was still Boten Anna. He made an English version - though the lyrics have totally changed - because the original one was so popular.

I discovered it while writing a speech on the dangers of online chatrooms. Here's the original in Swedish.



and that's all i got. have a good one.