And I'm dying inside, and nobody knows it but me.

I mailed a letter this week.

Most nerve wracking document I've ever written.

Beating out COMPS, college term papers, applications to grad school, letters of recommendation for my teens, camp stuff.

Mostly because it's the most important thing I've written in a very long time. Possibly ever.

There's a reason I've been so focused on hockey and football and Disney music, and if you know me you probably already know what that reason is.

For those you who don't see me on a daily basis someone very important to me is sick and I'm not handling it very well.

I guess it's easier to focus on things like hockey and football, or spend four hours researching and posting Disney music than it is to face reality.

I've never been worried before because she's always been a fighter. No matter how many times it's come back she's fought it and won.

But it seems as though that's getting harder and harder.

I still have faith. I do. But it's a challenge. She's the best person I know. She doesn't deserve this.

I know she's not my mother, I have a wonderful mother, but outside of my immediate family I can't think of another person who's had as big of an impact on my life as her.

She's taught me everything from my ABC's to how to play guitar to how to run a camp to how to be a good person.

She's the whole reason I still do camp every year and without her there......I don't know. I don't want to think about it.

So I think about hockey. Last night's game rocked. Won it in a shootout. Ludvig Hoff is a stud. Can't believe they don't have peanuts anymore.

Or football. 5-0. Michigan State tonight. If we win we'll be top 10. If we lose I will be sad. Ameer is a stud. Hope Gregory doesn't leave us for the NFL.

Or Disney. Still can't believe my coworkers haven't seen The Little Mermaid. You can never be too old for Disney. Robin Hood and Sword in the Stone are my favorites. Unlike 99% of Americans I didn't like Frozen but I still think Idina Menzel is a stud. Can't believe they're making live action remakes. Well, I guess I can. But they better not be awful.

In summary: Living in a dream world is great, but sometimes you have to face reality and write letters to the important people in your life before it's too late. It also reminds me that I should take the time to thank the others who've had an impact on my life.

Gonna need some new stationary.



Nobody Knows - James David Carter